Awakening to Sunlight

by Lindsey Stone

  Emily’s eyes shone bright. “Yes, please.”

  Grandma Isabel pointed to a cupboard door. “That’s where I keep his seed. Why don’t you get that while I change my slippers.”

  Emily seemed proud to have been given the task and quickly got up from her chair.

  While Grandma Isabel and Emily tended to the bird, Lizzy and Judith tended to the dishes.

  Lizzy picked up another plate from the dish rack and dried it off with the dish towel. She was feeling happy for Judith and hoped that this opportunity panned out for her, but she also felt a little bothered by the fact that Judith hadn’t told her about it until now, even though she knew Judith wasn’t under any obligation to do so.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

  Judith dipped another plate into the bowl of soapy water before answering. “Because it wasn’t a sure thing. It still isn’t.”

  Lizzy squinted. “Yeah, but you could have told me.”

  “I had planned to initially.”

  Lizzy placed the dry plate in the cupboard, wondering why this was bothering her so much. “So why didn’t you?”

  “I just…didn’t want to disappoint you.”

  Lizzy stopped what she was doing. On the one hand it touched her to think that Judith cared for her opinion, but it also hurt her to think that Judith thought she would judge her like that. “Whatever made you think you could disappoint me?”

  “I know, it’s silly.”

  Lizzy touched Judith’s arm. “Judith, when I look at you I see a remarkable woman, a woman I respect. A person can only be disappointed if they expect something, and I don’t expect anything from you. I do, however, hope that you’ll do whatever you feel you need to do to be yourself, and I want you to know that I support you in whatever that is.”

  Tears swelled in Judith’s eyes and at that moment Lizzy wanted nothing more than to soothe them away. She realized how easy it would be for her to reach up and wipe Judith’s tears away. She forced herself to take a step back before she did something she might regret.

  An hour later they were putting on their coats, getting ready to leave. Judith thanked Grandma Isabel for the lovely dinner and offered her hand, but Grandma Isabel pulled her in for a surprise hug.

  “It has been a real delight meeting you, dear. Feel free to come visit me whenever you like.”

  Judith was taken aback by the woman’s warmth and was trying to think of an appropriate response when Emily stepped forward. “Can I come back again?”

  Grandma Isabel bowed down as far as her old bones would allow and pulled Emily in for an even bigger hug. “Of course you can, dear.”

  As they stepped out onto the street, Grandma Isabel caught hold of Lizzy’s arm and whispered in her ear, “They’re good people, Lizzy. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of them.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Judith had tried to be sensible by going to bed early, but she was too nervous to fall asleep. She eventually decided to take a break from trying and got up to make a cup of hot chocolate. The door to Lizzy’s study was open and she could see Lizzy sitting at her desk working. Ignoring the urge to knock, she started to move away.

  “Nervous?”

  Judith stopped and turned back. “Just a little.”

  Lizzy smiled, pulled out a chair, and gestured to Judith to sit in it.

  “Only a little?”

  It was clear by the way Lizzy was looking at her that she didn’t believe it for a second.

  “Okay, I admit, on a scale from one to ten, I’m nearing double digits.”

  Lizzy’s light laughter was enticing. “Do you want to practice?”

  “Practice? How?”

  “Simple. I’ll pretend to be the principal and I’ll interview you.”

  Judith felt self-conscious and waved Lizzy’s offer off as anything but serious. “Don’t be daft.”

  Lizzy lowered her voice. “Miss Hilford. Welcome. Would you like a glass of water or some coffee before we start?”

  Judith burst out laughing at Lizzy’s imitation, but Lizzy continued on. “Miss Hilford, would you be so kind as to tell me what is so funny?”

  Judith realized that Lizzy meant for this to happen. So, biting down on her laughter, she shuffled herself into a better sitting position and put on her best face.

  They practiced the interview for almost an hour, and by the time they were finished Judith felt more confident about her chances.

