Lost and Found

by Trish Marie Dawson

  Nothing was broken, damaged or missing. The water spigot on the side of the porch came on, releasing cool, clean water when I turned the valve. The small makeshift greenhouse behind the cabin was teeming with greens and ripe tomatoes. There was shelter, water and food, but no people.

  "Where the hell did they go?" I demanded an answer from the empty air but only got my bangs blown into my eyes in response.

  "Riley? What do you want to do?" Drake followed me to the back of the cabin and kicked a loose rock out in front of him. It bounced down the dirt slope that led to the edge of the lake but didn't quite reach the water.

  Reflections of the sunset danced along the ripples, drawing my eyes out to the center of the lake where the pinks and purples merged in and out of each other. I wanted to float there, just forget about everything and everyone and float for a while. When I opened my mouth to tell Drake I didn't know - I didn't know what to do, something in the tree line on the far side of the lake moved. At first, I closed my eyes. If it was Fin, I didn't want to see him.

  "Well, look at that!"

  Tentatively, and with my teeth biting down on my lower lip I opened my eyes. Standing tall and proud in a slick brown coat was our deer. I hadn't seen her in months, so long in fact that earlier in the summer we thought she might have left the mountains or been taken down by a starving cougar. Yet there she was. And not alone. She had a mate, a strong looking buck that couldn't have been much older. She flicked her ears at me, her way of saying hello and I returned the gesture with a slow raise of one arm. That was our greeting. A subtle flick and a gentle wave. She grazed nonchalantly, as if that was her purpose for being at the edge of the lake but I knew it wasn't. Curiosity had brought her there. Maybe it was her way of telling us that she had found a love of her own, and that she was going to be okay.

  When they trotted off, I turned to find Drake eying me. "So, what…are you the deer whisperer now?"

  "No. We're family."

  ***

  "You sure it's okay, crashing on the couch?" Drake murmured from behind an empty tumbler. His breath smelled of whiskey vapor and chocolate chips. Only three drinks in and he was sleepy. After taking the glass from his limp hand and setting it down on the coffee table, I dropped a folded blanket on his lap.

  "It's been a long day, Drake. Just crash here. We'll figure out what to do tomorrow."

  "I already told you, I can't stay...'member?"

  "Yeah, you've said that twice tonight already. Just get some sleep, we'll figure things out later."

  Before shutting off all the lights and locking the front door, I picked his shoes up, set them under the coffee table, and put his glass into the sink. The place felt so familiar but also foreign. Connor wasn't there. Kris wasn't there. Zoey wasn't there. My body ached and as I used the wooden banister to pull myself upstairs, I was already unbuttoning my jeans in anticipation of the longest bath possible. With one foot on the top landing and the other in mid-step, I froze.

  "I think I'm out of bubble bath."

  ***

  The shampoo bubbles didn't last nearly long enough and after adding warm water twice, I got tired of listening to the gurgling noise of the overflow every time the water sloshed above the drain lever. Pissed off and exhausted, I kicked my way out of the tub leaving the bathmat soaked, and toweled off roughly over the parts of my body that weren't stitched, gently patting the areas that were, leaving my hair stringy and dripping onto the floor as I padded over to the dresser. If Win was there he would have chastised me for bathing with fresh stitches, but there was no way I was going to bed without soaking my sore muscles.

  Ignoring the blip-blip-blip sound of water falling onto the carpet I pulled out a clean pair of everything and sifted around in the lowest drawer that Connor used for his sleep shirts. Rubbing the towel against my head once more, I untangled most of the knots from my hair with my fingers and twisted the whole mess back into a high bun. The reflection in the mirror said I looked to be thirty-something but the aches in my body, the swelling in my joints and every torn muscle laughed. I felt more like ninety.

  The bed was large and familiar but unwelcoming. Not ready to climb beneath the cool covers alone, there was nothing else to do than go back downstairs and pour white wine into the largest drinking container available. Halfway down the steps there was a commotion in the living room. A heavy item slammed against a wall, there was a squeal then a shout, something fragile shattered onto the ground, someone cursed but a dog bark boomed loudest of all.

