Heaven, Hell & the Love In Between

by Downey, A. J.

  We were silent for a few moments while I relived that particular hurt which now paled in comparison with what I was living with now. I swallowed hard and continued.

  “That was the first night that he came to me.” I told him all of it, from how he appeared in my bedroom, to how he held me as I cried… Just, all of it. Volund remained quiet, listening and then I dropped the bomb that had been dropped on me earlier in the day.

  “Do you know what he said to me?” I asked, and Gunnar shook his head.

  “I am Alrekr Hakon Frithjof and I am here to protect you from yourself and the beings who wish you harm.” I let that sink in. Gunnar looked at me, eyes a little wide, but I guess he wanted to hear the rest of the story because he said nothing. So I told him.

  “I couldn’t pronounce it. His name. I tried several times and he basically told me to stop trying and to call him Alaric, which was the modern pronunciation any way. Said his name meant great king, high son and peace thief.” I rubbed my forehead.

  “It does.” Gunnar was looking at me speculatively.

  “So, now I bet you are wondering how your Viking ancestor who by your account was a marauding, raping, pillaging monster whose favorite way of accessorizing was to use the skulls of infants to decorate his belt, ended up looking after me on the third worst night of my life on the eighth floor of a Manhattan apartment building.” I sucked in a breath. That was a Hell of a lot to say in one sentence.

  “You could say that, yes.” He said cautiously. I searched his face for any sign of disbelief and found none. I sent up a tiny prayer of thanks that he was on board.

  “So apparently this is how things went down from everything I can piece together.” I fell silent. Our food was being set down in front of us, we were told to enjoy and Gunnar told the waiter that he’d be getting the biggest tip of his life if he didn’t interrupt us again. I promised if we needed anything we would signal. That seemed to make the waiter happy and he left us to our own devices.

  “You were saying.” Volund said before I could point out kindness went a long ways.

  “Right, what I’ve been able to piece together so far is that Alrekr was everything you knew him to be. Scary, evil you name it. Whatever, you know that side of the story better than I do. What you don’t know is what happened after he died.”

  “He told you?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” I said quietly.

  “Tell me…” he urged.

  “Well, I guess it’s pretty irrefutable that he died in the raid we’re researching, but then, of course, he went to Hell.” I ate a bite of tortellini. Gunnar had stars in his eyes. Not quite what I was going for so I laid it out on the line.

  “He was conscripted into Hell’s army. How much do you know about Catholicism or Christianity?” I asked. He frowned at the abrupt change of topic but he went with it.

  “I was raised without religion, so admittedly not much.” He looked uncomfortable when he spoke about his child hood. I filed that away for later and pressed on.

  “You know what purgatory is?” I asked.

  “I have heard the word, I believe it is a state of between, it is also called limbo yes?” he asked.

  “Pretty darned close.” I admitted and took another bite, chewing slowly. I went on.

  “Purgatory is the place that, we Roman Catholics believe, you go after you die when you’ve done wrong things in your life. You spend time there until you’ve made up for those wrong things and then you go to Heaven, that is, if you repent. It’s not a pleasant place and as I was told, it’s pretty much the first plane or circle of Hell.” I watched him, he was thoughtful as he chewed his food.

  “I understand.” He said finally and it looked like he did so I pressed on.

  “Well that’s where Alrekr ended up. On Hell’s side of things.” I said.

  “How do you mean?” he asked.

  “Purgatory is a battle field.” I said, “Hell’s army facing off against the Army of Heaven in a never ending campaign, in this great, hot cavern.”

  “You speak as if you have been there.” He laughed.

  “I have.” And at the dead seriousness of my tone he stopped.

  “How?” he asked skeptically.

  “We’ll get there,” I promised, “So Alrekr died and went to Purgatory and ended up a grunt in Hell’s army.” Gunnar nodded and so I continued.

  “He spent five hundred of our years doing the devil’s work, climbing the ranks and though he didn’t tell me how high, I guess it was pretty high up there on their food chain and there’s only one way you do that when you’re battling alongside those creatures.” I shuddered remembering the winged horror had gotten a hold of me.

  “He was brutal.” Gunnar smiled.

  “And smart, and dispassionate, and cold as freaking ice.” I said.

  “So what happened?” he asked, and I closed my eyes, back in my apartment with Alaric before me, a single red rose in his hand.

  “I was an evil man when I lived, I was the foulest and most depraved soul in death and a warrior of Hell for a little over five centuries of your time. I could not tell you what it was, my beloved small one, but one day the killing held no more joy for me, I grew tired, could not stand it anymore. I realized how wrong I had been for so very long.”

  “He got tired.” I answered. Gunner’s eyebrows rose in disbelief.

  “That is it?” he scoffed, “He got tired?” I shrugged and threw down my napkin beside my plate.

  “That’s what he told me. He said the killing held no more joy for him and that he got tired, couldn’t stand it anymore and that it hit him how wrong he’d been for so long.” I crossed my arms and it was more to hold myself in than defend myself against Volund’s mocking glare. The memories of that night, our first I love you’s, had me twisted all in knots. The grief welling up hot and fresh.

