Reckless Abandon

by Jeannine Colette

  “Where are you going?” My feet stop at the step I’m on when I see him. He’s about twenty steps below me.

  Asher stops his descent and slowly turns around. The sun has already set, so it’s hard to make out his expression in the evening light. From his posture, it looks like he’s mad.

  “Who’s Adam?” His voice is thick with inquisition.

  Okay. That is the last thing I expected out of his mouth. “Why do you care about Adam?”

  Asher doesn’t move and neither do I. We have a stand still on the steps while I try to figure out how he even knows about Adam. And, seriously, why does he care?

  “I gave your name to the man at the hotel. He said you were staying in Adam Reingold’s room.” Asher crosses his arms in front of his chest. “Are you married?”

  My brows lower over my eyes lids while I try to figure out this guy. “If I were, do you think I’d be all dressed up, ready for you to take me to dinner?”

  Asher doesn’t miss a beat before answering. “Yes.”

  His answer leaves me speechless but only for a second. “No. I’m not married.”

  “Boyfriend?”

  “Nope.”

  “Kids?”

  “No. But would it matter?”

  “Only if you lied about having them.”

  I feel like I’m on trial. I guess it’s normal to ask someone you’re about to go to dinner with if they’re already taken. Maybe I should reciprocate. I cross my arms over my chest. “What about you?”

  Asher cocks his head to the side. “What about me?”

  “Married?”

  He balks as if the idea is ludicrous. “No.”

  “Kids?”

  “No.”

  “Boyfriend?” I ask in attempt to lighten the mood.

  At this, Asher lets out a laugh and releases his arms. “Never.”

  I walk down the stairs until I am two steps above him, making me slightly taller than him. The perfect height to appraise. Leah says he’s hot but that’s not the word. Asher is the most perfectly created person I’ve even seen. His smooth skin is evident even in the darkness of the night, and the perfect structure of his face is outlined in the moonlight.

  “You confuse the hell out of me.” It’s true. I thought he was mean but then he was nice. I thought he wanted to take me out and now he’s running away.

  Asher looks into my eyes and I stand here, awaiting his response. Usually I’m not so brazen with men. I’m not shy. I just don’t have the time for games. I should go back to the room and take Leah out to dinner. But first, I need answers.

  “What is it you want from me?”

  “I’m trying to figure out if I can trust you.” His words are light, like a whisper.

  “Trust me?” I let out a slight laugh. “You don’t even know me. And I don’t know you. How am I supposed to trust you?”

  Asher lets out a deep breath. “That’s why you intrigue me.”

  If I had a nickel for every time this guy baffled me I’d have . . . a quarter. Yeah, not so dramatic when I put it that way.

  I take a step back and up, away from him. “Here’s the deal. I had a crap year. Like, a total crap year, so I don’t have any room for games. I got all dressed up and I’m going out to dinner tonight, with or without you. And since I’m never going to see you again it really doesn’t matter to me either way.”

  Asher places his hands in his pockets and leans back on his heels. His mouth widens in a smile. “Since you put it that way, it looks like I’m taking you out to dinner.”

  “Now that we have that straightened out, where are we going?” I take my three steps down and walk past him on the staircase. Asher follows.

  I spin my head around; he’s glancing at his watch. “Are you starving or do you want to walk a little?”

  Leah and I did eat and drink a lot today on our escapade. We also did a lot of walking but I’m not that hungry, yet. “I can stand to walk.”

  Asher and I reach the bottom of the stairs and are at a street. If we keep going, we’ll land at the Marina. Instead, we make a right and start walking through the streets.

  The light down here is brighter than on the stairs. I look over at Asher and see he’s wearing khaki pants, a black-button down with the sleeves rolled up, and loafers. His blond hair is glistening in the lamplight and his honey eyes look dark. He’s about a half foot taller than me, and his posture is perfect, more so than any guy I ever met. The fit frame of his body combined with the way he walks, as if with purpose, makes his stature intimidating. If it wasn’t for that smile I would be a nervous wreck. But then he spreads those gorgeous full lips and I’m at ease.