  "Zoey!" I screamed from the stairs, leaping over the last step and sliding a good twelve inches in my socked feet along the slick wood at the base of the stairs.

  Though the lower level of the cabin was still dark, I could see her small form shoot across the living room. Her excited whimpers matched my cries as she jumped and wriggled and licked while I pet and hugged and kissed.

  "Riley!" There was that squeal again. But by then I recognized it.

  Someone tripped over a table and Drake's baritone voice cracked as he shouted, "Get the hell off me, man!"

  "It's okay, he's with me!"

  A light flickered on from the corner where the floor lamp rested on its side. Two end tables and the ceramic lamp near the front door had been knocked over. Shiny orange shards lay scattered out toward the sofa where several sets of shoulders protruded. Kris stood in the center of the room, her hands held up to her face in shock. A baby-like cry came from her before she ran into my arms, knocking the breath out of me.

  "I-I can't believe it, you're okay." My hand shook against the back of her head, mimicking the waver in my voice. She smelled of sweet pea and pears - her favorite body wash.

  Kris cried into my shoulder. It was an ugly, gut-wrenching cry that hurt my heart. "We thought you were dead, you looked dead," she sobbed.

  So. They did leave me behind. Suddenly my mouth was parched, sucked entirely dry of moisture. It took two attempts to unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth. "I'm fine. Look," I gently tilted her chin up with one finger, "I'm fine. Are you guys okay?"

  Kris nodded, refusing to let go. For a moment, it was just the two of us in the room. And then Drake's voice bellowed out from the floor beneath a pile of struggling bodies.

  "Guys! Guys, stop, he's with me!" Kris kept her arms wrapped around my waist even while I crossed the room and leaned over the side of the couch where Jacks, Skip and Winchester fought to keep Drake pinned to the ground.

  "Jesus!" he yelled as the three men slowly clamored off the couch where he had fallen asleep.

  "Sorry, are you okay? Drake?"

  "Fucking peachy," he rubbed at his shoulder before standing up, "Your friends here really know how to introduce themselves. Could have given me a heart attack, jumping on me in my sleep like that. Damn."

  Jacks glowered at him with his feet spread wide apart, his hands held stiffly at his sides. He looked like he wanted to rip Drake limb from limb.

  Skip broke the awkward silence first, "It's damn good to see you kiddo." We hugged tightly before Winchester squirmed between us and lifted me off my feet.

  "Riley, I'm so happy you're home!" he said before setting me down and kissing my cheek. It was so out of character for him that I almost wiped the kiss away like I had seen him do so many times before.

  "Jacks," I said softly, rounding the corner of the couch to put myself between him and the equaling unimpressed Drake. The two stood close to the same height and though Jacks had wider shoulders, which made him appear larger, I knew he couldn't compete with the sheer power of Drake's muscular build. "Jacks, this is Drake. Be nice to him, he saved my life."

  He flinched but only nodded before licking his lips and kissing the top of my head. I spun around and waved at the room, "This is my family, Drake. Kris, Skip and Win. Even Jacks over there."

  The spot was empty where he'd been standing and as I panned the room Kris made her strangled cry again. Except the sound wasn't coming from her. She stood next to me with her hand hooked into the pock
et of my sweats and the cry I heard was coming from the doorway where Jacks had moved. He bent down toward the ground and lifted something with care before settling it into the crook of his arm. At first, it looked like a blanket balled up and ready for the laundry hamper but then a tiny foot poked out of the bottom.

  With a gasp, my hands flew up to my mouth. "Oh my God! Jacks!"

  His angry demeanor dissolved as he held the squirming bundle out to me. "Riley, meet baby Lily."

  Gently, and with careful attention spent on making sure I was properly supporting the baby's head, Jacks transferred her into my arms. At first, she was just a colorful blurry blob through my tears but eventually my eyes dried. There in my arms, was a beautiful newborn baby girl with a full head of dark hair and even darker brown doe eyes that stared sleepily up at me. I counted her fingers; long and slender with carefully trimmed nails, and counted her toes, just as dainty and expertly groomed. She had that baby smell that I remembered from my own two children, sweet, fresh and brand-new. For months I had loathed the day she was born, as if it would remind me o my own lost babies and wreck my heart, destroying me in the process. But the opposite happened.

