Harold Pinter Plays 2

by Harold Pinter

  HARRY. Who is this?

  VOICE. Go and wake him up, there’s a good boy. (Pause.)

  HARRY. Are you a friend of his?

  VOICE He’ll know me when he sees me.

  HARRY. Oh yes?

  Pause.

  VOICE. Aren’t you going to wake him?

  HARRY. No, I’m not.

  Pause.

  VOICE. Tell him I’ll be in touch.

  The telephone cuts off. HARRY replaces the receiver and stands still. The figure leaves the telephone box. HARRY walks slowly into the hall and up the stairs.

  Fade to blackout.

  Fade up on flat. It is morning.

  JAMES, smoking, enters and sits on the sofa.

  STELLA enters from a bedroom fixing a bracelet on her wrist.

  She goes to the cabinet, takes a perfume atomizer from her handbag and uses it on her throat and hands. She puts the atomizer into her bag and begins to put her gloves on.

  STELLA. I’m going.

  Pause.

  Aren’t you coming in today?

  Pause.

  JAMES. No.

  STELLA. You had to meet those people from …

  Pause. She slowly walks to an armchair, picks up her jacket and puts it on.

  You had to meet those people about that order. Shall I phone them when I get to the shop?

  JAMES. You could do … yes.

  STELLA. What are you going to do?

  He looks at her, with a brief smile, then away.

  Jimmy …

  Pause.

  Are you going out?

  Pause.

  Will you … be in tonight?

  JAMES reaches for a glass ashtray, flicks ash, and regards the ashtray. STELLA turns and leaves the room. The front door slams. JAMES continues regarding the ashtray.

  Fade to half light.

  Fade up on house. Morning.

  BILL brings on a tray from the kitchen and places it on the table, arranges it, pours tea, sits, picks up a newspaper, reads, drinks. HARRY, in a dressing-gown, descends the stairs, trips, stumbles.

  BILL (turning). What have you done?

  HARRY. I tripped on that stair rod!

  He comes into the room.

  BILL. All right.

  HARRY. It’s that stair rod. I thought you said you were going to fix it.

  BILL. I did fix it.

  HARRY. Well, you didn’t fix it very well.

  He sits, holding his head.

  Ooh.

  BILL pours tea for him.

  In the flat, JAMES stubs his cigarette and goes out. The lights in the flat fade out.

  HARRY sips the tea, then puts the cup down.

  Where’s my fruit juice? I haven’t had my fruit juice.

  BILL regards the fruit juice on the tray.

  What’s it doing over there?

  BILL gives it to him. HARRY sips it.

  What’s this? Pineapple?

  BILL. Grapefruit.

  Pause.

  HARRY. I’m sick and tired of that stair rod. Why don’t you screw it in or something? You’re supposed … you’re supposed to be able to use your hands.

  Pause.

  BILL. What time did you get in?

  HARRY. Four.

  BILL. Good party?

  Pause.

  HARRY. You didn’t make any toast this morning

  BILL. No. Do you want some?

  HARRY. No. I don’t.

  BILL. I can if you like.

  HARRY. It’s all right. Don’t bother.

  Pause.

  How are you spending your day today?

  BILL. Go and see a film, I think.

  HARRY. Wonderful life you lead. (Pause.) Do you know some maniac telephoned you last night?

  BILL looks at him.

  Just as I got in. Four o’clock. Walked in the door and the telephone was ringing.

  BILL. Who was it?

  HARRY. I’ve no idea.

  BILL. What did he want?

  HARRY. You. He was shy, wouldn’t tell me his name.

  BILL. Huh.

  Pause.

  HARRY. Who could it have been?

  BILL. I’ve no idea.

  HARRY. He was very insistent. Said he was going to get in touch again. (Pause.) Who the hell was it?

  BILL. I’ve just said … I haven’t the remotest idea.

  Pause.

  HARRY. Did you meet anyone last week?

  BILL. Meet anyone? What do you mean?

  HARRY. I mean could it have been anyone you met? You must have met lots of people.

  BILL. I didn’t speak to a soul.

  HARRY. Must have been miserable for you.

  BILL. I was only there one night, wasn’t I? Some more?

  HARRY. No, thank you.

