Perfectly Lonely: (Let Me In, Book 2)

by Marin, Jessica

Dread - Every day I come home to an empty apartment filled with memories of Charlie.

  Scared - My evolving feelings for Chase.

  I stare at the last line as if it slapped me in the face. I just need to have some tough love with myself for a change about how I really feel about Chase. The old Layla would have chewed him up and spit him out already without even looking back. This new Layla feels like she’s back in high school discovering her first crush. The man has started to consume my every thought to the point of distraction. I look forward to his text messages every morning. I look forward to hearing his voice when he calls. His perception of me matters. And the way my body physically reacts to him every time I’m near him makes me believe that he’s secretly a hypnotist.

  I haven’t felt this way since Charlie, and while I should be ecstatic that I finally found someone to have these feelings for, instead I want to hide in my room and never let anyone in.

  Because being alone is easier.

  Being alone makes me feel safe.

  Being alone won’t leave me with a broken heart.

  Being alone guarantees that no one I love will be taken away from me.

  I roll my eyes at myself, knowing that my thinking is dangerous and would have everyone who loves me extremely worried. But if I’m going to be truly honest, then I also need to admit that deep down I don’t want to be alone. I miss sharing my life with someone. I want to have kids someday. But do I want to take that chance on someone like Chase?

  My father always told me that the best way to face a major decision in life is to write out the pros and cons. I turn my piece of paper over and start to write out the pros and cons of Chase Wilson:

  Pros

  Smart

  Funny

  Sweet

  Amazing kisser

  Attentive

  Driven

  Resourceful

  Independent

  Sexy

  Cons

  Deceived me in the past

  Returning to Vancouver

  Former playboy

  Smooth talker

  Family drama

  Crumbling business

  Paparazzi

  Way too sexy

  I go over each and every word in my head multiple times, waiting for the ‘a-ha’ moment on how to proceed forward with Chase when my phone dings with a text message.

  Chase: Good morning, Angel. I trust you slept well and had numerous wet dreams involving me as I did you. I’m looking forward to seeing you later.

  No, I didn’t sleep well last night as I tossed and turned all night long from the cravings he erupted from my body for him. And, when I did finally fall asleep, he intruded on my dreams.

  I crumple up the paper in my fist, throw it in the trash and decide to do two of the things I do best — delay making a decision regarding Chase and go shopping.

  * * *

  Six hours of retail therapy and the only thing I walk away with is a basket of goodies for Avery. I decided to buy her some of her favorites toys, some snacks and clothes. I worked hard making the basket look pretty and as I ride the elevator up to Jenna’s apartment, I am excited to watch her open it. I knock on the door and to my surprise, Chase answers, looking devilishly sexy in a black, long sleeve V-neck sweater, jeans and high top dress shoes. Traitor, I silently scream at my heart as it starts to beat faster at the sight of him.

  “Hello, Angel,” he whispers seductively and swiftly kisses me on the lips. “I’ve missed you today.” I can’t help but smile at him, but my smile soon fades when he turns around and I see Jenna watching us with raised eyebrows.

  Busted!

  “Auntie Layla!” Avery screams, as she runs past both Chase and Jenna toward me, crashing into my legs.

  “Avery Doodle, I’ve missed you so much!” I squat down to her level and squeeze her in the tightest hug her little body can withstand. “I brought you some presents. Were you the best girl on your trip with mommy and daddy?”

  “Yes, Auntie Layla!” She nods her head in excitement, her eyes wide as she looks in anticipation at the basket I’m holding.

  “Good girl. Go take this into the living room to open.” As soon as I hand her the basket, she takes off running down the hall, nearly knocking Jenna down as she passes her to the living room.

  “Mommy, look what Auntie Layla got me!” she yells while setting the basket down on the coffee table and starts rummaging through it to look at all of her presents.

  “I see,” Jenna says as she watches her daughter. “Aunt Layla spoils you rotten.”

