by Jay McLean
When we're done, I flick the light on, trash the shirt and start to peel the tape off a box.
"What are you doing?" she says, adjusting her clothes.
"Working," I tell her. "I don't want to get fired."
-LUCY-
Chris sniffs us when we walk out of the store room. "I hate you guys."
I settle on a beanbag in front of the consoles they have set up in the corner of the store, and pull out my e-reader.
Cam goes about his business and stocks shelves and reprices things. Every time he walks past, he kisses me—a different spot on my face each time.
I stay in my place and wait for them to close up for the night. "Ready, babe?" His hand's out waiting for me to take.
"For you? Always."
***
"I made you something," he says, glancing at me from behind the steering wheel.
My eyes light up and I throw my hand out squealing, "Gimme gimme gimme!"
He narrows his eyes and scrunches his nose. "What the hell did you just say?" he laughs. "You know the deal."
My shoulders sag with my sigh. I close my eyes and set my hands, palms up, on my lap. I hear the unfolding of paper, one of my favorite sounds in the world. And then he places it on my hands.
Ever since we got to college he'd been sketching more. Not just lines and floor plans, but actual drawings.
"Okay," he says warily. "Open."
I peer down at the sketch. It's of me sitting in the beanbag reading. His work has gotten so much better since he started taking the right classes in college. I've told him that I want to wallpaper my room with them, but he doesn't want anyone seeing them. He says he's uncomfortable with it, and he doesn't think it's good enough to share. But he's wrong. They're beyond amazing. He doesn't do it often, so when he does it's like a major reward for me. But the best part—or maybe the worst—is that he only ever draws me. I'm his art, so he says.
"I love it," I tell him, picking it up to examine it closer.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, babe. It's one of the best so far."
"I need to work on my rendering," he says.
"It looks perfect to me."
"That's because my source is perfect."
I drop my chin to my chest to hide my smile. Five years on and his words still have the ability to make me blush. To make me fall in a new type of love, every single day.
***
I wake up to his face only inches from mine. His eyes are shut, peacefully sleeping.
I rub my nose against his chest and sniff.
His body shakes with his quiet laughter. "Did you just sniff me?"
I lean up and sniff his neck. "Mmm, you smell different when you're awake."
He kisses the top of my head. "That's not creepy at all."
"Hey! You watch me when I sleep."
"Yeah, but that's because I feel like I don't see you enough lately. I have to take as much of you in as I can."
Rose scoffs from her bed. "You guys are sick. Like, legit sick. You make me wanna puke."
I laugh into his chest.
"Don't be jealous," Cam says, his voice crackly from sleep. "We make you want to settle down and fall in love." He smiles down at me, his brown eyes searching mine.
Rose makes a puking sound effect. "I'm gonna shower. You guys have ten minutes to make babies but I'm not sending warning signals before I come back out."
We don't make babies while she's gone. We stay in the exact same position. Holding each other close, and we talk. Because it's not just about sex with us. It's about life. He's my life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
-CAMERON-
"Psst."
I glance up to see Roxy looking over my cubical.
"Is it just me or do all the people that work here have a bus sized rod stuck up their ass?" she whispers.
I chuckle and shake my head. "Nope. It's true."
"And you have to work here for free?"
Sighing, I drop my pen on the desk and lean back in my chair, linking my fingers behind my head. "All part of my scholarship, remember?"
"That must suck."
I shrug. "At least I'm here, right?" I dramatically wave my arms in the air. "Living the dream."
She snorts, and then leans in closer. "What are you doing after work? You wanna grab a bite?"
"Can't. Going out for a friend’s birthday."
She smiles and nods. "The infamous, and ever elusive, sugary sweet Lucy going with you? Will I get to meet her one day?"
I'm taken aback by her description for a moment, but only for a moment before I decide that I don't care. "You should. She's picking me up, five-thirty on the dot."
She fake claps with eyes wide and feigned excitement. "I can't wait."
***
Lucy's leaning against her car just outside the office doors when Roxy and I finally make it down. We got held back for a meeting and then the stupid elevator was broken so we hoofed it down the stairwell. Roxy had to take her stupidly high heels off so she didn't break an ankle or some shit.
I see Lucy's eyes widen slightly when she sees us but she recovers quickly. "Hey," she says cautiously, her eyes darting to Roxy.
"Hey babe, sorry I'm late, we got held back and the elevator's broken." I lean down and kiss her quickly.
"So that explains the no shoes?" she says, pointing at Roxy.
Roxy laughs. "Yup, I didn't want your boy here to carry me down eighteen flights of stairs."
Luce smiles, but it's tight.
"I'm Roxy." She sticks her hand out for Lucy. "You must be Lucy. C-money's told me a lot about you."
She glances at me quickly, before shaking Roxy's hand. "C-money?"
Roxy laughs. "Just a dumb name I gave him." Her eyes move from me to Lucy, and then she purses her lips and rolls on her heels. "Anyway, you kids have a good night. I've got a bus to catch."
"Wait. What?" I pipe up. "You're catching a bus? Where's your car?"
"It's shot. It's at the shop. Blew a flux capacitor."
