Saving Us

by Ashley Johnson

  I’m out of breath but I want more. I need more. He moves up to kiss me. There’s something so erotic about being able to taste myself on him. Something about knowing he loves the way I taste, turns me on. He grabs a condom and slides it on before slowly sliding into me. His eyes never leave mine as he gently thrusts gently, making love to me. My eyes close for a brief second as I moan. God, he feels like heaven. Something in him awakens and he unleashes several powerful thrusts that make my toes curl. I love this man so much. My body tingles with every thrust and it’s not long before I’m surrendering the best orgasm of my life to him.

  Cory walks into the bathroom and walks back out with a damp rag to clean me off. After he tosses the rag into the hamper, he joins me back in bed. Instinctively, my head rests on his chest once again. The beating of his heart is like an intoxicating drug to me. I could listen to it all night long. I run my hand over his chest and listen as he breathes. His hand finds mine and our fingers lace together as we lay in silence.

  “You’re amazing Sybil.”

  I raise my head slightly to meet his gaze and a small smile tugs at his lips. “Really? I don’t feel so amazing sometimes, but you make me feel amazing.”

  “Why would you say that, Syb?” he asks carefully.

  “No, I don’t want to talk about any of that right now. No way am I ruining this moment.”

  “You won’t. Anything you feel you need to talk about, I’m here to listen. I don’t want you ever worried about talking to me about things.”

  I sigh as I begin to talk. “It’s really nothing, Cory. I just pretty much hate myself sometimes for falling for Blaine’s crap. I should have seen it for what it was and believed you when you tried to warn me.”

  His hand rubs over mine and he replies, “People make mistakes and things happen. Don’t hate yourself for that. Yes, I was upset but for more reasons than him. I was also upset because I was falling for my best friend’s girl and couldn’t have her. That was shitty on my part.”

  “I hate that Megan knew how you felt.” I tell him quietly.

  “Me too. I didn’t want to tell you, but when I was cleaning her stuff out of the apartment I found a letter she wrote me. She was planning on breaking up with me because of my feelings for you. She had it all planned out and said she would hold nothing against you because you didn’t know. I felt like a fucking asshole for doing that to her and bringing her to that point. I never meant for any of this to happen. I couldn’t help it no matter how hard I tried.”

  My eyes grow wide as I listen to him tell me this. I’m not sure what to really say. “The past is the past right?” He nods his head wearing a grim look on his face. “You’re right. It’s time to move on and we are moving on together.”

  Slowly I bring my lips to his and lightly kiss him. Our hands stay laced together and we hold onto all we have left. Each other.

  Chapter 38

  Cory

  A year ago today Sybil and I stared in horror as we looked at Caleb’s body inside the morgue. It’s a day neither of us have forgotten. A day that left us to face more shit than we ever imagined. Because of that day, we changed in so many ways and saved each other. She’s distant this morning, but who can blame her? I feel distant myself as I sip on my cup of coffee. She’s sitting at the table staring into the cup like it’s some sort of magic cauldron and twirling her hair around her finger. She sighs and lets her hair fall onto her shoulder before picking the coffee cup up and taking a sip.

  I turn around deciding it’s time to get dressed. We have plans to go to the cemetery today and then spend the rest of the day with David and Lillian. The chair scoots back but I don’t turn around. Sybil’s arms wrap around my waist and she rests her head against my back. I sigh as I turn to face her. Her smile is weak but she’s smiling and that’s all I care about. I pull her closer to me and hold her for what seems like an eternity. A year ago, life as we knew it changed.

  “I never could’ve gotten through this without you, Cory.” She whispers against the cotton fabric of my shirt.

  “Let’s get ready, ok?” She pulls away and nods her head.

  The drive to the cemetery is quiet. The radio is off and neither of us speak. Her hand is in mine though while she covers her mouth with her other hand. She’s trying to control her breathing, trying to stay together, when all she wants to do is fall apart. I park the truck and hand in hand, we approach the place where Caleb lies. Wanting to give her space, my grip on her hand loosens. She clings to my hand, holding it tighter. My eyes meet hers and she shakes her head no.