  I stand back up and walk toward Jenna to give her a hug. As I pull back, I study her face and see a drastic difference in her from five days ago. Her gaunt, pale look is gone, the bags under her eyes have vanished, and there is an amused twinkle in her eyes as she watches me look her over. She’s glowing with happiness, which makes me wonder if we have a future wedding to celebrate.

  “I’ve missed you, Jens,” I say with sincerity. I squeeze her hands and feel no engagement ring on her finger. Either Cal decided to wait to ask her or she said no like I predicted.

  “I’ve missed you too. Seems like we have a lot to catch up on,” she winks at me and quickly nods her head over at Chase, who is standing by the dining room table talking to Robert. “Can you meet me for our morning workout tomorrow?”

  “Yes, but we have to make it short because I’ve got to get home to shower and change for a job interview I have.”

  Her eyes go wide with excitement as she has been wanting me to look for a new job for years now. “Wow, we really do have a lot to talk about.” We walk toward the couch together to watch Avery open her gifts.

  I see Cal come out of Jenna’s office and I go over to give him a hug. “You were right,” he whispers in my ear, answering my curiosity about whether he proposed or not. While I usually relish in the fact of predicting when I’m right, this instance is not one of them.

  “Don’t give up,” I whisper back to him, hoping he isn’t discouraged by her refusal at his proposal.

  “Never!” he says seriously before giving me a wink. He turns his attention to Avery and sits down on the ground beside her to look over her presents. “Avery, what has Aunt Layla brought you?”

  She shows off her new toys and clothes, but I can’t help but see disappointment on her beautiful, little face as she keeps looking into the basket even after it is empty.

  “Avery, what’s wrong? Didn’t you like your presents?” I ask, as Chase and Robert join us at the couch to watch her.

  “I do like my presents, Auntie Layla, but I was really hoping you were going to get me some cum juice to try.” Silence permeates the air as we all try to comprehend in shock what she just said. I look over at Jenna, whose eyes seem to be bulging out of her sockets. Robert is covering his mouth with his hand and looks away so Avery does not see him laughing. Chase has a questioning smile on his face, as if he doesn’t think he heard her correctly. And Cal stares at his child in confusion, before tilting his head and looking at Jenna.

  “Did our daughter just say what I think she just said?”

  “Daddy, Auntie Layla said cum juice is your favorite kind of juice and I think it’s unfair that I haven’t tried it yet since things that are your favorite are my favorite too,” Avery says in her sweet, innocent five-year-old voice. Cal gives me a quizzical look while Robert can’t hide his laughter anymore. My eyes shoot daggers at him while he laughs at my expense.

  “What interesting things you have learned this summer, Avery,” Cal says smoothly as he looks at Jenna, who is covering her face with her hands in embarrassment.

  “Wait until you hear what she has learned from Uncle Robert,” I snidely remark, which shuts up the cackling that is coming from him. He gives me the evil eye and mouthes “fuck you” at me. I smile and blow a kiss at him with my middle finger.

  “So, can I have some?” Avery asks again, batting her eyelashes at Cal to try to get what she wants.

  “While your Aunt Layla is corr
ect that it is my favorite kind of juice,” Cal look towards Jenna and winks. “It’s not appropriate for children and is only for adult consumption,” he explains with a slow, devilish smile.

  “It’s time for dinner!” Jenna screeches in a high voice as she jumps up from the couch and starts heading to the kitchen. “Avery, please put your new toys away and help Mommy set the table.”

  “But Mommy…” Avery whines before continuing on her relentless attempt at getting her way.

  “Now!” Jenna commands and Avery gets up from the floor, puts all her new presents inside the basket and takes it to her room.

  “I can’t wait to hear this story,” Chase exclaims when we enter the kitchen to pile our plates with the Italian food that Jenna had brought in. We all get our food and sit down at the table to eat. For the next hour, we talk about Cal and Jenna’s trip, laugh at the cute things Avery says and enjoy each other’s company.

