Flare Up

by Shannon Stacey

  “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “I can feel your anger right now. You’re squeezing my hand and your knee’s bouncing and you’re practically coiled up, wanting to strike at something.”

  “Did you think I couldn’t keep you safe? Is that why you left me?”

  “No. God, Grant. No.” Her voice was hoarse from the smoke and raw with emotion.

  “Then why? Why didn’t you come to me instead of running?”

  Wren could feel Grant’s anger, almost like an aura surrounding him, but it was the hurt in his voice she couldn’t bear.

  She knew it was time to tell him, though. “I was afraid he’d hurt you.”

  “I’m not that easy to hurt, you know.” She felt a pang of guilt when his fingers tightened again because they both knew he meant physically. Emotionally, she’d hurt him badly. “And I have friends. Resources. Contacts in law enforcement. We could have taken care of this guy and we wouldn’t have let him hurt you.”

  “He didn’t hurt me,” she said, though her throat tightened up so it was barely a whisper.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “He didn’t hit me. He...controlled me. He broke me down, I guess. He destroyed me without ever laying a hand on me.” She swallowed hard. “My brother tried to tell me over and over again that he was bad for me.”

  “You have a brother?”

  She heard the weird sound of distress she made and she tilted her head back, trying to control her emotions. She just had to get it out. “There was a lot. I don’t want to relive it all, but I left Ben so many times. He was so good at getting me back, though, and then breaking me down again. And Alex—my brother—told me every single time that I was making a mistake forgiving Ben. Over and over, he told me that.

  “The last time I left him, he came after me. And I finally told him no. I told him some of the things Alex had said about our relationship—about how it was unhealthy—and that he was right and I didn’t want to see him again. That we were through.”

  She paused, taking a deep and shuddering breath that did nothing to ease the constriction in her chest. “He forced me into the car and then made me watch while he beat Alex so badly he was in the hospital for almost a week.”

  Grant let go of her hand and looped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. She resisted. She didn’t deserve his comfort.

  “He’s okay, though? Your brother, I mean.”

  Wren nodded, feeling a fresh wave of pain. “But he never spoke to me again because he’d warned me. Over and over, he told me Ben was no good, but I didn’t listen. It was my fault Ben hurt him.”

  “That’s bullshit. The only person responsible for what Ben did was Ben.”

  “That a technicality,” she said immediately, since she’d had this discussion with herself many times. “If I’d listened to Alex in the beginning, none of it would have happened.”

  “I can keep telling you it’s not your fault, but I don’t think you’ll believe me, so I’m going to get you the name of the therapist Cait’s mom sees because he’s helped her family so much.”

  She tried not to focus too much on the fact he’d said he’d get her the name instead of just telling her to ask Cait herself. That implied Wren was going to see him again, or at least talk to him.

  “What made you take off in September?” he asked, and his voice had changed. Hardened a little, as though hardening himself against the pain she’d caused him in the fall. “Is this guy in Boston?”

  “I don’t know where he is, but he called me. He called my cell phone and said he wanted to see me so he could apologize and we could talk.”

  “When we met, you told me you left Virginia because you were bored there, but I assume that’s where you lived with him?”

  She nodded. “He pled down to misdemeanor assault and got sentenced to a year, but I didn’t want to stay in Virginia anymore and the situation with Alex... It was just time for a fresh start. I’d been in Boston for almost a year when I met you and enough time had passed so I assumed he’d moved on.”

  “Didn’t you get a new cell phone number when you left?”

  “Yeah, but I gave it to a few people back home. He can be really charming, so he must have gotten it from somebody.”

  “So he called you and it scared you, and instead of telling me about this guy, you changed your number again and ghosted. And threw away what we had.”

  The flash of anger surprised her. “You make it sound like some guy I used to date called me and I ran away. You don’t know, Grant. You didn’t see what he did to my brother. I wasn’t taking the chance he’d do that to you.”

  “I’m not gonna lie. It’s a little hard to believe you dumped me because you were afraid some guy would try to beat me up.”

  “After I hung up on him, I kept imagining what he did to Alex, but with your face and... I couldn’t live with that.”

  He stood and took a few steps away from her, shoving his hair back as he blew out a breath. “I can’t talk about this right now. I really want to try to understand how terrifying that was for you and how it might have grown into a bigger fear than it needed to be, but right now I’m still pissed you didn’t feel like you could come to me with it.”

  “I know you. You wouldn’t have taken it seriously because you assume you could take him in a fight. But he’s messed up and angry and dangerous, and that was before he went to prison. After all that, he still went to the trouble to get my number and call me, so he’s still dangerous. I wasn’t willing to take the chance he’d hurt you.”

  He gave her a sharp nod, but she could tell her explanation hadn’t really helped. He couldn’t accept that she’d reacted out of fear, not logic. “I should go. I know you have Gavin and Cait, but is there anything else you need?”

  Honestly, she needed everything, but if she kept her focus on one thing at a time, maybe it wouldn’t feel so overwhelming. “I know it was an exhausting night for you, but you guys didn’t happen to notice if the cars parked on the street survived, did you?”

