Good Vibrations

by S. L. Scott

  “Mr. Ashford?” the nurse calls him to her station. “You know by signing, you’re responsible for her bill in full if she doesn’t pay?”

  “Yes, that’s fine,” he says with a nod of his head.

  “Ashford, as in Evan Ashford?” A filing clerk standing behind the nurse questions.

  I step up to the counter as my dad responds, “Yes, that’s my son.”

  The clerk looks embarrassed as everyone stares at her. She shakes her head and slams the cabinet drawer closed. “Oh, I’ve just heard the name before… must be from the files or something. Sorry to interrupt. Just sounded familiar.”

  My dad turns back to the nurse after signing the paperwork.

  She tells Sunny she can go and the group starts walking out the door. I start to walk, but pause, unsettled by the clerk’s familiarity with me. My name is trashed in Hawaii, the Ashford name filling the papers and becoming gossip fodder. Usually that doesn’t weigh on me much, my own life feeling protected among my group of friends and hangouts where I’m not judged by my sins. But her eyes told me the lies behind her words. She definitely knows my name and now I’m curious to know why.

  Needing answers, I turn back and approach the desk again. “May I speak with you?”

  The older nurse in the chair raises her eyebrows at the younger clerk and smiles. The nurse must think I’m flirting with the clerk.

  She straightens her scrubs, and says, “Sure,” with a heavy gulp. “It’s time for my break anyway.”

  When she walks out from behind the counter, she leads me outside. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “That means you know something about me. Please tell me.”

  She steps to the corner of the building. An ashtray pushed up against the building indicates this is where the medical staff smoke. She pulls a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from her pocket and lights up.

  I watch with trepidation, wondering why she knows me or more specifically, of me. She blows out a big puff of smoke and begins. “I could lose my job for telling you confidential information, but I ran across a file the other day. That’s why I was surprised to hear your name.”

  “A file with my name in it?”

  She nods. “It was Lani Kalei’s file.”

  Exasperation drops my shoulders, and I say, “Yeah, that. I’m sure my name is all over her file.”

  She looks around, making sure no other eyes are on us before she speaks again. “I have full access to patient records. I also read the papers after the accident. Lani’s record is sealed, marked confidential. But three days ago, the newly renovated files department opened and we had to re-file all of the old ones into the new department. That file was among twenty others that were re-classified. We had to create a new folder for it because the judge’s request to seal the Kalei file expired three months ago.”

  “You mean it’s public?”

  “No. No medical file is public, but it’s accessible with the right permissions in place and I’ve seen it since I had to re-organize it. As I said, I could get fired for telling you this, but I know the battle you’ve fought with the press. They made you out to be her killer, but you aren’t.”

  “I couldn’t save her,” I say, my head shaking. “I tried though. I tried so hard.”

  “You couldn’t have saved her.”

  “I should have.”

  “I’ve seen the damage this has done to you publicly and I can only imagine how it has affected you privately, so I’m gonna get to the point. Lani Kalei didn’t die from drowning. I saw her death certificate. She had a small tear in one of her heart valves and that is listed as the cause of death. The doctor-on-call’s final diagnosis was clearly written. She didn’t drown.”

  “What? I was told…” I close my eyes as my mind drifts back into the darkness of those fatal hours.

  “If she had drowned, I believe your CPR tactics would’ve saved her. But, the autopsy report shows the tear had grown, causing the blood to flow backward into her aortic valve and that’s what actually killed her. I think it was just bad timing that she was surfing.”

  “What?” My dad’s voice startles us both.

  The clerk stubs her cigarette out in the ashtray, visibly shaken as if she’s been busted.

  Murphy bumps me from the side as he takes a protective stance next to me.

  She stutters as she starts to explain for all of us to hear. “I mean even if Lani would’ve been sitting on a couch watching a movie, she would’ve died that day.” She shifts nervously. “Both she and her family were aware of the tear prior to the accident. She’d seen a doctor in Honolulu the fall before the accident.”