  “I need you Cory.” She whispers.

  We stand face to face with Caleb’s headstone. A tear slides down my cheek and I don’t bother trying to wipe it away. A sob escapes her mouth as her body sinks to the ground. I sit beside her with her hand still in mine. Her body curls up to mine and her tears soak my shirt.

  “I remember like it was yesterday. I can’t believe he’s been gone for a year.” I say aloud. “I can still see his body lying there and thinking it was just some fucked up dream.”

  “It was no dream,” she says. “It was a nightmare.”

  She slowly pulls her hand away from mine and stands. She runs her hands along the headstone and her body begins to shake as she cries. She runs her hand across his name and then begins to straighten the flowers in the vase. They look brittle and lifeless. A petal crumbles falling to the ground and she breaks down again.

  “I’m horrible. I didn’t even think to bring flowers.”

  I stand to meet her and pull her closer. “You are not horrible. We can go get some flowers right now. It just slipped your mind, its ok. Do you want to go get some?”

  “Yeah, I’d love that.” She says.

  It’s not even noon yet when we get to the store, we pick up a bouquet of fresh flowers and Sybil grabs a pack of her favorite chocolates. I stare at her for a minute and she just smiles at me. I don’t question her at all. Once the flowers and chocolates are paid for, we head back to the cemetery.

  ***

  Sybil

  A year ago today, my life changed completely. Caleb killed himself inside my car and there was nothing I could do to stop him. Life moves on, people change and we find our way. I’ve found my way and I’m happy. Honestly, I am. Cory knows me better than anyone and I know him too. I love him and I don’t think I would have been able to survive this year, let alone this day without him.

  I picked out the prettiest flowers I could find. Their vibrant colors were just what Caleb’s grave needs. We arrive back at the cemetery and Cory removes the old flowers. I smile as I take a bite of chocolate and set the new bouquet in the vase.

  Cory opens a bottle of water for each of us and we sit on the grass and just stare at the grave. I tilt my head back as I let the water slide down my throat.

  A few minutes later, I let out a small laugh. Cory tilts his head and just looks at me. He probably thinks I’ve lost my mind. “Hey, do you remember the first time Caleb got wasted at a college party?”

  “Yeah,” he laughs. “You two had just started dating. I think he was trying to impress you.”

  “Ha, yeah he couldn’t even walk straight. You had to help me get him in the truck. He tried to sweet talk me that night but he couldn’t complete a damn sentence to save his life. He blew my phone up that next day apologizing. I wasn’t mad at all, I thought it was hilarious.”

  “One time when we were teenagers, we pranked our high school principal. Caleb super glued everything on his desk. He was pissed. We both nearly got expelled but his dad came to our rescue.”

  I laugh imagining the two of them doing something crazy like that. I grab another chocolate and open it. I’m going to end up eating myself into oblivion. I know I should stop but it’s the only thing keeping me from completely losing my shit out here.

  “Caleb told me that story one time and I thought he was trying to pretend to be a badass. How did his dad get ya’ll out of that?”

  “He basically kissed the pr
incipals ass but we both were in deep shit when we got home.”

  The more we talk and reminisce, makes it much easier to look at his final resting place and be able to cope with it. Being able to cope is just what I need today.

  “He was perfect Cory. I remember when I had my mis—“ I throw my hand over my mouth and shake my head. That was never supposed to be mentioned ever again. Caleb and I had made a pact that no one would ever know.

  Cory turns to face me with his mouth slightly open. He sets his water bottle on the grass and pulls my hand in his. “When you had your what, Sybil?”

  “Nothing, please forget I said anything.”

  “You can tell me anything but if you don’t want to talk about it then I’ll forget this happened.”