My head throws back in laughter. "Dude, you totally referenced my favorite movie."
"Yeah? Who the hell doesn't love Back to the Future, right?"
"Where do you live? We can give you a ride." I turn to Lucy, but her gaze is cast downwards, staring at the ground. "Right babe?"
She looks up. "Huh?"
"We can give Roxy a ride home?"
She smiles and looks between Roxy and I. "Of course."
***
Roxy directs us a good twenty minutes out of our way. Lucy stays quiet the entire time while Roxy and I reel off quotes from Back to the Future. She leads us to a street with run down single story, semi-detached houses, and points to one on our right. "This is me."
"I always thought you lived on campus," I tell her.
"You've been thinking about me?"
I see Lucy's grip on the steering wheel tighten.
Saving my ass, I choose not to answer.
"No, C-money, I'm local enough." She opens the door and hops out of the car. "Thanks for the ride, Lucy. I appreciate it."
"You're welcome," Lucy says quietly.
I wait for the door to close before settling my hand on her leg. "Are you okay?"
She nods, but never looks at me.
I don't know what to say so I keep my mouth shut.
We're halfway home before she decides to speak. "So you and Roxy get along well?"
"I guess."
"She seems nice."
"I guess."
"She has a nickname for you."
"I guess."
"She can quote your favorite movie."
"So can a lot of people."
"You spend a lot of time together?"
"We work and have a few classes together, so yeah, I guess."
"Do you guess that she's attractive?"
"What?"
Finally, she glances at me. "She's pretty. You never told me she was pretty. Or sexy. Or, like, a version of you but with a vagina. I bet her vagina's
pretty, too," her voice breaks, like she's about to cry.
I lean forward so I can see her face. Yup. Tears. "Pull over."
"No."
"Please, Lucy. Pull over."
"Why? So you can tell me she tried to show you her vagina?"
"Oh my God. Lucy, pull over now."
She finally listens, and pulls the car over, but continues to look straight ahead. I unclip my seatbelt first, and then hers. Reaching up, I move her chin with my finger until she's facing me. "Why are you crying?"
She rubs at her eyes and inhales deeply. Then let's it all out in something that sounds similar to this, "Because I miss you so much and we never get to spend time with each other, not like last year and not like in high school when we spent all our time together, and now all that time is being used up and you're spending it with a girl who's hot, at least ten times hotter than me, and she calls you names and can quote your favorite movie, and all I do is read while you watch that movie, and I'm a shit girlfriend because I should pay attention to the movies you like, and I wish I was hotter and curvier like her, oh my God, do you see her curves? Her body is out of this world and I'm frumpy and stupid and you hate me and you're going to leave me when she shows you her vagina, which is probably a lot sooner than when I showed you mine, and I'm crying because I love you and I miss you and I hate that curvy vagina girl is going to take that from me."
I want to laugh, but I know it's wrong so I keep it in. "Lucy," I start. "Since I saw you sitting on the bleachers at the twin’s game, I've never looked at another girl. Not because I didn't want you to find out, but because I already knew that no other girl would compare to you. I don't care that you can't quote my favorite movie, and you don't care that I don't know what book Will and Layken are from." I do, but I don't tell her because it would just make her feel shittier about herself. "That stuff doesn't matter to us. I haven't done or said anything to ever make you feel the way you're feeling. And I'm sorry if I haven't said or done anything lately to let you know that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling. If you're having insecurities, that's my fault, and I'll try to fix it. But you should know that I only ever see you, and only you, and that's the way it's been since we were fifteen."
"Stop it," she whispers, her eyes fixed on mine now.
"Stop what?"
"Stop making me fall in love with you."
I smile now, taking her face in my hands. "I'll never stop that, babe, ever." I kiss her slowly, until I can no longer taste the tears on her lips. Until she knows that she owns every part of me. Forever.
***
I don't know why chicks take so long to get ready. "Babe! I'm sure you look fine, the limo will be here in ten minutes."
"I'm sorry you offered to drive your friend home and now I have to rush," she shouts.
A minute later her bathroom door opens and she steps out. I let out a low whistle. She looks hot. Hotter than hot. Her black dress is short, and tighter than normal. I don't know what the hell she was talking about Roxy's curves for because Lucy's body shits all over anyone else's. "Or we could just stay right here and I can spend the next ten minutes undressing you." I reach over and pull on her legs until she's standing in between mine. My hands wander under her dress, my thumb flicking the garter suspenders. A smile takes over my face, because I can already sense the shit ton of fun we're going to have tonight, especially if she has a few drinks.
"You don't think it's a little slutty? Or too, I don't know, daring?"
I shake my head. "I like you slutty," I tell her. "But slutty just for me, okay?"
She laughs and nods her head. "You should see what Amanda got for Logan when we went shopping."
"Oh yeah?"
"He's going to have a reallll happy birthday."
Rose walks in while my hand is still on Lucy's ass. "Jesus Christ. Are you two ever not about to, in the middle of, or just finished screwing?"
"Rose," I greet, as Lucy swats my hands and pulls down her dress. "I can't help it, Lucy's an animal. It's in her blood. Six brothers, remember?"