  Staring at the pattern of the bricks of the building behind her, my disbelief over the bomb that’s been dropped hits me hard. “No way! She would’ve told me. No way. Noah would’ve said something.” I look her in the eyes. “They sued me,” I say, needing my dad to make sense of this for me. “They took us to court because I let her drown. They blamed me. I blamed me. How is this possible?”

  Realization weighs on my dad and he crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes revealing his own disbelief. “We settled out of court.” When he looks back at the woman, questions now fill his eyes.

  “I’m wondering if this would have come out if the case would have gone to court,” she says.

  After a heavy sigh, my dad looks back to me.

  I remain silent, stunned by this revelation. I didn’t kill Lani. “I didn’t kill Lani.” Reassuring myself, I say, “I didn’t let her drown.”

  “No, man, you didn’t. CPR wouldn’t, couldn’t have saved her,” Murphy adds.

  “Damn it!” My father’s face flushes red— angry, but focused. “This can’t be right. This has torn my family apart and destroyed my son.”

  The clerk backs up at the sudden action. “I can lose my job,” she pleads.

  My fists clench at my side as flames fuel the fire burning in my heart, and I say, “I’m going to fucking kill Noah Kalei.”

  CHAPTER 6

  ~ Mallory ~

  July 4th…

  “I don’t understand why it’s best not to talk to him,” I stomp then stumble on my unsteady legs.

  “Because you’re drunk. That’s why. You shouldn’t be all emotional and drunk when you talk to him. You’ll only make things worse. Let’s just go to bed. Get some rest. Things will look a lot different in the morning,” Kate explains, waiting at the door for Sunny.

  “Will you guys stay with me?”

  Both of their faces soften and Sunny says, “Sure.”

  In the dark, Kate says, “It was an accident, you know. I don’t think my brother’s to blame for Lani’s death.” She goes on telling more of the story, more than I’ve heard before.

  An accident. It was an accident where Evan tried the best he could, but walked away from it damaged on the inside. I need to see him, need to talk to him. I jump out from between Kate and Sunny, my legs tangling in the covers, and trip to the floor, hitting my head on the bed frame.

  With my hand pressed firmly against my head, I sit up in pain.

  Sunny rushes down next to me. “Are you okay?” she asks, gently moving my hand away for a closer look. “You need to be careful. You’re still a bit bruised around the old stitches.”

  “I don’t know…that was…” The words jumble around my head.

  Kate grabs my arm, pulling me back onto the bed. “Sit for a minute. You’re in no condition to—”

  Scrambling out of her arms and into the bathroom, I vomit, feeling my stomach convulse. A minute later, Sunny sits next to me and rubs my back as Kate pulls my hair into a rubber band, knotting it on top of my head, both of them silent.

  I feel horrible and I only want this nightmare to end. After another thirty minutes of heaving, my body is feeling better and the girls leave and go to bed. I’m relieved to have a moment to myself. I can’t seem to get my thoughts straight and I’m still spinning a little when I close my eyes, needing to rest. I’m exhausted, but I want t
o talk to Evan. He said ‘I love you’. But he didn’t say it. He yelled it for the whole world to hear.

  Using my arm as a pillow to cushion my head, I lean on the side of the tub. My eyelids are heavy and I can’t muster enough energy to move my weakened body.

  I wake up with a start, my body aching from the uncomfortable sleeping position. Other than the pain I’m feeling, Evan consumes my thoughts. I push up off the tub and use the wall to help me balance. Unsteady on my feet, I walk down the quiet hallway, my hands on the wall as I tiptoe, careful not to wake anyone. I rummage through the living room looking for my purse but don’t find it then check the kitchen without any luck either. After filling a glass with water, I rinse my mouth thoroughly before drinking more down slowly.

  Reality sets in as I stare out the window over the sink. I lost my boyfriend and my damn phone tonight. I want to cry, my world not crumbling but crashing around me. The revving of an engine draws my attention to the front of the house. I hurry the best I can, opening the front door only to find Murphy, Zach, and a dust cloud in the driveway.