  BILL pours tea for himself.

  The telephone box fades up to half light, disclosing a figure entering it.

  I must shave.

  HARRY sits, looking at BILL, who is reading the paper After a moment BILL looks up.

  BILL. Mmnnn?

  Silence. HARRY stands, leaves the room and exits up the stairs, treading carefully over the stair rod. BILL reads the paper. The telephone rings.

  BILL lifts the receiver.

  Hullo.

  VOICE. Is that you, Bill?

  BILL. Yes?

  VOICE. Are you in?

  BILL. Who’s this?

  VOICE. Don’t move. I’ll be straight round.

  BILL. What do you mean? Who is this?

  VOICE. About two minutes. All right?

  BILL. You can’t do that. I’ve got some people here.

  VOICE. Never mind. We can go into another room.

  BILL. This is ridiculous. Do I know you?

  VOICE. You’ll know me when you see me.

  BILL. Do you know me?

  VOICE. Just stay where you are. I’ll be right round.

  BILL. But what do you want, who –? You can’t do that. I’m going straight out. I won’t be in.

  VOICE. See you.

  The phone cuts off. BILL replaces the receiver.

  The lights on the telephone box fade as the figure comes out and exits left.

  BILL puts on his jacket, goes into the hall, puts on his overcoat, swift but not hurried, opens the front door, and goes out.

  He exits up right. HARRY’S voice from upstairs.

  HARRY. Bill, was that you?

  He appears at the head of the stairs.

  Bill!

  He goes downstairs, into the living-room, stands, observes the tray, and takes the tray into the kitchen.

  JAMES comes from up left in the street and looks at the house.

  HARRY comes out of the kitchen, goes into the hall and up the stairs.

  JAMES rings the bell.

  HARRY comes down the stairs and opens the door.

  Yes?

  JAMES. I’m looking for Bill Lloyd.

  HARRY. He’s out. Can I help?

  JAMES. When will he be in?

  HARRY. I can’t say. Does he know you?

  JAMES. I’ll try some other time then.

  HARRY. Well, perhaps you’d like to leave your name. I can tell him when I see him.

  JAMES. No, that’s all right. Just tell him I called

  HARRY. Tell him who called?

  JAMES. Sorry to bother you.

  HARRY. Just a minute, (JAMES turns back.) You’re not the man who telephoned last night, are you?

  JAMES. Last night?

  HARRY. You didn’t telephone early this morning?

  JAMES. No … sorry …

  HARRY. Well, what do you want?

  JAMES. I’m looking for Bill.

  HARRY. You didn’t by any chance telephone just now?

  JAMES. I think you’ve got the wrong man.

  HARRY. I think you have.

  JAMES. I don’t think you know anything about it.

  JAMES turns and goes. HARRY stands watching him.

  Fade to blackout.

  Fade up moonlight in flat.<
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  The front door closes, in flat.

  STELLA comes in, stands, switches on a lamp. She turns in the direction of the other rooms.

  STELLA. Jimmy?

  Silence.

  She takes her gloves off, puts her handbag down, and is still. She goes to the record player, and puts on a record. It is ‘Charlie Parker’. She listens, then exists to the bedroom. Fade up house. Night.

  BILL enters the living-room from the kitchen with magazines. He throws them in the hearth, goes to the drinks table and pours a drink, then lies on the floor with a drink by the hearth, flicking through a magazine. STELLA comes back into the room with a white Persian kitten. She lies back on the sofa, nuzzling it. HARRY comes downstairs, glances in at BILL, exits and walks down the street to up right, JAMES appears at the front door of the house from up left, looks after

  HARRY, and rings the bell. BILL stands, and goes to the door.

  Fade flat to half light and music out.

  BILL. Yes?

  JAMES. Bill Lloyd?

  BILL. Yes?

  JAMES. Oh, I’d … I’d like to have a word with you.

  Pause.

  BILL. I’m sorry, I don’t think I know you?

  JAMES. Don’t you?

  BILL. No.

  JAMBS. Well, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about

  BILL. I’m terribly sorry, I’m busy.

  JAMES. It won’t take long.

  BILL. I’m awfully sorry. Perhaps you’d like to put it down on paper and send it to me.

