by Jay McLean
Score two for me.
***
He takes us to a storage warehouse. "This is... um..."
He laughs once, taking my hand and helping me out of his car. "What? Like that time I took you to see Filmore?"
"A little, yeah."
We walk past five rows of storage units before he stops. "This is me," he informs, pulling keys from his pocket.
I start to shrug out of my jacket, but he stops me. "You might want to leave that on for a little longer."
"Okay?"
He smiles down at me, before holding my face in his hands and kissing me. "I love you, Lucy." He unlocks the door and slides it up.
And my eyes are everywhere, all at once, taking everything in. "What is this?"
"Mom," he says.
"This is your mom? What?"
Heather's laugh kicks sense back into me. "Bye kids," she says. And then she's gone.
"What the hell?"
He slides the door back down and walks over to me.
"I needed Mom's help. That's why she was here. It's also why I told you to keep your jacket on, but now that you're here..." He unbuttons my jacket and slides it off my shoulders, exposing me to him. But my eyes are too busy looking around at the paintings on the wall, the sketches all over the place. There are light boxes and draft tables and a..."Candlelit dinner?"
He laughs. "This is my studio. Mark helped me find it. He leased it out for a year. This is where I came to make your murals and the sketches in your room. I come here to work, study, whatever." He leans against a light box and watches as I take everything in.
"You're starting to paint a lot with colors." I glance at him quickly. "This is amazing, baby."
He doesn't speak. Just continues to watch.
"Are you thinking of changing majors? Change to art?"
He stands next to me now, taking my hand in his. "No. I've realized my passion is in design. The art stuff, that's just for us."
I turn and look up at him. "I'm kind of speechless right now. I'm... I don't know... it just seems wrong for me to say I'm proud of you, because I didn't really do anything to help you but I feel—"
"Of course you did, Luce," he cuts in. "You believed in me. That meant everything."
I blink back the tears and inhale deeply. "So candlelit dinner?"
He nods and then points to the floor.
I drop my gaze. "Rose petals?" I squeal. I hadn't even noticed.
"And," he says, walking over to a fire pit. He spends a few seconds lighting it before he says, "Open fireplace."
I pout. "Like you wanted for our first time?"
He nods again. "This is the first of many first times for us. It doesn't matter that we've experienced it all. It's different this time; there are no questions, no uncertainties. You and me, babe, forever."
Score one million for Cameron.
But I don't mind, because it's score infinity for me.
***
We eat dinner and talk, and laugh, and get to know each other, like it's the first time. And we fall even more in love. Afterwards, he asks me to sit for him on the pullout sofa bed he has in there. So I do. He takes his time sketching me. And every time he looks up from his sketch with a slight smile on his face, he makes me feel beautiful. And I know that I could be wearing what I'm wearing, or I could be wearing my frumpy pajamas, and he'd still look at me that way. Because he always has, and he always will.
He doesn't show me his work when he's finished. He says that it's just for him so I leave it alone. "Now a nude one," he says.
I laugh.
"You think I'm kidding?" He flops on the sofa bed next to me and pulls me to him. "I'll make a deal. You pose nude and I'll get you off. I know you're going crazy."
My jaw drops. "I am not—I can—you don't—it's not—"
His head throws back in laughter. "Luce, you don't think I know what you're doing? I know you. I know your body. I know that it's driving you insane that I haven't touched you."
I pounce on him, and sit on his waist with my knees on either side. "Why haven't you?"
His head lifts off the cushion, just so he can watch his hands roam up my thighs, softly pushing my skirt higher. "I just didn't want to do anything before you were ready. Are you?" he asks sincerely. "I mean emotionally."
I think about his words, and I think about him, and everything he means to me. "Yes."
He licks his lips before sitting up and pulling me closer to him. He kisses me slowly, deeply, for minutes that feel like seconds. And I can't get enough of him. Physically. Emotionally. All of it. His warm hands grip my waist, under my tank.
And then I panic. I push his hands away, and pull back from his kiss.
"What's wrong?"