  “Avery, why don’t you get ready for bed and then you can watch TV for a little bit in Mommy and Daddy’s room?” Cal suggests after we’ve finished dessert. Avery reluctantly goes to her room with Jenna to get ready for bed. Once she’s ready and kisses us all good night, Jenna takes Avery into her room to turn on the TV and then comes back to the table and sits down next to Cal.

  “Okay everyone, let’s talk some business since we don’t have little ears with us anymore. Thank you for joining us tonight on such short notice. Jenna and I wanted to get everyone together to make sure we are all on the same page of what’s going to be happening in the next week.” He grabs her hand to hold before continuing on. “As you all know, Mason has left us. We will start the interviewing process this week for a new bodyguard and until we find one, Chase will be stepping in and accompanying Jenna and Avery wherever they go when I’m not with them or if we’re in a crowded setting.” We all look over at Chase, who nods his head in agreement.

  “We also have decided to start interviewing for a nanny, as well as house hunting since we seem to have outgrown this apartment.” My shocked eyes find Jenna’s and she mouths “tomorrow," indicating she will fill me in with details then.

  “I know everyone’s schedules are busy, but Robert and Layla, I would really appreciate it if you can help me with both the interviewing of a nanny and house hunting as I truly value your opinions,” Jenna says, hope and excitement gleaming from her eyes.

  “Since you’re the one who determines my schedule, I feel I have no choice in the matter,” Robert responds with sarcasm and we all laugh at his joke.

  “I will find the time for you,” I confirm, as there’s no way I’m not helping my best friend out.

  “Excellent, thank you!” Cal says with a smile. “We would also like both of you to accompany us to Vancouver when we tour Wilson Enterprises. We will make this trip both business and pleasure.

  “Wait, why would we go and tour Chase’s family business?” I ask Cal in confusion, not understanding what Chase’s business has to do with us. I look between Cal and Chase, who seem to be having a silent battle of words brewing between them.

  “I would have thought you would have told her, considering the amount of time you two have been spending together these last couple of days,” Cal says in a challenging voice while looking at Chase. I notice Chase lock his jaw, his hazel eyes narrowed in anger at Cal. How does Cal know we have been spending time together, I wonder. Cal raises his eyebrows at Chase, waiting for him to respond.

  “What the hell is going on here?” I demand, queasiness starting to fill my stomach as thoughts of being used once again start to swirl within my head.

  “Cal’s interested in becoming an investor in my family’s company,” Chase confirms with no emotion in his voice.

  Dread races through my veins and the sudden urge to run and get the hell away from Chase overtakes me. “Excuse me,” I say as I throw down my napkin, push my chair back to storm out of the apartment. I ignore Chase calling after me until I reach the elevators and as I push the down button, he grabs my arm and whirls me around.

  “Layla, wait! It isn’t what you’re thinking,” he pleads as he grabs my arms and forces me to look at him.

  “Really, Chase, because it’s starting to feel like a sick sense of déjà vu all over again!” I huff, shaking off his arms with as much force as I can. He lets go of me and rakes a hand through his hair.

  “Layla, I meant to tell you. It slipped my mind these last couple of days, as I was trying to make sure my full attention was solely focused on you.”

  “So, it slipped your mind when you were having a conference call with your brother the other night? Hard to imagine that the subject of Cal’s visit wouldn’t have been a topic of conversation,” I say, my voice laced with angry sarcasm.

  “Layla, Cal found out through a private investigator about my family’s struggles. When I came to him last week with my two weeks’ notice, he made the offer to be an investor if I provided him with information on how I plan to re-build the company. I never sought Cal out about this, nor did I ever in a million years consider him to be interested.”

  “Humor me for a second here. Was the plan to make me fall in love with you until Cal signed on the dotted line and then completely ignore and forget about me once you had his money back in Canada?” I ask in disgust, not believing he might be innocent in all of this.