  “He hurt you?” Gunnar asked softly.

  “What does it matter to you?” I asked harshly, “You wanted to hurt me.” I couldn’t help but lash out. I immediately felt sorry.

  “I’m sorry,” I said before he could say anything,” I told you I forgave you for that, it’s not fair of me to forgive you and then throw it back in your face a few hours later because I’m feeling shitty.” I wiped at my eyes with my napkin.

  “I deserved it,” he said after a long silence, “Please go on.”

  “Right, so he got tired, and so he went to something he called The Host, which I’m pretty sure was the Archangels or at least the good guys side of things and he threw himself on their mercy and pretty much expected them to end him there.” I took a drink of wine.

  “They didn’t.” Gunnar stated.

  “Um, obviously not if it’s five hundred and thirty years later and he was able to show up in that park.” I sighed and my shoulders slumped. I was being a catty bitch and I knew it.

  “You are hurting and I wish to hear the rest of this tale so before you begin apologizing again, please, just go on.” He waved me off as I was just about to do just that; apologize.

  “Okay so Alaric went to the Angels and said, ‘Okay here I am, I’m a dick and have been for a really long time, do whatever you want with me.’ The angels I guess said ‘Here’s your weapons back, if you truly repent or whatever, you fight for us now.’ They turned him around gave him a pat on the back and sent him out onto the front lines to kill demons and unrepentant sinners.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. This was taking a lot out of me.

  “Do you wish to stop?” he asked and waved the waiter over to us.

  “No, no it’s fine.” The waiter refilled our glasses and took our empty plates. Gunnar ordered us dessert. This was going to be one long ass night.

  Chapter 41

  The waiter set down a decadent slice of chocolate torte in front of each of us, swimming in a raspberry sauce. I couldn’t help myself. It looked mouthwatering and I took a bite. The flavors exploded across my tongue, rich and sweet and thoroughly satisfying and after a moment or two I felt better.

/>   “You looked like you needed the sugar.” He commented.

  “What was my color off or something?” I asked.

  “Or something.” He said and waved his hand for me to continue.

  “Right, so he switched sides and fought on the side of the angels for last five hundred and thirty years. Now let me be clear, I’m not one hundred percent on some of this so you’ll have to bear with some holes in the story, because I am telling you what I know. Everything.” I stabbed my chocolate covered fork in his direction by way of emphasis.

  “All right.” He said.

  “I’m not sure if the angels went to him or he went to them, I can’t remember, but in any case I was assigned to him.” I said.

  “Assigned how?” he asked.

  “That’s what I asked, from what he told me, Hell was looking to turn the tide on heaven and cooked up a little scheme to pad their army. They started looking for strong or bright souls. Living people here on earth to attach themselves to.”

  “To possess?” he asked.

  “No, something a little more insidious than that.” I took another bite of cake and watched him try to work it out, he finally gave up with a shrug and looked to me to clue him in.

  “They were tormenting us. Doing things to drive us crazy, trying to break us.” I said. He shook his head in confusion.

  “Suicide is a sin. One of the Cardinal ones. Commit suicide and you land your ass smack dab on the front lines of Hell’s army in purgatory.” I took another bite of cake.

  “Tactically it is genius.” He said but I could see the cracks in the form of a frown on his face.

  “Morally it’s corrupt and it’s some seriously honor-less bullshit, but hey, it’s Hell and these are demons we’re talking about so does it really surprise you?” I asked. He scowled.

  “I didn’t think so.” I said and pressed on.

  “You know I told him about you. He didn’t like the sound of you from the start, didn’t want me to go anywhere near you. Wanted me to cancel that dinner. I didn’t though.” This was the point I think I broke through. Gunner’s face held shock and then after long moments, dismay. I realized what I’d done and cursed myself for lack of tact.

  I’d just told him that the ancestor he had looked up to his entire life and wanted to emulate didn’t like him. I could see that lost little boy inside the man in front of me cringe and it really sucked. The silence stretched between us.

  “Sorry.” I said.

  “Never apologize for speaking the truth.” He said softly then, “I am glad that you went.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “While I am sorry now for my behavior, if you had not come, if I had not done what I…” he clenched his jaw.

  “It’s okay. I get it. I’m glad you got to see him too.” I said, “Makes telling you all of this a lot easier. No sure you would have believed me otherwise.” I shrugged.

  “That is also true.” He conceded.

  “Yep.” A gulf of silence opened up between us.

  “So,” he said finally and I snapped my eyes up to his, “Why the sadness?” he asked and I told him the rest. About how Alaric was in deep shit for revealing himself to me, about how he broke some serious oaths and covenants and finally about me following him down to Hell. Gunnar was a good listener. He took it all in and said finally,

  “I am sorry that happened to the both of you.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” I said.

  “Does this mean you are now the charge of three angels?” he asked and my eyebrows went up in surprise. Well Hell, he’d caught that and I hadn’t but after my little moment in the lecture hall I was pretty sure he was right. I mean, I’d heard Rizoel plain as day. They must be taking shifts or something.

  “I think it does.” I said.

  “It does not matter, I do not think I would hurt you now, not after your kindness, not after all you have told me. I have much to think about.” He said.

