Heaven, Hell & the Love In Between

by Downey, A. J.

  “Alrekr Hakon Frithjof,” the archangel who spoke was the one seated on the left. His hair was long and brown and pulled back from an angular face in a wild tangle. As if his first love was and would always be flying and he didn’t have time for such silly things as combing his hair. His eyes were honey brown and warm and his fingers long and tapered where they rested upon the bench in front of him. His armor was a polished high silver plate and though it looked like it should be unwieldy, he wore it with grace and elegance. He smiled at me and I smiled in return, more than a little shyly. Alaric emitted a disgusted growl.

  “That is my name no more.” His voice was solid with conviction.

  “I don’t know, peace-thief still seems to still fit taking a look at your charge!” someone called from high up. I narrowed my eyes and looked for the culprit. The archangel who had spoken rapped his knuckles on the bench, but I had found my voice. I looked in the direction that the insult had come from and said loud enough to be clear,

  “Alaric is the only thing that brings me peace anymore.” I squeezed his hand and the gallery broke out in a sweeping murmur. The archangel rapped his knuckles on the bench again and the sound seemed to be amplified. The archangel in the center finally looked interested.

  “If you do not wish to be known as Alrekr, then please, tell us, what is your name?” The angel on the left asked.

  “I renounce the name I carried in life, for I am no longer he, for the purpose of this gathering I humbly ask that you simply call me Alaric, for that is who I am now, to my beloved Gracelyn and who I wish to be until a time I be deemed worthy of final judgment.” He made a fist with the hand that I wasn’t holding and pressed it to his chest over his heart in a sort of salute.

  The three archangels exchanged looks, eyebrows up, mouth down, to one sided smile and from the scary blonde one in the middle a one sided lift of a shoulder.

  “It is a paltry thing.” The blonde one finally said and his voice was rich and deep, almost like Alaric’s but harsher somehow. His golden hair was just above his shoulders and reminded me of a lion’s mane. His features were thick and strong and extremely handsome, with full lips and a nose that looked like it may have been broken a time or two. His armor was silver too, not tarnished, but not shiny like the first angel’s in the row. I realized that it was because it was scuffed and dented. That the angel in the center was used to seeing combat. I realized with a small jolt that the center angel was the Archangel Michael. His eyes tracked away from Alaric ad settled on me. Blue like the sea before a storm.

  “Very good child.” He said and a small smile played upon his lips. If he weren’t so freaking imposing I might actually like him, but as of right now, I was scared to death of what they were going to do to Alaric. It took me a second to realize I hadn’t said anything aloud. Crap they were reading my mind.

  “Very well,” the brunette Archangel said and smirked at me,

  “Alaric, beloved of Gracelyn, you are here before a covenant of three for the transgression of showing yourself to your charge, for knowingly endangering the balance and for willfully doing so for months despite taking an oath to never directly interfere. What say you?” I sort of liked the Archangel for the way he said Alaric’s name. ‘Alaric beloved of Gracelyn.’ It was so true and I appreciated that he recognized my love for him.

  “Wait.” The angel on the right finally spoke up. He held up a hand to the other two, his eyes fixated on me. His hair was long and the rich fiery red of a true ginger. It was long, sweeping past his shoulders and down his back, the top half tied back out of his eyes. Unlike the other two he did not wear plate, but rather a bronze colored scale mail. A bow leaned against the bench beside him, a quiver of arrows sitting within reach.

  “I for one would like to hear their tale from the beginning.” A murmur of agreement swept through the gallery.

  “Tell us Alaric, how did this come to pass?” the Ginger angel asked. Alaric sighed and shifted uncomfortably. I squeezed his hand and searched his face for what he might be thinking but came up empty, he was as shut down as I’d ever seen him and it made my heart hurt just a little to see it.

  “As you know, Raphael,” he nodded to the brunette Arch, “You assigned Gracelyn to my charge as one of my trials.” Raphael, huh, so that’s who that was. I watched Raphael incline his head in acknowledgement of what Alaric was saying as he continued.