  “Was that Evan?” I ask, desperate to know.

  “Yes,” Zach answers calmly.

  I hurry down the steps and shout his name, but the taillights fade into the night, the car too far to chase. Turning around with my hands on my hips, I demand, “He was here to see me?”

  “Yes.” Zach’s cool demeanor is frustrating, and pisses me off.

  “Why didn’t you let him?” I say with tears filling my eyes again. My eyes burn and I can barely see they’re so swollen from all the crying I did earlier.

  Zach stands and walks closer to me as Murphy sits down in a chair on the porch. “He’s not thinking clearly, Mal. I know Evan well enough to know that when emotions are fueling him, it’s best to stay out of his way. You’ve helped him—”

  “Why does everyone keep saying that?” I scream in frustration, tired of hearing the same thing and not understanding the meaning behind it. “How am I helping him when I seem to only cause him pain?”

  Zach ponders this thought before answering, “He battles himself as much as the rest of the world. We don’t know the real deal with this text, but let him figure things out tonight and you should do the same. I’ll be honest. I want you to work it out and be happy, but it’s up to you two to sort that shit out before you rush back to each other with your hormones raging. We’ve all seen how you guys ‘talk’ and it’s not working for you anymore. This time when you talk you really need to talk, Mallory. And you should know where your feelings lie beforehand. Because from what I’ve seen, when you two are together all reasoning flies out window.”

  I should be offended by his directness, irritated at the very least, but Zach is speaking the truth, so I can’t hold it against him. As the dust from the driveway settles, so does my anxiousness. “I don’t want him to think I don’t love him because I do. Knowing about Lani now and the hell he’s been through…I want to be there for him, but the texts, Zach. Fucking Kelly and that text! His mother.” I wipe a tear away. “It feels like everyone is conspiring against us.”

  Murphy leans forward, and says, “It sure does seem like it. Well, not us or Sunny or Kate, but everyone else.”

  “But why?” I hope he can give me the insight I’m so desperate to discover. “You’re dating Kate and they don’t have a problem with you, right?” I sigh in regret. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to sound like that.”

  “I know what you mean. I know you don’t think bad of me, so don’t worry about it.” He stands and walks to me, and his hand rubs my arm. “Evan’s the son. He’s the one they’ve groomed to take over, discounting their daughter’s abilities. Kate’s fucking smart as a whip. I wish she’d get a job with a competitor and hand their asses to them on a plate.” He walks to the edge of the porch, sits on the railing, and says, “You’re in an all-out-war here. So listen to Zach. His advice is sound. Don’t go running to him because you feel sorry or guilty about Lani. Seriously think about what you want from him or if you’re even willing to sacrifice for this relationship because you’re going to have to sacrifice. You’re living in two different worlds and something like seven hours by plane. That’s a lot of distance. Make sure when you make up, if you make up with him, it’s because of who he is… who he really is at the core and not the bullshit you’ve been fed.”

  Murphy jumps off the railing and laughs. “Fuck, I’m starting to sound like Z here. I really need to start thinking about getting my own place. I’m obviously seeing his ugly mug way too much. I’m going to bed. Katie still awake?”

  I look at him with a light smile. “No, I think she fell asleep a while ago.”

  “Well fuck. Guess I’ll be sleeping after all.” He walks into the house, but stops at the door, and says, “Goodnight.”

  “Yeah, night,” I reply.

  “Go in and get some rest. You’re looking really pale, Mallory,” Zach says, leading me in and shutting the front door behind him. “You can still have my bed.”

  “No, get Sunny from the sofa. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

  He hugs me, and whispers, “I’m not going to humor you. You’re both smart enough to know that you’re meant to be together. Just make sure it’s for the right reasons, okay?”

  “Okay.” I hug him, appreciating how good he’s been to me. I’m glad Sunny has found such a great guy and Evan has him as a best friend.

