Secret Baby Santos

by Barbara Mccauley

  Her back arched with the first shuddering convulsion, and she heard his harsh groan in response as he followed her. Pleasure slammed through her, again and again, until she fell back, shattered yet complete.

  He eased away from her, then cradled her gently in his arms. With a sigh she settled against him, and the words he’d said to her earlier came rushing at her like a cold burst of wind.

  I care about you, Maggie.

  Did he? she wondered. Did he really? His words thrilled her.

  But even if he did, she thought miserably, nothing could come of this, of them. There was no way to go back now. Even if she wanted to tell him everything, how could she? He’d hate her, maybe even hate Drew, because he was part of the lie. And there was no way forward, because she couldn’t be a part of his life, not with a lie between them, a lie that would only destroy any chance for happiness they might have.

  No, she knew she would have only this night, this one wonderful night and that night almost five years ago. It would have to be enough, she thought. The ache he stirred in her body was nothing compared to the ache he stirred in her heart.

  And with that ache came the crush of reality. She closed her eyes against the burn of tears. She would regret this night, she knew, as much as she would cherish it.

  At 1:00 a.m. the porch light was on when Nick pulled up in front of Maggie’s parents’ house. The dormer windows were pitch-black, as were all the windows in all the houses on the street.

  Maggie had been quiet on the drive back, and he knew that she was already pulling away from him. He just didn’t understand why.

  There was too much about this woman that he didn’t understand. Too damn much.

  “Well,” she said awkwardly, “I really do have to get in. I wouldn’t want my parents to—”

  “Just sit with me a minute.” He took her arm and pulled her across the seat until their sides were touching.

  He felt the tension in her body, the hesitation. But then she nodded and relaxed a bit. They sat there, neither one of them speaking, and the stillness of the early morning closed around them like a soft glove. Not once in his entire life had he ever remembered a feeling of such utter content, of such peace.

  He looked out the window of his truck at the clean sidewalks, the carefully mowed lawns, the neat flower beds and pruned trees. He’d always envied people like these. Fathers who took their sons to Little League games, mothers who fussed over birthdays, family picnics and Easter egg hunts. It had always felt like a private club that only the privileged could join.

  It still felt that way, only now he felt a sense of longing, a sense that he’d missed something important. Something that everyone else but him had admission to. Something that would always be just out of his reach.

  Only Lucas and Ian understood that feeling, though not one of them would have admitted it. They’d spent too much time growing up trying to be tough, to prove to everyone they didn’t give a damn. He was still trying to prove that, not only to everyone else, but himself, as well.

  And now Lucas had Julianna, and Ian was God knew where.

  He turned to Maggie, pulled her against him and kissed her with a need that surprised him. Her hands splayed on his chest, her fingers moved restlessly, and he ached for her again.

  He broke the kiss suddenly, watched her green eyes open slowly and saw the desire there, as well. “This wasn’t a one-night stand, Maggie,” he said roughly. “I’ll be back. Not only tomorrow, but the day after that and the day after that, too. You can count on it.”

  “Nick.” She stared over his shoulder into the darkness. “I’m leaving in three weeks.”

  We’ll see about that, he thought fiercely. “Then we have three weeks. You and me and Drew. And starting tomorrow, I mean today—” he glanced at his watch “—in exactly nine hours, I’m picking you both up for a picnic.”

  She started to shake her head, but he dragged her against him and kissed her again. He felt her resistance melt, then heard her sigh of surrender.

  They steamed the windows before he finally walked her to the front door. And long after their last long, smoldering kiss at the door, long after she’d walked inside and turned off the porch light, he sat in his truck and watched, wondering what it was about Maggie Smith that had a hold of him and wouldn’t let go.

