Never Say Never (Written in the Stars Book 2)

by Brittany Holland

  “You don’t get to call me that! You lost that right!” My voice thick with emotion thinks of all the things I want to say, but nothing else comes out. Silence.

  “Tell him Cohen, he threw us away like rubbish.” My mum chimes in.

  “You stay out of this.” I glare at my mother. “You knew he was awake didn’t you? That’s why you tricked me to come home.”

  “I was trying to protect you, from him!” She throws her arms toward James. “And this little tramp!” She eyes down Scarlett.

  “You better watch yourself lady!” Scarlett lunges for my mother, and I hold her back.

  “You should know all about throwing people away like yesterday’s glossies, shouldn’t you, Lucille.” Piers steps forward, his jaw clenched.

  “Well, well. You look just like him. And she,” her head nods towards Willow. “Looks just like Wendy. Bet that was hard to watch huh, James? Talk about history repeating itself.” Her laugh sounds almost sinister as it bounces off the ornate papered walls and a guard appears out of nowhere, taking her by the arm.

  “I almost didn’t recognize you.” Piers continues, seeming quite calm except for the slight tremor in his voice. “Wish I could say the years have been kind to you. But that would be a lie. Something else it seems you’re quite familiar with.”

  “Does someone want to tell me what’s going on here?” I demand, looking around the room.

  “Cohen, meet your brother, Piers.” She offers from the chair she’s been forced into, in the back of the room, like she’s telling me what she had for lunch. Like she isn’t dropping a bomb on me that could blow my world apart.

  “Hello, brother.” Piers offers with a sad smile.

  “You lied! You like to me?” My throat hurts as the roar rips from inside my chest as I question my mum. Our mum. “How could you?” My arms fall from around Scarlett and fist my hands in my hair as I pace the room. A brother. I have a brother!

  Not just any brother. Piers Nichols. The man she groomed me to hate, she told me he stole my dad, my life. Why does that? To their own son. SONS! This makes no sense.

  “How could you? How?” I fall into a chair, my muscles aching from the exertion of holding all this anger in.

  I’ve waited my whole life for this moment, a chance to confront my father and now that it’s here, I’m surrounded by a room full of witnesses and I can’t find a single thing to say, my throat closing up in emotion. My head falls into my arms and rests on the table as I find out that the past twenty five years have been a lie.

  Scarlett comes to stand behind me, wrapping her arms tightly over mine. I focus on the smell of dark orchids, the sweet and the spice. I replace visons of running away on trains in the night, with riding shiny red buses with her. Threading my fingers in hers, I hold onto her like a life preserver.

  “I think there are some things that need to be discussed.” James takes order of the room and everyone still standing finds a seat.

  “Drew is fine,” Willow tells Piers, as he takes her place beside him. Drew. Their son. My nephew.

  “Barrington, please have Miranda call the authorities.” James orders his attorney.

  “No, please.” I plead with him. “She’s not well. She needs to get back to her Doctor.”

  James nods to the guard, who stays beside my mum. “She never has been, son.”

  I bristle at his use of the word son.

  “Stay calm Lucy, or I’ll be forced to have you escorted out. Do you understand?” She just rolls her eyes at his order, acting like a child.

  “I it would be best if she is taken to another room?” James looks to me, then to Piers.

  “Don’t ask me.” He huffs out, my mum died when I was a toddler, she’s nothing to me.” I feel a sadness for Piers, an empathy that I never had before. All this time I was so jealous of him having my dad, the life I longed for, turns out I had our mother. Neither of us had the life we should have.

  “I’ll keep my mouth shut, while you tell your tragic little tale James, just get on with it.” She laughs. “True love, gone wrong. This is one for the books children, pay close attention!” Her voice sing songs.

  Fear sneaks up my spine that this unstable person before me is my mum, guilt weighs heavy on my shoulders that I didn’t realize she was getting so bad. When I was a kid, I always though her mood swings were like a game. The older I got, I realized what was going on. The substance abuse was only heightening her manic disorder. At some point, I focused solely on revenge and in ignoring all the signs, I failed her.

