Katie’s War

by Michael Todd

  Pandora scanned the area for differences, but she couldn’t spot any. She walked over to the half-wall and whistled loudly, waving her hands at the people ice skating. “Hey, we got Katie from Katie’s Killers over here!”

  A bunch of people screeched and ran toward them, aiming their phones and taking pictures. Several people ran up to Katie asking for autographs and snapping selfies with her. Katie was so glad to be back in their dimension that she didn’t mind it at all. Pandora crossed her arms and nodded. “Looks like we’re back in the right place. We should drop in and see what Angie and Juntto are doing.”

  Katie shook her head as she signed one last piece of paper. “No time. We need to get back to the base so we can tell everyone else what we saw. We also need to check on the weapon Joshua is making. There’s no time for social calls right now.”

  Pandora groaned and looked right and left. She took off at a run and dove into Katie, knocking her back a few steps. Katie straightened her shirt and shook her head, trying to get her balance. “Was that absolutely necessary? Did you need to pile-drive your fists into my chest like that?"

  Pandora snickered, smoothing herself into position. You didn’t even feel that. Stop being a drama queen. Look, the plane was taking care of Calvin, the chopper can’t make it that far, and it’s already late. Let’s just go back to the condo and enjoy a nice comfortable rest in our fluffy bed.

  Katie tapped her foot on the ground and finally gave in. Fine, you’re right. I’d like to see them anyway. I’ll let the base know where I am when we get in. Besides, there is no way I can fly us all the way back there.

  Pandora was satisfied. Off we go!

  Katie took flight, opening her wings and soaring into the sky. She floated along the tops of the buildings, looking down at the twinkling lights below. The city was so beautiful at Christmastime. The holidays were almost warmer, even though it was freezing up there. Pandora worked hard to keep Katie warm as she was flying. The last things she wanted were frozen wings or frostbite.

  That dimensional travel is pretty cool, I have to admit, Katie said as they circled the ice rink below.

  Pandora thought about it for a second. I think you’re right. It would save us a lot of time, and keep us from going through hell and letting the demons pinpoint our location. We just have to work on getting it right the first time. I think the key is to really hold onto the image of where you want to go in your mind.

  Katie chuckled. Can I say I’m going to an incursion but step through into Bora Bora?

  Pandora laughed. I mean, I’m not going to tell your secret. Hot tan men, clear waters, white beaches, and warmth? Yes, please. Only problem is, the Big Guy upstairs watches Bora Bora, too. I’m pretty sure we would have an unwelcome visitor by the name of Gabriel.

  Katie sneered. He won’t show up when I call but he’ll show up to crash my party? Jerk.

  Pandora let out a deep, giggling sigh. So like I said, just hold on to where you want to go. It’s really hard to not think about other dimensions since it’s only natural to be curious about what else is out there, but you can’t allow yourself to be distracted.

  Katie swooped lower, watching the people all bundled up in their winter jackets, hats, and scarves who were looking at the large Christmas tree. Okay, but I want us to one day take like a mini-vacation, traveling to different dimensions and checking out what else is out there.

  Pandora clicked her tongue. Not too sure that is a good idea. The farther you get from this dimension, the harder it might be to get back. I don’t know the science of it. I was just told a very long time ago to not go jumping dimensions for a shopping spree. I could get lost and end up spending my days hanging out with cats. Of course, I was never strong enough to hop dimensions like you can. It took someone pushing me.

  Katie swerved around a building, the span of her wings almost touching apartments on both sides of the street. I just wish we had figured this out earlier. Would have made trips a lot easier and faster. We could get there before the portal even opens completely, and we could perfect it to allow whole armies to transfer right through. Of course, now it’s just us, but still.

  After Katie took another turn, Pandora gasped loudly. Katie went to attention, looking all over. What? What? Is there a rift? Are there demons?

  Pandora stuck her hand out of Katie and pointed. Loook. It’s the golden lights of heaven.