  Nine

  A jazz band was performing in the park the following afternoon, filling the warm air with a mixture of Dixieland and blues. A breeze carried the scent of grilling hot dogs and hamburgers and gently shook the leaves of the cottonwood and fir trees that provided shade for dozens of blankets and quilts spread over the soft, green grass. Teenagers in oversize T-shirts and baggy shorts shot hoops on a nearby basketball court, while the smaller children played on swings and slides in a large, sand-covered area.

  A typical day at the park, Maggie thought, except that she and Drew happened to be here with Nick Santos. And there was absolutely nothing typical about that.

  With a sigh she slipped off her leather sandals, tucked her long, floral-print skirt around her knees and knelt on the blanket Nick had spread out in the shade of a tall cottonwood. Drew had begged Nick to push him on the swings, and she’d waved them off to play while she unpacked the army-size basket of food her mother had insisted on making: tuna salad on wheat bread, ham and cheese on fresh rolls, three kinds of salad, baked beans, spiced chicken wings, fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies, pecan tarts and what seemed like four gallons of lemonade. There was enough food in their basket to feed a small country and still have leftovers.

  She knew what her mother was up to. She’d had that look in her eyes since that first day Nick had shown up. That you’ve-been-single-too-long look that Maggie knew only too well. But she’d been down that road, for all the wrong reasons. She was older now, though not necessarily wiser, she thought, as she looked over at Nick, watched him playing with her son. Their son.

  Not wise at all.

  But logic and reason had been bound and tied by her heart. She cursed her own weakness, but she simply couldn’t resist spending these few precious hours with Nick, or even the next few days. The pain of leaving again would be a small price to pay for the happiness.

  But what would be the price to pay if by some wild, crazy happening, Nick remembered that night five years ago, remembered even one little thing that might somehow tie back to her? What if even one person were to put a thought in his head that Drew might be his son?

  No. She shook off the dread that snaked through her, even forced a laugh at the absurdity. Impossible. He would never connect her back to that night in the hotel. She doubted he remembered that night at all. She was safe. And as long as she was safe, Drew was safe.

  Maggie felt her heart skip as she watched Nick. He looked handsome as the devil today in a black Stetson and black T-shirt, and she knew that every female within sight was drooling over that long, powerful body wrapped in snug denim and smooth cotton. She knew she was. Every time he pushed Drew, Nick’s muscles bunched and rippled under his T-shirt. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, couldn’t believe that only last night, for a few hours, he’d actually been hers.

  Head thrown back, Drew shrieked with laughter when Nick pushed him higher. She knew what that felt like, that wild, high-in-the-sky feeling of ecstasy. All it took was a simple look, a simple touch from Nick and she was soaring, her feet off the ground and her head in the clouds.

  Watching the two of them, the two people she loved more than life itself, made her chest swell. She wanted to remember every minute they were together, every sound, every sight, every smell. Later, when she and Drew were back in New York, when the nights were long, her bed cold and lonely, she would recall every precious moment.

  And last night, she thought with a shiver of pleasure, last night she would always remember. Every whisper, every kiss, every brush of his hand. And this time when they’d made love, it had been her name on Nick’s lips, not another woman’s. Last night he’d known exactly who he was making love to.
He’d wanted her, Maggie Smith. And that she would hold close for the rest of her life.

  Drew called to her, and she waved. Nick winked at her, and she felt her heart stop, then start to race. The look in his eyes was hungry, and she knew it was for more than food. She was feeling exactly the same way. She knew that they’d make love again, and she felt a mixture of excitement and misery at that realization. He was everything she wanted and everything she could never have.

  The food was laid out when Drew came running back from the swings. He circled the large, green-plaid blanket Maggie had spread out, bounced up, then landed with a smack on his bottom.

  “Did you see me, Mom?” He reached for a cookie. “Did you see how high I went?”

  She snatched the cookie from him and handed him a wet cloth to wipe his hands. “You went so high all the birds in the trees scattered,” she teased.

