Saving Us

by Ashley Johnson

  Mrs. Horn approaches me smiling and I give her a warm smile back. “I wanted to let you know Blaine won’t be here today.” I feel my smile start to drop but I try to keep it up so she doesn’t suspect anything. “He called and said he feels like he’s coming down with the flu, so I told him take the day to rest. If you don’t mind checking over his section, I’d really appreciate it.”

  “Sure, no problem. Thank you for letting me know.”

  She smiles and walks off leaving me in my own thoughts. Flu, my ass. I know better. He’s avoiding me and I can’t decide whether I’m pissed or hurt. I can’t decide whether he’s worth my time to call or text so I keep myself busy. Time goes by torturously slow and I hate it. The longer I have to think about it, the madder I get. I wish I knew where he lived now because I’d go bang on the door and when he answered, I’d punch him in the face. I should have known he was a douche bag. I should have listened to Cory but I didn’t and look where it’s gotten me. I knew this would end up awkward. Why did I have to let his charm get to me?

  I spend the rest of my time straightening books and helping a few students find scantrons and shirts in whatever size they are looking for. When it’s finally time to go, I’m ecstatic and practically run outside. I get a bad vibe, like someone is watching me and I turn to look but all I see are other students. I walk briskly trying to get to my truck and on my way home, I decide Blaine Williams will talk to me.

  I wait until I get home. I walk in and lock the door behind me. I reach for my phone looking to see if maybe he messaged me but nothing. Angrily, I begin to type my message:

  Me: Why did you avoid me today? I’m not stupid.

  Several minutes pass and my phone finally vibrates. I want to pretend not to be glad, but I lunge for the phone and open the message.

  Blaine: I’m not. I have the flu.

  What a liar! Now, I’m even more pissed.

  Me: You can fool Mrs. Horn, but you can’t fool me. I know this has something to do with last night.

  Blaine: Get over yourself, you don’t know what you’re talking about.

  Me: You’re a fucking asshole.

  He doesn’t text back right away and I assume he’s sitting there laughing. Why should he care what I think of him anyway? Right now, I have no idea why I give a shit but I do. The phone vibrates again and I’m scared to open it. I just called him an asshole, God only knows what he has to say.

  Blaine: Sybil, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run out but just put yourself in my shoes.

  Me: I wanted to explain but you left.

  Blaine: I’ll see you tomorrow ok?

  Me: You’ll talk to me?

  Blaine: Yeah.

  I don’t say anything else and neither does he. I don’t really feel any better about the situation. Ice cream sounds amazing right now and I happen to have a pint of rocky road sitting in the freezer. I grab the pint and a spoon and eat it trying to get my mind off the conversation. Should I have invited him over to talk? Would he even have showed up? He probably doesn’t want to look at this couch again, I know I don’t want to. I decide to take the plunge and I grab my phone again.

  Me: Do you want to come over and talk?

  Silence. I knew this was a bad idea. Why am I making myself seem so damn desperate? Just as I’m about to give up hope, my phone goes off.

  Blaine: I want to, I won’t lie but I don’t think that’s a good idea.

  Me: Oh.

  Blaine: I won’t be able to keep my hands off you. Meeting in public will be better.

  His words have my body in a frenzy. I close my eyes and imagine what his touch felt like yesterday and I can feel my body ignite with need. Need for him. He’s not coming over to talk though so my body needs to calm itself down. I don’t answer him right away, I can’t. I don’t know what to say without sounding needy so I set my empty pint of ice cream on the coffee table and lie down on the couch that I swear I hate. I close my eyes and he’s right there on top of me, discovering every inch of my body. My eyes never reopen though exhaustion hits me and I fall asleep.

  ***

  Blaine

  Lies, oh how easily they flow from my lips. I hate lying, but here I am doing it like it’s going out of style. Lies may flow easily, but just as easily they are detected. Sybil knew good and well I was lying. She called me out on it. I can just imagine her standing in front of me pissed off. Dammit.

  She has no idea that I sat in my truck watching her leave, making sure she was safe. She doesn’t know that I’ll most likely pass by her apartment tonight more than once just to make sure danger isn’t lurking. I don’t like the fact that Dante knows where she lives. I don’t like any of this anymore. With time being cut shorter than expected, I feel like I’m playing with fire. Someone will get burnt and I’ll make sure it’s me before I let it be her.

  I spend half the night parked down the road from her apartment. I can see her light on and I want nothing more than to go knock on her door and cup her beautiful face in my hands as I kiss her and apologize for walking out on her. Part of me wants to come clean and tell her the danger she’s in, but that’s crazy talk. My eyes grow heavy but I refuse to sleep and if I do, I’ll sleep out here.

  Her face appears in the window, she looks around before closing the curtain and the light goes off. I want to be inside that apartment with her so damn bad. My phone goes off and I become flustered instantly at the thought of it being Landon or Dante, but my expression changes when Sybil’s name shows up. The fact that she’s thinking about me before bed makes my cock throb and I have a feeling I’ll be taking care of that problem here shortly.

  Sybil: You sure you still won’t have the “flu” tomorrow?