"Oh that's right," Rose agrees with a smile. "You better not sneeze around her, you might knock her up."
"That's what birth control's for," Luce says. "Unfortunately for you, the IUD doesn't protect you from STD's."
I block the pillow that gets thrown at her head.
***
"That was good times," she yawns through a shiver.
I take off my jacket and put it around her shoulders. "Yeah, it was. I think Logan had a good night. Pretty sure him and Amanda got it on in the bathroom."
She stops in the middle of the sidewalk with eyes wide. "Shut up!"
I chuckle. "Yeah, I'm not kidding. Pretty sure he finger fucked her at the table too."
"The one we were all sitting at?" she shouts.
I laugh harder. "Yup."
"What the hell are you doing watching them, you creep!"
"I'm the creep? Okay sniffy."
Her eyes narrow, right before her head throws back in laughter.
She walks up the stairs to her dorm on wobbly feet. I walk behind her in case she falls. Also because I like to watch her ass. I reach up and grab two handfuls. She doesn't even flinch. She knew it was coming. And I plan on coming. Soon. All over her face. Fuck, I'm drunk.
***
"What is that noise?" She pushes her head further into my chest but the ringing won't stop.
"What the hell time is it?" Rose moans from her bed.
"Shut up," I tell all of them.
"Babe, it's your phone."
I blindly search for my phone on the nightstand and fling it across the room.
"Ow!" Rose groans.
"Sorry babe."
Lucy pulls back. "Huh?"
"Shut up," I tell her.
Then the ringing starts again.
"Luce, that's your phone now," Rose says.
Lucy sits up slowly. I open one eye to look at her. Her hair's all over the place, her makeup is smeared, she has a line of dried drool on one side of her mouth and her clothes are twisted. And she's never been more beautiful. "Who is calling so early?" She looks so confused it makes me laugh.
I sit up, just so I can pull her down with me. "Forget it, babe, just come back to bed."
Her phone starts to ring again, the same time mine does.
"Dude," Rose says, "You've got eighteen missed calls."
"What?" I sit up now and motion for her to throw my phone over.
Lucy reaches across me for her phone. "Micky?"
I try to focus my tired eyes on the screen and hit answer. "Yo, Jake?"
"You need to come to the hospital. It's Logan and Amanda."
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
-LUCY-
Logan wouldn't see anyone at the hospital. We stayed for hours hoping he'd change his mind, but he never did. On the second day, we were told that he'd been discharged. Amanda was still there. She said that she hadn't seen him either, but that she thought he'd be home waiting for her. He wasn't. No one knew where he was. That was a week ago. When I went to see her at her house, Ethan, her brother, told us she needed time. She didn't want to see anyone that reminded her of Logan, at least for now. I understood, but I worried for both of them.
Now, we're on our way back from Logan's house. His dad answered the door looking worse than I'd ever seen him. He said that Logan had been locked up in the pool house since he got out of the hospital. He hasn't left, and he hasn't spoken to anyone. He told us to try, but also pleaded that we leave him alone if he didn't answer. He said it was best if no one pushed him, and that Logan just needed time. Logan didn't answer when we knocked. We didn't expect him to.
Cam squeezes my hand to get my attention. He glances at me quickly from the driver's seat of his Delorean. "You wanna stay at the cabin tonight? We can drive back early tomorrow for work. I think we just need to be away from the rest of the world for a bit."
I nod in agreement. "I think that sounds perfect."
***
&nbs
p; He taps his finger on the side of my head. "What's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?"
I don't know how long we've been in bed, lying side my side, looking into each other's eyes. We haven't spoken a word, but that doesn't mean we haven't been communicating.
"I'm trying to understand it," I tell him.
"Understand what?"
I sigh and touch my forehead to his. "I don't get why such bad things keep happening to good people. First Micky and her family, and now Logan and Amanda. And I get that he wanted to keep his past a secret, I understand that, but I don't know why he won't talk to anyone now. I thought we were friends."
He runs his hand under my shirt and onto my back, where he rubs slow circles. "I wouldn't take it personal, Luce. I mean we're best friends. We grew up together, and he never told me either. Maybe I should have been a better friend to him, I don't know. I guess the only thing we can take from it is that life's short. Too short to be thinking that forever's always gonna be there."
I pull back slightly and lift my eyes to his, knowing that he's already watching me. I reach up and move his scruffy hair away from his eyes, then run the back of my fingers across the rough growth on his face, remembering what it was like when we were fifteen and he never had to worry about shaving.
His eyes drift shut at my touch, and when he opens them, they're filled with so much emotion, so much need, so much of him. He clears his throat before speaking, "Sometimes I wish I could be back here, back to this cabin when we were in high school and had no worries in the world. When we spent every second of every day together, and it was just you and me. Before the pressure, before college, before scholarships and work and life."
"Just you and me and our forever?"
"Yeah, baby." He kisses me once. "I love you, Luce. More than I ever thought possible." His eyes begin to glaze, but he blinks it away. "Let's never let the bad things in our lives outweigh the good."
"Does it ever scare you?" I ask him.