  The restaurant was closing, our waiter shifting nervously off to the side away from us. I smiled at him and gave the signal for the check and he looked relieved. Gunnar looked over and then surprised that we were the only two left.

  “Remember your promise. He was awesome and stayed away.” I muttered under my breath as the waiter approached. Gunner looked at me, pulled out his wallet and a wad of one hundred dollar bills and gave them to the kid. The bill was maybe sixty bucks. Gunnar was more than as good as his word.

  “No change.” He said to the man and stood, pulling on his coat.

  I stood and winced, though healing, my leg was plainly unhappy. Gunnar frowned.

  “I’d heard you were attacked by a dog from Mr. Worth.”

  “If a dog is the size of a man, with brown leathery wings and a mouth full of fangs, then sure.” I muttered out of the side of my mouth. His eyes widened.

  “Something down there bit you?” he asked.

  “Grabbed me, talons did it.” I said.

  “Please, allow me to drive you home.” We were out front of the restaurant, the lights turning out behind us.

  “I’d like that.” I said, he held the door to the back seat of his town car open for me himself and I slid in. He climbed in after me and said,

  “Thank you Gracelyn.” I nodded and said.

  “Sure.”

  “I believe you will be happy again.” He said.

  “Not without him.” I replied immediately, “Without him in it, life is kind of a pale imitation.” I smiled and I knew it was sad. Gunnar sighed.

  “Peace between us.” He said.

  “Sounds good.” He put his hand over mine and it was a familiar gesture. It was what people had done when my parents had died. I had appreciated it then and I appreciated it now, only this time, instead of praying that things would get better like after my parents, I prayed they never would. If they did, I somehow thought, then that would be a betrayal to Alaric’s memory, and I would never ever betray him.

  God help me. I was so horribly and terribly torn in two.

  Chapter 42

  The ancient Greeks believed that once, we were all born with four arms, four legs and two heads, and then Zeus, for whatever reason, threw bolts of lightning down from the sky, splitting us all in two, and that were all doomed to spend the rest of our days wandering the earth seeking the other halves of ourselves.

  I had always thought that was a silly tale to tell children about how our belly buttons are made. You know, to make them laugh. I had laughed. I wasn’t laughing anymore now that I knew the truth of it.

  I stood on the roof of my building in my nightgown and robe and looked out over the night lit city. The pain in my heart overflowing. It had been a week. Just one week since Alaric had been taken from me, or I from him… I scoffed, the details didn’t matter. The simple truth was that he was gone and I couldn’t sleep anymore. The sun would go down, night would appear and I suddenly became restless. It was affecting my work, but not too bad yet. I was debating asking Jared if I could start coming in at night, but I knew he needed me to meet with the suits, to explain what we did. I sighed and hugged myself, the scrape of gravel behind me causing me to turn. The crushing weight on my chest eased marginally.

  “Neil.” I said, gladly.

  “Hey Gracelyn, you look like you can use a hug.” He opened his arms and I went to him and hugged him tightly.

  “I miss him so much.” I sobbed into his leather breastplate. He smoothed back my much shorter locks and smiled down at me.

  “We know.” He said

  “What are you doing here?” I asked pushing free of the embrace.

  “Coming to check on you.” He said.

  “I’m surviving.” I said and wiped my face.

  “On the roof? At four in the morning?” he asked.

  “I haven’t been sleeping so well.” I confessed.

  “Alaric would have our balls in a basket if he saw you like this.” He grimaced.

  “I’m sorry.” I said.

  “Don’t be, we all mis
s him.” He shrugged.

  “Won’t you get in trouble?” I asked, waving my hands.

  “You’re a special case.” He said. “You know about us. Alaric already let that cat out of the bag.” I laughed.

  “Look at you with your modern colloquialisms.” I said.

  “Hey we aren’t all Viking warriors with sticks up our asses.” He smiled and I punched him in the arm.

  “Don’t talk about my man that way!” I cried but I was smiling. I knew that Hamneil and Alaric had been friends, Neil had helped us eke out just a little bit more time together. That proved all it needed to.

  “Do you know what happened?” I asked, and he sobered.

  “He was judged.” He said carefully.

  “And?” I asked chewing my lip.

  “That’s all I can say.” He said and didn’t look happy about it. My shoulders slumped and I turned back to the city.

  “I feel like I somehow screwed everything up for him.” The guilt weighed on me.

  “No. Don’t think like that. His love for you, hey your love for him, that’s the stuff legends are made of.” He laid his hands on my shoulders.

  “Not all legends get a happy ending.” I said.

  “No, but yours isn’t over just yet babe. Not while you draw breath.” I turned to look at him,

  “Now just what the Hell is that supposed to mean…” the words died on my lips. He was gone.

  Chapter 43

  Two more weeks, and I still felt as raw as the night we’d been separated. I wasn’t sure how I kept going, how I hadn’t just expired from a broken heart. I went to work, I came home. I’d forget to eat until food was put in front of me, usually by Jared or Gunnar. Well okay, Gunnar didn’t put food in front of me, he put me in front of food, but still, I was losing weight.