  “Get her out!” James orders! “This is my one shot to tell this, to get it right, to lay it all to rest, I don’t need her antics making things any worse off than they are.” His voice booms as the guard order her from the chair.

  She kicks and screams, “Spoiler alert, the girl dies in the end!”

  “GET OUT!” James yells so loud I’m afraid he’s going to have another spell.

  The guard drags her from the room, as her feet thrash around and she swipes at the air, clawing.

  Barrington follows after. “I know what to do.”

  “Easy!” I jump to my feet. “What are you doing?”

  “Getting her the help I should have a long time ago. A place here, in the city.”

  “But—” I argue.

  “Don’t, just let her go.” A hand is griping my shoulder and I turn to see Piers. I nod and he gives my shoulder a squeeze. “You need to hear this, mate, we all do.”

  Silence falls over the room as James Black tells the story of how it all started.

  “Many years ago there were a group of mates, two lads and a girl. Peter, Wendy and myself. As we grew, so did the friendships. Eventually love developed between one of the lads and the girl, as you might have guesses, Peter and Wendy.” James looks away, as if remembering.

  “I was angry and heartbroken, because you see I too had fallen for Wendy, but her heart belonged to Peter. Things became awkward between the three of us. Very much like you Willow, Piers and Scarlett. I’m sad to say our story didn’t work out as well as things are going for the lot of you now.”

  It hurts to hear about a time when Scarlett had feelings for Piers, but I put aside my jealousy, not wanting to let it ruin me the way it obviously ruined James.

  He continues, “I wanted her more than anything, and being the spoiled brat that I was, as the heir to a London shipping empire, I was used to getting what I wanted. Piers was a penniless orphan, how could he compete with me? Peter had something that I didn’t, a pure heart, Wendy couldn’t be bought.

  She was unimpressed by lavish gifts, she cared nothing for the promise of titles, mansions or holidays overseas. Wendy’s family had money of their own, so it was nothing to her. Love, loyalty and adventure, those were things that made Wendy’s eyes light up. There was none more loyal and adventurous, more pure of heart, then Peter. I knew the only way to get Wendy, was to get rid of Peter.”

  Piers shifts in his chair, and his knuckles turned white as he grips the table.

  “I know what you’re thinking, Piers. I didn’t have anything to do with your father’s accident. I did however have something to do with your dad ending up with Lucille.”

  “I tried telling Wendy’s parents that Peter wasn’t good enough for her. They were proud people of good breeding, who only wanted the best for their daughter, her mother was a romantic at heart, but her father demanded more. I helped him get a job on one of the boats at my father’s shipyard, convinced him that would impress the Darling’s. I needed something more. So I convinced Lucille, who worked at a pub to help me. She had expressed interest in Peter lots of times, but he never would, he was faithful to Wendy.”

  James eyes clench shut as he pauses for a moment.

  “The perfect opportunity came when Wendy and Peter quarreled over her finding out he was homeless. She didn’t care, but he did. He was a proud young man, he wanted her to see him for what he could be, not what he was. And she did, but they quarreled anyhow.

&nb
sp; On the night before he was to ship out, he got drunk with me and helped him find a warm bed for the night. Lucille’s bed. Early the next morning, I sent Wendy to say her goodbye’s to him, convinced her it would be the last chance, she showed up and found them in bed together. He was still passed out, never even saw her. She ran away and I was there with open arms.”

  Piers gets up from the table and begins to pace. My stomach clenches knowing the blood of these two, scheming people, who ruined innocent lives, pumps through my veins.

  “Keep going.” Piers orders, walking back and forth. My hand falls over into Scarlett’s lap and our fingers lock.

  “I know how it sounds, trust me. It gets worse before it gets better.” The tension builds in the room.

  “I didn’t know how it all would go, but Willow waited for Peter to come back home, I think she would have given him another chance, until Lucy ended up pregnant. Wendy was crushed. And I knew to claim Wendy’s heart for my own, it had to be broken by Peter. So I did whatever I had to do, to make that happen. I was the choice that her family wanted, but Peter was a choice in her heart wanted. It didn’t matter because being the honorable man that he was, when Peter came home and found Lucille was expecting, he did the honorable thing and married her.”