  Me: I won’t doll face. I’ll be waiting for you.

  Sybil: Yeah, ok. Goodnight.

  Me: Night doll face.

  I toss my phone onto the passenger seat and get as comfortable as I can. I can’t help but reach down my pants and grab ahold of my cock. As I begin to stroke it, I imagine I’m with her and this time, I make her mine.

  ***

  I finally went back to my apartment a little after five in the morning. I maybe got a whole thirty minutes of sleep but I will live. I stand in the shower letting the water run over me. The cool water keeps me alert and awake which is what I need if I’m to survive this day. Surprisingly there are no circles under my eyes. My face doesn’t look bad, so I pray she doesn’t notice anything. I slowly get dressed and then head out the door. I can’t wait to see her.

  I see her in her normal spot talking to Megan. Megan looks in my direction and locks eyes with me. She smiles and waves bye to Sybil, disappearing into the crowd. Sybil doesn’t turn around right away and I don’t blame her. Things were fucked up the other night and I just left her. I know the shit she’s been through, I’ve read the file. I’ve studied her for months before coming out here, but she doesn’t know that. I acted like an ass and I can’t forgive myself for time lost.

  I take in a deep breath, slowly moving my feet towards her. She slowly turns around and she looks like she wants to smile but isn’t sure it’s ok. I can tell she feels awkward and I curse myself for making her feel that way. This is all my fault and I need to fix it now.

  “Told you I’d be here today.”

  “I see that.” She says. She starts to walk and I catch up beside her.

  “You said you wanted to talk to me and you’re walking away?” I ask.

  “I don’t really care to discuss that right now with you, not here.”

  “Then where?” I ask.

  “I really don’t know Blaine.” She says stopping in her tracks. She really looks confused and hurt. This is nowhere near as easy as I half imagined it would be.

  I look around and then towards the bookstore. “Let’s skip today. Call Mrs. Horn and tell her you don’t feel well. We can go somewhere and talk.”

  She looks at me crazy and shakes her head. “I can’t do that. It’s wrong.”

  “Come on, live a little, Sybi
l.” I dare her.

  She glares at me before pulling her cell phone out of her pocket. She studies it long and hard before dialing the number to the bookstore. She briefly explains to Mrs. Horn that she came to class but had to leave because she wasn’t feeling well. Horn tells her she thinks the flu is going around and buys the story. When she hangs up the phone, she glares at me again.

  “Are you happy? I just lied.”

  Smiling, I reach for her hand. She pulls her hand away and just watches me. “Where do you want to go?” I ask.

  “I don’t know, you’re the one who suggested I fake being sick.”

  “Ok, I completely understand your attitude but please stop. I’m here, what more do you want?”

  She looks back into my eyes and whispers, “I don’t know what I want.”

  “Walk with me.” I grab her hand against her will and walk her to my truck. She doesn’t protest but she also doesn’t speak. She silently climbs into the truck and I begin to drive away from campus.

  Chapter 18

  Sybil

  I thought it would be easy to see him today but it really wasn’t. The only thing that goes through my head is the pleasure I felt before I called him Caleb and the hurt I felt when he walked out of my apartment. I feel horribly guilty for lying to Mrs. Horn, I really hope this is worth it. I have no idea if I’m really going to even tell him about Caleb or not so all I can hope is that he doesn’t bring it up. I pull my phone out as he drives and text Megan.

  Me: I called in sick at the bookstore so don’t come looking for me.

  Megan: Um, why? Is everything ok?

  Me: Blaine wants to talk, so we’re going somewhere.

  Megan: Where?

  Me: No clue, I’ll talk to you later. Just wanted to let you know.

  Megan: Ok girl, be safe.

  I sigh as I place my phone back in my pocket. The truck comes to a stop and I come out of my own little world to look and see an open field. He parks in the middle of it and opens his door. I look at him crazy and he smiles.

  “Are you coming?”

  “Where are we?” I ask.

  “Just get out Sybil, trust me.”

  I cross my arms over my chest and pout for a minute before dragging myself out of the truck. He walks to the back of the truck and drops the tailgate. He flashes me a sexy smile and I feel my cheeks blush. He sits on the tailgate and pats the spot beside him. Slowly, I walk towards him and hop up beside him. I stare out in the field and listen to the nothing that surrounds us. It’s peaceful and I like it.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever been out here,” I say.

  “First time for everything huh?”

  “I guess so.”

  “I really am sorry for walking out on you.” He says quietly. As much as I insisted he talk last night, I’m really not looking forward to this conversation. Absentmindedly, I run my fingers along the bed of his truck. I don’t want to look at him right now. I don’t want the truth to come out. “Sybil?”

  “Yeah?” I say still watching my fingers trace the lines in the bed. He reaches over grabbing my hand and I freeze. My body heats up with his touch as my eyes reach up to meet his.

  “Talk to me, please.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Who is Caleb?” My face drops and I’m sure it’s ghostly white right now. This conversation isn’t happening. I reach up for the pearl that hangs around my neck and I hold it with my other hand. I close my eyes searching and praying for the words to say. I feel gutted at the fact that I’m even getting ready to answer this.