  Zach carries sleeping Sunny from the couch, leaving me to settle into the living room for the few remaining hours of night. I look at the chair, wishing I could snuggle with Evan as we had once before, the memories of that night still fresh on my mind. But I can’t. It’s too painful right now. Too fresh. Tonight’s fiasco should have never happened. Lies have tainted all that’s been good between us, but lying in the dark, two things become clear to me. One - I need answers regarding that text. And two - I need to know that he’ll defend me to his family if it comes to that. I can’t fight for us by myself.

  I fall into a restless sleep, nightmares filling my head. “Holy crap!” I sit up, shaking and sweating.

  “Are you alright?” Sunny asks, dropping the newspaper to her lap.

  “Um…” I pat the couch, still trying to come to terms with where I am. “Yes, I’m fine. I think.”

  Sunny looks at me funny then turns the paper around and says, “Look, Southern Shores is today. Johnny called and asked if I’d help him at this t-shirt booth he’s working. I think you should come. It’s a major surf contest and they’re usually a blast.”

  She sits forward, lowering her feet to the ground, and asks, “I know that you and Zach talked last night. Have you given any thought to what he said about time?”

  “I tried, but I was exhausted and fell asleep. It was almost three in the morning, but I do agree that if we decide to give us another chance, we should do it knowing that stuff like this can’t happen again. We need to be built on trust and honesty.”

  “Are you ready to make that kind of commitment?”

  “Yes,” I readily answer. “But I want to make sure I’m with him for the right reasons. The chemistry is there and I never question that. I think his commitment to me is there. I love him, but I don’t want to end up hurting him either. I can’t be with him because I think I can save him. I don’t want to be his savior. Everyone else seems to want that from me. I want to be his partner. I want him to heal because he finds it within himself to want to heal. I want him to move forward, because he sees a better tomorrow for himself.”

  “I think that’s a good way to look at it and you’re definitely not a replacement for Lani. It’s pretty damn obvious how much he cares about you.”

  “But you know what I went through when Will cheated on me. That was tough to handle and I’m already in deeper with Evan, so I need to know about that text. I know this sounds silly and contradictory, but at the same time, I really want to trust him, so I might have to take his word on this one. I’m not sure what to do. And if you say ‘give it time,�
�� I’m going to smack you, Sunny.”

  She stands up and walks to the opening of the hallway. “Mallory, don’t rush things. You have a lot going on in your head that needs sorting. I really do think you need to give yourself some…time,” she says with a chuckle as she suddenly runs down the hallway into Zach’s room, avoiding the pillow I throw at her.

  “I hate you, Sunny!” I yell, partly joking…okay, fully joking, but damn it, I need someone to tell me something different.

  I shower and get dressed in some of Sunny’s clothes. After searching frantically for my phone and still not finding it, I concede and tell Sunny I’ll go with her to the surf contest.

  As she’s driving, I look down on the floorboard and see my purse, relieved to find it. I pull out my phone and then drop my head back while closing my eyes in frustration. It’s dead.

  I’m supposed to be giving the whole ‘us’ thing serious consideration, but I can’t stop the ache in my chest over the pain he must be feeling about how things went down last night. I sit back in the seat and start thinking about all that I know about Evan. There’s so much more to him than most give him credit for, but I see him, the real him under the arrogance and privilege, and how much he has to offer the world. I will never forget how he’s shown me happiness and made me feel desired and alive. Glancing to Sunny, I ask, “Can I use your phone?”

  Her expression reassures me that I’ve made the right decision. She doesn’t give me a hard time or make any faces or jokes about not being able to stay away from him. She hands me the phone. “I don’t have Evan’s number, but he’s with Zach.”

  I scroll until I find Zach’s name and push the button. Four rings and then I’m sent to voicemail. Unsure of what to say, I waver and sigh. “Hey Zach, it’s Mallory. Um…” Looking to Sunny, her smile is sympathetic. She sees my struggle. “Will you let Evan know I called? Thanks.” I was disappointed I didn’t say more, but with my emotions still swirling, it was hard to get that much out.