  "Jacks," I whispered, "Lily's beautiful. She's perfect." I looked up at him to see his own eyes swimming in tears but he swallowed and blinked and they never had a chance to spill onto his cheeks.

  "She is. She's amazing."

  "I love her name. I can't believe you and Ana finally agreed on one," I laughed.

  It was something they argued about every time it came up - what to name the baby. She had a notebook with dozens of names, none of which Jacks liked, of course. I didn't remember Lily being on the list.

  "Um," Winchester cleared his throat but Jacks waved a hand at him and he stopped talking.

  "You two did a good job, she's just beautiful. Where's Ana? I need to compare faces to see whose nose she has," I paused to coo at the baby, "Because she doesn’t have yours, thank God."

  "She's not here, Riley."

  "Right. Where did everyone go? The entire lodge was abandoned, you know anyone could have come in and claimed it," I said everything in a happy voice as I smiled down at Lily while using my knee to gently push Zoey off my leg. She sniffed at the blanket like a treat was hidden inside.

  "No, Riley. That's not what he means," Winchester sighed. One of Kris's arms curled around my waist again and she buried her face into my shoulder like a small child.

  "Did she…leave?" I stared between Winchester and Jacks in shock. Surely Ana wouldn't abandon a newborn child. The woman was no saint, but she had a heart in there somewhere. For the first time since riding Foxy, I looked down at my wrist where she tied the bracelet onto my arm. It was gone, most likely torn off when I rolled through the bushes and dirt after being shot off the horse.

  "She's dead, Riley. She…she died just after delivering Lily," Winchester dropped his gaze and lowered his voice to a whisper, "Ana only got to hold the baby for a couple seconds."

  Jacks stepped forward as if to take Lily back but I held her to my chest and cried silently against one of her round, pink cheeks. "Oh sweet baby, don't you worry, you will be loved more than you could ever dream." As I rocked her in my arms, Jacks leaned into us with his arms around my shoulders. We stood like that for a moment until Kris's arms circled us, then Winchester's and finally Skip's. Huddled around the baby, we cried for what she lost and for what we found.

  A new life to love. Another chance at happiness. A new beginning.

  ***

  "Win delivered her, can you believe that?" Jacks rocked the baby carrier with his foot and sipped out of the glass of wine I finally poured.

  "I wish I could've done more," Winchester said from the couch. His face was ashen at the mention of the birth. It must have been just as traumatic for him - losing Ana.

  "It wasn't your fault, you know that," Jacks turned to me, the need to explain written all over his face. "She started bleeding real bad and it all happened so fast. It doesn't matter how many books you read, you know, there just wasn't enough time. Lily came so fast we didn't even have the birthing suite ready."

  "I-I should have been here. I'm so sorry, Jacks." With my hand on his arm, it was easy to feel the tension in his muscles.

  Something heavy hung in the room and I knew what it was without asking. The others did too, but no one wanted to discuss it. So I blurted out another question that had been nagging me all evening.

  "Where were you?"

  "Shit!" Winchester jumped off the couch so fast I sloshed wine down the front of my shirt. Drake, also surprised by Winchester's loud outburst sent a dirty look in my direction.

  "Riley, you are not going to believe who we found," he said. A buzz of energy began to fill the room as the topic switched from Ana's death to the mystery surrounding their late night return to the cabins.

  "Calm down, Win, shit. She just got back. You look like hell, by the way. What did you do, throw yourself off another bike?" Jacks teased, nudging me with his elbow.

  "No," I rubbed at my face, desperately trying not to scream out the one thing I wanted to know but was too terrified to ask. "It's a long story. I don't even know where to start."

  "How about with this?" He reached out and touched the stitches that ran along my shoulder. In my tank top, I forgot how visible my injuries were. Bruises were nothing new, but stitches always had a story behind them.

  I pointed to my arm and then to my hip. "Gunshot. Gunshot." I felt around my neck where the imprint of Mariah's hands left raised welts and scratches, "And this was from a brief fight - a minor misunderstanding."