  “He was my world.” That’s all I can say, but it’s the truth.

  “Bad break up?” He asks quietly.

  “You could say that,” I scoff. “He killed himself five months ago.”

  His face drops and here comes that sympathy look that I know so well. I hate that damn look and this is the main reason I never wanted to tell him.

  “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry Sybil.”

  “Don’t do that.” I tell him.

  “Do what?”

  “Give me your sympathy. I don’t want it. It’s done and I have to live with the fact that I saw his body lying there in the morgue. I want just one person to look at me and not know it happened.”

  “Come here,” he says and before I can respond, he pulls me in close to him and holds me.

  I don’t know how to react so I let him hold me. I don’t protest him and neither of us say another word. A breeze comes through and blows my hair into my face. He pulls away long enough to brush it out of my face and places a soft kiss on my temple before pulling me back into him.

  He’s intoxicating and in a good way. I feel guilty for thinking that especially after I just told him about Caleb, but I can’t help it.

  “I’m sorry for ruining the other night.” I finally say.

  “You didn’t ruin anything. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”

  “Well, you didn’t know.”

  “I see now why Cory acted the way he did towards me. Can’t say I blame him, he’s a damn good guy for watching over you like he does.”

  “He told me he’ll loosen up. I kinda told him I like you.”

  “You like me doll face?” his eyes light up.

  “Don’t act like you’re surprised.” I deadpan cocking my head to the side.

  “I want to kiss you but I don’t think it’s appropriate right now.”

  I smile at the fact that he’s being a complete gentleman. The respect he’s showing, makes me like him just a little more. I squeeze his hand and watch as the sun begins to set in the sky. The temperature begins to drop a little, it’s not cold but it’s enough to give me a chill. I shiver and he pulls me closer.

  “Are you cold? I have a blanket in the truck. Stay right here, I’ll get it.”

  He hops down and in a flash he’s back with a small fleece blanket. He wraps it around me and then sits back beside me. He lies back onto the bed of the truck and I stare at him smiling before lying beside him. I turn my head to face him and he’s looking at me smiling.

  “What?” I ask.

  “You look beautiful.”

  I blush at his words and turn my head back to look at the stars that are beginning to shine in the sky. This moment is perfect. I came out here not knowing what to expect and Blaine ended up taking what I had to say better than I thought he would.

  “Thank you, for the blanket by the way.” I tell him.

  “You’re welcome.”

  We lie quietly and it’s nice. He slowly inches closer to me and touches my face. Out of instinct, I turn to face him again.

  “Do you ever think of running away?” he asks.

  I look at him and laugh, if he only knew. “All the time. I wonder what it would be like to start over somewhere new where no one knows me or anything that’s happened. I wonder if that would make things easier.”

  “Let’s do it.”

  “Do what?” I ask him.

  “Run away. Let’s get out of here and just go somewhere new. Let’s leave this state and end up somewhere we’ve always dreamed of going to.”

  I laugh at this attempt at whatever he’s trying to do. Although the thought is amazing, I barely know him. “Blaine, we hardly know each other. I don’t think I could just run away with you.”

  “Maybe, one day,” he says wearing a half smile. That smile makes my heart flutter and I snuggle closer to his side.

  I don’t know what it is about him but I feel different when I’m with him. I feel like I can let go of everything and just be myself. I miss that so much.

  ***

  Blaine

  If only she knew how serious I am about running away. I would take her as far away as I could, if she would let me. I felt like an ass asking about Caleb and making her say it when I know good and well what happened. It was all part in getting her to trust me though and it feels like we just may be slowly getting somewhere. She leans closer into me and I hold my breath thinking this is t
oo good to be true. Of course it is, nothing good is going to come out of this so I enjoy what I can. She shared something with me, so I feel I should do the same. What I have to share though, will change everything and I’m not ready for that change yet. If I could make it to where she never knows who I really am, that would be perfect. But nothing is perfect. I know this all too well.

  Her face in the moonlight takes my breath away. She’s everything I want in a woman but will never have. I want to save her, I will save her. Her eyes close for a moment and I take this opportunity to brush a strand of hair out of her face. Just as her eyes are opening, I plant a soft kiss on her cheek. She turns to face me, lightly pressing her lips against mine. Her lips are soft and taste like pure heaven. Slowly, I move my lips feathering kisses down her neck. She moans softly, her breathing becomes ragged as she lies there. I rest my other hand on her stomach, not trying to tempt fate. The minute I touch her, I can feel her take a breath and my hand moves along with her. My lips move back up to hers where I kiss her like she’s the last person I will ever kiss on this earth.

  I pull away and watch as she slowly opens her eyes again. She blushes and sits up pulling her knees to her chest. “You’re beautiful, Sybil. I want you to never forget that.”

  “Thank you.” She says quietly.

  I could sit out here all day but I remember her truck is still on campus and she probably needs to get home. I want to ask her to stay with me so I know she’s safe, but Dante could show up at any time and that’s not safe. I doubt she would even agree anyway.