  “She is a brilliant soul,” Alaric said, looking at me, and I heard murmurs of agreement which quickly died with one rap from Michael’s knuckles.

  “By virtue of her shine she had captured the attention of a demon, but not just any.” He looked around at the gathering.

  “Shax.” He sad and I heard a collective gasp, if it was enough to make a crowd of angels gasp and three Archangels shift in their seats, apparently Shax was a seriously badass motherfucker. I heard a few laughs and frowned, my thoughts shifting more towards huh, so that’s the name of the critter that was sifting around in my head. The room went silent at that. Alaric went on.

  “She was brilliant, a warrior in a true sense.” I realized he was talking about me.

  “Shax was inside her mind for weeks trying to make her feel guilt over her parents’ death, but she fought him without even knowing she fought. She refuted the insinuations Shax made for weeks, then months, until he finally had to accept defeat and change tactics. I admired her so for this.” Alaric paused for a moment then continued his narrative.

  “In the beginning I simply watched, made no interference as she did not need my assistance. My own arrogance led me to believe this to be so. Shax had changed his game, and I realized this too late, when Gracelyn stood nearly alone. He had convinced her friends that she was too boring, to drab and to sad to spend any time with, and they went from her, save for one. By now it was approaching a mortal year since he’d begun to groom her for his own ends. He grew impatient. He began to circle her, drawing ever closer until finally he directly interacted.”

  “Interacted how?” someone called, scoffing.

  “The roof.” I guessed, and Alaric nodded.

  “What did you say?” the ginger Archangel asked. I swallowed hard and told them.

  “I woke up standing on the edge of my roof. I thought I was going crazy, that I had slept walked or something. I almost went over the edge. I scrapped my elbow throwing myself back. When I got back to my apartment it was chained from the inside. I didn’t know how I was going to get back in, but the chain dropped suddenly, I heard it, and my door was open. That was you wasn’t it?” I asked, “You let me back in.” Alaric inclined his head.

  “Go on.” Michael’s deep voice vibrated out into the throng.

  “By now Shax and I were firmly engaged over Gracelyn’s wellbeing,” Alaric continued, “When he backed down I counted it as a small victory, but I should have seen his end game with what he did next. He hurt her more blatantly this time, cut her wrist. He thought he was clever, putting her in situations where she only need take one final step or simply let the blood flow freely. She was too strong. Each time, she would fight her way through his insidious possession and both times she fought her way back from the brink. Gracelyn is so full of life but what is more she is brimming with a will to live.”

  “I took myself to the hospital.” I said, and showed them the scar on my wrist.

  “Shax changed tactics once more. Using her only friend’s jealousy against Gracelyn, turning her best friend’s love to hate over a man who had no designs on Gracelyn at all. She directed my beloved to stop calling upon her, said that she never wanted to see her and the grief, it consumed Gracelyn. It was then that Shax and I had our final stand and the night I could resist my own desires to know this woman no longer. I went to her.” He smiled sadly at me and I smiled back.

  “If my heart were made of glass, that night it was like it had been pitched off its shelf, but instead of shattering completely on the floor Alaric caught it, and it’s been his ever since.” He took me in his arms and held me, kissi
ng the top of my head. There was a lot of buzz, muttering and conversation. The three Archangels spoke with one another finally turning back to us.

  “How did she get here?” Raphael asked.

  “I followed him” I said, head held high, “and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

  There was a whole lot of scoffing and laughter and it took three mighty raps of Michael’s knuckles to quiet the room.

  “You would have us believe that you followed Alaric into Hell, willingly, of your own accord?” the Ginger angel said and then added disgustedly, “My name is Uriel, not Ginger.” I couldn’t help it, I frowned and the thought just occurred to me: Well some of us aren’t mind readers, so you’ll have to forgive me.

  It was the first time Michael laughed and the sound boomed out over all of us gathered and poured down like warm rain, reminding me of a storm, and I wondered briefly and not for the first time if there was any correlation between the Norse pantheon and the Christian one. God equals Odin and maybe Michael equals Thor? I mean I was raised Catholic, and I believed whole heartedly that there was only one true God but so many worshiped him by another name or face or ideology I had to wonder.