  He winced and her stomach sank. “Is that what those ice sculptures were?”

  “From the back of the ambulance, it looked like you guys hosed down the entire neighborhood. But my car was parked a ways down the street, so maybe I won’t need a hammer and chisel to get into it.”

  “Tell you what. I managed enough of a power nap to get me through for a while, so why don’t I take you out to breakfast and then we’ll swing by and see if we can get your car. If it’s frozen in, I can take you around to...work or to go shopping or whatever.”

  She shouldn’t. It would be too easy to relax into the comfort of having Grant in her life, especially with the Ben situation looming over her. Was her apartment building burning related to the fact he’d found her?

  And there was so much pain between her and Grant. The last thing she wanted to do was make it harder for him. He would take care of her, no matter what it cost him emotionally, because that’s who he was. She shouldn’t take advantage of that just because it made facing her day a little easier.

  But she was weak and the doctor had warned her against strenuous activities or exposing herself to more germs than she had to. She honestly didn’t have the strength to deal with public transportation today.

  “You’re going to have to accept help from somebody,” he said. “If not me, than Gavin and Cait. Or somebody else. I’m here. I’m free.”

  Despite the many valid reasons she had for sending him on his way, her mind latched on the practicality of his words and decided accepting his offer was a good idea. “That sounds great. I’d appreciate it.”

  “Good. We’ll start with breakfast because I’m starving, but no rush. Whenever you’re ready. And dress warm.”

  The only things Cait had been able to find that Wren could wear were leggings and sweatshirts, but she’
d make do. And she’d shoved her feet into her sneakers before she’d succumbed to the smoke last night, so she had those.

  The loss of almost everything she owned threatened to crush her, but she took a slow, deep breath and forced herself to recognize how grateful she was to do so. And she had her car, her purse and friends.

  And Grant. For today, at least, she had the man she’d loved—and walked away from—back in her life.

  Chapter Four

  The early morning air was like an icy slap in the face as Grant walked out of Gavin’s building, and he felt an urge to back up and let it slap him again.

  What the hell was he doing?

  He could have given Wren the bag of stuff, made sure she was okay, and left. Hell, he could have given the bag to Gavin and not seen her at all.

  Instead, he was holding the door for her because he was taking her out for breakfast. Almost like a date.

  Not a date, he told himself in no uncertain terms.

  He was just helping her out because she was a friend. Or had been a friend. He didn’t know what she was now.

  They didn’t have to walk far to where his Jeep was parked, which was good. Wren had been reluctant to go into Gavin and Cait’s closet, but Grant wasn’t shy. He couldn’t do much about the leggings and sneakers, but he’d found a heavy Boston Fire sweatshirt in Gavin’s drawer and a parka of Cait’s in the closet.

  But he should have dug around for a scarf, he thought when the frigid air hit Wren’s lungs and triggered a coughing fit. She winced and put the arm not covering her mouth over her ribs. They probably hurt not only from coughing, but from being carried down the stairs over his shoulder.

  She slowed when she spotted his Wrangler. “Oh, you got the new wheels you wanted for it. The ones in the catalog on your coffee table. And those are new lights, right?”

  “Yeah.” He didn’t want to talk about the money he’d put into the Jeep. If she’d blown him off a couple of weeks later, the chunk of cash he’d spent on the vehicle would have been spent and those wheels would have been the perfect diamond ring he’d chosen for her after months of trying to find the right one.

  He wasn’t going to think about that right now, he told himself. Sure, Wren had broken his heart and made him question whether he even wanted to stay in Boston. Life had been pretty empty since she left. But she’d almost died last night and she’d lost everything she owned—except, hopefully, her car—and he needed to help lift her up. Dragging them both down into the past would only make them miserable.

  After hitting the button to unlock the doors, he opened hers. Even after five months, it was just habit to offer his hand so she could steady herself as she stepped up onto the running board and into the jacked-up Jeep. She smiled as she reached for her seat belt and, for a few beautiful seconds, it was if she’d never been gone.

  Maybe it was simply self-preservation, but he avoided their usual breakfast spots and took her to a little place near the fire station that he liked, but was far enough from his apartment so they hadn’t gone there together.

  It didn’t matter. He could have driven her to some random place in Vermont and once he sat down across the table from her and she smiled that soft, slightly shy smile at him, his heart would have beat a little faster.

  This is what his life was supposed to look like.

  “You left your job at the bookstore,” he said, after they’d ordered omelets—his stuffed with veggies and hers with meats—and fixed their coffees. “What are you doing now?”

  “I miss that job so much.” She sighed, fiddling with her silverware. “But I’m working part-time at a market in the evenings and part-time as a receptionist at a hair salon a few days a week.”

  “Don’t let them screw with your hair,” he said without thinking. Grant loved her hair. Loved gathering it in his hands before tightening his grip and tilting her head back for a slow, deep kiss. He realized it had been a stupid thing to say, though, and cleared his throat. “Unless you want them to. It’s, you know, your hair, of course. Are you supposed to work today? Or tonight?”

