Awakening Her Soul to Destiny

by Deborah R Stigall

  “Mistress Healer! Forgive my rudeness in first welcoming my betrothed!” Elsbet graciously bowed her head. “I am Elsbet of Clan Gwynedd and I welcome ye to our lands and ask that ye bless us with yer presence for as long as ye would care to rest with us.”

  Nodding with difficulty in Elsbet’s direction, Kaitla inhaled deeply. “Thank you, Lady Elsbet. That’s most generous of you.” Kaitla struggled to swallow the lump of emotions in her throat. “I’m afraid, though, I’m in quite a hurry to reach Cuchailard, to finally meet my father.” Glancing toward one of the guard’s white horses, she continued. “It would be no problem at all for my companions to stay. I’m sure you’ve missed Jared and the two of you need some time together. If you could provide me with a fresh horse so that I might continue on…I would truly appreciate it.”

  “Why that would nay be a problem at all, mistress.” Elsbet’s kind beautiful face was puzzled, as she glanced first from Kaitla’s face then to the alternately surprised and shocked faces of Etain, Jared, and Hobart. Nodding to one of her riders, Elsbet’s unspoken command was immediately followed.

  “Ye canna mean to go to Cuchailard alone!” Hobart burst out, pulling his mount alongside Kaitla’s.

  Fixing him with a cold golden glare, Kaitla cleared her throat and icily replied, “I do and there is none that can stop me.” Her piercing gaze immediately froze further comments from Hobart. Not having the power or the right to argue further, he merely ducked his head, returning his horse to a safer position in the rear of the little group.

  Not so easily daunted, Etain circled her horse to face Kaitla’s, “Ye must not be foolish, Kaitla! There is too much at stake here!” She pleaded silently with her eyes, urging Kaitla to be reasonable.

  “Don’t challenge me, Etain. You’ll lose!” Kaitla replied in a low threatening voice. Dark billowy clouds quickly gathered from nowhere. An undertone of rumbling thunder punctuated Kaitla’s ominous words.

  Brows arched in surprise, Etain quickly glanced from the gathering storm clouds, to Kaitla’s darkening face, “Kaitla! Ye must reign in your powers, lass. The land, the wind, the water, it all listens to your bidding here.”

  “Then you’d best take cover, Etain. Because you’re in for one hell of a storm,” Kaitla brushed past Etain, lightening rippling through the clouds in a jagged roadmap of light.

  Dismounting from Epona, Kaitla quickly remounted the large white stallion Elsbet had summoned from the camp. She wanted to be sure she was entirely alone on the journey she was about to take…Tobias was the only one she could trust. Hobart silently handed over the little feline, the bushy eyebrows barely shielding his saddened downcast eyes.

  Steering her fresh mount alongside Elsbet, Kaitla removed the golden headband with the Celtic knot from her forehead. “Please accept this as a wedding gift, Lady Elsbet,” she murmured softly as she placed the headband on Elsbet’s forehead and tied it behind the silky dark hair. “I hope you and Jared will be blessed with many strong children and enjoy every happiness.”

  “Why thank ye, Mistress Kaitla.” Elsbet’s concerned eyes didn’t miss the unshed tears sparkling in the corners of Kaitla’s eyes.

  As she turned to go, Jared finally broke his silence, “Kaitla, ye canna leave without first hearing me out!”

  Whirling to face him, lightening split through the clouds, exploding close enough for deafening thunder to shake the ground. “Leave my sight…you lied to me!” Kaitla shouted. Jared’s dark stallion reared, whinnying in fear and backing up.

  “I dinna fear ye, Kaitla and ye will hear me!” Jared roared back, eyes flashing in anger and jaw set in grim determination, he forced the skittish horse forward.

  Her temper mounting, Kaitla raised her hands to the sky, then pointing at Jared, shouting, “I will NEVER be betrayed by you again!” The winds rose whipping her hair into her face, roaring thunder and blinding lightening circling them in a crashing crescendo.

  Nervous at the new rider and frightened by the mounting storm, Kaitla’s stallion finally lost control. Eyes rolling wildly and whinnying loudly in fear, the panic-stricken horse reared and thrashed, wanting only to be free of the confusion. Loosing her grip on the reigns, Kaitla was thrown backwards out of the saddle, landing with a sickening thud on the packed sod below. Rolling to get away from the razor sharp hooves, she painfully struggled to rise to her feet. Jared leapt from his own horse, deftly dancing around the still rearing horse to grab the reigns and force the horse to calm down.

