“Pearl, is this your doing?” Granny asked. All eyes turned on Pearl. She felt her face heat up. She didn’t dare meet Cindy’s eyes.
Granny stood. “This is just a mess.” She walked from seat to seat, arranging the silverware in its proper order. She stopped in front of Roy and looked at him accusingly.
“How could a young woman not know the proper way to set the table?”
Roy shrugged, his mouth full of bread preventing him from answering. He looked to Pearl, who was at a loss for words. She dropped her head at his glare.
“Mother, don’t be upset,” Vernie chimed in. “It was my doing. I was watching her set the olives and sweet pickles and must have been distracted.” Granny took her seat as Vernie continued. “But my, didn’t she do a lovely job?”
Pearl’s mouth dropped slightly as she stared at Vernie in amazement. She could feel Cindy’s darting glare in her direction, but didn’t dare look.
Granny stared at the table before turning her gaze to Pearl. “Lovely job, dear.” She smiled. “Just lovely.”
CHAPTER 4
By late morning the next day Pearl was exhausted and ready for a nap. Rising at dawn was a task she would need to get used to. She had showered, made breakfast, helped Granny gather the eggs, prepped dinner, and baked two pies for after supper. Although she was due at Cindy’s, she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into her warm bed and pull the sheets over her head.
She crossed the field from Granny’s house to Cindy’s, a smile on her reddened cheeks as she thought of the night before. Roy had sneaked into her room long after Granny had fallen asleep. Pearl smiled shyly at the thought of his soft touch. He had been so gentle with her, so careful and kind. He had not made love to her in a way like that before where she truly felt his connection and adoration. He kissed her and thanked her repeatedly for moving to Oregon with him. Told her he felt whole again. He held her as she fell asleep, whispering dreams and plans for the future. Pearl slept soundly, not even noticing when he left her side. She woke at dawn, without a stir through the night.
Cindy’s trailer was located at the bottom of the hill near the entrance to the driveway. Pearl could hear the kids screaming as she knocked on the plastic door.
She was anxious for the day, curious as to what Cindy had planned. She hoped that she wouldn’t disappoint Cindy. She didn’t know how to be a friend. She didn’t go to malls or movies or to the spa. She prayed she wouldn’t look foolish and embarrass Cindy with her lack of experience. She had to get this right. She had already let Cindy down, and she didn’t even know why. She was determined to make Cindy like her.
The whole house shook from the various footsteps. Cindy answered, her hair in disarray, the look on her face far from pleased.
“What took you so long to get here? I called up at Granny’s looking for you, fifteen minutes ago.”
“I’m sorry,” Pearl said hesitantly. “I went for a little walk.”
“Well,” Cindy huffed, opening the door wider for Pearl to step in. “I’ve been waiting for you. Come in, ignore the mess.”
Pearl watched her step, careful of the scattered toys and clothes all over the floor. The house was soiled with dirt, trash, and rotting food. Pearl hid her face to conceal her disgust. It was all she could do to not plug her nose from the smell.
“I need you to watch the kids while I run into town.” Cindy slipped on strappy heels that were meant to match her white denim short skirt and slinky purple top. She grabbed her purse, ignoring Pearl’s surprised reaction. “It’s not like you have anything better to do.”
The children took turns jumping off the couch and into a pile of clothes on the floor. Pearl wasn’t even sure if the clothes were clean or dirty. Their screams punctured any brain activity Pearl had left.
Cindy stretched a smile and patted Pearl on the shoulder. “It’s just so great to have a live-in babysitter!”
Pearl cringed, unable to speak the words to ask when Cindy would be back. Cindy bolted to the door, popping her head in one last time, and said, “Make sure they get a nap in, or they are loony-bin wild!” She was gone, her lion’s mane swinging behind her, without a goodbye to Pearl or her children.
Pearl turned her attention to the crazy beasts, who had stopped jumping to stand in front of her.
“Do people tell you your lips look like a fish?” the little boy asked. He wore grubby jeans that were too short and a greasy T-shirt that showed off his little pot belly.
