Saving Us

by Ashley Johnson

  I step out of the truck and begin to walk across the grass. She stops reading and looks up at me. Neither of us say a word as I sit beside her. The silence is a bit awkward, but she soon sits up and looks me in the eyes.

  “I didn’t sleep with her Sybil.” I say.

  “Why are you telling me that? You’re a grown man Cory, do what you want.” She whispers.

  “I’m telling you that because I want you to know. Nothing happened.”

  “Ok.” She says and the silence begins again.

  I lay back on the grass beside her and stare at the clouds. The sun is peeking out allowing it to be warm but not quite hot. I think I can see now why being under this tree is so relaxing for her.

  I reach into my pocket and pull out one of her chocolates. I hold the pink wrapper in my hand, extending it out to her. She looks at me and I wish I could read her mind because it’s a minute before she speaks.

  “Chocolate can’t fix everything, Cory.”

  “Are you saying you don’t want it?” I ask.

  “I didn’t say that. Give it to me.” And just like that she takes it from me and unwraps it. She slowly opens her mouth to taste the chocolate and lets out a small moan when the raspberry filling hits her tongue.

  “Why did you come here?” she asks quietly.

  “I was worried about you. I texted you and you didn’t reply.”

  “I went to the cemetery but I didn’t stay long. Since last night, I’ve had this crazy feeling like someone is watching me and I felt it at the cemetery, so I decided to come here. I needed to think.”

  “About what? And what do you mean you feel like someone’s watching you. Why didn’t you say something?” I ask.

  “I need to think about us and I just said something.” she says looking me in the eyes. I’m scared to ask what she’s thinking so I don’t push the subject. “I know you said you didn’t sleep with her but it still hurts you brought her back with you.”

  “She was never supposed to come back with me. You have to believe that.” I say with sorrow in my eyes.

  “I don’t know what to believe, Cory. I want to believe so much but I just don’t know.”

  “What if we’re meant to be together, Sybil?”

  “Cory, go home. Please.”

  “I’m not leaving until you talk to me.” I say.

  She sighs and closes her eyes. When she reopens them, she stares at me. I can see the fear in her eyes and I want to tell her everything will be ok. I really want to believe that myself.

  “Cory,” she begins but I place my finger on her lips and she stops.

  “I’m not rushing you. Don’t think that at all. I just wanted to talk to you, Syb. I needed you to know nothing happened with Natalie.”

  “You can stop saying her name now.” She grimaces.

  “Ok,” I laugh. “Never again, I promise.”

  A smile appears on her face and I could grab her face and kiss her but I don’t. She looks at me and continues to smile.

  “I need to tell you something, Sybil,” I whisper. She looks at me carefully as I begin to sort how I’m supposed to tell her this. “I’ve felt this way about you for a long time. Megan found out, she saw right through me and I-I couldn’t stop. We argued right before she died and I have to live with that.”

  Sybil stares at me, her jaw slightly on the floor. “Cory, what are you saying? I mean I hear what you are saying but—but I don’t get it.”

  “I like you, Sybil, I like you more than I should but I like you. I want to be there for you.” My heart rate increases as I wait for her to say something. Anything.

  She stares at me a moment longer before finally speaking up. “I-I like you too.”

  “I’m not rushing you though, not ever Sybil. I just had to get that off my chest.”

  With a small smile on her face, she whispers, “I’m ready to go home now.”

  Home. That one word sounds perfect but I know I can’t get too excited about that just yet. Not until she fully lets me in.

  ***

  Sybil

  I can’t lie, my heart began to flutter as he walked up to me and he keeps surprising me by bringing my favorite chocolate to me. It’s the little things like this that make my heart beat for Cory, whether I like it or not. It should have felt awkward for him to be sitting here with me under this tree but it didn’t. I feel a little better knowing he didn’t sleep with her but it still doesn’t heal the wounds from seeing her there. I agree to go back to the apartment with him but that’s it. He said he’s not rushing anything, well I like to believe him.