  “Tobias” Kaitla cried, wincing as pain shot through her ribs robbing her of breath. Clenching her arm to her side and holding her ribs tightly, Kaitla fell to her knees and slowly crawled to the motionless black form lying a few feet away. Finally reaching him, she gently hugged the limp lifeless body to her chest, imploring everything in her powers to breathe life back into the crushed little body. The wind roared and the ground shook as Kaitla kneeled, hugging and rocking her tiny friend. Pausing long enough to check for the nonexistent heartbeat, she begged her beloved friend not to leave her all alone.

  Unable to stand the pitiful sight any longer, Etain finally knelt at her side, hugging her close and whispering, “Let him go, Kaitla, ‘tis his destiny. When it’s the chosen time for the spirit to leave, even yer gifts canna delay the leaving.”

  “But what about the wren? ---And Nissyen, I saved them?” Kaitla demanded, refusing to accept the fact that she had lost Tobias forever.

  “It was not the true time for their spirits to depart. It was their destiny to be saved to pass at another time,” Etain gently tried to explain, shaking her head sadly.

  “No!” Kaitla denied, “Tobias can’t leave me!” she wailed. Her body wracked with sobs, she buried her face in the soft black fur of her friend for the very last time. As Kaitla wept for the loss of her companion, the clouds opened up, drenching the land with a torrent of rain that was only surmounted by her tears.

  ~*~

  The cold gray dawn was unseasonable for late summer in the Clas Myrddin realm and the monotonous drizzle heard outside the tent only emphasized the bone-chilling damp. Standing just inside the entrance of the main tent, Etain and Jared stared bleakly out into the depressing weather.

  “She still mourns for him,” Jared murmured softly under his breath. He wearily rubbed his red rimmed eyes, bloodshot from lack of sleep.

  “Aye, she cared for him deeply and felt he was the only one she could trust,” Etain sighed in agreement.

  Jared winced visibly at Etain’s words. He was well aware of his part in Kaitla’s misery, but he’d only been trying to shield her until she trusted him completely. He’d planned on explaining his relationship with Elsbet once Kaitla had relaxed more into their relationship. Now it just looked as though he’d been trying to deceive her all along. Handsome face haggard and drawn, he’d been unable to eat or sleep for days, wrestling with guilt and trying to figure out a way to make things right again.

  “Dinna be so harsh with yourself, Jared,” Etain whispered as she gently placed a hand to his unshaved cheek, the dark shadow of the stubble only accentuating his woebegone appearance. “Ye’re not the only one that was not completely honest with Kaitla. I told the lass ye were betrothed to Elsbet but I failed to mention that ye hadna’ accepted the arrangement. I didna tell her that ye merely felt friendship with Elsbet and nay more.” Dropping her hand from his face, Etain shook her head sadly, staring back out into the rain. “I shouldha’ told the lass the complete truth from the beginning, but I wasna’ sure of her becoming involved with ye….I thought perhaps it would be better if her heart remained unattached.”

  “Aye, well, Elsbet’s warm greeting would hardly have supported the truth,” Jared ruefully commented. Elsbet had always adored Jared. From the first moment she had laid eyes on him, she had been completely enamoured of him. When Etain had offered a marriage agreement to Clan Gwynedd, Elsbet had jumped at the chance, feeling sure she could eventually fan Jared’s friendship into a hotter fire. Jared, on the other hand, had al
ways cared for Elsbet but merely as a good friend. She was beautiful to look upon, warm and inviting but she had never stirred his blood.

  Kaitla, however, was entirely different. Even before he had met Kaitla in person, when all he knew of her was what he had seen in the images Etain had shared with him, he had known immediately that he must somehow possess her completely. When he finally met her, actually heard her voice and looked into her eyes; he knew at once that he loved her and was totally lost to her. Somehow, he had to find a way around this barrier that had come between them. He had to find a way for the two of them to work through this tangle of emotions tearing them apart.

  “Has she allowed ye to speak to her yet?” Etain gently asked, interrupting Jared’s tormented musings.

  “No.” Jared spoke through clenched teeth. “She’s placed a barrier around herself that I canna penetrate. I’ve beaten my hands bloody trying to reach her but the wall is strong. She merely turns her back to me as though I’m not even there.” Running his hands through his dark hair in frustration, he continued, “My thoughts canna even pass through it. She has even been able to close her mind to me.” A single tear escaped rolling down his strong weary face. “I’ve even tried traveling to her dream plane when she sleeps. Even there, she turns her back to me, covers her ears and forces herself to awaken and escape me.”