“No, never,” Pearl lied. She sighed heavily. So much for shopping and girl time. She hid her embarrassment and shame from the children, afraid they would see right through her and break her to pieces.
“You know you have to play with us, don’t you?” said the little girl, who had red hair like her mother’s and a matching devil’s grin.
Pearl squatted down to eye level with the children. She was no amateur when it came to children’s sly deceptiveness. They were testing her. Billy knew all too well that Pearl could spin the charm out of any child.
“Lilly, right?” Pearl asked. The child nodded. “What beautiful hair you have,” she told the girl, whose smile beamed with pride. “I wish my hair could look like yours.”
She turned to the boy. “Danny? You must be six?”
He shook his head.
“I’m five, but he’s only four,” Lilly piped in.
Pearl’s mouth dropped in mock surprise. “With those strong arms, I thought you were much older.”
Now the boy was beaming, too. Okay, so today might not be as bad as it seemed. She had been fooled by Cindy, but damn if she was going to let these kids get the best of her.
“Mommy says you’re a whore,” Lilly said, a smirk planted on her chubby face. “What does that mean?”
Hmm. Pearl paused. This might be harder than she thought. She stopped herself from retorting the words she had in her head about their own mother and returned with, “A very beautiful princess.”
Lilly shrugged, apparently content with the answer. “Daddy calls mommy a whore, too, so that must be right.”
Pearl dropped her head and took a deep breath before standing. She looked around for a safe place to sit. There had to be someplace in this dump that was not covered in debris as though a tornado had hit it. She found a spot on the corner of the couch and sat on its edge. The children followed closely behind.
“So besides jumping on furniture and,” she paused to point down the hall, “coloring on walls, what else do you kids do for fun?”
“I want to build a fort!” Danny said.
“We already did that. I want to play Barbies. But I am always Barbie. You can be Ken.”
“She makes me be Ken,” Danny said with a pout.
“You can play with the horse,” Lilly decided.
“And when is nap time?” Pearl asked.
Lilly turned on her wicked smile. “We don’t have naps. Mommy has naps. We just play while she sleeps. She doesn’t even know.”
“Oh,” Pearl said. “Well, why don’t we play Barbies in the fort and then have a pretend nap in our rooms for a little while?”
The kids thought it over, gave each other a sly smile, and said, “Okay!”
The pretend nap lasted longer than Pearl had expected. And what she hadn’t intended was to fall asleep. She had cleared away a spot on the couch, moving the clothes to an existing pile on the floor. She meant to only close her eyes a moment, but the silence overwhelmed her and before she knew it, she was out.
She was lost in her dream. It was during sleep that she allowed herself to yearn for her mother, for her mother’s golden hair and the fragrance of lavender on her skin, her freckled nose and the youth in her blue-gray eyes. She was the most beautiful woman Pearl had ever seen. It was through her dreams that she let go of the resentment of being discarded and abandoned. In her dreams she was her mother’s daughter. She was longed for and loved, and she felt her mother’s embrace. She watched herself in her dream, stood by the window and saw her mother’s hai
r reflected in the moonlight, dancing in the wind as she ran. She ran without looking back, as though she had no reason to return. Pearl couldn’t turn away; she begged silently for her mother to turn and look at her, but she never did. Every dream was the same, and her mother never turned. And then there was the sound. The sound Pearl couldn’t place, the sound that shook her from her dream, turning it into a nightmare. It left her gasping for air, drenched in sweat.
She bolted straight up, her mouth open, her breath hard. She wiped the damp hair from her forehead and looked around. The sun was setting and the room was darkening. How long had she been out?
“What in the hell is going on here?”
Pearl jumped from the couch to see Cindy standing in the door way.
“I…I don’t know,” Pearl stammered. “I must have fallen asleep. I’m so sorry.”
“Where are my children?” Cindy spat.
“I…uh, I…they were in their rooms. They were sleeping.” Pearl dashed to the hall. The bedroom doors were wide open, no sound, and no kids in sight. She began to panic.