  “Goddamnit, Layla, what do I have to do to show you I’m one hundred percent being honest with you? It never even entered my mind that you would react this way. I would’ve told you the minute after he offered it if I thought you would assume that I was using you to get to Cal!” He throws his hands up in the air in frustration, his eyes begging me to believe him. “When are you going to stop assuming the worse of me and start trusting me?”

  “With your past track record, I don’t know if I can ever trust you,” I spit out the verbal dagger, hoping I hit my mark. And with the hurt that immediately fills his eyes, it looks like I hit the bullseye.

  We stare at each other in silence and when the bell of the elevator’s arrival sounds, he’s the first one to break eye contact, making his way to the open doors.

  “Well, I guess we have no foundation to build on. I apologize for wasting yours and my time.” He walks into the elevator, pushes the ground floor button, and looks at me with icy coldness as the doors close.

  22

  Layla

  My demons won out as soon as I left Jenna’s apartment. I stopped at the liquor store before going home, bought a bottle of vodka, and went back to my apartment to continue making bad decisions. I must have written Chase five different text messages, each one containing a different message. And I deleted each one before hitting the send button. I finally fell asleep after drinking half of the bottle straight, only to be woken up five hours later to throw up, my body revolting against the liquor.

  I continue to torture myself by meeting Jenna for a morning walk. She’s going to want to talk about Chase, especially since I refused to do so when I came back into her apartment to retrieve my keys and she saw how upset I was. She begged me to spend the night and sleep on the couch, but I needed to get out of there to be alone. Maybe talking to Jenna about Chase will be therapeutic. Maybe she will affirm that I need to stay far away from him.

  I see her waiting for me at our meeting place on the Lakefront Trail when I stop short to see that she’s not alone this morning. Chase is with her. They are not talking as he’s standing a couple feet away from her, looking around, but the mere site of him raises my blood pressure in both a good and bad way.

  “Fuck!” I yell out in frustration, not only from the hot coffee that just splashed all over my shirt and burned me, but also that I forgot he started his new job as temporary bodyguard for her. This means he’ll be with her every time I see her out. How am I supposed to talk about him when he’s right there?

  “Are you okay?” she asks running up to me, concern written all over her face.

  “Yes, I just spilled coffee all over myself,” I say, as
I try to wipe the remaining wetness off me. He has followed Jenna, but turns his back on us once he sees that all is fine. Having him not ask me if I was okay stings and I was slightly disappointed that I didn’t have any text messages from him apologizing again. With him ignoring us, I have a full view of his delicious backside incased in jogging pants, his muscles flexing underneath his white t-shirt. He’s wearing sunglasses and his ear length hair is pulled into a high ponytail. He looks more like an incredibly hot personal trainer rather than the sexy bodyguard that he’s temporarily portraying.

  If he’s going to ignore me, then I’m just going to ignore him as well!

  “How are we going to talk about him if he’s with us?” I whisper while watching him to see if he heard me.

  Jenna glances at him before giving me a bemused look. “I guess we aren’t going to. Question, how do you plan on drinking hot coffee while we are speed walking?”

  “Sorry, I just needed a pick me up this morning,” I walk over to the trash can to throw my cup away.

  “Yes, I can smell your hangover a mile away,” she sarcastically replies as she pulls back from giving me a hug. I silently berate myself for not showering before I came here, since it doesn’t surprise me that she can smell the vodka sweating out of my pores.

  “I had good reason to indulge last night,” I respond in my defense and notice Chase’s back tense at this, indicating he’s listening to our conversation. Jenna watches him as well and then nods at me in acknowledgement.

  “Chase, we’ll take the trail to Shedd Aquarium and then turn around to come back,” Jenna instructs and he nods his head in agreement. We start to walk, Chase following us, positioned on Jenna’s right side.

  “Start spilling your guts about your trip,” I demand, needing to be distracted from feeling Chase’s eyes on me. “And don’t tell me again how it was amazing, and the house Cal rented was gorgeous, blah, blah, blah. I want to know about what changed your mind about hiring a nanny and searching for a new house.”