by Carol Lynne
Takoda collapsed back against Enapay’s chest. “I know I hurt you yesterday, and I’m sorry. That was me protecting you.”
Enapay wondered… “Are you trying to tell me you love me, too?”
Enapay felt his spirit soar at the declaration. Takoda’s next sentence had him plummeting back to earth once again.
“That’s why I want you to give Gray a chance.”
Enapay stiffened. He knew there was no way Takoda could know about his attraction to the other man. Had Gray planted the seed in Takoda’s mind? “What?”
Takoda ran his hand idly over Enapay’s bare chest. “He likes you. He wants you.”
“But I love you,” Enapay tried to argue. Gray wants me. The confirmation of what he’d already suspected added fuel to his anger towards the man. Had Gray told Takoda about his illness to drive some sort of wedge between Enapay and Takoda?
“But I can’t make you happy the way Gray can. I know it, and deep in your heart, you know it too.”
Enapay pulled Takoda up his body until they were face to face. “What’re you talking about? I just found out you love me. Why in Father Sky’s name would that not be enough to make me happy?”
“You know me better than anyone else. Search your soul and you’ll find the answer to that question.” Takoda rolled away from Enapay and stood beside the bed. “I need to use the bathroom, and then I’m going to eat the dinner Gray prepared for us. If you can forgive Gray for telling me what I had a right to know, join us.”
Takoda walked out of the room, leaving Enapay to figure out what had just happened. He rolled over and buried his face in the pillow. The conversation with Takoda the previous day played over and over in his head.
“I can’t live like this, and by nature, we can’t be together in our bird skins. My feelings for you aren’t enough. I’ll never be able to be with you, Enapay. You need to understand that.”
Enapay squeezed his eyes shut as Takoda’s words continued to assault him.
“It’s not that I hate being in my man skin. It’s just not comfortable for long. I find it…suffocating. A relationship, even one built on love, wouldn’t last.”
Clutching the pillow in his arms, Enapay rolled over onto his back. Evidently, the news about his inability to shift hadn’t changed Takoda’s mind. Was Takoda planning to do what Enapay had feared?
Enapay tossed the pillow onto the bed and struggled to untangle himself from the blankets. He walked into the kitchen and stared at Takoda, who was sitting calmly at the table. He had to know the truth. “Will you kill yourself if you can’t shift?”
Takoda set down the glass of water and shook his head. “If my crow dies, my spirit will soon follow. I will be a living, breathing man, but I won’t be the man you’ve come to love.”
Enapay fell to his knees at Takoda’s side, aware that Gray was still in the room. “I’ll love you no matter what,” he tried to argue.
Takoda cupped the side of Enapay’s face. “I won’t let you.”
Enapay swallowed. He could see the truth in Takoda’s eyes. “Please don’t do this.”
Takoda surprised Enapay by reaching for Gray. “Come here.”
Enapay’s attention swung to the blond man standing beside the counter. He could see the hesitation in Gray’s expression. Enapay held his breath as Gray walked slowly over to join them at the table.
Takoda took Gray’s hand and looked at Enapay. “Do you have feelings for Gray?”
Enapay had a strong feeling he knew where this was going, and he didn’t want any part of it. He stood and started to walk out of the kitchen.
“Enapay!” Takoda yelled, his voice stronger than Enapay had heard in a long time.
Enapay stopped but didn’t turn around.
“Do you have feelings for Gray?” Takoda asked again.
“I’m not answering that question,” Enapay informed Takoda. He knew if he admitted his attraction to the man, it would be used against him. There was no possible way Enapay would allow Takoda to “fix” him up with Gray. It was wrong, plain and simple.
“You’ll have to sooner or later. Why can’t you be honest with me?”
Enapay spun around and crossed his arms defensively over his chest. “Because honesty hurts. I know because I was just given a big ole dose of it from you.”
“I take that as a yes, then,” Takoda murmured.