  Katie looked down and frowned, finding a Krispy Kreme with its Hot and Ready sign glistening through the snowflakes. Really? You scare the shit out of me, make me think we are under some crazy attack, because of donuts?

  Pandora giggled. Please, please, please, can we go down there? I am starving, and it’s been like a million years since you got me donuts.

  Katie narrowed her eyes, feeling her stomach grumble. First of all, it has been like a couple of days. Secondly, you cannot coerce me by making me feel hungry. And third...fine. We’ll go.

  Pandora cheered. I knew you loved me. I knew you understood the sacred relationship I have with those beautiful puffs of fried dough.

  Katie laughed as she soared down and landed softly on the ground. She folded her wings and rolled her shoulders, feeling sore. As they walked toward the door, Pandora named the donuts she wanted. Katie just chuckled, walked inside, and ordered from the counter. It was a different store than they usually went to, so the girl behind the counter stared wildly at Katie as she filled the box. Katie paid and grabbed a table in the corner, looking out the window at the city. She pulled a donut from the box and bit into it, a tiny explosion going off in her mouth.

  Pandora groaned. This is the best. I have to admit something right here and now: I might just have given up hell for donuts.

  Katie took a sip of milk. I figured that was why you did it.

  Pandora savored the bite in Katie’s mouth and began to make up a sonnet dedicated to her sweet fried dough.

  Oh, sweet donuts of glory and love.

  Shall I compare thee to a knight’s tight ass?

  Thou art more lively and perfect than that.

  And a knight’s ass has all too short a span:

  Sometimes too hard his bottom feels to touch,

  And often his beauty fades fast,

  And every man loses his shine and lust,

  Either by sloth or nature’s cruel time lost.

  But not you, dear donut that holds crisp now.

  You shall find that your beauty is lasting

  And your divine sweetness perfect in taste.

  I will forever hold true to you

  And you will forever hold true to me,

  So long lives, and this give life to thee.

  Pandora sighed and Katie laughed, trying to hold it back outwardly. That was like Shakespeare’s Sonnet Number 18, only filled with perfect analogies. I am proud of you, my friend.

  Pandora cleared her throat. Donuts are the ones to thank.

  8

  Baal sighed as he walked into the damp cave yet again. Beelzebub put out his arms, welcoming him inside. “You have returned, and for good reason.”

  Baal sneered at the dripping black walls. “Yes, well, it will be nice if you ever got back to the inner rings. I think your wet-ass cave is giving me a cold, and the smell isn’t anything to be proud of, although I suppose it’s not your fault.”

  Beelzebub smiled and poured them both a drink. “You would think that by now you would have gotten used to it. I have. I find it comforting that there is at least some moisture down here. The dryness of the inner rings makes my beard stringy.”

  Baal flicked his eyebrows. “Yes, we wouldn’t want you to be without the grease in your flowing chin-pubes.”

  Beelzebub chuckled, not letting Baal’s bad mood get to him. “So what’s the story?”

  Baal took a deep breath, accepting a glass from him. “My political moves seem to be working perfectly. They’re all jumping on the bandwagon. I don’t have very many left on the Council with even a doubt in their minds over the safety of Katie operati
ng like she does.”

  Beelzebub let out a sigh of relief. “Good, so it’s working. That’s fantastic. I think it’s vitally important that we keep the humans on their toes. We don’t want them getting soft on us or anything. They can be so wishy-washy. One late night talk with the general can flip their minds completely.”

  Baal put the glass down, not taking a sip. “Yes, well, I think I fixed that too. By turning them against Katie, they have a bad taste in their mouth for the general as well. It doesn’t help his cause that she’s avoiding everyone.”

  Beelzebub laughed loudly. “At least now we know that wherever Katie is, there must be an incursion. They know that, too. That’s another reason we need to keep them on their toes. We need to be sending as many battles to their dimension as possible. It is absolutely crucial that the humans associate her with incursions and demons. The more they hate on her, the better it will be for all of us. Slowly or quickly, depending on her actions, the whole world will start turning their backs on her.”