I swallow the knot in my throat and look away, but his hand on my chin turning me to him doesn't let me stay there for long.
"Babe?"
I try not to cry. I try not to ruin the moment. I really do. But I can't hold it in.
"Hey," he soothes, wrapping me in his arms and rubbing circles in my back. "What's wrong? Talk to me."
"I have a scar," I whisper. "And it's ugly."
Gently, he grasps my shoulders so he can push me away and look in my eyes. "Are you kidding me?"
I shake my head, feeling small and insecure.
He looks away and releases a breath. "I don't know what to say," he admits. "I don't know how to make you feel better about that. All I can say is that I think you're beautiful, every single inch of you—scar or not. And if there's a way that I could prove it, I would. If you feel self-conscious about it, you don't have to show me, but I'd like to see it. It kind of belongs to both of us, don't you think?"
I inhale a confident breath and slowly take my top off. His eyes stay on mine. Then slowly, he flips us over until I'm on my back, and he kisses me. First my mouth, and then down my neck. His tongue darts out, leaving a trail between my breasts. He unhooks my bra, and slowly pulls the straps down each arm. His eyes focus on my breasts. "Beautiful," he murmurs, before paying them individual attention with his mouth. His tongue. His teeth. I close my eyes and let him take me in. His hands tug at my skirt until it's over my hips and down my legs. He kisses my stomach, down to my belly button. Tears fall from my closed eyes when I anticipate his next move—when he sees the ugly scar that mars my so-called-beautiful body. My breath catches when I feel his lips there, an inch above my pubic bone. He places open mouth kisses along the length of it; all four inches. He takes his time, letting my body shake with the sobs that I can't contain. "You're beautiful, Lucy," he croaks. And I cry harder. But he doesn't stop with the kisses, he moves further down my body, removing my panties, my suspenders and my stockings all in one move. He stands at the end of the sofa, his eyes burning with lust. He licks his lips, before dipping his head between my legs.
It doesn't take long for me to come. Not once. Not twice. But three times—just from his mouth alone. "You gotta be quiet," he chuckles. "This is public space."
"Shut up," I tell him. "Get naked."
He laughs, but he does what I ask. Then he climbs on top of me and positions himself. "I'm gonna make love to you now," he says into my neck. "And I'm going to do it right this time."
"Okay," I moan, running a hand down his back. "And after we make love, can you screw me?"
He stifles his laugh with my neck.
"And then after you screw me, can you fuck me?"
He slams inside me without warning. And then his body tenses and he looks up. "Shit, Luce, I didn't even ask. Are you... I mean... can we?"
"I'm on the pill." I kiss him passionately, tasting myself on his tongue... feeling him get even bigger inside of me. "Now make love to me so we can get to the kinky shit."
CHAPTER FORTY
-CAMERON-
I don't like to think that Lucy and I broke up last summer. I say that we just restarted—created a new round of firsts. Everything else is the same as it has always been. I have more spare time now that I'm not working at the
firm, and I can take it a little easier because there isn't the pressure of a scholarship weighing on me.
A few weeks ago, Logan came back. He still won't really talk about what happened, but he's happy. And I know the main reason is because of Amanda.
Lucy's happy too, she got two of her best friends back. And me—I'm just happy that she's happy.
She called me crying once after the girls had book club. She asked that I come over right away. Of course, I did. She said that she told Amanda about us—about not being able to have any children. She said it was the first time she's really told anybody straight out. She hasn't told Rose, and Micky and Jake knew because they were at the hospital. But Micky didn't really understand how, or why, but she never asked. She said that she explained it in detail to them, and they all sat there and cried. It was emotionally exhausting for all of them. Amanda asked if Logan knew, she told her that he didn't, but that she could tell him. So we were both expecting the knock that came on her door a couple hours later. He stood with his hands in his pockets and his head lowered. She said his name and he looked up at her, eyes red from his own tears. He didn't speak; he just wrapped his arms around her. It could've been minutes; it could've been hours. He looked past her and to me, sitting on her bed feeling everything she did. He told me he was sorry and that things would be okay, and that he'd be there for me if I ever needed anything—and he said all of that without ever speaking a word. Lucy hugged him back. I don't know if it was for her or for him.