  “Are you going to tell me who Adam is?” he asks.

  I glance up at him as we walk side by side. “Adam is Leah’s fiancé. They were supposed to be here on their honeymoon but the wedding was called off. That’s why the room is in his name. I came in his place.”

  “He must have done something deplorable for her to call off the wedding.”

  Deplorable? Who uses words like that? Never mind.

  “Adam is the world’s kindest man. He would never do anything deplorable or whatever fancy word you want to use.”

  “Then it must have been Leah. She cheated.” His jaw tightens with the word.

  I stop walking and it takes a few steps for Asher to realize I’m behind him. When he turns around, I am standing with my hands on my hips and a scowl on my face. “Why do you assume one of them did something awful. Do you always assume the worst in people?”

  Asher blinks a few times and tilts his head slightly, his eyes darting out to the side as he thinks. “Yes. I do.” His eyes stop roaming and settle on mine. “Why else would they call off a wedding?”

  I should have just let him believe one of them cheated. Now I have to answer him. Ugh. “Something tragic happened in our family. It isn’t the best time to host a wedding.” I just took a cue from Leah’s school of “Lies while only telling the truth.”

  “Is this one of those things you don’t talk about?” His question surprises me. He was really listening to me yesterday.

  “Yes,” I reply, releasing my hands from my hips.

  With a slight nod of his head, Asher shows me he understands and then lifts his chin in the direction we were originally going. He turns around and continues walking. My Sperrys move on the pavement and find my spot next to him.

  We walk for a few minutes in surprisingly comfortable silence. I follow him around a bend.

  There was something he said to me yesterday I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. “How did you know about the way I play the piano? I mean, was that just a line you use on girls or did you really see something?”

  “I play too.” He puts his hand on my back and leads me up a narrow staircase going back up the hill. “My mother taught out of our home.”

  “You must be pretty good.”

  Asher turns to me and winks. “I’m very good.”

  “Was that back in Pittsburgh?” My question causes him to stop this time. I turn around on the stair and face him. “If that’s an off-limits topic, I understand.”

  Asher lets out a breath, his eyes skimming my face, working something out in his head. “I’ll tell you what. For every thing I tell you that’s off limits, you have to tell me something.” Even as he says the words I see the hesitation in his eyes. They must match my own. Yes, he’s a stranger. I’ll never see him again after this trip. But there are some things I’m not ready to talk about.

  Leah says I should let someone in. I just can’t go all the way with my feelings. Who knows where my emotions will land. I don’t need to have a meltdown in front of my European hookup.

  Oh, dear God, am I really thinking about him that way? He hasn’t even kissed me. Will he kiss me? This is a date. Oh, crap, I didn’t think any of this through.

  Suddenly, my other issues don’t seem so big compared to the six-foot golden god in front of me.

  Maybe if I open up a little I’
ll scare him away. This way I won’t have to worry about the “what ifs” and “maybes” of tonight.

  “Why do you want to know so much about me?”

  “I honestly have no idea.” His tone is deep and smooth.

  “I need something.” I match his tone, soft and pleading.

  Asher takes a step closer to me; he is a step lower, and we’re eye to eye. From this distance I may just fall into his gaze like Alice fell into the rabbit hole.

  “When I saw you in the music room”—he swallows, the tone turns serious—“I was moved for the first time in so long. I don’t know why. I wish I did. There is something about you and I’m waiting for you to do something to make me realize you’re just like everyone else.”

  This time it my turn to swallow . . . hard. “But I am like everyone else.”

  “Not in my world.” He grabs my waist and I gasp.

  “Why were you so mean to me yesterday? When I left the boat?” I barely get the words out because my mind is too focused on his hand on my rib.

  “Why did you tell me to take you back to your sister yesterday after I said how intrigued I am by you? I think we’re both trying to work through our issues.” His mouth is dangerously close to mine.

