The Will

by Kristen Ashley

He interrupted again before I could reply. “’Cause I’d like to take you to Breeze Point for dinner.”

  Yes, he was asking me out.

  And doing it to take me to Breeze Point, which said a good deal about how he wished this date to go.

  And this felt nice.

  Even so.

  “I’m sorry, Mickey,” I said quietly. “Jake and I have plans tomorrow night.”

  Mickey’s face went strange and for some reason he looked over his shoulder into the firehouse before he turned back to me and inquired, “You and Jake an item?”

  Even though I knew what an item meant, the question threw me mostly because the idea of me and Jake being one was both infinitely desired and completely impossible, thus I asked stupidly, “An item?”

  “You seein’ him, darlin’,” he explained.

  Oh, how I wished.

  “No, we’re just friends,” I shared, successfully keeping the note of disappointment out of my voice.

  His face cleared and he gave me another smile. “Then are your plans with him solid on Friday?”

  Any plan that included Jake was solid.

  “Yes,” I answered.

  “Right. Then I’m boxin’ on Saturday. How ‘bout we do dinner Sunday night?”

  I opened my mouth to decline then I closed it.

  Quickly studying him so I didn’t delay in giving him an answer, I noted yet again he was very attractive. He was taller than me and I was, as usual, in heels. He had a very nice body. And he was not in the least like Boston Stone. Mickey’s smiles were frequent and genuine. His manner easygoing. He had confidence, not arrogance. Further, he had an obvious rapport with Ethan.

  And last, he liked me and he did it in a way that felt nice.

  “I’d enjoy that, Mickey,” I accepted.

  “Excellent,” he said softly and I gave him a small smile. He dug his phone out of his back pocket and, still using his soft voice, requested, “What’s your number, honey?”

  Another man who called me honey.

  And another time I liked it.

  I gave my number to him while he programmed it into his phone.

  “I’ll call you later,” he told me, shoving his phone back in his pocket. “When’re you done lookin’ after Ethan?”

  “Jake’s collecting him at seven thirty.”

  “I’ll call you after that.”

  “I’ll look forward to that,” I replied, and I found that I meant it.

  He smiled at me again.

  I smiled back.

  Yes, he was very easy to look at and his smiles were genuine and I liked all that.

  Alas, I had cream puffs to make

  “I better go,” I said, sounding disappointed because I actually was. “Ethan and I are making cream puffs.”

  When I uttered the words “cream puffs,” something else changed on his face and this was not difficult to read.

  It also changed the way my legs were able to support me and that was to say, it made them feel shaky mostly because they were trembling in a way that felt too lovely when I was standing on a street in front of a firehouse.

  “Save one for me,” he requested, his voice having lowered, and at his tone and the vision of him biting into a cream puff that suddenly filled my head, I forced myself not only to remain standing but also nod.

  Then he turned and bellowed, “Eath! You got cream puffs to make!”

  Seconds later, Ethan sprinted out of the firehouse. A second after that, Mickey approached me and took the bag from my hand, moved to Ethan’s bags, took one of his and he walked us to my Cayenne.

  “Sweet ride, babe,” he stated after he’d stowed the groceries in the back.

  “Thanks,” I replied, idiotically feeling pleased he liked it.

  Ethan climbed in the front and Mickey walked me to my door, opening it for me and saying before he closed it, “See you Saturday night…and Sunday.”

  “Yes, see you then,” I returned.

  He gave me another smile and closed the door.

  I found my breathing mildly affected as I turned on the car, pulled out of the spot and headed the Cayenne toward home.

  “You goin’ to Dad and Mickey’s fights Saturday, Josie?” Ethan asked.

  “Yes,” I answered.

  “Awesome,” he decreed. “I usually go but Combat Raptor comes out tomorrow and I’m goin’ over to Josh’s on Saturday, we’re goin’ to the movie then I’m sleepin’ over and I can’t…freaking…wait.”

  “Combat Raptor?” I queried.