When he was ready he pulled away, nodded once at her, and then shoved his hands back in his pockets and left. She closed the door after him, laid down in bed with me, and then she said something I'd been thinking about since the day we found out about the miscarriage. "What do you think she would have looked like?"
We spent the rest of the night talking about her. Talking about our Hope. It was a moment of clarity, and a moment of healing. And like every other night, we declared our love for each other and we fell asleep in each other's arms. And the next morning, we woke up, and we moved on.
***
"Lucas is on campus," she says, looking down at her phone.
I pull up to the curb in front of Jake and Micky's house. "What's he doing here?"
"He just said he was looking around."
I get out and wait for her at the front of the car. "Is he still undecided about coming here?"
"I guess."
We walk through their side gate and into the yard where everyone's already sitting. I sit on a chair and she sits next to me, typing out a text on her phone. "He said he went to my room, and then to yours. Minge was there, he somehow convinced him to drive him to some party. He's there now. He says he's only staying a little while and then he'll come here." She reaches into the cooler next to her and pulls out a drink.
"Hey Luce," Logan says. "You remember when you were scared of your vagina?"
Amanda's head throws back in laughter.
"I don't even want to ask," Ethan, her brother, speaks up.
"Remember when we sat around naming it?" Jake chimes in.
I laugh with them.
"Not funny," she says, but she's laughing too.
"Dylan had the best ones!" Logan adds. "Fuck, I miss that kid."
"I know! And every time we speak his name it's like we all have to have a moment of silence for our lost brother..." I say.
"Lost to the Marines?" Micky asks.
"We should do that," Jake says, ignoring her. "Every time we say his name we have to be quiet and pay our respect."
We all laugh, but agree to do it.
An hour later, Lucy's buzzed. Half an hour after that, she's borderline wasted. "I'm gonna call Lucas, see what's up." She dials his number and brings the phone to her ear. "Where are you?" she asks. Seconds of quiet pass, then a look of disgust takes over her face. "Dude, are you having sex?"
The guys cheer.
She hangs up and mocks a shiver. "Gross."
Ten minutes later he shows up. I have to make the introductions because Lucy's too busy making exaggerated gagging sounds.
"Bathroom, bedroom or car?" Logan asks him.
Lucy gets louder.
Amanda turns to Logan. "What? You're so yuck."
He just shrugs. "Past life, baby. Before you."
Amanda starts matching Lucy's sounds.
Lucas spins in a circle in the middle looking for a seat. I pull on Lucy's arm until she's up and on my lap, and tell him to take her seat.
Once Lucy's settled and her sounds have died down, Lucas answers, "Car."
And the gagging starts again. Lucas laughs at her. Then for some reason he thinks it's a good idea to bug her some more. "She was a screamer, too," he says.
"Shut up!"
"I didn't even have to do anything. She rode me in her backseat. Her hands gripped her open sunroof and she just went hard. Really hard. I had to keep looking out the window to see if we were gonna get caught. She had a filthy mouth, too."
"I swear it, Lucas, shut up!"
His low chuckle turns to a guffaw.
"I bet you didn't even know her name!"
"Yeah, I did," he says, almost looking offended. "It was... Robby? No! Roxy."
I tense. Blood whooshes loudly in my ears, but everywhere else... Dead. Fucking. Silence.
"Did someone say Dylan?" Ethan pipes up.
"Roxy!" Lucy roars.
Lucas's eyebrows bunch. "Yeah, why?" Then his eyes widen and focus on me.
I duck behind Lucy's shoulder.
"I'll murder her!" she shouts, her glare fixed on Lucas.
"Fuck," he spits.
"What the fuck is wrong with that whore! First my boyfriend, now my brother!"