  The following morning she got up early to give herself plenty of time to get ready, but she soon realized she would have to hurry if she was going to make it on time. She had no idea where the time had flown to. Maybe it was the redoing of her hair several times or the extra makeup touches, but whatever the cause, her time had run out.

  Both Lizzy and Emily sat waiting patiently in the living room and both immediately stood when she walked in.

  “How does this look?” she asked, unsure whether she wanted to hear the answer.

  Emily and Lizzy answered in unison, “Great! Perfect!”

  Judith waved her hands through the air. “I can’t believe I’m so nervous.”

  “You’ll be fine, you’ll go in there and you’ll let them see the real deal. You were born to teach, remember that, and you love it. Remember that too.”

  “But what if they ask why I left?”

  “Tell them the truth. Taking time out to raise a child is nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t feel guilty for it.”

  Lizzy looked determined and Judith felt comforted by her confidence.

  Lizzy reached for her cell phone. “I’ll come with you.”

  “What?”

  “I won’t come inside or anything. I’ll just sit and wait in the car.”

  “But I don’t know how long it’s going to take, and what about your work? I know you’re struggling to make it on time as it is.”

  “First off, I don’t care how long it takes, and secondly…this is important.”

  Lizzy flipped open her cell to call Anita.

  “I want to come too.”

  They turned to look at Emily, who looked just as determined as Lizzy did.

  Judith smiled affectionately at her. “Sweetheart, you have school.”

  Emily’s face turned resolute. “I want to come too.”

  Judith wasn’t used to Emily being so stubborn, nor Lizzy, for that matter, and it touched her deeply that they both cared so much.

  “Okay, but you have to go back for the afternoon, okay?”

  Emily’s face transformed smoothly into a big grin. “Okay.”

  Fifteen minutes later they pulled up outside the gates of Mendel High School.

  Judith undid her seat belt but made no attempt to get out of the car. Instead she clutched her bag and stared out the window at the school building. Lizzy turned off the ignition and all three sat silent for a few long seconds. Emily was the first to speak.

  “You’ll be fine, Mommy.”

  Judith looked over her shoulder at Emily, feeling her love in the depths of her soul. Then she glanced sideways at Lizzy, wanting desperately to tell her to drive on, but Lizzy, as if reading her mind, undid her own seat belt with emphasis.

  “Judith, you’re a beautiful, smart, capable person, and you need to start believing that, because when you do, you’ll make them believe it too.”

  Lizzy’s words inflamed something deep inside her and before Judith could stop herself she reached over and touched the side of Lizzy’s face. “You are so kind to me.”

  Then, without another word, she stepped out of the car, leaving Lizzy and Emily with nothing to do but watch her disappear through the school’s main entrance and wait in anticipation.

  It wasn’t long before Emily was sitting on Lizzy’s lap pretending to drive and asking when they could go and see Grandma Isabel again. Lizzy answered all her questions as best she could, but she couldn’t quite get her mind off the way Judith’s touch had made her feel. She still felt the warmth of it swirling in her stomach.

  Af
ter forty-five minutes of waiting they spotted Judith coming out of the school’s main entrance and waited nervously for her to reach the car. Judith wasn’t even seated before Emily excitedly asked the burning question.

  “Did you get it, Mommy?”

  Judith closed the car door and let out a long sigh before answering.

  “I honestly have no idea. They asked me so many questions. Like why did I leave education and why I want to come back and such. I felt overwhelmed and I’m sure they noticed how nervous I was. I was so thirsty, but I didn’t dare try to pick up the glass of water they had offered me. They said they would call me within the next few days to let me know.”

  *

  Several days passed without word about the job, and Judith grew more anxious. At work she welcomed every window and surface that needed cleaning. The physical demands somehow helped curb her nerves and she was grateful for the distraction. One morning, just as they were about to leave the apartment, Emily presented her with a form from school on which she was supposed to write down how many tickets she wanted for the school play. Judith quickly scribbled down “two” and then realized what she had just done. She had automatically ordered a ticket for Lizzy. She knew she didn’t need to ask Lizzy if she wanted to go, because she already knew that Lizzy would want to see Emily in her moment of glory, but it was this fact that made her pause. In the past she would have been the only one interested in Emily, and she most definitely would have been going alone.