  “Yeah. The…coolest…movie of all time,” he declared.

  “And you can make that assessment prior to viewing it?”

  “Uh…Josie…it’s Combat Raptor,” he stressed the title to the movie in a way which couldn’t be mistaken. However, I still didn’t understand but I was also not an eight-year-old boy.

  “It’s good you have such exciting plans for the weekend,” I told him.

  “Yeah. It is. Totally. Josh and me have been waitin’ for this movie for-eh-ver.”

  “And now it’s finally here,” I noted.

  “Yep,” he agreed.

  “Will Amber or Conner be going to your dad’s fight?” I asked.

  “Amber, no way. She’s not grounded anymore so she’ll totally be on a date if Noah asks her out or she’ll be doin’ stuff with her friends as well as sulking if he doesn’t. Conner normally always goes but he’s scrapin’ off all his girlfriends so he’ll probably be breaking some chick’s heart Saturday night.”

  I looked to Ethan in surprise then back to the road. “Conner’s breaking up with his girlfriends?”

  “All but one,” he answered. “Dad laid down the law. Said he’d had his fun and it was time to pick one. I heard Con talkin’ to his bud on the phone. He hasn’t picked one but he already got rid of Shantay. Three more to go then we’ll know who made the cut.”

  I heard his words and they weren’t great words as pertains to discussing the hearts of young women but I couldn’t get into that because Ethan said that Jake had “laid down the law.”

  “Do you know when your father discussed this with Conner?” I asked quietly.

  “No clue. But Shantay bit it over the phone on Sunday.”

  And Jake and I had discussed Conner and his girlfriends Saturday night. Which meant Jake had discussed Conner and his girlfriends with Conner very quickly afterward.

  I felt something strange, strange and miraculous and beautiful and strong budding inside me. Something I liked in a way I knew I could love. Not even love but adore. Worship.

  Need.

  “Anyway,” Ethan continued, breaking into my thoughts and, perhaps fortunately, taking my focus off that feeling, “I hope he picks Ellie. She’s not only the prettiest one, she’s the sweetest. She’s all shy and stuff and she never acts like she doesn’t want me around when she’s over like the other ones do. And it’s cool how she’s so pretty and so shy at the same time. No one that pretty should be shy but she is. I like her best.”

  Just from his description, I liked her too.

  “Well,” I started as I turned off Cross Road to take us toward the cliffs and Lavender House, “I just hope Conner chooses well and is sensitive as he goes about ending things with the others.”

  “Conner is totally into his babes. He’ll be cool with them,” Ethan assured me.

  That was a relief.

  “Good,” I said softly.

  “I hope you have a killer after school snack because I’m freaking starved,” Ethan proclaimed and I smiled.

  He was frequently starved.

  And I had a variety of killer after school snacks.

  I also liked having a full refrigerator because I often had company over and people dining at one of my two tables.

  In fact, I liked simply having a refrigerator.

  And tables.

  I further liked knowing that Ethan would be sharing Lavender House with me that afternoon and evening, and the next, like he did with Gran.

  A
nd last, I was looking forward to introducing him to crème patisserie.

  He was going to love it.

  And I was going to love giving it to him.

  “Whatever I have is yours,” I told him.

  “Awesome,” he replied.

  I smiled and turned into the lane that led us to Lavender House thinking he was right.

  Giving whatever I had to Ethan was, indeed, awesome.

  * * * * *

  “No shit? You know Dee-Amond?” Mickey asked in my ear.

  I grinned to the window of the light room where I was reclining on the window seat, drinking tea and chatting to Mickey who’d called five minutes after Jake had come to collect Ethan.

  Jake had done this in his normal friendly, lovely Jake way, including partaking of a cream puff and after doing so, reacting to his enjoyment of it by catching me in his arms and giving me a tight hug while declaring I was the best cook he knew and not even my Gran had given him better.