  “How could you be so heartless?” Willow cries out and Piers rushes to her side, I glance at Scarlett to find her eyes full of tears. I give her hand a squeeze. This is so much more than a single lie, we are floating on a sea full of them, and James is steering the ship. I’m fearful what will come next.

  “He broke her heart, and Wendy and I married within the year. I could tell she didn’t love me the same way that she loved him and that angered me very much, so I begin to drink. The more we fought more she got emotional. You have to understand I did all this so we could be together, but I imprisoned us both.

  It got worse when Piers was born, she loved you so very much. She was your godmother, it outraged your mother, but Peter insisted and her and Peter tried to move past what had happened. She would often watch you at the estate. But she longed for family of her own, when I finally convinced her to try, she found out she wasn’t able to have children. There was a condition that prevented her from doing so and the thought of never having a family, combined with the tension of the feelings that she still carried for Peter, threaten to destroy our marriage. Peter was unhappy, Wendy was heartbroken, Lucille was miserable and I was angry. I thought maybe if we could have a child of our own that would solve all the problems, treatments didn’t work, we considered adoption, but being the old fashion elitist that I was, I wanted an heir with my blood.” James voice lowers as his gaze holds mine. My lungs are paralyzed while I wait to hear what he’s going to say. Breathe.

  “It wasn’t intentional and it didn’t really go as planned, such is life. Lucille had a bouncing baby boy who Peter loved and adored and I could see the way that Wendy looked at him, and I wanted to give her that. But being the selfish man I was, am, I wanted a black haired child with blue eyes to call my own. Lucille knew this too. She had become a regular visitor to my flat in the city in the evening. She blamed me, she wasn’t happy that Peter was gone all the time and she was stuck playing house and raising a baby, she threatened me.”

  He pauses for a sip of water and you could hear a pin drop. “I’m sorry Piers, I know this has to be difficult for you to hear, but she you couldn’t handle you. She would tell Willow, if I didn’t comply, she wanted money, gifts and I indulged her. One thing led to another, Wendy and I hadn’t been together in months, I was living in a townhouse in the city… Lucy and I began an affair. But soon the money and gifts weren’t enough. She wanted to power and the status. But it was never emotional for me, I never loved her like I loved Wendy.”

  “You’re a vile man!” Willow sobs.

  James drops his head, “Please just let me finish, I’ve never uttered these words allowed and you can’t imagine how painful it is to say them, to relive them.”

  She nods, we all remain silent as we wait for the conclusion to this fucked up fairytale.

  “One day she came to my office, happier than I had ever seen her, and I’d seen her pretty happy at times, when she was up, she was up.” He says and I know exactly what she means.

  “She came to tell me that she was pregnant, that she was giving me the heir I always wanted, she tried to convince me to sail away with her, runaway and leave Peter, Wendy and Piers behind to start over. I laughed.” His hands scrub down his face. “I thought she had gone mad.”

  Not exactly how you might hope your birth story starts, but the more he talks, the more it sounds eerily similar to the mermaid tale my mum told me as a lad.

  “I panicked because at first, then I was overjoyed, because I thought here’s a baby Wendy and I could raise, it could be our fresh start. I gave no thought to the fact that she wouldn’t want to give me the baby. I could provide better for it. She already couldn’t handle the baby that she had, so I mentioned it to her one night. She said she would think about it and then started making demands. We continued our affair, I was afraid to do anything to anger her, but she was playing me. I was a pawn in her hands, and Cohen, you were the pawn growing inside her. Little Pearl, she called you, so sure you were a girl. ”

  The whoosing sound in my mind sounds like a freight train charging through. I struggle to focus on what he’s saying as the sound gets louder and my breathing feels labored.

  “I played right into her hand, then after she had taken me for large amounts of money, she said that she would not let me adopt the baby for Wendy and I to raise, that if I ever wanted to see you again that I needed to either marry her or I would pay dearly. She threatened to exploit everything I had done to Wendy and I couldn’t risk losing her so I gave her more money and she promised to come back when you were born. I told her we could be together, but she knew I was lying.