  I snapped out of my random theological thought pattern to a lot of curious stares and a few looks of respect and blushed furiously. I was born with a defective brain filter. I was sure of it. More laughter.

  “I can see why you are taken with her.” Raphael remarked dryly. Someone cleared their throat and Rizoel and Karael stepped forward.

  “If we may.” Rizoel said.

  “Speak.” Uriel said.

  “I caught her as she fell through the ceiling of the first. I don’t know where she came from.” Rizole said.

  “I carried her to ground, we spoke briefly before Commander Fri…” he stopped himself and corrected, “Alaric, came through the crowd. She ran to him as if he were the only water in a dessert, there was no way he brought her to this plane.” He bowed and took a step back. Neil came forward.

  “She jumped his closing portal, it’s what she told me and she had no reason to lie about it.” He gave me a small smile. I wasn’t sure about how I felt about being well liked in Hell but I would take it. I smiled back.

  The three Archangels traded looks and facial expressions and it was if they were speaking a silent language with them.

  “Is this your final accounting then?” Uriel asked and Alaric hung his head.

  “No there is more, but I would ask that Gracelyn be excused from the remainder of this proceeding and that it be recognized that she is an innocent, unaware of our oaths and covenants, and as such to be returned to the mortal plane free of judgment in these matters.”

  The three archangels traded looks. Michael spoke and with every word hollowed out my chest where my heart should be.

  “It is done. You three,” he indicated Neil, Karael and Rizoel, “Take her back to Alaric’s quarters, I believe she will be most comfortable there. Ansiel, call for Ruman. After Alaric has had his say I believe that he will be needed before we pronounce judgment.” He looked at me sympathetically but my eyes were on Alaric.

  “Please don’t.” I begged, “Please don’t send me away.” He held me at arm’s length and cupped my face in his large hands.

  “I would spare you any pain, any shame and anymore heartache than I have already caused you.” He said, and when his eyes roamed my face it was as if he were committing it to memory. My stomach dropped out because that is exactly what he was doing. I choked on a sob, the tears coming hot, fast and fierce.

  This was it, I was losing him.

  He kissed me, gentle, sweet, and weighted with regret… it tasted like goodbye. No, no, no this wasn’t happening, this could not be happening!

  “It is child, and you must accept it.” Raphael sounded sad. Alaric smoothed his hands down my neck and gripped my shoulders lightly. My hand seized around the scale and I realized that I was about to never see the man I loved ever again and he had nothing of me, not a single thing to hold on to.

  Lightning quick, before anyone could pick up what I was thinking I lunged for the guard nearest us and snatched his dagger from the sheath at his hip. There were screams and cries of outrage but the Archangels remained stoic.

  “Silence!” Uriel boomed.

  I took my long braid over my shoulder and cut it, raggedly sawing through the hair above the first hair tie that held it in its pony tail, my hair fell around my face in ragged chunks as the braid finally came free. I handed the sharp dagger back to the angel I’d snatched it from and he took it, the hard set of his jaw signaling his displeasure. I turned to Alaric and pressed the braided length of hair into his hands.

  “I love you.” I said brokenly.

  “I love you.” He captured the back of my head with his hand and pulled me forward planting a final kiss on my forehead, his lips warm and silk against my skin and I sniffed as more tears fell.

  “Take care of her brother. See that she gets safely home.” He was speaking over my head.

  “I swear on my honor, my life and in the Father’s name, I will see her safely home.” Neal said.

  “As do I.” Karael.

  “As do I.” Rizoel.

  Alaric closed his eyes and I watched twin tears slip free, trailing down his face. He handed me to Neil who had to drag me bodily away. I couldn’t help it. I wailed. The heart break I felt pouring from my lips in an agonized peal of sound that reverberated throughout the silent chamber. I collapsed, dead weight in Neil’s arms and he almost went down with me. Karael lifted me, like a broken doll, into his arms. Alaric stood tall, back straight and faced the three Archangels as I was taken out of the chamber, sobbing, hysterical, bitter and as broken as I had ever been.