  Nick plopped down on the blanket beside her, wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and kissed her straight on the lips before she could protest. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but it wasn’t a simple one, either. It was possessive, lingering, with a quick touch of tongues. Her gaze flew to her son, whose big, dark brown eyes had widened. He’d been too little to remember Richard, and he’d never seen a man kiss her before. Her cheeks flushed, partly from embarrassment, partly from the thrill of Nick’s lips on hers.

  “You kissed my mom,” Drew said to Nick in astonishment. “How come?”

  “’Cause I like her a whole bunch.” Nick kept his arm around her. “Is that okay?”

  Drew thought about that for a moment, then gave a small shrug of his shoulders. “It’s okay with me, if it’s okay with her.”

  Maggie’s cheeks flushed hotter when both Nick and Drew looked at her. What could she possibly say? She didn’t want her son to start thinking that Nick was anything more than a friend, but at the same time she didn’t want him to think she kissed “friends” full on the mouth all the time, either.

  “Uh, sure. It’s okay, sweetie,” was all she could manage, hoping that her son wouldn’t pursue the matter.

  Distracted by a dog barking, Drew glanced away. “Hey, that’s Joshua from my school.” He waved at a frekled blond boy throwing a ball to a golden retriever. The boy waved back, then called for Drew to come play ball with him. Drew looked hopefully at his mother, and when she nodded, he shouted to his friend, then grabbed two cookies before she could stop him and took off like a bullet.

  Drew had the long, sure stride of an athlete, Nick thought as he watched the boy run. He wondered briefly if Drew’s father had been an athlete, if maybe the man Maggie had been with had been a sports figure she’d met through her job on the paper, maybe someone she’d had to interview. His jaw clenched at the thought of that guy, the son of a bitch who’d left her alone and pregnant. Part of him wished he knew who the bastard was. He had enough friends in the sports world to make the guy’s life a living hell.

  But part of him didn’t want to know, didn’t even want to think about her being with that guy. Being with any other guy.

  He forced his irritation away and pulled her closer, kissed her again, only this time longer and with less restraint than the first time, when little eyes had been on them. He felt her sway toward him, answer him with a soft whimper deep in her throat as she kissed him back.

  “Nick.” She broke the kiss suddenly. “Please.”

  He leaned close, breathed in the light scent of her floral perfume as he whispered, “When you said please last night, it meant more.”

  She kept her hand firmly on his chest to hold him away, and when he covered her fingers with his, he felt the wild beating of her pulse. The heat that had been on her cheeks before spread over her face and down her neck. “You know what I mean. We can’t do that here, now.”

  He glanced around at the couples walking hand in hand, the families enjoying their picnics, at the people dancing by the band, then looked back at her. “Why not?”

  She hesitated, then glanced at her son. “I don’t want Drew to be confused about us. He might not... understand.”

  “I don’t understand, and I’m more than a little confused about us.” He rubbed his thumbs over the backs of her smooth, soft hands, remembered what those hands felt like on his skin last night, and grew instantly hard. “Why don’t you explain it to me?”

  She looked away, stared down at his hands covering hers. “I told you, I’m leaving in three weeks. It might be difficult for Drew if he became too...attached.”

  “What about you, Maggie?” he whispered. “Would it be difficult for you if you became attached?”

  Her gaze was steady as she met his. “We’re adults, Nick. We understand how to deal with and control our feelings.”

  She was wrong there. He had no idea how to deal with these feelings she stirred in him, and he sure as hell had no control. He wanted her, more than he’d ever wanted any other woman. But it wasn’t just sex, it was more. Much more. He told himself that in three weeks he’d feel different. That she’d leave and he would be fine. His life would go back to normal, status quo, and he’d settle back into his comfortable bachelor routine.

  But that was in three weeks. A lifetime. Right now he simply couldn’t let it go. Couldn’t let her go.

  “All right, then. We’ll do it your way. When Drew’s around I’ll be good.” He brushed an auburn curl from her cheek and lowered his lips within a whisper of hers. “But when he’s not around, I suggest you watch out, ’cause I intend to be bad.” His voice deepened and he nipped softly at her bottom lip. “Very bad.”