  I liked this in a way where I wished I could keep him thinking this way by cooking for him every night. After thinking that, I’d instantly buried the distress I felt that I knew I never would.

  They’d left with some swiftness due to the fact that Conner was at work and Amber was supposed to be home shortly after “hanging with her buds” after school and Jake wanted to make sure she got home when she was due and also got her schoolwork done.

  He was a very good father.

  Actually, he was simply a very good everything.

  “Yes, I know Amond,” I told Mickey. “I’ve known him for years.”

  “Guy’s a genius,” Mickey told me.

  I was fond of hip-hop, I felt it was an underappreciated form of expression, and thus I agreed.

  “He is, indeed.”

  This was met with silence then I received a soft, “Dig the way you talk, darlin’.”

  How lovely.

  “I’m glad,” I replied just as softly.

  We’d been talking for nearly an hour. The conversation was interesting and easy. It was also entirely led by Mickey who made it this way.

  And this made me look forward to our dinner Sunday night even more.

  During our conversation, he’d learned a good deal about me, not just that I knew Amond.

  I had learned he was divorced and had two children who he shared custody with his ex-wife. He was a volunteer firefighter, his day job was construction and roofing and he’d been boxing on and off since he was twenty, which meant he’d been doing it some time since now he was forty-seven.

  Taller than me. Very good-looking. Older than me. And easy to talk to.

  Definitely lovely.

  “Sucks ‘cause it was cool talkin’ with you,” he started. “But I gotta be at the gym early and then I gotta be on the job so I gotta get goin’.”

  This did “suck.”

  Even so, I said, “All right, Mickey.”

  “See you ringside Saturday.”

  Oh dear.

  Ringside?

  That was close. I didn’t know if I wanted to be that close to a fight.

  I didn’t share this with Mickey.

  I said, “Yes. See you Saturday.”

  “Lookin’ forward to it.”

  “Me as well.”

  There was humor in his tone when he said, “Later, babe.”

  “Later, Mickey.”

  I rang off, tossed my phone to the seat, took a sip of tea and stared at the inky night lit with bright moonlight on the sea and twinkling stars in the sky.

  I did this thinking that I’d made the right decision to take a break and spend time in Magdalene, being where I felt safest, at Lavender House, getting to know Jake and his family, now meeting Mickey. I didn’t remember when I’d last stayed in one place as long as this without being constantly busy with work and dinners and parties and phone calls and emails and keeping schedules and making arrangements and running errands.

  And I sat there hoping that Henry would agree to let me run his life from the computer that was now connected to the internet that was but feet away from me at Gran’s desk.

  But I worried he wouldn’t. Although quite a bit of what I had to do was over the phone and on the computer, there was much of it that required me to be at Henry’s side.

  I just found that for the first time since I started with Henry, I had little desire to be the very many theres that was working for Henry.

  I’d had a beautiful life, seen many amazing things, been many wonderful places, met many vibrant and interesting people.

  And I didn’t want that to end, not forever.

  That said, this felt good, sipping tea and chatting on the phone with a handsome man who wanted to take me to dinner. Knowing the next day meant more time with Ethan and also more time with Jake. Knowing my life was full and I was busy but there was a steadiness to it that I’d never had but enjoyed greatly.

  On this thought, my phone rang.

  I looked down, saw the display and what was on it made me snatch it right up, take the call and put it to my ear.

  “Hello, Jake,” I greeted.

  “Slick,” he replied. “Forgot to ask before I left, am I pickin’ you up for a workout tomorrow?”

  There was a nagging ache all throughout my body that was not terrible but it didn’t feel brilliant either.

  Even so, I queried in return, “Does Amber have another outfit I can borrow?”

  And there was humor in Jake’s tone when he answered, “She has about seven of ‘em.”

  “Then the answer is yes. But I’ll meet you at the gym and use your locker room to change there,” I told him.

  “Can’t make you an energy shake before we go, you meet me at the gym,” was his reply.

  This didn’t sound appealing.

  “Uh…” I mumbled.