  The money was set up an offshore, and she just left, she never came back… the money was gone. Years and years I spent looking for you, I would get so close and every time, she would just vanished into thin air.”

  Hearing that he was looking for me the whole time, is hard to understand. It feels like my mum put the dagger in my back and James is twisting it. The money, she swore to me the money was payment to make us disappear. I remember asking once, why would he pay us to leave if he keeps having the bad men look for us. She couldn’t answer, but I believed her because I loved her blindly. The way a son loves a mother. Can I offer the same blind love to James now, after hearing all this? I don’t know.

  “It broke my heart, Wendy didn’t know what I was going through, how could I tell her? I bore the pain in silence. My sins don’t end there, because she ran away, disappeared, because of me and she left you behind Piers. Peter was killed at sea and that’s how you came to be at Everland. Shortly after Wendy began filling the house with the laughter of children that she rescued. It was a constant reminder that I had failed her, failed my own child… it was my own selfish quest to produce an heir, that the only one I ever had was ripped from me.” A sob tears through James’ throat as he concludes his story. The room is silent except for the falling of tears and the beating of hearts. Part of me feels for him, but I’m drowning in confusion over the lies I’ve been fed.

  I can’t imagine what it must feel like to have nearly thirty years of sins laid bare on an altar of honesty.

  Chapter Thirty

  Cohen

  The silence is suffocating. The circumstances surrounding the birth of myself, and my brother. My brother. I really don’t even have the words. My heart is heavy and tired from the effort it takes to keep beating at a regular pace, while making sense of it all.

  Scarlett hasn’t left my side, her hand is still firmly wrapped in mine. It dawns on me, she still thinks I lied about my mum, being gone, who knows what else.

  Turning to her, I lift my tired eyes to hers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know, my mum—”

  “Shhh. I understand now, it’s okay. We’
ll talk later.” She looks away and around the room, where James, Willow and Piers still sit. All of us transfixed in what feels like another world.

  Piers and Willow stand to leave first, he walks over to where we sit and his hand rest heavy on my shoulder. It takes every ounce of energy I have left to stand and face him.

  “I know we maybe got off on the wrong foot,” He starts, extending his hand to me. “But I’m hoping we could maybe get to know each other. Start over.”

  “I would like that.” I place my palm in his and grip tightly. I can’t say anymore, a lump has lodge in my throat and tears prick my eyes.

  With a squeeze and a pat to the back, he says his goodbyes. Willow hugs both Scarlett and I as silent tears trail down her face, this shocks the bloody hell out of Scarlett. Once they’re gone and just us and James remain, I stare at the gleaming wood in front of me. We sit at one end, he at the other. A table length away, but a world apart.

  Seconds, then minutes pass, and the silence remains.

  It’s Scarlett, who finally speaks up. “Maybe I should step out and let you two get on?”

  James looks up at me and I look to Scarlett, shaking my head, pleading with my eyes, don’t go. Don’t leave me.

  She nods, looking between James and myself expectantly.

  I don’t know what to say. After everything that has happened, what I know and what I still don’t, I feel like everything I was prepared to say is all wrong. I need more time, my head says. He’s your father, my heart says.

  “Maybe now isn’t the best time after all. Let’s go Scarlett.” I stand, and hold out my hand for her to follow me. But she just crosses her arms and stares at me, shaking her head. Of all times to be stubborn.

  “You need to say what you came to London to say.” She stands and looks into my eyes, giving me the strength I need to face him, but I still don’t know what that is anymore.

  She steps to the side and my gaze collides with James’ and he looks as weary as I feel.

  My head is pounding with conflicting options, so I let my heart speak instead. “James, I appreciate you telling us, what you did. I can’t imagine it was easy, and I’m sorry for your loss. Wendy sounds like she was a wonderful woman, I’m thankful for what she did for Scarlett, the both of you. But I can’t be the prodigal son, I can’t play the role you want me to play. I’m sorry.”