by Kim Lawrence
He shook his head. No, it doesnt work that way. You either trust me or you dont. He gave a take-it-or-leave-it shrug that made her want to scream in sheer frustration. What you believe is up to you. Your problem, Erin, is as much as you despise me at the moment you despise yourself morebecause you want me anyway. And that, he concluded with terrifying accuracy, is tearing you up inside.
It was as if he had been walking around inside her head. The idea was not a comfortable one. Who says I want you?
His eyes, dark and cynical, locked on to hers. You dont really need me to answer that, do you?
The mortified heat flew to her cheeks.
This is a waste of time. There is nothing to talk aboutyou made your choice last night.
She liked to think that if he had tried to stop her she would have had the resolution to walk away. But shed never know because he didnt try, he just stood there and let her leave.
You rejected me.
The sound of his deep voice dragged Erins wandering thoughts back to the present with a jolt. Reject was that how he saw it? She was astonished at this interpretation.
He took a step closer.
What have you been doing to yourself, Erin? He looked at her parchment-pale face and something twisted in his chest. He might no longer believe himself to be in love, but this was the mother of his child; it was only natural that he should feel a strong desire to protect her.
You are nothing but skin and bone! he condemned, frowning at the sharp angles of her delicate collar-bones as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his hand a moment later empty. Was it so unreasonable of him to want her to tell him about the baby of her own volition?
She lifted her eyes to his. If ever a moment screamed perfect, this was it. Tell him , said the voice in her head. Tell him!
She sucked in a deep steadying breath. Imthe thing is, Francesco, Im Hit without warning by a sudden wave of dizziness, she swayed and lifted a hand to her head as the colour drained from her face.
Shall I call a doctor?
No, Im fine.
Her head was pressed to his chest, the hand that cradled her skull was holding it there next to his heart. Having lost the last twenty seconds, she had no idea how she came to be in this position. She just knew that the moment had passed.
Being this close to him was agony.
Erin felt his long fingers slide through her hair anda choking sound escaped her clamped lips.
Clearly you are not. Francesco tilted her face up to his. She was looking at him with a suppressed longing she could not in that moment conceal. His expression abstracted, his finger traced the soft curve of her jaw.
There are shadows under your eyes. The discovery of the violet smudges made him frown and mutter something she didnt understand in his native tongue.
Really, Im fine.
You nearly fainted. That is not fine. Dio, but I find English stoicism irritating.
Erin took a deep breath and, hands pressed to his chest, pushed hard. His hands remained curved around her upper arms preventing her stepping back.
Not just English stoicism, she muttered.
One corner of his mobile mouth twitched into a half-smile as their eyes met. No, you I find infuriating.
On the brink of smiling back, Erin stopped herself and frowned. Im not ill, Francesco. Pregnancy was not an illness, though this was hard to remember some mornings!
He angled a sardonic brow and let her go. You make a habit of fainting?
I did not faint. Though the past few weeks there had been a few close calls, but the doctor had soothed her concerns and told her that this was normal, especially as her blood pressure was unusually low. I justlost my balance for a moment. And you have no rights, Francesco, not where Im concerned anyhow.
But he had rights where his child was concerned. She pressed a hand to her stomach and wondered how many of those rights he would avail himself of.
God, I have to tell him.
She looked at him and thought, I cant do it! I need to psych myself upI need to find the right words . In the back of her mind Erin knew that there were no magical right words. She knew she was only delaying the inevitable.
Dont you think it might be an idea to sit down just in case you lose your balance again?
What? Yes, fine. She tore her eyes from the muscle that was clenching in his shadowed jaw and sat down in the nearest armchair.
Im still waiting to hear why youve come here, Francesco.
I came here hoping that you might have stopped avoiding issues.
If only you knew the half of it!
She opened her mouth, but the words wouldnt come. Her shaking fingers massaging the skin of her throbbing temples, she shook her head in a negative gesture.
A hiss of frustration escaped Francescos lips. Marriage is not something you throw away casually.
Im not doing anything casually.
Walking out the way you did was hardly something you put a lot of thought into, was it? he retorted.
Well, the situation seems to have suited you.
You base that statement on what exactly? The furrow in his brow deepened as he mused. Or was it an accusation? he speculated.
Well, until you got my letter you seemed happy with the situation. Erins stomach lurched sickly as her eyes fell from his. It would be too much to hope he hadnt heard the quivering note of bitterness in her voice.
You expected me to run after you?
She started to shake her head in denial while he was still speaking.
A slow smile crossed his lean features. You wanted me to chase after you. He sounded smug about the discovery.
Thats the last thing I wanted, she denied, her cheeks burning with mortification at the suggestion. I was relieved that when you thought about it, you realised I was right.
Now whatever gave you that idea, cara ?
Her head lifted. Because youre not a passive person. If youd wanted me She stopped, hot, mortified colour flooding her face. Youre not the sort of man who would meekly stand to one side and let something happen if its not what you actually want.