  JAMES. That’s not possible.

  Pause.

  BILL (closing door). Do forgive me –

  JAMES (foot in door). Look. I want to speak to you.

  Pause.

  BILL. Did you phone me today?

  JAMES. That’s right. I called, but you’d gone out.

  BILL. You called here? I didn’t know that.

  JAMES. I think I’d better come in, don’t you?

  BILL. You can’t just barge into someone’s house like this, you know. What do you want?

  JAMES. Why don’t you stop wasting your time and let me in?

  BILL. I could call the police.

  JAMES. Not worth it.

  They stare at each other.

  BILL. All right.

  JAMES goes in. BILL closes the door. JAMES goes through the hall and into the living-room. BILL follows. JAMES looks about the room.

  JAMBS. Got any olives?

  BILL. How did you know my name?

  JAMES. No olives?

  BILL. Olives? I’m afraid not.

  JAMES. You mean to say you don’t keep olives for your guests?

  BILL. You’re not my guest, you’re an intruder. What can I do for you?

  JAMES. Do you mind if I sit down?

  BILL. Yes, I do.

  JAMES. You’ll get over it.

  JAMES sits, BILL stands, JAMES stands, takes off his overcoat, throws it on an armchair, and sits again.

  BILL. What’s your name, old boy?

  JAMES reaches to a bowl of fruit and breaks off a grape, which he eats.

  JAMES. Where shall I put the pips?

  BILL. In your wallet.

  JAMES takes out his wallet and deposits the pips. He regards BILL.

  JAMES. You’re not a bad-looking bloke.

  BILL. Oh, thanks.

  JAMES. You’re not a film star, but you’re quite tolerable looking, I suppose.

  BILL. That’s more than I can say for you.

  JAMES. I’m not interested in what you can say for me.

  BILL. To put it quite bluntly, old chap, I’m even less interested than you are. Now look, come on please, what do you want?

  JAMES stands, walks to the drinks table and stares at the bottles. In the flat, STELLA rises with the kitten and goes off slowly, nuzzling it. The flat fades to blackout. JAMES pours himself a whisky.

  Cheers.

  JAMES. Did you have a good time in Leeds last week?

  BILL. What?

  JAMES. Did you have a good time in Leeds last week?

  BILL. Leeds?

  JAMES. Did you enjoy yourself?

  BILL. What makes you think I was in Leeds.

  JAMES. Tell me all about it. See much of the town? Get out to the country at all?

  BILL. What are you talking about?

  Pause.

  JAMES (with fatigue). Aaah. You were down there for the dress collection. You took some of your models.

  BILL. Did I?

  JAMES. You stayed at the Westbury Hotel.

  BILL. Oh?

  JAMES. Room 142.

  BILL. 142? Oh. Was it comfortable?

  JAMES. Comfortable enough.

  BILL. Oh, good.

  JAMES. Well, you had your yellow pyjamas with you.

  BILL. Did I really? What, the ones with the black initials?

  JAMES. Yes, you had them on you in 165.

  BILL. In what?

  JAMES. 165.

  BILL. 165? I thought I was in 142.

  JAMES. You booked into 142. But you didn’t stay there.

  BILL. Well, that’s a bit silly, isn’t it? Booking a room and not staying in it?

  JAMES. 165 is just along the passage to 142; you’re not far away.

  BILL. Oh well, that’s a relief.

  JAMES. You could easily nip back to shave.

  BILL. From 165?

  JAMES. Yes.

  BILL. What was I doing there?

  JAMES (casually). My wife was in there. That’s where you slept with her.

  Silence.

  BILL. Well… who told you that?

  JAMES. She did.

  BILL. You should have her seen to.

  JAMES. Be careful.

  BILL. Mmmm? Who is your wife?

  JAMES. You know her.

  BILL. I don’t think so.

  JAMES. No?

  BILL. No, I don’t think so at all.

  JAMES. I see.

  BILL. I was nowhere near Leeds last week, old chap. Nowhere near your wife either, I’m quite sure of that. Apart from that, I … just don’t do such things. Not in my book.

  Pause.

  I wouldn’t dream of it. Well, I think that closes that subject, don’t you?

  JAMES. Come here. I want to tell you something.