  He watched her eyes turn smoky-green, saw her lips softly part, then felt her tremble under his hands. She leaned toward him, let her eyes slowly close.

  He dropped his hands away, then stood. Maggie swayed, opened her eyes and blinked.

  “I’m going to go play a little football with the boys,” he said, frustrated as well as pleased by her response to his near kiss. “You just think about what I said.”

  Think about what he said? Maggie watched Nick swagger away, torn between cursing him or making him come back and kiss her. She could feel what he said, straight down to her curled toes. Her skin felt tight; her breasts tingled. She could barely breathe.

  She’d think about it, all right, she thought, her body aching for him. His mouth, his hands, his lips. On her. Everywhere, all at once.

  “Maggie!”

  Startled out of her fantasy, Maggie looked up at Julianna. Her wide-brimmed straw hat shaded her face and her loose denim dress draped softly over her rounded stomach.

  “Julianna.” Maggie’s voice cracked, and she had to clear her throat. “Hi.”

  “Hi, yourself.” She turned, waved a hand at Lucas, who was loaded down with a folding chair, picnic basket, blanket and plastic cooler. He lifted his chin in a nod and made his way toward them. “Mind if we join you?”

  “I’d love it.” Especially if it kept her mind off Nick, she thought. When Lucas staggered up, she stood and took the blanket and cooler from him.

  “Hey, beautiful.” Lucas gave her a peck on the cheek, which delighted and made her blush at the same time. “I saw his truck, but couldn’t believe there was a woman alive who could get Nick Santos out on a Sunday-afternoon picnic. That boy’s reputation is ruined for good.”

  “Don’t listen to him, Maggie.” Julianna eased down into the chair Lucas unfolded for her. “Lucas is just jealous because his own bad-boy reputation was ruined when he got married, and now he’s going to be a daddy in four weeks, too. He can’t stand it that Nick and Ian are still free as birds.”

  “Not true, my love.” Lucas bent and kissed his wife, then gently ran a hand over her stomach. “With you, I’ll take the ball and chain over wings any day.”

  Frowning, she pushed him away, but love and pleasure shone in her soft-blue eyes. “Go play, dear. Nick’s waving at you.”

  He gave her a swift smack on the lips and took off at a dead run. To the delight of Drew and his friend, Lucas caught Nick and ta
ckled him soundly. Both men went down hard, arms and legs flying.

  Julianna shook her head at their nonsense. “Boys. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ’em.”

  How true it was, Maggie thought with a sigh. “Your party was wonderful last night, Julianna Thank you for inviting me.”

  “You and Nick left early.” Julianna tipped her hat up. “Seemed that you were in a bit of a hurry, too.”

  Did she know? Maggie worried. Was it that obvious that she and Nick had slept together? “I...well, we—”

  Julianna laughed and patted Maggie’s arm. “Don’t worry, Mag. Your secret’s safe with me, though it’s not much of a secret. There wasn’t a person at that party who couldn’t see the way Nick was looking at you.”

  “He was looking at me?” she said lamely.

  “Don’t be coy. You know the look. Like he wants to devour you whole, without taking a breath. Like there wasn’t another woman in the whole world but you.” Julianna spread both hands on her stomach and leaned closer. “He’s in love with you, Maggie.”

  Shocked, Maggie stared at Julianna. Love? That was ridiculous. He wanted her physically, he’d made that clear from the beginning. He’d even told her that he cared about her. But he didn’t love her. Maggie was certain of that.

  “Nick and I are...friends,” she said carefully. It wasn’t a complete lie. She’d like to think that they were friends, even if they were now lovers, as well.

  Julianna smiled knowingly. “Okay, Maggie. I’m not trying to pry. But if you ever need an understanding ear, call me. Things were shaky for me and Lucas in the beginning, and nobody knows better than me how difficult these boys can be.”