“They were here,” she promised.
Cindy rushed beside her, her face a twist of rage as she screamed, “Where are my babies, you worthless child? What have you done with them?”
Pearl scrambled from the hall, searching every corner and in every closet. She tore away piles from the floor, waiting for the children to pop up from their hiding place. Cindy stood pressed against the wall, wailing in agony, cursing at Pearl in each new room she entered.
“They’re not under a fucking pile of clothes! What’s wrong with you?” Cindy collapsed, her hand over her heart, her eyes rolling back as though she might faint. Pearl stood frozen amongst the shredded boxes she was tearing through. She caught her breath, counting the seconds until Cindy spoke.
“I have to call the police. Oh, God, where is Darren?” She glared at Pearl. “Go find Darren!”
Pearl raced to the door. Barefoot, she darted across the field, screaming for the kids. Her voice caught in the wind in the trees, but no response came. She was lost in the dimming light on this enormous land. She ran, not knowing if the direction she was going was right. Finally the dim light of Granny’s front porch came into view, and Pearl followed the glow. She ran, tears streaming down her cheeks. She had never taken her eyes off Billy once. How could she now lose two children? Her foot caught in a gopher hole, causing her to crash to the ground. She let her body sink to the soil and sobbed. She pulled herself up, wiping the dirt from her knees. She knew she had to find Darren, and most likely he was at Granny’s awaiting supper. But the fear overtook her, and she turned the other direction, to the only place that made her feel safe. By the time she reached Vernie’s house, she could already hear the soft giggles inside.
“My dear, what’s happened to you?” Vernie gasped, pulling Pearl in. The children sat innocently at the dining room table, staring up at her.
“How long have they been here?” Pearl panted, trying to catch her breath.
“Since this afternoon. Their mother had some errands to run and asked me to watch them.” Vernie tilted her glass of whiskey and leaned in close to Pearl. “Hope it doesn’t take all night, but with that woman she could be anywhere.”
Pearl reached her hand back against the wall to steady herself. She closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them she would be somewhere, anywhere, where no one could hurt her.
“Baby, I think you’re letting this whole Cindy thing get out of control,” Roy said as he nuzzled his nose against her neck. She was still shaken as they lay there in bed that night, Roy doing what he could to keep her distracted. It wasn’t working.
“You didn’t hear her, Roy. She said she was going to call the police.”
He shrugged lightly, kissing her collarbone down to her shoulder. “Well, when I talked to Darren he said everything was just fine when he got home. No problems.”
Pearl lifted herself up on her elbow to look down at him. “Don’t you see? That’s just it. What kind of person gets that hysterical, lies about where her children are, and blames it on someone else? Of course things were fine when he got home—she knew where they were all along.”
Roy sighed, resting his head against the pillow. “Baby, let it go. You are making a big deal out of nothing. We just got here. Don’t start making trouble when there doesn’t need to be any.”
“I’m not,” she protested softly.
Roy turned his body toward her, bringing her into him. “Just keep your distance. You don’t need to be spending time with her anyway. Don’t you have enough things to do around here?” He kissed her roughly. “Like me?”
She kissed him back, but the hesitancy in her lips didn’t go unnoticed.
“Are you going to let this come between us tonight?” he asked, pulling away from her.
She wrapped her arms around him. Regardless of how she felt, the last thing she wanted was to be alone. She needed Roy, needed his arms around her, his body pressed to hers.
“Of course not.”
“That’s my girl.” He smiled as he kissed her deeply, pulling himself on top of her. “Let me help you forget all that happened.”
She smiled in return; she couldn’t ask for anything better. He pushed himself between her legs, crushing her body to the mattress. She felt stronger having him on top of her, like he dissolved into her, giving her his power. She let out a deep sigh as his mouth traced the curve of her neck. She felt the hardness of him on her thigh as his tongue met her lips. He tasted of dried sweat and sweet peach cobbler. She clung to him, forgetting for that moment about Cindy and the children and the godforsaken farm she had ended up on. For just that moment she was only with Roy, and she thrived in his longing for her. He cried out from the pleasure her body was giving him, collapsing onto her chest. Still she held on, not wanting to untangle her body from his.