  She shook her head. “I was already scheduled to be off at the salon and I called the market a few minutes before you got there and told the owner what happened. He said I could have tonight and tomorrow night off and that he’d still pay me.”

  “That’s really decent of him.”

  “It is. It’s not the best paying job I’ve ever had, but they’re really nice people. They’re an older couple and they thought it would be a family business, but their kids grew up and went off to have their own careers, so they’re trying to slow down a little.”

  They made small talk until their breakfasts arrived. She talked about the salon for a few minutes, and then she asked about the people in his life. He caught her up and, once the food arrived, they talked in between bites. She ate slowly, chewing a lot and swallowing with some obvious discomfort.

  “Have you been spending a lot of time at Kincaid’s?” she asked after a while.

  He wondered if that was her way of asking about his social life, and maybe whether or not he was dating. Kincaid’s Pub was owned by Scott Kincaid’s dad, and all of the guys from Engine 59 and Ladder 37 hung out there. Wren had been a few times, though meeting her had cured Grant of his need to be out on the town all the time. He’d much preferred quiet nights at home with her, watching TV or playing cards or whatever she was in the mood for.

  “Not really,” he said. “I hang out with Gavin and Cait sometimes. Or go out with the other guys once in a while. Hockey games and whatnot. I took a little time off and went home to visit my parents for a bit.”

  She looked down at her plate, but he caught a glimpse of her face before she did and he knew she’d guessed he’d gone home to his mom and dad after their breakup.

  “So that’s about it,” he said with a light tone, wanting the smiling version of Wren back.

  “I’m so glad Derek and Olivia got married. They’re a nice couple, and I adored his daughter. She’s a reader, like me.”

  “They almost didn’t make it. They broke up for a little while.” He stabbed a mushroom with his fork a little harder than was necessary. “But they worked through their issues and got through it. Together.”

  He heard her fork clatter on her plate. “Grant, I—”

  “I’m sorry.” He forced himself to look up at her. “I’m trying.”

  “I know. And I appreciate it. I really do, because it’s hard and I can’t even imagine how much harder it is for you.”

  “Sitting here with you is harder than I thought it would be.” He shook his head and laid down his fork because he’d lost his appetite. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you, too. Every day.”

  “I can’t... I don’t know what to do here, Wren. I can’t just walk away from you.” He blew out a breath as he shoved a hand through his hair. “But I can’t forget what happened, either. I don’t know what to do.”

  * * *

  Forgive me.

  That’s what Wren wanted for him to do. Desperately. But it wasn’t that simple and she knew it. She had to give him time to process what she’d told him today before she could ask him to let it go. And she could keep giving him the truth.

  “I don’t know if it helps any, but I wasn’t afraid Ben could beat you up. I was afraid you’d...” She let the words die away because she didn’t know how to explain it. And it probably wouldn’t help.

  “You were afraid I’d blame you like your brother did and throw you out of my life.” Apparently her expression and the sudden film of tears in her eyes were answer enough because he sighed deeply. “I can’t believe you thought I’d do that to you.”

  “I didn’t really think at all. I just reacted.”

  He looked at her without blinking, his dark gaze locked on her with such intensity, she wasn’t sure she could move even if she’d wan
ted to. “I’m not going to be able to stay away from you.”

  But... She was quiet, waiting for it.

  “I cared about you too much to let you go through this alone.” There was that painful past tense again. “But I’m not okay. I don’t know how to describe it any better than that. I’m not okay.”

  “I understand.” She didn’t bother to tell him she was a big girl and could take care of herself. He knew that, but he’d still be compelled to check on her. He took care of the people who were important to him.

  “You were so reserved and, even once we got to know each other, I knew you were always holding something back. And now I know what it is and you don’t have to hold anything back from me. I want to get to know the Wren who doesn’t have any secrets from me.”

  His words were like a rainbow at the end of a long, rainy day. A faint rainbow, but there nonetheless. But there were still dark clouds in the sky, throwing a shadow across that little beam of hope.

  “When I woke up and realized the building was on fire, I was afraid it was Ben,” she said in a thin voice. “I’m still afraid he found me and he’s coming after me. I need you to know that.”

  He nodded. “If he’d just been a controlling jerk with anger control issues, he probably wouldn’t have called you when he got out of prison. Assuming he didn’t call from inside.”

  “He’s out. He was probably out before we started dating, but he either hadn’t found me yet or hadn’t gotten mad enough to look. I was able to find out he’s definitely been let out of jail, though nobody official would give me any more information than that. And I was afraid to call any of our mutual acquaintances and give him more to go on if he was looking for me.”

  “Good call. After you changed your number, you got no more calls from him?”

  “No. And now I’ll probably get another number, since I don’t have a phone anymore.”

  “We can pick one up today.” He took a sip of his coffee, and she could tell by the way his eyebrows furrowed that he was thinking, so she kept quiet. “It’s really unlikely he was responsible for that fire.”