  With an involuntary grimace, I remembered the chopped up body parts in the room Mariah was held. I'd forever wonder if it was she or one of the men that killed the woman as Drake stormed the building. It was an answer no one would ever know.

  "And…you're okay now?" Skip asked. His voice was a bit hoarser than usual and I chalked it up to having a rather emotional night.

  "I'm okay now. Thanks to Drake. Like I said, it's a long story, but he found me, cleaned me up. Saved my life, really."

  "And brought you back here," Kris said. Her eyes were rimmed with red, cried out and tired.

  "Yes." Setting the glass down carefully on the counter, I took her hand into mine and looked at her collarbone while I said the words everyone seemed to be avoiding. "Where's Connor, Kris? Is he…did he…not make it?"

  I couldn't look at her, even after she shook her head. "No! Well," she paused to look at Jacks, "I don't really know where he is. He tried to go back but there was so much shooting and Foxy freaked out. Connor and I barely had a chance to climb into the saddle before she took off. And…we went back that night. We did. But you were gone. And there was so much blood…so much blood…" she trailed off in sobs. With my arms wrapped around her, she let me pull her close into my chest. Her sweet pea and pear washed over me again, choking out the smell of new baby.

  "You thought I was dead?" I whispered. She nodded once against my shoulder. "And Connor. What happened, how did you get back here?"

  "He brought me back. But...but not on Foxy. They shot her in the leg and Connor had to…you know…he had to…" I nodded that I understood so she wouldn't have to say the words out loud. Connor had to put her down. "Anyway," she sniffed, "he had to know what happened to you. So he went back."

  "What? When?"

  "Weeks ago."

  "Weeks? How?"

  "He took his motorcycle," she sniffed again.

  "Weeks," I repeated.

  Where had he been for that long? How did he not find us at the house near the golf course? Connor wasn't dead. I sat stunned, leaning against the kitchen bar counter so hard that the edge dug into the skin of my back. Connor wasn't dead. Connor was alive. At least he was a few weeks ago.

  "He'll come back, right? I mean, if he can't find you, he'll come back home?" Kris looked up at me with sad eyes and I nodded because that was the right answer to give her, even if everyone else in the room didn't believe
it.

  "Of course he'll come back." With a smile, I hugged her slight frame against mine. Kris was okay. Connor didn't die that day, he didn't abandon me - he saved Kris. He did the right thing bringing her back to the mountains where she was safe. I told my heart he would give up eventually and return. He'd have to. And I'd be waiting for him.

  "So," Drake interrupted, tugging at the collar of his shirt as if it was suddenly too tight around his neck, "You said you found someone else. Who?"

  Winchester blurted out the words before anyone else had a chance to answer, "A pilot."

  Drake and I stared at each other, confused and waiting for a further explanation. Lily stirred in her seat and we all looked down at her as she sighed and flailed a hand around her face till Jacks moved it close to her mouth. She found her knuckles with her rosy Betty Boop lips and the only sound in the room for a full minute was a soft, repetitive suckling.

  Skip smiled at Jacks and Lily and then ran a hand over his jaw. He'd aged a good five years in the few months I'd been gone. "His name is Lou and yes, he's a pilot. He's been doing flyovers in the area and spotted our chimney fire a few nights ago. He landed his plane on the freeway can you believe that? Right down there on the 8. We heard the plane fly over and turned one of the radios on. Five minutes later, we were chatting back and forth like old buddies. He came back tonight, brought a few supplies with him and we all drove down the mountain to say hello."

  "Tell her the good part, tell her about Arizona." Winchester all but bounced on the arm of the couch. He seemed to be the only one that couldn't hear the wooden frame creaking out a desperate warning - one good bounce and the couch was threatening to break beneath him.

  "Arizona?" Drake and I spoke at the same time.

  "Yeah, he's from Arizona, from some secret community with a whole underground bunker set-up and everything. They've got enough water and supplies to last one hundred people twenty years," Jacks said.

  "Wow."

  "Yeah, but there's only thirty or so people there now. Lou's been picking stragglers up in his plane from all over the country. He scouts once a month."