  I sigh and close my eyes. When I open them, I look Cory dead in the eyes. “The summer after we first started dating, I found out I was pregnant.” Cory’s eyes widen just like I pretty much expected them to. Thank you big mouth. “My body pretty much rejected the baby, I didn’t even get to show or feel the things a woman should get to feel. He was upset but I was devastated. I mean, I couldn’t even carry his child. I felt useless. He did everything to show me that just because I lost our baby, it didn’t change anything with us. It wasn’t the right time anyway and I’m sort of thankful right now. If we had that baby, how the hell would I explain what happened to them? Would he have even done it?”

  “I never knew that. I’m so sorry, Sybil.” He says quietly.

  I wave my hand dismissing the subject. “It’s in the past like everything else. We didn’t want anyone to know. I wasn’t far along enough to really go blabbing it to the world. Can we talk about something else please?”

  “Anything you want,” he says squeezing my hand.

  Tears slide down my cheek. Some for the unborn baby and some for Caleb. We sit in silence for another few minutes on the grass.

  Cory’s phone rings and I almost jump. I’ve been so lost in my own thoughts that I almost forgot just what we were doing here. My eyes roam back over to Caleb’s headstone and I can’t help but smile. I’m not crazy and I’m not drunk. I’m smiling remember every good thing about him. There was so much about him that was wonderful and amazing. We had so many good times together and although he hurt us more than he could ever imagine and put us all in danger, he’ll forever have a place in my heart.

  Chapter 39

  Cory

  My phone rings breaking the silence. “Hello?”

  “Hey Cory, we just wanted to check on you today.” My mom is so thoughtful. I wink at Sybil and step off to the side to give her some space.

  “Sybil and I are at the cemetery right now. It’s a pretty hard day, I can’t lie about that but we’re ok.”

  “Speaking of Sybil, when are you going to bring her around?”

  “Soon Mom, I promise.” I tell her.

  “Ok, well I just wanted to check on you. We love you.”

  “Love you too, Mom.”

  I hang up the phone and walk back to meet Sybil. Just when I think I’ve learned about all I can from her, I learn a little more. Caleb was my best friend and I knew everything about him. Everything except the fact that he and Sybil lost a baby. My heart broke a little more for her hearing that. She looks up at me and smiles faintly, completely melting me.

  “Who was that babe?” she asks.

  “It was my mom calling to check on us. She wanted me to tell you hi.”

  “Oh, that’s sweet. I’m going to have to meet her soon.”

  I smile the best I can and kiss her forehead. “Very soon babe, I promise. She’s been dying to meet you.”

  “Looks like you better pick up the slack on that one.” She smiles. I’m glad she can smile today.

  “I love you, Sybil.”

  “Not as much as I love you.”

  ***

  Sybil

  I still want to slap myself for ever mentioning the miscarriage. I don’t know what the hell made me think that was ok to discuss, especially when I haven’t had my period yet this month. We’ve used protection, but I know that doesn’t always mean we’re safe. After the phone call with his mom, we decide to head back to the apartment. I can only stare at the headstone for so long before getting sad again. I blow a kiss to the grave and walk slowly back to the truck. As Cory drives away, I pull my phone out opening my period tracking app. The app says I’m twenty five days late. Shit. I bought a test a few days ago and hid it in the spare room. I sigh realizing what I have to do. I have to take this test and see what it says. If I am, I wonder how Cory will respond especially now that he knows I’ve already lost one baby. Will he be excited or will he be mad? I don’t know but I can only hope for the best.

  As we pull back up to the apartment, Cory grabs my hand and leans in close to plant a soft kiss on my lips. He deepens the kiss and I moan into his mouth as I thoroughly enjoy the way he tastes. “No matter what, I will always love you. I know you already know that but with the craziness that’s happened, I wanted to tell you that.”

  “I love you too, Cory.”

  He smiles and steps out of the truck. He opens my door for me and we walk hand in hand into the apartment. I could let this go, but I need to take the test now. If I don’t, I’ll keep putting it off. I need to know.