  It felt good to be able to share such an important moment in her child’s life with somebody who cared. It made her think about the friendship that had grown between them and what it meant to her. Her aim had been to get a job and work hard so as to be able to get a place for Emily and herself. That was still her goal, but at that very moment she couldn’t help but feel a little sad. The idea of no longer living in this apartment felt strange, and she couldn’t quite imagine a life in which Lizzy wasn’t part of every day. She wondered if their friendship would remain or if it would dissipate once she left.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  While some of the crew set about rearranging the set for the next shot, Lizzy took a moment to check her cell phone and found she’d missed Judith’s call. Cursing under her breath, she immediately called her back.

  “Judith Hilford speaking.”

  “And?”

  Judith giggled. “I got it.”

  Lizzy struggled to say something appropriate. This was what she had been hoping to hear but hadn’t dared hope for, and only one word came to mind as the news sank in. “What!”

  “I know, I can’t believe it myself.”

  “That’s great, that’s just great, Judith. We should do something…celebrate.”

  “Well, after I tried calling you and got no answer, I called Chris. I just needed to tell someone, and he insisted we go for drinks later.”

  Lizzy looked over her shoulder at the changing set. “I have no idea how long I’ll be.”

  “I told him that, but he said the bar he had in mind was open late anyway. He also said he was going to arrange for his niece to come over and babysit and to call him as soon as you get home.”

  Lizzy grinned. Chris had obviously got the whole thing sorted.

  “Okay, I’ll call you when I’m on my way and I’ll call for a taxi when I know for sure what time that’ll be.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  Lizzy hung up feeling tremendously elated at Judith’s good news and went in search of Anita, also needing to share the good news.

  *

  The taxi dropped them off in front of the Blue Ball. It was a gay bar that opened its doors to all sorts. On the weekends it was difficult to get in because of the great live bands they somehow managed to attract, but during the week it was a cozy joint where patrons could sit privately in a booth or have a quiet dance or play a game of pool in the back. Lizzy had once been a regular, but she hadn’t been back in years. She hoped that Judith wouldn’t feel too uncomfortable.

  Chris hadn’t yet arrived so they ordered drinks and sat in a booth opposite each other.

  “So come on, then, out with it. Give me the details.”

  Judith laughed at Lizzy’s obvious excitement. “Well, it’s fifteen hours a week spread over four days, leaving my Fridays free, and I’ll be teaching grades nine, ten, and eleven. The woman I’m replacing, who’s on maternity leave by the way, didn’t teach twelfth grade, which I’m glad about, because I can gradually get used to being in front of the class again without having to deal with the responsibility of getting kids to pass their exams.”

  “It sounds great, Judith. I’m so happy for you.”

  “Yes, and apparently one of the other art teachers will be leaving at the end of the school year, and if all goes well with me I’ll be allowed to stay on and I’ll be given his hours.”

  “That’s fantastic.”

  “Yeah, but it’s scary, though, going back after all these years.”

  “Of course it is. Whenever someone starts a new job it’s scary, but you’ll be fine and the school obviously believes in you, otherwise they wouldn’t have hired you.”

  “You’re really good for my ego.”

  Their laughter was cut short by somebody calling out to Lizzy.

  “Hey, Lizzy darling!” A tall, slender, exotically dressed woman approached them. “What’s this? The first time I see you in ages and you’re with another woman?” She put her hand to her chest. “You’ve broken my heart.”

  Lizzy smiled at her old friend and Judith looked at her with a mixed expression of curiosity and amusement.

  “Judith, this is Jeanette. Jeanette, this is Judith.”