  I follow his truck back to the apartment and when I walk up to the door, he opens it for me. I walk in first with him right behind me. I turn around to face him and take a deep breath as I look at just how sexy he is standing there with his scruffy face and messy hair. I think about how lucky I am to have him caring about me.

  I sat out at the cemetery earlier in silence. I stayed for as long as I could before I left. I can’t shake the feeling I had last night and I had the same feeling inside the cemetery. I looked around but saw nothing but headstones and trees. I just needed to be around Caleb. I miss him so much. I hate not having anyone to talk to about all these surfacing feelings for Cory. I have no friends anymore and it feels awkward talking to Caleb’s mom, although she’s given me her blessing.

  I hear my phone buzz and I pull it out of my pocket to see who it is. No one really texts me besides Cory and I’m standing right beside him. My face turns ashen and my jaw hits the ground. My hands begin shaking and the phone nearly falls out of my hands. Why? I don’t understand. Cory takes notice of my changed demeanor and grabs the phone from me. His face turns red and a vein pops out in his neck. This isn’t good at all.

  Blaine: Sybil, I can’t stop thinking about you and how things ended. I’m so sorry. Will you call me sometime please?

  No. No. No. This isn’t happening. I haven’t heard from him since he left and all of a sudden he decides it’s ok to text me. It’s not ok. I want to cry, I want to scream but I can’t do anything. Cory turns to look at me, hurt plastered all over his face. He’s holding my phone so tightly, I’m almost scared he will break it in two. His grip loosens as he sets it on the table.

  “Tell me you aren’t going to answer this.” He asks.

  “N-no. I’m not.” I stammer.

  “Has he been texting you?”

  “No, he hasn’t. This is the first time, I swear.” I say with tears begging to fall. I don’t know why.

  “I don’t know what to say about this, Sybil. I thought you were done with him.”

  “I am, Cory! I was done with him the minute he left, you have to believe me.”

  “You said you had a weird feeling someone was following you, is it him?” he asks.

  “How am I supposed to know? Would you like me to ask?” I answer.

  Cory glares at me and I know I said the wrong thing. He has to know that I would never answer Blaine. I never want to talk to him again after all he put me through. I was beginning to finally trust him and that trust blew away like dust in the wind.

  I’m standing frustrated and angry that Cory is getting angry with me. None of this is my fault. I’ve done nothing wrong. My heart is pounding right now and deep down, I believe Blaine has been following me but I don’t admit that out loud.

  “I warned him, Sybil. I told him to stay away from you.” He points at me.

  I grab my phone angrily off the counter and walk straight to my room slamming the door once I’m inside. I throw the phone onto the bed. It skims across the comforter and lands on the carpet with a thud. It could break now for all I care. I don’t understand why this is happening now. Blaine should have been long gone, not trying to reappear in my life.

  Chapter 29

  Cory

  The door to her room slams and I hear a thud. I’m scared she may have tripped and hurt herself with how mad she was. I run to her door and jerk it open. I’m glad she didn’t lock it. When I open th
e door my heart breaks with what I see. She’s curled up on the bed, lying there with tear stained cheeks. I let out a sigh and slowly approach her. She doesn’t acknowledge that I’m in the room, not even when I sit beside her on the bed. Her breathing is uneven as she tries to keep her composure. Instinctively, I brush her hair behind her ears and it’s then that she finally looks at me. I suddenly have no idea what to say to her, I feel like an ass for saying what I did out there but when it comes to her I will always worry, especially if Blaine is in town still. He was supposed to be gone, but something tells me he’s still here. If I see him, he will deeply regret that.

  She looks at me for a moment longer before turning her eyes away from me. She’s normally so strong, I hate to see her in a weak moment. I grab her hand and give it a gentle squeeze. She clearly wants to be alone so I will respect her wish. I drop her hand and stand to my feet. I begin to walk to the door when she barely whispers.