  BILL. I’m expecting guests in a minute, you know. Cocktails,

  I’m standing for Parliament next season.

  JAMES. Come here.

  BILL. I’m going to be Minister for Home Affairs.

  JAMES moves to him.

  JAMES (confidentially). When you treat my wife like a whore, then I think I’m entitled to know what you’ve got to say about it.

  BILL. But I don’t know your wife.

  JAMES. You do. You met her at ten o’clock last Friday in the lounge. You fell into conversation, you bought her a couple of drinks, you went upstairs together in the lift. In the lift you never took your eyes from her, you found you were both on the same floor, you helped her out, by her arm. You stood with her in the corridor, looking at her. You touched her shoulder, said good night, went to your room, she went to hers, you changed into your yellow pyjamas and black dressing-gown, you went down the passage and knocked on her door, you’d left your toothpaste in town. She opened the door, you went in, she was still dressed. You admired the room, it was so feminine, you felt awake, didn’t feel like sleeping, you sat down, on the bed. She wanted you to go, you wouldn’t. She became upset, you sympathized, away from home, on a business trip, horrible life, especially for a woman, you comforted her, you gave her solace, you stayed.

  Pause.

  BILL. Look, do you mind … just going off now. You’re giving me a bit of a headache.

  JAMES. You knew she was married … why did you feel it necessary … to do that?

  BILL. She must have known she was married, too. Why did she feel it necessary … to do that?

  Pause.

  (With a chuckle.) That’s got you, hasn’t it?

  Pause.
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  Well, look, it’s really just a lot of rubbish. You know that.

  BILL goes to the cigarette box and lights a cigarette.

  Is she supposed to have resisted me at all?

  JAMES. A little.

  BILL. Only a little?

  JAMES. Yes.

  BILL. Do you believe her?

  JAMES. Yes.

  BILL. Everything she says?

  JAMES. Sure.

  BILL. Did she bite at all?

  JAMES. NO.

  BILL. Scratch?

  JAMES. A little.

  BILL. You’ve got a devoted wife, haven’t you? Keeps you well informed, right up to the minutest detail. She scratched a little, did she? Where? (Holds up a hand.) On the hand? No scar. No scar anywhere. Absolutely unscarred. We can go before a commissioner of oaths, if you like. I’ll strip, show you my unscarred body. Yes, what we need is an independent witness. You got any chambermaids on your side or anything?

  JAMES applauds briefly.

  JAMES. You’re a wag, aren’t you? I never thought you’d be such a wag. You’ve really got a sense of fun. You know what I’d call you?

  BILL. What?

  JAMES. A wag.

  BILL. Oh, thanks very much.

  JAMES. No, I’m glad to pay a compliment when a compliment’s due. What about a drink?

  BILL. That’s good of you.

  JAMES. What will you have?

  BILL. Got any vodka?

  JAMES. Let’s see. Yes, I think we can find you some vodka.

  BILL. Oh, scrumptious.

  JAMES. Say that again.

  BILL. What?

  JAMES. That word.

  BILL. What, scrumptious?

  JAMES. That’s it.

  BILL. Scrumptious.

  JAMES. Marvellous. You probably remember that from school, don’t you?

  BILL. Now that you mention it I think you might be right.

  JAMES. I thought I was. Here’s your vodka.

  BILL. That’s very generous of you.

  JAMES. Not at all. Cheers. (They drink.)

  BILL. Cheers.

  JAMES. Eh, come here.

  BILL. What?

  JAMES. I bet you’re a wow at parties.

  BILL. Well, it’s nice of you to say so, but I wouldn’t say I was all that much of a wow.

  JAMES. Go on, I bet you are. (Pause.)

  BILL. You think I’m a wow, do you?

  JAMES. At parties I should think you are.

  BILL. No, I’m not much of a wow really. The bloke I share this house with is, though.

  JAMES. Oh, I met him. Looked a jolly kind of chap.

  BILL. Yes, he’s very good at parties. Bit of a conjurer.

  JAMES. What, rabbits?

  BILL. Well, not so much rabbits, no.

  JAMES. No rabbits?

  BILL. No. He doesn’t like rabbits, actually. They give him hay fever.

  JAMES. Poor chap.