  Etain reached up, cradling the troubled man to her breast as though he were an unhappy child. Silent sobs shook Jared’s shoulders as he finally broke down, mourning the loss of his love.

  Walking in on this pitiful scene unnoticed, Elsbet’s heart wrenched at the sight of Jared’s suffering. She had overheard most of the conversation, shamelessly eavesdropping behind one of the tapestries dividing the tent into rooms. Sadly, she now realized Jared would never be capable of returning her love. Elsbet wasn’t bitter. She had been schooled well in the ways of the realm and completely accepted the philosophy of predestination. She had keenly observed Kaitla’s suffering and the war raging between her and Jared. From the emotions she had witnessed, the two were obviously destined to be together…Kaitla just didn’t realize it yet. With a resigned sigh, Elsbet decided to give destiny a hand. If she was not the one chosen to make Jared happy, the least she could do was attempt to steer the one to him that was. With determination, she turned on her heel and headed for Kaitla’s tent. Mistress Healer would listen to her whether she wished it or not!

  Pausing at the entrance to Kaitla’s private chamber, Elsbet quietly called out, “Mistress Kaitla, might I speak with ye, please?”

  “Actually, I was just leaving,” Kaitla replied, emerging from the tent. Kaitla carefully placed a second dhundare in her belt alongside the first. Since she would be traveling alone, she had to be prepared for whatever danger she might meet. She had changed into the original black outfit Etain had first clothed her in; feeling the color suited her frame of mind perfectly. To this she had also added a black hooded cloak to shield her from the elements. It had taken several tries, but Kaitla had finally mastered the art of imaging herself in clothing as Etain had done earlier. Determined to leave the tents of Clan Gwynedd alone, she’d had no choice but to hone her abilities quickly.

  “But your ribs are not yet mended. Traveling now will be most painful,” Elsbet argued, shaking her head with a frown.

  “My ribs are the least of my pain right now,” Kaitla laughed bitterly.

  Abandoning the tactful approach, Elsbet decided to get to the heart of her visit, “He doesna’ love me, Kaitla. He never has,” she stated flatly. Elsbet blocked her path out of the tent, forcing Kaitla to hear her. A good bit taller then she, it was futile for Kaitla to attempt to push her way past the stubborn woman.

  Turning away from Elsbet, to pace back and forth in frustration, Kaitla snarled, “He still lied to me. He told me he didn’t even know you and had never agreed to the betrothal arrangement. To put it bluntly, Elsbet, he just wanted to get laid.” Kaitla glared up into the deep blue eyes, instantly regretting her words when she saw Elsbet flinch.

  “He told ye these things because he knew ye wouldna’ believe the truth. He knew how ye’d been hurt in the past.” Eyeing Kaitla sadly, Elsbet shook her head slightly as she continued, “And Kaitla, he never consented to the betrothal. He didna’ lie to ye about that,” she said quietly.

  Raising her hands to her weary face, Kaitla shook her head, “Why are you telling me this, Elsbet?” She returned to her chamber, collapsing on the nearest chair and holding her head in her hands. Her face felt tight as though the skin had been stretched across the cheekbones. Her eyes burned from lack of sleep and her head throbbed from weeping. The painful ribs were a constant nagging ache, reminding Kaitla with every breath of the accident her uncontrollable temper had triggered, robbing her of her little Tobias. Her chest felt tight, encapsulating the pain at her very core caused by Jared’s deception.

  “D’ye think I am so desperate as to want a man that doesna’ love me?” Elsbet raised her chin proudly. “I’ll nay lie to ye, Kaitla. I love Jared and always have. If he would choose to love me in return, I’d nay give ye a second thought!” Elsbet circled Kaitla’s chair like a teacher berating an ignorant student. “But I willna’ shame m’self by chasing him like a lovesick fool. ---And in answer to your next question, No, I havena’ had the pleasure of sharing his bed. The damn fool treats me like a sister!”

  Elsbet grabbed Kaitla’s shoulders forcing her to look her in the eye, “If ye are foolish enough to toss this man and his love aside, then ye can be damned for all I care. Ye have been blessed with great gifts but perhaps good sense wasna’ one of them!” Releasing Kaitla’s shoulders with a gentle shake, she turned, storming out of the tent without another word.