  Asher’s other hand snakes up around my torso and I think I might faint. My breathing starts to pick up.

  “Why are you nervous?” he asks, his lips barely brushing mine.

  “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

  Asher’s mouth moves past my lips and kisses my jaw. I let out a large breath I didn’t know I was holding. His lips then graze the skin on my neck, just under my ear, before pulling back and releasing my waist.

  He walks passed me. I take the moment to collect myself, placing a hand to my lips. My mouth is wet from anticipation. My jaw tingles where his lips just touched the skin. I wasn’t ready for a kiss but that was more intoxicating than any type of kiss I have ever experienced.

  When I turn around to follow him I see he’s standing on the stairs, holding out a hand. I grab it and am surprised by the smoothness of it.

  Asher is looking down at our conjoined hands. He has a look of satisfaction on his face. He likes it too.

  I am definitely going down the rabbit hole.

  “Okay. A story for a story. I’ll share if you share. But you have to go first.”

  Asher’s hand holds mine gently as we walk on. Parker and I were never hand-holders. It wasn’t something he ever enjoyed. I didn’t either. The feeling of being tethered to someone while strolling a mall seemed ridiculous. But, this, right here, walking with Asher . . . It just feels . . . it feels so . . . I don’t know.

  “When I was a kid, my mom taught piano lessons in our living room,” he says. The words start off slow, as if he doesn’t know where to start. Maybe he just doesn’t tell the story often. “We had this really tiny apartment. There wasn’t any room for a piano, nor did we have the money to buy one.” He frowns a bit. “For a while, she had this keyboard she used. She seemed content with it. One year, my dad found a piano in salvage. The people selling it said it didn’t work. The keys were broken and the strings were snapped. When we brought it home, my mom didn’t care that the thing couldn’t hold a tune.”

  Asher’s face lights up with the memory. “You know how people fix old cars? My dad and I fixed that piano. The first time she played a chord, she cried. When was the last time someone gave you a gift so monumental you cried?”

  I shrug. “I can’t remember.”

  “Me neither. I don’t think it was just the piano. It was the fact we created it for her. We had so little back then that actions were more important than things.”

  “That’s a beautiful memory. That doesn’t seem like something worth keeping to yourself.”

  “I don’t talk about my family. Ever.”

  “Why not?”

  Asher stops and tsk-tsks at me. “My turn.”

  “Your turn for what?”

  “Why don’t you play the violin anymore?”

  I release my hand from his and wrap it around my injured one. I haven’t thought about it all day. It seems like every time I want to forget, I’m drawn back to the reality that is my life.

  “Emma, your hand?”

  “What about it?” I bite back at him. How does he know something is wrong with my hand?

  “You’re clenching onto it like it might fall off,” he says. I look down and see my knuckles are white. I release the grip and flex it out, feeling the pinched nerve. “How did you hurt it?”

  Asher takes my right hand in his, placing his left underneath it like it’s a wounded dove. With his right, he skims my palm with his thumb, rubbing gentle circles over the scar I bear.

  “Six months ago. I was in an accident. A car accident. My hand was crushed. Surgery wasn’t enough. I can’t handle the bow for long without screaming in pain.” I pull my hand away from his.

  “Maybe you need a better doctor. I can—” Asher is offering something he knows nothing about.

  “It’s irreversible. It’s over.” I cut him off. “I inquired. Went to the best doctors. Sought the best therapists. The hand is shot. My career is over.” I step back from him and continue our walk.

  Asher follows me, his long strides catching up with me quickly. “What will you do now?”

  “Oh, you know the saying. Those who can’t do, teach.” Bitterness is oozing out my pours. I hate the fact I’ll spend the rest of my life teaching music when I wanted to be the one playing.

  Asher grabs my arm, jolting me from my step forward and pulls me back. “There is nothing wrong with teaching.”