  Baal nodded. “Yes, that is exactly right. And speaking of incursions, I liked the Zombie Santa thing you created. That was a nice touch.”

  Beelzebub smirked. “This is how escalation works. They fuck us, we get a bigger dick and fuck them back.”

  Baal nodded, looking at Beelzebub with a concerned face. “What does Lucifer think about this?”

  Beelzebub shook his head. “If he knew, he’d castrate us, let our balls grow back, and castrate us again. Let’s keep this between us.”

  Baal chuckled. “It’s all about the game plan, my friend. You have to stay ahead of the curve at all times.”

  Beelzebub swallowed a gulp of his whiskey. “Yes, and speaking of that, I’ve been putting some thought into this plan of yours. Not so much the playing politics part, but the whole ‘renegade demon team’ you have going on. It’s slightly concerning—not to me directly, but to the image you’re giving off. If Lucifer were to take a peek into your actions without knowing any of the details, I daresay he might blow his top.”

  Baal lifted an eyebrow. “How so? I am simply creating a diversion. A way to make the public think Katie is behind all the human killings.”

  Beelzebub nodded, walking over to his fireplace. “I am aware of that, but you are supporting Wilson. And Wilson, I know I don’t have to remind you, is out there killing demons. Of course, they come right back to us, but each is one less demon on Earth. The whole point would be to spread more around, and I know Lucifer isn’t a big fan of anyone who takes down an Earth-side demon.”

  Baal pursed his lips and rubbed his chin hair. “You think it gives us a bad image? Personally, I think you have to lose some small battles to win the war, my friend.”

  Beelzebub raised his glass. “Yes, and with that, I firmly agree. But it could seem to the outside as if you were supporting the enemy, couldn’t it? You have an infected setting up the team, giving them the locations of our demons, and sending humans in to kill them, not to mention that some of them are being infected and then killed almost immediately. I know we have a huge supply of those idiots to go around, but it takes their small brains a while to figure out how to climb back out of the depths of hell. I think they would call it a misuse of supplies on Earth or something like that.”

  Baal sighed and shook his head. “You are thinking about this in completely the wrong way. It’s not supporting the enemy, it’s more like playing three-dimensional chess.”

  Beelzebub looked at him strangely for a moment. “Yeah, well, the three-dimensional chess you’re playing looks a lot like you’re paying somebody to fuck up our side.”

  Baal turned toward Beelzebub and crossed his arms. “Do you think that’s what I’m doing?”

  Beelzebub waved him off, glancing at the flames again. “No. And frankly, I wouldn’t care if you were, as long as it fits into my plan. I’ve done my fair share of shifty things. How do you think I wound up here?”

  Baal looked around the dark, damp room. “Yes, I suppose it should be a warning to me. Regardless, my plan will work. It’s already working. And with your battle tactics and the dead rising and so on, things will end up just as they are supposed to. Katie will be dead, and our King will be inviting us to dine with him soon enough.”

  Katie groaned, rolling over in the bed and turning her head toward the window. She opened one eye, glancing at the sun that was just starting to come up over the snow-covered city. She pulled the blanket up over her shoulders, cold from just looking at the frost on the window sill.

  Pandora yawned. Good, you’re finally awake.

  Katie narrowed her open eye. You sound like you just woke up yourself.

  Pandora scoffed. Please. I smelled the coffee brewing twenty minutes ago. Angie must be up, and I want some elixir of life.

  Katie rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. I didn’t know you liked coffee.

  Pandora sniffed. Every once in a while, I crave it. I met this demon in one of my travels in this dimension who was absolutely obsessed with coffee. We hung out for a while, but his human was a bore, so I ended up splitting. I got to try some pretty amazing coffee, though. Come to think of it, I wonder what happened to him?

  Katie sighed and threw the covers off, thankful that they kept the condo warm. I’m sure at some point you will run into him. For now, though, I guess I will enjoy a hot cup of coffee for you.

  Pandora laughed. Yeah, because it’s not for you in the least.