  I excuse myself to the bathroom, stopping to get the test out of the room. I tuck it into the waistband of my jeans and once I’m inside, I rip the package open. I sit on the toilet positioning the stick just right. When I’m done, I set it on the counter and close my eyes. I see nothing but darkness. There are no thoughts or memories that consume me. There is nothing.

  My eyes open and stare at the stick. My heart plummets and I cling to my stomach. I don’t want to go through this again. I can’t. I only hope this is truly meant to be because if I lose another child, I don’t know what I’ll do. Happy first anniversary in heaven Caleb, I’m having your best friend’s baby.

  Chapter 40

  Cory

  Sybil has been in the bathroom for a while now and I’m starting to get worried. Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed her like that in the truck today. That may have been a little much and now I’m feeling like a dick for it. Minutes pass and she still isn’t out. I walk to the bathroom and softly knock on the door.

  “Sybil are you ok?”

  “I, uh….”

  I try the doorknob and when it turns, I open the door to check on her. Our eyes meet before mine notice the stick sitting on the bathroom counter. Immediately I know what it is. I reach for it but she beats me to it and covers it up. Her face turns crimson and she looks like she may cry.

  “Sybil, babe what is it? You can tell me.”

  “Cory, I’m so sorry.” She whispers.

  “For what? Talk to me.” I grab her hand and she crumbles setting the stick back on the counter. My eyes gaze down upon it to stare at two little pink lines. “You’re pregnant?”

  She nods her head yes and then closes her eyes. She’s terrified and I know why. She mentioned the miscarriage with Caleb earlier at the cemetery. She’s scared of this. Without saying another word, I pull her into me and hold her as her body shakes with sobs.

  “I’m sorry.” She sobs into my chest.

  I rub her back slowly and kiss her head. “For what? Don’t be sorry for this. Everything will be ok, do you hear me? Nothing bad will happen to this baby.”

  “I can’t believe we found this out today, but I had to take the test Cory. You really think everything will be ok?”

  “I know so. Wow, we’re going to be parents, huh? This is the best news, ever.” I smile holding her tightly.

  This is actually good news on a day like today. I can only hope that she honestly feels it is too. I know she is scared of the past repeating itself but there is nothing that can change the way I feel about her. Knowing there is a piece of both of us growing inside of her makes me love her more. I just know she’ll be able to carry this baby. I know it with every fiber in my being.

 
; ***

  Sybil

  My phone rings while we’re standing in the bathroom. Lillian is calling and I almost feel horribly guilty. I decide not to tell her yet as I answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Sybil. We tried to call Cory’s phone but it went straight to voicemail. We were just getting ready to go to the cemetery. Would you two like to join us for dinner tonight?”

  “We just got home from the cemetery, I brought some new flowers to set in the vase.”

  “Thank you, Sybil. I can’t believe he’s been gone a year.” She says quietly.

  “Me either. Oh and dinner sounds great. Just tell us where and we’ll meet ya’ll.”

  “Ok, I’ll call you with the details when we know.”

  I end the call and look at Cory. “Lillian said she tried to call you but your phone was off.”

  He pulls it out of his pocket before replying, “The battery must have died. I’ll plug it in, in a minute.”

  “I told them we’d have dinner with them. I don’t want to say anything though about the pregnancy. I want to make sure everything is fine and I don’t want to spring this on them today.”

  He pulls me in close and hugs me again. He’s actually happy about this and that makes my heart soar. “Sounds good to me, babe. I meant what I said earlier. Everything is going to be ok.”

  “I hope you’re right.” I tell him as we walk to the couch. “When we get back from dinner, I need to get my clothes together for tomorrow. I can’t believe I’m finally student teaching.”

  Finally everything I’ve worked so hard for is paying off. I begin student teaching and then in a few months, I’ll be graduating and hopefully securing a permanent teaching position.

  “I’m so proud of you Syb.” He tells me as I lay against his chest. His hand stops on my stomach and rests there. My heart flutters as I lay there and I can’t help but be optimistic. Maybe, just maybe, things are finally working out for us. There is finally nothing to hold us back.