  Jeanette fixed her eyes on Judith and elegantly stretched out her arm to shake her hand.

  “Nice to meet you, Judith.”

  Jeanette kept her eyes on Judith as she plumped herself down next to Lizzy, forcing Lizzy to move up.

  “Now tell me, dear, what’s the secret to this girl’s heart?” She placed a hand on Lizzy’s arm and waited for Judith to answer. Judith simply stared at Jeanette with an incredulous look. Lizzy felt embarrassed and decided it was time she beat Jeanette at her own game. She caught Judith’s eye and winked before answering for her.

  “Judith can cook.”

  Jeanette’s head snapped around to face Lizzy. “You’re saying I can’t cook?” She slapped Lizzy’s arm. “You should try one of my famous breakfasts.” She wriggled her eyebrows, causing Lizzy to laugh.

  “So there’s that handsome smile I’ve missed.” She turned back to Judith. “So are you two an item?”

  Lizzy quickly answered the question. “No, we’re friends.”

  “Pity. It would have been a great piece of gossip.” She turned her attention back to Lizzy. “So when are you going to put me in one of your movies?”

  “When are you going to learn how to act?”

  “Girl, you’re looking at the next Julia Roberts.” Jeanette put on her best smile.

  “Am I indeed?”

  “You just don’t recognize a prima donna when she’s right in front of you.”

  “Is that a fact?”

  Jeanette puckered her lips. “It sure is.”

  Just then a man walked past and Jeanette followed him with her eyes.

  “Mm, mm, mm. You’ll have to excuse me, ladies, while I go catch a fish for my supper tonight.”

  She turned and gave Lizzy a quick kiss on the lips and whispered tenderly, “It’s good to see you out and about again, sweetheart.”

  She stood, waved at Judith, and sauntered off in the direction of the man.

  Lizzy shook her head. “I’m sorry about that. She somehow always manages to make herself center stage.”

  Judith leaned in closer. “Is she a bisexual?”

  Lizzy smiled knowingly. “No.”

  “Now I’m confused. This is a gay bar, but she’s after a man?”

  “Jeanette is a transsexual.”

  Judith’s mouth fell open. “Yo
u’re kidding me!”

  “Nope.”

  Judith looked in the direction Jeanette had headed. “I would never have guessed.”

  Lizzy took a sip of her beer.

  “Most people don’t.”

  “But she’s so…”

  “Womanly?”

  “Beautiful.”

  Just then Chris and Tom entered the bar and the conversation turned back to Judith’s new job.

  *

  It was after two when they finally left the bar, but Judith was feeling too happy and too tipsy for the night to end and suggested to Lizzy that they walk home instead of taking a taxi. Lizzy easily agreed. After they’d said their good-byes to Chris and Tom, Judith wrapped her arm around Lizzy’s and they set off at a comfortable pace. Even in the middle of the night there were always people wandering the streets of Amsterdam. Except for a handful of locals and the few faceless figures lingering in the shadows, it was mostly small pockets of tourists enjoying the late hour of the city. Judith felt completely safe walking arm in arm with Lizzy and held her closer, enjoying the freedom and intimacy of their late walk as they strolled along the Westermarkt. They passed the Homomonument, a memorial commemorating those who had been persecuted because of their homosexuality. It was also an homage to those who fought for equal rights. The memorial lay directly on the water of the Keizersgracht at the back of the Westerkerk.

  The Westerkerk, once considered the hallmark of Amsterdam, gave Judith the impression it was shielding the monument. The church had been built in the seventeenth century and had the highest church tower in Amsterdam. Judith remembered reading Anne Frank’s diary in which she frequently wrote about the church. Anne could see the spire from her attic window and said the ringing of its bells comforted her.

  They turned off onto the Prinsengracht and headed deeper into the more quiet area of the Jordan district, toward home.

  *

  They clambered up the long flight of stairs to the apartment and then tumbled inside the hall laughing. Once inside, Judith leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, sighing with contentment.