  “It will be okay Gracelyn.” Karael said, and I could hear little doubt in his words. He honestly believed what he was saying.

  “No it won’t.” my voice cracked, and was very small, it was iron when I said, “I will never love again.”

  Chapter 35

  “Who is Ruman?” I demanded and the three angels looked at each other dubiously. Neil raked a hand through his raven dark hair and gripped the back of his neck, staring at the floor for several long moments, his other hand cocked on his hip.

  “Ruman is the angel who takes account of evil men’s deeds while in Hell.” Rizoel finally was the one to answer me. His voice soft. I was perched in the center of Alaric’s bed, breathing in his smell, hugging one of his pillows to my chest. Tears welled in my eyes.

  “What do they want him there for?” I asked.

  “I don’t know that we should be telling her any of this.” Neil sounded frustrated. I looked at him sharply.

  “Tell me.” I said sharply.

  “I promised him I would keep you safe, swore on the strongest oath we have.”

  “Neil I swear to…” I stopped myself, “I’m sitting in the center of the love of my life’s bed while something potentially horrible is being decided, I feel angry and helpless and, and, and destroyed! There’s an Alaric sized hole in my heart and in case you haven’t noticed he’s pretty fucking big so tell me what’s happening to him!” I shrieked. I wasn’t being very nice to them, and I should have felt bad about that, but I couldn’t. I was just so overwhelmed by grief.

  “He is likely to be judged.” Karael said.

  “Judged…” I repeated, thinking furiously and trying to think in biblical terms.

  “This,” Rizoel gestured with a sweep of his hand, “All of this, is purgatory. Souls are in limbo here.” He supplied. My eyes widened.

  “She’s got it.” Karael said.

  “I don’t think I do.” I said.

  “You do.” This from Neil.

  “Spell it out for me anyways,” I said and leveled him with my gaze.

  “The time spent here can tip your scales in either direction, I don’t know how much you know about Alaric, how much he told you…”

  Alaric’s words from Valentine’s ghosted back to me, “I was an evil
man when I lived, I was the foulest and most depraved soul in death and a warrior of Hell for a little over five centuries of your time…” I said them aloud and Neil blinked in surprise.

  “Yeah, that’s a polite way of putting it.” He said. Karael laughed and Rizoel smiled.

  “Okay I get it, he was the baddest of the bad m’fer’s,” I rolled my eyes, “But that isn’t my Alaric, not anymore.”

  “Not for a long time.” Rizoel affirmed, and smiled.

  “So what’s going to happen to him?” I asked.

  “There is just no way to know love.” Karael said, and I finally knew how many times one person could break before they finally shattered, because I was in a million pieces all over Alaric’s bedroom floor.

  Chapter 36

  Voices. It was de ja vu. I woke in Alaric’s bed, surrounded by his smell only this time he wasn’t beside me. Not so de ja vu after all.

  “How is she?” I recognized the imperious voice as Raphael’s

  “Waiting for news, terrified for him.” Rizoel sounded tired and I felt bad.

  “Do you know how to heal a broken heart?” Neil asked.

  “No. Only time can heal that.” He sounded sad, so final and I choked back a sob.

  “I’m never going to see him again am I?” I asked and four sets of eyes turned as one.

  “I cannot say.” Raphael looked sympathetic.

  “Was he judged?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “And?”

  “And it is time for you to go home.” He put a knee on the edge of the bed, his wings shone with a pearly iridescence up close and were so white as to be blinding, he held out a hand. I took it and let him help me up.

  “I don’t understand.” I said.

  “You were never meant to Child. This place was never meant for the living.” He guided me to the mirror.

  “You aren’t going to take my memories or anything are you?” I asked.

  “No.” he laughed but it held no mirth.

  “Good, I want to remember him, I need to.” I wiped away tears.