  “Be there at six thirty. Be up. I’ll bring your gear.”

  Six thirty?

  Earlier, he’d said seven.

  And seven was already an hour (or two) too early.

  “Uh…” I repeated.

  “You’re in charge of coffee.”

  “Um…Jake—” I started.

  “Shit,” he muttered in a distracted way before I could say more. “Con just walked in. The look on his face, he’s got somethin’ on his mind. Gotta go.”

  I had a feeling this had to do with Conner perhaps making another “cut” of one of his “babes.” And if he was sensitive to them and cared about them, regardless of how many there were, this would be unpleasant.

  He’d need his dad.

  And Jake, being Jake, would be there for him.

  My heart swelled, my belly dipped and my head revolted.

  It was my head that knew how to react but this had happened with Henry too. When the pain of not having what I so very much wanted escalated before I settled into the knowledge that what I had was better than not having anything at all.

  “All right, Jake. See you tomorrow,” I said.

  “Yeah, baby. See you,” he replied softly. “Sleep tight.”

  “You too.”

  “Later.”

  “Later, Jake.”

  He rang off.

  I stared at my phone.

  Then I sighed, tossed my phone to the seat, took another sip of my tea and turned my eyes to the sea.

  I had a luxurious vehicle. I had a beautiful home with a beautiful view that held beautiful memories. I was becoming part of a beautiful family. I was building a friendship with a beautiful man. And I could take solace in the knowledge that my beautiful grandmother had given all of this to me because she loved me very, very deeply. It was mine. And it was far more than I’d ever had in my life.

  Thus, I told myself, I had nothing to complain about and much to relish.

  And taking another sip of tea, I decided to do that.

  I also decided that after school activities with Ethan tomorrow would include going to the mall in order that I could buy my own workout clothes.

  And maybe we could take Ambe
r with us so I could purchase her makeup for her.

  I grinned at the thought, for Ethan may not like a trip to the mall, but Amber would love it.

  Yes, much to relish.

  Starting the next morning with being in charge of coffee.

  Chapter Eleven

  Pretending

  I was pretending.

  Indeed, I’d been pretending all day.

  I’d started my pretending by not setting the alarm. This meant Jake woke me up again that morning. But this time he didn’t sit on the bed and tickle my nose with a lock of my hair.

  Instead, he’d bent over me, shifted the hair off my neck and trailed a finger down my jaw, murmuring, “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

  His touch and his voice warmed me even more than the downy covers over me and I’d opened my eyes, this making Jake the first thing I saw for two mornings in a row.

  This being something I knew with ridiculous certainty at that point in our acquaintance I wanted every single day for the rest of my life.

  “You hit snooze or forget to set your alarm?” he asked softly.

  “I forgot,” I lied.

  He grinned.

  Then, alas, he straightened and said, “Clothes in the bag. I’ll do coffee.” He’d tipped his head to the armchair in the corner telling me where the clothes where. Then, without delay, he left my room.

  It was regrettable he was leaving. Still, I got to take in his electric blue workout shirt spread across his broad shoulders as he did so, therefore the view was outstanding.

  Mickey showed that morning at the gym as he told me he would do the night before.

  But even though Mickey made it clear he wished to approach, Jake stuck by my side like glue during our workout. He did this acting like a drill sergeant while I punched and kicked the bag as he instructed (this time with my hands taped which made me feel oddly less of an impostor, not to mention Jake taping my hands expertly was quite a sight to see and feeling to feel).

  Thus, Jake gave neither Mickey nor I an opening other than to smile at each other, me to wave and Mickey to lift his chin to me.

  When we were done, Jake whisked me out of the gym saying I had to get to the Weavers and he had “shit to do.” He did this while Mickey had his back to us, working a punching bag, so he didn’t even see us go.

  After that, Jake took me home. He again took me inside, I got another kiss on the cheek (close to my lips) and a ponytail tug as Jake reminded me of our plans and the timing of them for the evening.