His hands go up in surrender. "I swear I didn't know." He looks so fucking scared that I'd laugh if I didn't actually think he had a reason to be. He tries to back away from her but he falls back in his seat and crashes to the ground.
I must have unconsciously suspected what was about to happen because my arms are tight around her stomach. "Let me go, Cam! Let me go!"
I grip her tighter.
"Holy shit," Ethan chuckles.
"LET ME GO!"
I sigh, defeated, and then jerk my head at Lucas. "You got five seconds."
I wait until he's on his feet before releasing her. He runs. Fast. So he should. He laughs as she chases him around the yard until he's cornered. "I hope your dick gets whore poisoning and shrivels to its death! And then I hope all the girls see it and laugh at you! And then I hope it falls off! You can stare down at it and cry like a little bitch, just like you did when your pet hamster died!"
His laughter stops instantly. He straightens up, eyes narrowed, body rigid. "Don't talk about Princess Leia like that."
"Yeah?" she says, crossing her arms and cocking her hip. "Well, when your dick falls off we can bury it next to her." And then she pounces. She doesn't do much damage. He's six-two, built like their dad. She's tiny, and twenty pounds soaking wet. She's also weak as shit.
"Are you fucking biting me?" he shouts.
That gets laughs.
We all sit in silence and watch it play out. Her, somehow attached to his back, her arm around his neck and his forearm in her mouth.
"Fuck," he screams. "Cameron! A little help!"
I take my time getting up and lazily walk over to them. She tries to take me out, too, but I'm too fast and duck her hits. Awkwardly, I peel her off him. "Come on little stealth ninja, time to settle down."
By the time we sit back down, she's calm enough that I don't have to be on alert for any impromptu attacks. She's still upset, though. I can tell because her arms are crossed and she's pouting. "I hope she chokes on cock," she mumbles.
That gets more laughs.
"Whore," Amanda chimes.
Logan shakes his head at her. "Don't encourage it, baby."
Then Micky adds, "Dumbass."
"Yeah!" Lucy agrees. "I bet she's dumb. Really dumb! I bet the smartest thing that's ever come out of
her mouth is cock. The fucking whore."
More laughs, even from me.
"Don't laugh," she clips.
I stop.
She growls. "I wish I could punch her in her ham wallet."
"Or..." Micky starts, her face lighting up with a smile.
"Or what?" Lucy asks her.
"Remember prom night... and James's truck?"
"Holy shit," Logan mutters. "Operation Mayhem?"
"What?" Ethan almost shouts. "You guys did that to James's truck?"
Micky covers her mouth to stop from laughing.
"He bitched about that shit for a month. I can't believe it was you guys."
"He kind of deserved it," Amanda says.
Logan sits up, resting his knees on his elbows. "It's not the same without Dylan."
And on cue, we silently bow our heads.
Lucas looks around before asking, "Why is—"
"Shut your whore loving mouth, Lucas," Lucy interrupts.
Then Jake leans forward. "We need a plan."
"We need supplies," Logan responds.
"We need a car," Micky adds.
Lucas clears his throat. "I have the minivan."
***
Operation Mayhem, which Lucy has not so subtly renamed Ho-peration Whore-hem, somehow consists of the following:
A tube of Superglue.
8 rolls of aluminum foil.
A can of spray paint.
A roll of duct tape.
16 cans of tuna.
A kiddy pool.
36 tubs of Jell-O.
12 tubs of chocolate pudding.
A concrete statue of the ugliest gargoyle Lucy could find.
6 bike locks.
And...
A mannequin.
That last one was the hardest. It took some heavy flirting on Logan's behalf. Luckily, Amanda was fine with it. She even encouraged it.
Lucas drives us to where he just got laid. Thankfully, it's a side street so no one will see, and even if they do, we hope they're drunk enough to find it as funny as we do.
He doesn't seem upset about what we're doing. If anything, he kind of seems giddy. I guess Lucy's excitement has worn off on all of us.
I lift her by her ass until she's on top of the car and able to climb in through the open sunroof. She unlocks the doors as Lucas opens the back of the minivan.