“Oh, baby, what you do to me,” he groaned. He kissed her breasts to her shoulders, her shoulders to her neck. He kissed her lips softly, his eyes lingering on hers.
“Don’t ever leave me,” he whispered.
She wrapped her legs tighter around him. “I won’t, Roy. I won’t.”
CHAPTER 5
Summers in the Willamette Valley of Oregon didn’t officially start ’til the Fourth of July. The gloomy clouds disappeared, leaving more than one day of sunshine at a time. By the end of July, the heat was reaching as high as late spring in Arizona. It was around this time that Pearl began to settle in to life on the farm. She wasn’t sure if it would ever truly feel like home, but it was enough to keep her busy and content.
She was up at dawn, trudging out to the chicken coop that stood directly beside the one Roy slept in. Granny was always there, in either her slippers covered in plastic wrap or in black rain boots that covered up half her legs and bunched in her house dress. It was the only time Pearl saw her wear anything other than her robe.
“Good morning, girls,” Granny coed to the chicks. “Looking so plump and fertile today!” She scattered seed on the ground, greeting each of the many chickens by name.
“Oh, Becky, is that a scratch on your wing?” Granny asked, leaning in toward the hen. “Pearl, come close and look at Becky.”
Pearl set her basket of gathered eggs down and headed toward the hen.
“That’s it, be real calm, don’t frighten her,” Granny coached.
Pearl knelt slowly by Becky, extending her hand forward as if to pet her. Becky fluttered her wings, clucking in fright.
“Slowly, Pearl, slowly.”
Pearl gritted her teeth as she reached out her hand a little farther. As she lost her balance, her hand jerked forward, and in that split second Becky dug her beak into the top of Pearl’s hand.
“Christ!” Pearl cried. Blood trickled from her wound. She stood abruptly, causing the hens to flutter around her. Becky scattered to the corner, hovering behind the other chickens.
“Damn hen,” Pearl cursed, shaking her hand in pain.
Gr
anny took her wrist, examining the cut. “No need for that, Pearl. I have scars all over my arms from these ladies. They are only trying to protect themselves.”
“I think we should have chicken for supper,” Pearl grunted.
Granny hid a chuckle. “Go wash up for breakfast. I’ll finish gathering the eggs here.”
It was during the early morning time, before the men came in for breakfast, when Cindy was still in bed and Vernie recovering from last night’s whiskey binge, that Pearl felt grateful that Granny had someone to talk to. Finally someone was there to listen to her stories.
“My husband Darryl was caught under a heifer once, sat down right on top of his chest.” Granny cracked another egg into the bowl. “Compare that to a chicken peck.”
Really, it didn’t matter if Pearl listened or not; at least the woman could talk without sounding crazy.
“My Uncle Theo cut off three fingers with an axe,” Granny said with a shake of her head. “Two fingers were an accident—one finger was a dare.”
Pearl looked up, startled, unsure she’d heard correctly. Granny hummed away, whisking the eggs in the bowl.
“Keep cutting up those potatoes, Pearl. At this rate we will be eating them with supper, not dinner.”
She always looked forward to dinner. She craved the short time she had with Roy, watching him eat and chatting with him before he fell into his midday nap. He was always so tired at night, leaving her early for his own bed, or some nights not coming at all. She could always rely on dinner and supper. It got her through the day. She did the best she could to ignore Cindy, except when Granny had her eye on her. Then she would smile as if every word that came from Cindy’s bitter mouth was sweet as candy. She couldn’t tell if Cindy was sincere when she complimented Pearl on her hair, or an old sundress she had owned for years, and it no longer mattered. She did not need to be Cindy’s friend. Cindy was what Vernie said the pastor called the Snake, tempter to the devil. Pearl didn’t go to church with Vernie, but she believed the pastor knew what he was talking about.
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