So what youre saying is I dont want you, cara .
Dont call me that! she spat, covering her ears with her hands.
Cue a ranting irrational outburst. Now that, he mused, sounding bored, was predictable.
What was? What are you looking at me like that for?
Whenever you get close to acknowledging a problem you start an argument to deflect the discussioneither that or, he observed with a hard laugh, you pack your bags.
Her denial was automatic. Thats ridiculous.
Francescos brows lifted. Is it? he asked, dragging a hand through his dark hair. I think if you let your mind drift back
Did he have a point? Her expression troubled, Erin shook her head in rejection of his theory. How is this suddenly my problem, my fault? You spent the night with another woman.
Still scanning her flushed face, he shook his head. I dont think that deep down even you are insecure enough to believe that. No, infidelity wasnt the problem in our marriage.
She folded her arms across her chest and tried to disguise the fact his assessment of the situation had shaken her deeply, and raised some uncomfortable questions in her mind.
So youre saying I was the problem? Even if I was wrong, she said, grudgingly conceding to herself for the first time that it was possible, it was only a matter of time before you did cheat.
There was a moments silence.
Now that was a very revealing comment. Dont you think so, cara ?
Hating the feeling of exposure, of emotional vulnerability, Erin shook her head mutely.
So you left in anticipation of my cheating on you just as your father cheated on your mother.
This isnt about my parents!
I know that, but do you? Let me be clear, Erin. What you are basically saying is that you never expected me to be faithful. You never expected our marriage to last. Does the term self-fulfilling prophesy mean anything to yo
u?
Youve been telling me half-truths from the moment you met me. She heard the defensive note in her voice and bit her lip.
He hit her with his trump card then and watched the guilt wash over her face. And your conscience is totally clear on the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth front, is it? He watched the stricken look of guilt spread across her face and was surprised to find it did not afford him the satisfaction he had anticipated.
Erin studied the toe of her shoe with deep interest as she tried to force the words from her dry throat. Francesco, Im
Youre pregnant.
Her head came up with a jerk. Her wide, shocked eyes meshed with his implacable dark, accusing stare. The air between them vibrated with a static electricity that was almost visible.
What did you say? Her lips moved, but did the words come out? Erin wasnt surethe blood was pounding so hard in her ears that it drowned out everything else. She gave her head a tiny shake to clear her confused, chaotic thoughtsHow could he know?
You heard me, Erin: pregnant. You are with child my child. His voice dropped a note with each addition and every syllable contained the same fury that was etched in the strong bones of his lean, patrician face.
She shook her head in bewilderment. I dont understandhow?
How? Francesco echoed, in a thickly accented voice that was so hard she barely recognised it. This is how.
Erin stared blankly at the mobile phone he flung onto the chair. I dont understand.
The hospital left a message concerning your antenatal appointment.
Still wearing a shell-shocked expression, she picked up the phone. I must have given my old number. You really shouldnt have been listening to my private messages, Francesco. She realised even before Francesco swore forcibly in his own tongue that it had been a stupid thing to say.
I do apologise for violating your privacy, he drawled, sounding anything but and lookingHer eyes skimmed his face and her heart dropped like a stone angry didnt really cover the explosive fury that was oozing from every perfect, rampantly male pore. Francesco was incandescent!
However, I think, cara , that my transgression pales into insignificance compared to your own. I did not try and rob you of your child, Erin.
Horrified by his interpretation, she lifted her face in shaky protest. That wasnt what I was doing! I was going to tell you. I really was
There was no softening in his harsh, condemnatory attitude as she spread her hands towards him in a gesture of appeal. If anything it seemed to Erin that her silent entreaty had fed the flames of his fury.
He angled a dark brow sardonically and wondered with blighting sarcasm, When exactly? Or were you going to send me an e-mail after you gave birth?
Does it matter? Erins shoulders slumped, because clearly what she said didnt matter. Nothing she said or did was ever going to excuse her silence in Francescos eyes.
It matters to me , it matters to me that my wife thought it unnecessary to inform me she is carrying my child. It matters to me that she has deliberately tried to conceal her condition from me, though, he added, shaking his dark head slowly from side to side, how you thought that was going to work I cant even begin to imagine. You seem to have lost your grip on reality. What were you planning to dochange your name and flee the country?
Face screwed up in anguish, she shook her head violently from side to side. You make it sound as though I was deliberately trying to deceive you! she protested.
And you werent?
Erin literally wrung her hands as she struggled to convince him of her sincerity. I can see how it might seem that way to you, but, nono, it wasnt like that at all.
Francescos hands clenched at his sides as he steeled himself to ignore the anguish in her tear-filled blue eyes. What was it like , Erin? Shall I tell you what it was like for me? What it was like to pick up that phone and hear some anonymous voice talk about antenatal appointments?
I know, she sighed, and I wouldnt have had that happen for the world, but its just complicated thingsI know that sounds pathetic.