  Kaitla again buried her face in her hands. She was so exhausted she didn’t know what to believe anymore. She wished she’d never crossed through the passage or met any of these people from her past. She might have been lonely back on earth, but she’d never been this miserable or confused.

  “Aye, lass, and ye were never this loved, either.” A hoarse deep voice whispered quietly in front of her. Startled, Kaitla opened her eyes to find Jared kneeling before her. During her conversation with Elsbet, she had allowed the barrier against Jared’s mind to slip and he was once again privy to her thoughts. Tired worn face drawn with exhaustion, his red rimmed eyes silently begged her to hear him. The stubble of his beard felt coarse and scratchy as she placed a reluctant hand to his cheek. Seizing her hand with his own, he turned his face to bury a kiss in her palm. Holding her hand against his lips, he encircled her waist with his other arm, pulling Kaitla to him in a fierce hug. Cradling his head to her breast, they held each other for what seemed like hours. He completely opened himself to Kaitla’s mind, flooding her with his thoughts and feelings. As Kaitla melded with Jared’s mind, she felt the tightness in her chest slowly relaxing as she realized there was no way he could be hiding any other secrets. She was so shaken by the depth of his feelings for her, teardrops rolled down her weary cheeks to disappear into Jared’s dark hair at her breast. She was left breathless and weak from the intensity of the mind sharing, feeling the warm aura of bonding even stronger then she felt after their physical lovemaking.

  Finally raising his head, Jared rose to his feet swinging her up into his arms and gently depositing her on the sleeping pillows in the corner. Lying beside her, he carefully draped her traveling cloak across the two of them. Pulling her to his chest in a possessive embrace, Jared sighed with relief as a teardrop escaped the corner of his eye. Contentedly watching the rhythmic rise and fall of Kaitla’s gentle breathing, he finally joined Kaitla in the first peaceful sleep either of them had found in days.

  Chapter VIII

  “Kaitla, wake up! An entourage approaches from Cuchailard!” Elsbet cried in frustration, scrambling over the pillows to Kaitla’s curled up form. She shook Kaitla’s shoulders roughly, struggling to pull Kaitla to a coherent level of consciousness. It had been days since Kaitla had found release i
n peaceful slumber and now she was none too ready to rise from the comfort of her dreams.

  Kaitla sat up blinking, shaking her head in confusion…trying to focus on what Elsbet had just said. “What approaches? Who?” she yawned sleepily, slowly sitting up among the sleeping pillows scattered about her like a warm comfortable nest.

  Exasperated, Etain joined Elsbet’s efforts to awaken Kaitla completely, “Your FATHER, lass! D’ye no’ hear what we’re tryin’ to tell ye? Now wake up, we must prepare ye ta’ meet him!” Etain clapped her hands sharply, bidding several servants to fill a nearby copper bathing tub as others scurried to bring in armloads of towels and urns of perfumed oils and soaps.

  At the word FATHER, Kaitla was finally fully awake. “Where’s Jared?” she asked nervously, searching the empty pillows beside her. She’d waited and wondered all her life about the father she was about to meet. But now that the reunion was finally at hand, she wasn’t quite as anxious as she’d thought and she definitely did not want to face this unknown man alone.

  “Jared’s gone to his tent ta’ make his own preparations for meeting with his Laird! Dinna worry about Jared! We must get ye presentable!” Etain and Elsbet bodily lifted Kaitla off the pillows, practically carrying her to the huge copper tub already steaming with scented water. Adeptly stripping her of her clothes, they had her seated knees to her chin in the fragrant water and were dousing her head before Kaitla could react.

  Sputtering from the most recent dousing, Kaitla quickly interjected before the next deluge, “Why has he come here? We were going to Cuchailard Keep!” Closing her mouth quickly, she barely spared herself a mouthful of perfumed liquid, as the next pitcher full of water rinsed the last of the suds from her hair.

  Etain stood beside the tub with her hands on her hips as Elsbet doused Kaitla once more, “If I were ta’ guess, I would say he paid heed to the sorrow of the land these past few days and feared for ye.” Silently directing her to stand, Etain and Elsbet briskly began toweling Kaitla dry until her skin glowed rosy red and tingled in the cool morning air. “Laird Caymber isna’ a patient man. I’m sure he was also growing tired of waitin’ for our arrival!”