Enapay couldn’t understand why Takoda was pushing so hard. It was obvious the smaller man wasn’t planning to stop anytime soon. “Okay, yes. I’m attracted to Gray. I want to stick my cock so far up his ass he feels me for days. Is that what you wanted to hear? Does that make you feel better?”
Takoda actually grinned. “Actually, yes, it does.”
“You’re sick.” Enapay shook his head in disgust.
“Yes, I am.” Once again, tears filled Takoda’s eyes. “And whether or not I find my way back to my crow, I need to see you happy. You won’t get that from me, but if you’d open your eyes, you would see Gray is right in front of you. Offering you what I’ll never be able to.”
Enapay found himself speechless. He glanced at Gray who appeared completely dumbstruck by the entire conversation. Did Takoda just expect Enapay to say ‘okay’ and drag Gray into the bedroom?
“I’m going home,” he called as he headed to the front door. His head was spinning as he tried to imagine Takoda giving him to Gray. Yes. That’s exactly what it felt like.
“What’re you trying to do?” Gray asked Takoda after the slam of the screen door.
“Open his eyes.”
Gray sighed and sat beside Takoda. “Why? Do you really not want him to love you? Would you honestly give away what should be, and is, yours?”
Takoda rubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t know anymore. I’d give almost anything to make love with Enapay, but I can’t give away who I am. Don’t you see? That’s the price I’d have to pay.”
Gray reached out and pulled Takoda’s hands away from his face. As much as he hated the thought of seeing the two shifters learn to work out their differences and create a life together, his heart wouldn’t let him remain silent. “Maybe what you’re able to give Enapay would be enough for him.”
“For how long, a year? Maybe two? He’d wake up one day and realize he gave up a chance at a real relationship to live on the scraps I’d be able to give him. That’s not fair to him. We both know that.”
Gray decided to lay his cards on the table. “What about me? Am I supposed to invest my heart in a man who I know would rather be with you?” Gray shook his head. “I don’t think I could live like that.”
He stood and squeezed Takoda’s shoulder. “Why don’t the two of you leave me out of it. If you want him, go to him, but don’t push him toward me. It’s obviously not where he’d rather be.”
With a few hours yet before bedtime, Gray decided to go back to the clinic’s lab. With luck, he’d be able to work himself into exhaustion. Otherwise, he knew he wouldn’t be able to get a wink of sleep.
Although Gray wanted Enapay more than ever, he certainly didn’t want to be a substitute for what Enapay really wanted.
* * * *
“Did you hear?” Sam Sparrol asked Gray when he walked into the clinic.
“Hear what?” Gray asked.
“They think they caught the people responsible for the gas attacks.”
Gray flipped the light in the lab on and turned back to his colleague. He struggled to muster enough emotion to even care. “Who were they?”
“Humans.”
“Duh. I mean who were they supposedly representing?”
Sam shrugged. “Some religious group, I think.”
The door opened behind him and Hakan, Ryker and Daniel stepped into the hallway.
“We need to speak to you,” Hakan said to Gray.
Gray immediately wondered if Enapay or Takoda had talked to the three men. He gave Sam a nod, dismissing him, and gestured to the lab. Once the group assembled in the small room, Gray crossed h
is arms. “What can I help you with?”
Hakan shut the door. “We just received a call from the United States Department of the Interior.”
“About the guys they caught?” Gray asked.
Hakan nodded. “They think they might be shifter.”
“What? Sam just said they were human.” Gray couldn’t believe a shifter, any shifter, would do something as heinous as what had been done to a large population of the birds and shifters.
Hakan shook his head. “The press is reporting the information the government fed them. But according to Roger Laughlen, our contact, the men taken into custody have refused to answer any of the questions they’ve been asked.”
“So why do they think they’re shifters?” Gray asked.
The three men looked at each other before Hakan finally spoke up. “According to Roger, the detainees are exhibiting odd, animal-like behavior.”
Gray shook his head emphatically. “No. I’ve already told you. When in human form, shifters are one hundred percent human. There is no mixing.”