He didnt disagree, just carried on looking at her with simmering hostility.
I knew I had to tell you at some point, but, wellusing a child to paper over cracks in a marriage is never a good idea. And I was afraid that you might have a knee-jerk reaction andsuggest that we had to stay together for the sake of the baby. Sweeping a tangled skein of bright glossy hair back from her face, she angled a wary gaze at Francesco. He was listening to her and, much to her relief, seemed more in control of his feelings. But the expression in his hooded eyes was frustratingly hard to read.
Which is clearly ridiculous? Her voice lifted in query as she tried to gauge his reaction. Maybe her fears were misplaced?
It would be ironic considering how much shed stressed about the possibility if it didnt even occur to Francesco to suggest they give their marriage another shot for the sake of the baby. After all, he might be a man with some surprisingly old-fashioned ideas about family, but Francesco was also a realist.
Ridiculous to want to salvage our marriage to provide a home and stability for our child?
Their eyes connected and she realised that she had been right to stressin fact it seemed likely she had not stressed enough. You mean pretend
From the way he was looking at her at that moment Erin imagined that Francesco would struggle to maintain a pretence that the sight of her didnt make him feel physically ill let alone spend their married life acting as though she were the love of his life!
Thats hardly realistic, is it, Francesco?
Not as unrealistic as you imagining I will give you a quickie divorce! he retorted bluntly.
Well, there is no point in hanging around, really, is there? I know some people stay separated for years before they make it official, but
There will be no separation.
The interruption made her pause. I dont understand.
Then let me spell it out for you. His silky smile was somehow infinitely more alarming than his raging anger had been. Now he was in control. A shiver of apprehension traced its way down Erins spine. No separation, no divorce, not now, not ever!
What do you mean? she asked in a small voice, even though his statement had been clear enough. This was her worst nightmare coming true.
You wish me to spell it out? My child will not be brought up not knowing his father, his family, not speaking his own language.
Erin rushed to reassure him that this had never been her intention. Look, of course hell learn about his heritagethere was never any question of
You will come back to Italy with me where our child will be born.
Erin shook her head in a negative gesture at the casually autocratic decree. Youre suggesting that for the sake of the baby
Im not suggesting anything, he corrected. This is not a discussion. Im telling you what is going to happen.
Erin tried to laugh, but all that emerged was a high-pitched squeaky sound. You cant force me The reminder was as much for her own benefit as his.
Im sure that wont be necessarynot once you have considered the options.
What options?
Again he smiled and the hairs on the nape of her neck stood on end. There are none.
She struggled to inject some sanity into the conversation. Youre not being reasonable, Francesco. Our marriage was a total disaster. We cant stay married just because of the baby.
His jaw tightened. Perhaps you need reminding why you married me in the first instance.
Her head came up with a jerk. As their eyes clashed there was a tension in the air that reminded Erin of the heavy heat that preceded a storm.
Come to bed with me.
The colour flew to her parchment-pale cheeks. Youre so manipulative! You think that you can make me agree to anything if you get me in bed, dont you? Why wouldnt he? So far it had worked pretty well!
Manipulation? You actually imagine that I am capable of such clarity of thought with you in the same room?
Erin blink
ed, confused by the emotions that were rolling off him in waves.
I invite you into my bed because it is where you belong.
The blunt pronouncement made her stomach dip and flutter.
I find it hard to function when all I can think about is sinking into you.
For a moment their eyes clung. The raw need in his drove the air from her lungs. From some hidden well of reserve she discovered the strength to break that searing contact.
With a cry she ran from the room, not caring if her flight confirmed his accusation that she was too immature to confront her feelings.
CHAPTER NINE
E RIN went straight to her room. It took her less than five minutes to pack her bags, throwing things in a blind panic. She didnt see another person in the apparently deserted house until she had reached the hallway.
Isnt this becoming a habit with you, cara ?
Erin dropped her case as she spun around in time to see a tall, lithe figure peel away from the wall.
There is a problem you dont want to confront. So you run away.
Im not running away.
No? He arched a brow. What are you doing, then?
Erin drew a deep startled breath and stiffened when without warning his long brown fingers brushed her skin as they slid into the neckline of her shirt.
The contact sizzled like a flame fizzing along her nerve endings all the way down to her curling toes. She closed her eyes, her nostrils flaring in response to the male scent of his warm body so close now that all she had to do was lean forward and their bodies would be touching.
She wanted that contact so much that it was a physical pain. She wanted to feel his hands on her, his mouth
She had begun to sway towards him when she heard him say. Why do you wear this?
Her eyelids felt heavy as she forced her eyes open and, blinking in a bemused fashion, she focused on his lean dark face so close to her own that she could see the fine mesh of lines that radiated from the corners of his incredible eyes. What? I
Then she saw it.
The gold ring still warm from her skin resting in the palm of his cupped hand. The heat of arousal drained from her body.