  Katie smiled as she swung her feet over the side of the bed and slipped on the cashmere-lined slippers Angie had given her as a Thanksgiving gift. You’re right. It’s for me, but you may enjoy some as well.

  Pandora grumped, Why, thank you, Queen Katie.

  Katie grabbed her robe and pulled it around her. Don’t mention it.

  Katie walked over to the door and opened it, peeking around the corner. Angie was down the hall in the kitchen with her back to Katie. Still, she knew she was up. “Come on out, Katie. I made you some coffee.”

  Katie smiled and hopped into the hallway, swinging her arms as she walked. “You’re always saving the day.”

  Angie turned around and set a cup in front of her. “I think you’re confusing me with you, but I’ll take it.”

  Katie sipped her coffee, looking at Angie with squinted eyes. “How are you? You look like something is up.”

  Angie shrugged. “Things are good. I mean, I’m not being chased by any demons, so that’s a plus.”

  Katie smiled. “And things with Juntto?”

  Angie sighed. “They’re good. Really, they are. It’s just been a little strange lately. To be more specific, he’s been a little strange. I’m taking him back to the E-sports convention today, and I hope that will help us a bit.”

  Katie looked at her lovingly. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’m no relationship expert, but you’re just settling into life, and so is he.”

  Angie smiled wide. “You’re right. I worry about everything.”

  Katie nodded. “Join the club, sister.”

  Both women laughed, and Katie settled in to enjoy her coffee. It was a homey feeling for her; something she didn’t experience too often, and she missed it. However, just as she was about to bring up Christmas, shouts echoed from down on the street. They were faint, but if she could hear them up here, she knew something was going on.

  Katie and Angie moved over to the window, holding their coffees and peering down. A group of fans always gathered outside, even in the freezing New York winter weather. This time was different, though. Right across from them, holding signs and angrily screaming back and forth with the admirers, was a large group of protestors.

  Angie lifted her eyebrows and glanced at Katie. “Uh-oh. You done pissed someone off. Maybe it was the whole beheading Santa thing.”

  Katie winced. “You saw that?”

  Angie chuckled. “The whole world saw that. There was someone filming you. I have to say, though, I would have done the same thing when Santa turned into a zombie like that.”


  Katie looked back down at the street. “Yeah. Didn’t know he could do that until that moment.”

  Several police cars were out front and they were setting up barricades between the two groups, trying to keep things as civil as they could. Katie’s fans were not to be trifled with. They were devout and didn’t take shit from anyone. At the same time, the group of protestors didn’t look like they were ready to lie down either.

  Suddenly, two of the protestors jumped the barricades, and several admirers did the same. The groups began rushing each other, throwing punches and getting into an all-out battle right there in the street. Katie sighed and put her coffee down. I guess we should help.

  Pandora groaned. Just let them fight it out. A good cat-fight will wake them all up, and it’s entertaining to watch.

  Katie turned around, biting the inside of her mouth. No, this needs to be stopped. We can’t be fighting among ourselves, and definitely not over me.

  Pandora sighed. Fine, but I’m staying in here. It’s warm.

  Katie nodded at Angie and rushed to her room, throwing on leggings and a black shirt. She stepped out onto the balcony and glanced down at the brawl. They were fucking each other up pretty badly, and there were at least three people unconscious on the sidewalk. She put her arm in the air, and the sky clapped loudly with thunder. A flash of light flew toward Katie, and her armor slapped onto her chest. She pushed her sword into the sheath, figuring she wouldn’t need to behead anyone, just keep the peace.

  Spreading her wings wide, she jumped over the railing and carefully glided toward them. As she landed, several of the protestors stepped back, but the others kept fighting. Katie put her arms in the air, trying to get their attention. “Guys, guys. There’s no reason to fight each other.”

  No one was listening to her.

  Katie groaned and cleared her throat. Give my voice a boost here.

  Pandora clicked her tongue. If I must. Go ahead.

  Katie took a deep breath through her nose, filling her lungs. “Hey! Stop!”