Hakan nodded. “That’s why we need you to go to D.C. As far as we know, you’re the only shifter expert that can explain it to them. They won’t listen to us because of who we are.”
Gray continued to shake his head. “I can’t.” He didn’t want to tell the three men he couldn’t leave with things the way they were between him and Enapay. “Things with…” He shook his head. “I need to work some stuff out with Enapay.”
Ryker scratched his jaw and elbowed Hakan. “Can you do that if he goes with you? Honestly, Gray, you’re the only hope we have of getting those bozos in Washington to believe these guys aren’t shifters. Besides, Enapay might be able to help you flush out the truth about the men being held.”
The first thing Gray thought of was being alone with Enapay, but then he crashed back to reality. Hadn’t Enapay rushed out of his house earlier to get away from him? “He won’t go.”
“Ask him,” Daniel pleaded. “Please. We need your help.”
“How long will it take?” Gray asked.
“Couple days, maybe more, maybe less,” Hakan answered.
“I’ve got the private jet standing by. We can get you into D.C. by morning,” Ryker told Gray.
“What about Takoda?” Gray asked.
“We’ll take him to our house,” Daniel informed him. “I’m sure once we explain the situation, he’ll understand.”
Gray shook his head. There was no way he would betray Enapay’s trust a second time. “About me going, yeah, but how are you going to explain Enapay?”
“So we think of another excuse why Enapay needs to go with you,” Hakan said.
Gray knew exactly what he could say to Takoda to help the smaller man understand the need for Enapay to travel with him. “I’ll take care of Takoda if one of you can talk Enapay into going.”
Gray’s only consolation was he knew Takoda’s human body was getting stronger by the hour. At least he didn’t feel as guilty about leaving him for a few days. “I’ll talk to Sam about checking in on Takoda once a day or so.”
Hakan turned and opened the door. “I’ll go talk to Enapay. You do what you need to and call us when you’re ready for a ride to the airport.”
As the three men left the lab, Gray mentally went over the research materials he’d need to prove to the United States Government the men they had in custody weren’t shifters. He knew if word got out the men were indeed shifters, Refuge would be besieged by radical groups hell bent on wiping the shifters from the face of the earth.
Hakan had been right. Gray’s ability to talk for the shifters was of the utmost importance.
Chapter Four
Gray glanced over his shoulder at the white-knuckled man toward the back of the private jet. Enapay wouldn’t even speak to him, which Gray figured he deserved. It still wasn’t clear what Hakan had said to convince Enapay to go on the trip to D.C., but the shifter definitely wasn’t happy.
Gray turned back around and fought with himself. It was obvious Enapay wasn’t dealing well with the flight, but it seemed equally clear the bigger man wanted little to do with Gray.
When he heard the clank of the metal seatbelt landing against the seat moments before Enapay ran past him to the restroom, Gray became increasingly concerned. He unfastened his own safety belt and strode toward the small restroom.
“Enapay?” Gray knocked on the door. “Can I get you some water?”
When Gray received no response, he crossed to the service area and extracted a bottle of water from the small refrigerator. It was several moments before Enapay opened the door, wiping his face with a wet hand towel.
“Are you okay?”
Enapay shook his head. “It’s different.”
Gray lead Enapay to a long couch stretched against one side of the aircraft. He was more than a little surprised Enapay actually let him. “The flying?”
Enapay nodded and leaned forward, clutching his stomach. “I don’t like it.”
Gray had nothing to compare it to, so he kept his mouth shut. He took the towel from Enapay and carried it back to the restroom to run more cold water over it, returning moments later.
“Here.” Gray parted Enapay’s long black hair and pressed the towel against his neck. “Just breathe deep.”
Enapay rolled to his side. “I need to lie down.”
Gray got up and lifted Enapay’s long legs onto the sofa. “Let me get you something to make you more comfortable.”
Gray rose and walked to the small closet. He carried back two small pillows and a blanket. Kneeling beside Enapay, Gray carefully lifted his head and slipped the pillows underneath before spreading the blanket over the top-half of his body.