  My chest slams against his when I land. I look up into him. His brow is creased. Crap, this guy just told me his mother was a music teacher. Of course, he’d be insulted. “It’s nothing against teaching. It’s a noble profession. You don’t understand what this is like for me. I love playing the violin. No, I live to play. I gave up my entire life up until the accident so I could be the best. I was on my way to being the best. Do you know what its like to have something you love ripped away from you? To have your dreams crushed in a single night?” My eyes well up with tears, but I fight them back. I breathe to regain my focus on the present. I cannot lose myself right now.

  But I do because Asher leans in and kisses me. His mouth crashes against mine, parting my lips in two, invading my personal space. Those luscious lips wrap around mine, pulling them in, tight.

  I don’t move. I can’t move. I stand here, stunned, waiting for him to back away. Instead, his tongue slides in and moves against my own, causing my body to jolt with heat and excitement. His kiss goes deeper when his lips move, sucking on mine and going back for more. I haven’t had a first kiss in over four years. And even that one wasn’t as powerful as this. This kiss is filled with need, desire, and complete yearning.

  Asher wraps both hands around my head and takes me in further. I can’t help it. I lose myself into him and kiss him back with every bit of anger I’ve been holding onto the past six months. Every emotion, every feeling I have been holding is let out in the form of passion.

  My fingers brush his sides and grip him, pulling him in closer. His groin lines up with my belly and a need for everything Asher consumes me.

  When he pulls away, I am left lost. My lips still perched for more kisses, but he is backing away.

  My hooded eyes slowly open to see a grinning Asher. “What did you do that for?”

  “You needed to be kissed.” His thumbs graze my cheek. His skin smells of soap and sea, again.

  My daze is slightly lifted. “I told you I wasn’t ready.”

  “I was.” He says, leaning in for another kiss. “Now, let me feed you.”

  Asher slides his hand around my back and leads me toward the Piazetta Umberto I. We had been walking and talking for so long, I hadn’t realized we were in the city center.

  We get a table at a cafe in the piazza, overlooking the square. Asher takes the liberty of ordering. Normally, I wou
ld be annoyed by this, but I’m still focused on that kiss. I can’t even be bothered with ordering something as trivial as food.

  Asher keeps the conversation light. We talk about things like our interests in music and our favorite television shows. He tells me a story about this barber he goes to who has a great Italian accent. He tries to do an impression I think he’s botching on purpose for sake of making the story funny. I also learn that he and Devon met in Pittsburgh. They grew up in the same neighborhood and reconnected five years ago. Apparently, he and Devon were thick as thieves as kids. Once, they were caught stealing candy—York Peppermint Patties, which turns out to be both of our favorite candy—and had to work at the shop for a month to make up for being caught. He smiles broadly when he recalls all the candy they snuck when they were working off their debt for stealing the first piece. He said it was the best punishment in the world. He doesn’t mention how Devon made his money and I don’t ask. I’m not interested in Devon. I am so into Asher.

  He asks me about my childhood in Ohio. I tell him stories of Leah and I, mostly. Since we are only a year apart, we were always together, putting on plays for our family and singing into hairbrushes while watching MTV. I don’t leave out Luke completely. I just can’t talk about him. So I don’t.

  Taking a bite of calamari, Asher asks me more about my parents and I explain that, yes, my mom is really into cats.

  “We’ve had no fewer than three cats at a time my entire life.” I answer. The Campari drinks he selected are awesome. I try to keep to sips; I don’t want to be the drunken girl tonight.

  Asher puts down his fork. “How many does she have now?”

  I swallow my Compari and think for a second. “Ben, Eddie, Woodie, and Dallas. Four. She currently has four.”

  “Those are interesting names for cats.”

  “They’re named after Matthew McConaughey characters.” I answer like it’s a normal response. Asher cocks an eyebrow so I explain. “Ben Barry from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Steve Edison from The Wedding Planner, David Wooderson from Dazed and Confused, and Dallas, she’s a girl, from Magic Mike. Even the girl cats get named after him.”