  “Cory,” I turn to look at her still in the same position. “Don’t leave me.”

  I let out a sigh as I turn around and walk back towards her. She sits up and when I sit on the bed, she lays her head in my lap. This reminds me of when I held her right after Caleb died but I didn’t feel anything for her then. If this is her way now of letting me in, I’ll take it.

  “I’m not going anywhere Sybil.” I assure her.

  I slowly rub her head and she doesn’t say another word. She’s so fragile now and all because that asshole texted her. I know she’s scared of him, after all he put her through. She’d been fragile enough and five months later he completely wrecked her and I’m here doing the best I can to keep her together.

  “Do you miss Megan?” she asks quietly. I’m taken back by her words but I’m quick to reply.

  “Of course I do. I miss her like you miss Caleb.”

  She sighs and the silence returns. I can’t see her face clearly because of how she’s laying. She moves once trying to get comfortable and I move closer to the headboard so I can lie against it. Her head is back on my lap and I hope she can’t hear my heart beating.

  The silence continues but I don’t mind it. I close my eyes letting myself relax and I can feel her shuffle around once more. I never open my eyes and she must think I’m asleep. She settles back down and it sounds like her breathing is finally starting to even out. When she falls asleep, I’ll inch her off of me and go to my bed. I’m not going to take advantage of her in this vulnerable situation.

  “We can’t be together Cory.” I hear her whisper. Her words tear me apart but I never let her know I heard them. I don’t believe those words at all, there’s no way I can.

  I end up falling asleep before she does and I never leave the room. My mind is telling me to get up and go but I’m so tired, that I don’t budge.

  ***

  Sybil

  My eyes open abruptly and I realize I’m still lying on Cory’s lap. Geez, what time is it? I look over at my clock and it’s a quarter til six in the morning. Oh damn, we’ve been sleeping for what seems like forever. Who cares if it’s possibly the best sleep I’ve gotten in a while, I remember myself whispering to him that we couldn’t be together. He was sleeping so I know he didn’t hear me. Parts of me want to believe we could but the more I think about it, I don’t think we could. Maybe I should stop thinking and just live in the moment.

  He stirs a little underneath me. I look over at him sleeping and he looks so peaceful, almost like my guardian angel. I want to get up and get out of the room before he wakes but I can’t quit looking at him. His shirt is raised just enough for me to see his skin. The moon is shining through the blinds and it’s shining enough to where I can see his stomach muscles. He looks perfectly sculpted and I can’t help but wonder what the rest looks like. My hand moves to his stomach and I slide it slowly across his skin. He moans in his sleep and I hurry and move my hand. His arm wraps instinctively around me and I can’t find the heart to move it away so I lay my head back down and fall back asleep.

  ***

  I’m standing in front of two doors. One is painted black and the other white. There’s a sinister look about the black one and the doorknob burns my hand. Clearly, I shouldn’t open this one. I look towards the white one and can’t help but smile. Is my salvation waiting behind that door? Is my every dream going to come true? My every prayer answered? I’m curious, I’m like the cat and we all know curiosity killed the cat. I have to know what’s behind the black door, whether I get burned or not. I draw in a deep breath and bite the inside of my cheek as I turn the doorknob of the black door. Shit, that hurts. I look into the eyes of Blaine, the devil himself and scream as I try to shut the door. The door won’t shut though and he begins to walk through. Oh no, what have I done? He’s walking towards me and instinctively, I run for the white door and fling the door open only to see my angel, Cory reaching his hand out for me. I grab onto him and jump through the door shutting it quickly before the devil can enter.

  I sit up abruptly covered in sweat. Cory jumps up beside me and sees me a few seconds away from having a panic attack. I can’t catch my breath and I feel icky. My sheets are soaked and I’m highly embarrassed. Even with all the sweat on me, I throw myself into his arms and cling to him like I did in my dream. What the hell was that even about? Is this some kind of sign? I don’t know but I’m freaked out.