“Thank you,” Enapay mumbled.
Once again, Gray took the hand towel to the restroom to run more cool water over it. “Would you like some water now?”
Enapay nodded. “Sorry to be a child about this.”
“Don’t worry about it. A lot of people have issues with flying.” Gray found the bottle he’d dropped earlier and helped Enapay lean up enough to take several sips. He refused to acknowledge his body’s response to the warm bare skin against his arm.
He knew Hakan had packed a small bag of clothes for Enapay out of his own closet, but the stubborn shifter refused to wear them. Gray couldn’t help but wonder what the people in D.C. would think of the bare-chested man.
Even after Enapay was finished with his water, Gray continued to touch him, trying to soothe the scared, sick shifter. “Maybe you should try to sleep. We still have three hours before we touchdown in Washington.”
Enapay glanced down at the moving blanket. Gray’s hand stilled as he held his breath. “I was angry with you.”
Gray nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.”
Enapay moved his hand under the blanket to cover Gray’s where it rested on his chest. “I’m confused.”
Gray nodded again, threading his fingers through Enapay’s. “So am I.”
Enapay continued to stare into Gray’s eyes. Gray felt like he was on the cusp of his future. He knew Enapay was still trying to work things out, but Gray hoped…
“I want to kiss you, but…” Enapay gestured to his mouth.
Gray smiled, squeezing Enapay’s hand. He didn’t really care what Enapay’s breath smelled like, but he wanted their first kiss to be special. “Just knowing you want to is enough for now.”
Enapay reached up with his free hand and pulled Gray’s head toward him. He pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. “Is it wrong of me to want you?”
“I can’t answer that for you. If it helps any, I want you, too,” Gray confided.
Enapay rolled to his side. “Lay with me.”
Gray bit his lip. Could he press himself against Enapay and not want more? Was this him, grabbing the scraps Enapay threw his way?
When Enapay released Gray’s hand and lifted the blanket in invitation, Gray knew he was lost to his body’s wants. He kicked off his l
oafers and stretched out in the narrow empty space. Skin. Oh fuck. The heat of Enapay’s skin burned through the thin material of Gray’s shirt.
Gray draped his arm over Enapay’s side and buried his face in the bigger man’s neck. Enapay smelled like pine and fresh air. Gray wondered if it was the man’s natural scent or cologne. He inhaled again. It was definitely one hundred percent Enapay.
Wrapped in Enapay’s arms, Gray couldn’t help but to kiss the skin against his lips. He felt Enapay’s hand move under the hem of his sport shirt to rest on his bare flesh.
Gray’s tongue snaked out to taste the skin he’d set about kissing. Enapay moaned and pulled Gray’s body even closer. Gray could feel the hard ridge of Enapay’s arousal pressed against his own.
He knew things were progressing too quickly, but when Enapay’s hand moved down to squeeze his ass, Gray ground his cock against Enapay’s buckskin-covered erection.
No longer concerned with Enapay’s sour breath, Gray lifted his head and captured the mouth he’d longed to feel against his own.
“Mmm,” Enapay moaned and thrust his tongue into Gray’s mouth. There was no finesse to the kiss, just repressed longing as Gray accepted Enapay’s ardor.
Gray reached down and released the slide-catch on his dress pants, pushing the expensive material down as far as he could without breaking the kiss. He wanted this more than he’d ever wanted anything else in his life.
With his own clothes out of the way, he reached to Enapay’s waist and released the tied leather laces that held the bigger man’s hand-sewn pants closed.
Enapay seemed to welcome Gray’s touch on his bare hip as Gray pushed the buckskin down. “Touch me,” Enapay begged, finally breaking the kiss.
“It’s too fast,” Gray groaned as he touched the hard length of Enapay’s cock.
“I don’t care.” Enapay thrust his hips, sliding his cock against Gray’s palm.
The plane chose that moment to hit an air pocket, bouncing Gray unexpectedly to the floor. Enapay lurched up, holding his stomach.
“What was that?” Enapay asked, his eyes wide.