  “Babe, are you ok?” he asks. He just called me babe. I should be looking at him crazy but I’m swooning on the inside. Get ahold of yourself.

  “I-I think so. I had a dream and…”

  “Shhh, I’ve got you. It’s ok. You don’t have to talk about it.” I’m glad he says that because I’m in no way ready to tell him I dreamt about both him and Blaine.

  “I need a shower,” I murmur against his skin. He nods in understanding and rubs my back before I find the strength to get up off the bed. I grab a change of clothes before heading towards the door. I take one good look and it’s then I realize, every door in this apartment is white. The dreams comes flooding back into my memory and I push it out as I reach confidently for the doorknob.

  I shower quickly, making sure I’m clean. When I step out of the bathroom, I smell coffee so I venture into the kitchen. Cory hands me a cup and I smile at him.

  “Did you ever think we’d survive this semester?” he asks.

  I’m glad he changed the subject and I’m even gladder this isn’t awkward. “Not really, but it’s almost over and then we have one semester left. Shit. I hope I get into the school I want to student teach in.”

  “Don’t sweat it Syb, you will.” I smile at him fully appreciating his support.

  He grabs a box of pancake mix out of the cabinet and a bowl. My stomach growls just looking at the box. He hums to himself as he begins to prepare the batter. Once the batter is mixed, he takes the spoon and wipes it on my nose. I scrunch up my nose immediately and stick my tongue out to catch the little bit that drips off. I stare at him trying not to laugh and when he least suspects it, I dip my hand into the batter and smear it across his face. We soon become involved in a batter war and we’re both covered. We’re laughing and for the first time in a long time, I feel carefree. There goes the pancake idea. He grabs me by the waist and I squeal as he sets me on the counter. He looks incredibly sexy, especially covered in pancake batter. He stares into my eyes before slowly leaning forward. He stops like he’s waiting for me to give him the go ahead. I can’t speak, I can barely even nod my head, how crazy is this? My head moves a little closer and he takes that as his sign as he lightly brushes his lips against mine. His lips taste like a sweet batter that I never want to end. I slowly open my mouth allowing him to kiss me deeper. I moan as our tongues intertwine, gently massaging one another. This kiss is filled with passion, it’s filled with want and need.

  My body responds, wanting him in every way I can possibly have him. I want to feel his bare chest against mine and I wonder what it would feel like to have him buried inside me. I’m so lost in my own lustful thoughts, I almost don
’t notice when he breaks the kiss. I’m left trying to catch my breath, feeling caught up in a whirlwind I’m not sure I want to break out of.

  “Shit, you must be pissed at me. You just took a shower.” He chuckles softly.

  Truth is, I could never be mad at him. Not after that kiss. I just smile and I feel my cheeks burning up. We’ve kissed before but this time, it feels different. I feel more vulnerable around him but in a good way.

  “I can take another,” I say a little timidly.

  He grabs me by my waist once again, but this time setting me on the floor. I feel sticky from the batter and I can’t wait to wash it off. His hands linger on my waist and my body liquefies at his touch. I feel like I could rival a tomato right now, I’ve never felt my face burn up this much around a guy and I was madly in love with Caleb.

  “Go get cleaned up. Let’s go somewhere today.” He says.

  I look at him funny, wondering what he has up his sleeve. I take my second shower of the day a little quicker this time and get ready for whatever it is he wants to do while he takes his shower. I’ve never been more relieved to be clean again. I never realized that pancake batter could get so messy. God forgive me, but I’d let that man put whatever he wants on me.

  Chapter 30

  Cory

  I wait patiently for her to take her shower. I need one too but we only have one bathroom. She walks out looking beautiful even though her hair isn’t dry yet. She smiles at me and tells me she can blow dry her hair in her room. I step in to the shower and finish as quickly as I can. When I come out, she’s already dressed and her hair is fixed. She smiles at me and walks towards the couch. I follow her and sit next to her trying to control myself.

  “I have an idea,” I tell her.