Ray of Light: The Days of Redemption Series, Book Two

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “Careful, Goldie. That crab ain’t going to like you disturbing it for much longer. Pretty soon it’ll be the one chasing you!”

  As he’d expected, the dog barked, promptly ignored his warning, and pounced.

  And this time came out the loser. The crab snapped at her and its swipe stung Goldie’s nose. With a yelp, she jumped back and looked at Roman in confusion.

  “It’s the way of it, hund,” he said kindly. “Each of God’s creatures has ways of keeping themselves safe. That would be the crab’s.”

  The shelter dog seemed to take the warning to heart. After a moment, she once again seemed happy to trot by his side.

  Until Regina approached.

  The minute Goldie saw the little girl scampering toward them, her bright pink dress pulled up to her knees, a bright smile plastered across her face, Goldie seemed mesmerized. Even the sea crab was forgotten.

  “She’s had the same effect on me, pup,” Roman murmured. “But of course, it’s her mother who makes me stop and stare even when I shouldn’t. She’s a pretty thing, for sure. Ain’t so?”

  “Roman, Roman it’s me, Regina!”

  “I would know you anywhere, silly,” he said as he greeted her. “What brings you out to the beach?”

  “Mamm and I were watching you and your hund. She’s pretty.”

  Roman looked at Goldie again. The dog was wet and scruffy and covered with a good coating of sand and salt water. “She’s a mess, that’s what she is.” After making sure Goldie wasn’t about to jump or be too rough, he motioned Regina closer. “Want to say hello to her? Her name is Goldie.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Come on then.” Carefully, he showed Regina how to let the dog smell her hand. After a few exploratory sniffs, Goldie was ready to play. She nudged Regina’s hand. With a smile, Regina petted the dog.

  He’d just showed Regina Goldie’s dog tag when Amanda caught up. “Did you get yourself a dog, Roman?” she asked.

  “Nee. Just borrowing one. I discovered that there’s an animal shelter here that will let you take walks with the dogs for a few hours at a time. I decided to take them up on the offer.”

  “I’ve lived here all my life and never knew there was such a thing.”

  “Perhaps you weren’t missing your own animals like I was,” he said easily. Plus he had to admit to having a soft spot for an animal with no home. Every creature needed a place to live, he thought.

  Amanda bent down and scratched Goldie between her ears. Goldie showed her appreciation by tilting her head just enough to give Amanda a swift, wet lick.

  Amanda lifted her hand and wrinkled her nose. “Ick!”

  Regina giggled. “She likes you, Mamm.”

  “I guess so.”

  To Roman’s surprise, she bent a little and gave the dog a quick hug. “You’re a sweet thing, for sure.”

  “You’re going to get all wet and sandy,” Roman warned.

  Amanda looked fondly at her daughter. “I’m a mother. One gets used to becoming a mess.”

  “I can’t imagine you ever being a mess,” he blurted before he could stop himself.

  Amanda smiled, but immediately a faint blush colored her cheeks.

  “I’m sorry. Sometimes I speak without thinking. But I do, ah, think you are pretty.”

  “Danke.” She stood up and turned away.

  Roman decided he had better retreat a bit and keep things light. “So, would you girls like to walk with us? We’ve been walking and chasing sticks and annoying crabs.”

  “We can for a few minutes, but then Regina has a play date with Lindy.”

  Roman noticed his cousin Beth and Lindy sitting on their back patio, obviously waiting for Regina. “How about we walk you over to Lindy, Regina?”

  At the mention of Lindy, Regina whispered to Amanda, then after giving her a brief hug, ran toward Lindy.

  He and Amanda watched as Beth and Lindy ran to meet Regina halfway, gave them a little wave, then retreated inside.

  Roman was surprised at how quickly Regina had left her mother’s side. “That was quick.”

  “She’s usually not so eager to leave me, but I do believe they’re going to play house. Regina loves that.”

  After another few moments, he gestured to Goldie. “Would you still like to stroll?”

  Amanda looked doubtful. “If I do . . . ”

  “I promise, we’ll keep things easy. I won’t tell you again about how pretty I think you are.”

  “Roman!”

  “I’m sorry. From now on, we’ll only talk about what you want to talk about.”

  “Or not talk at all?” She smiled when she said it, so he wasn’t sure if she was testing him or not.

  But he didn’t care. She was the first woman he’d ever not been able to stop thinking about. She was the first woman who’d intrigued him enough to want to push aside all the boundaries he’d erected in order to keep others at a distance.

  With her, he didn’t think he could ever get too close. Just thinking about where his mind was going made him feel even more off-kilter.

  But no matter what, he was willing to pass all her tests.

  “It’s okay not to talk at all,” he murmured. Deciding to get them going, he started walking, Goldie happily trotting by his side.

  After a second’s pause, Amanda followed.

  Ah. He’d just gotten his way. Roman had never tried so hard to hide a smile.

  Walking by Roman’s side, Amanda chastised herself. She’d heard his compliment. She’d seen the look in his eyes. Wesley had once looked at her like that, as if he was smitten.

  But she certainly was not. She had no business encouraging Roman’s flirtations. She’d already found love. She’d already had courtship and romance and marriage. No person should expect more in a lifetime.

  Especially since she had a daughter, too. Regina was almost the spitting image of her father, with her dark wavy hair. Watching Regina every day was a constant reminder of Wesley, and that was a good thing. A wonderful thing.

  So why did she seem unable to ignore Roman?

  Roman was being true to his word. He’d stayed silent, content to watch the dog’s antics.

  But now Amanda realized she was ready for something more. “So, what possesses a man to want to borrow animals?”

  He shrugged. “At home, I work in the fields, of course, but my favorite chores involve the animals.” He looked at her. “Perhaps you think that’s strange?”

  “Not at all, though I have to admit that I don’t have much experience with farms. Actually, I’ve never had a pet.”

  “Not even a cat?”

  “Not a one.”

  When she noticed his grin, she felt slightly defensive. “What do you find so amusing?”

  “Only that in my experience, it’s rare to find an Amish woman who’s not used to farm life. Back in Berlin, most people live on farms. Those that don’t work in an offshoot of a farm—like a cheese shop. And almost all of us have a horse or raise chickens or at least have a barn cat.”

  “If you lived here, you’d meet a great many women and men who are the same as me. The Amish lifestyle is different down here. But it’s not like I’ve never been around animals. I did grow up in Pennsylvania.”

  “I don’t mean to sound critical,” he replied, looking a bit contrite. “It’s just unusual to me. That’s all.”

  “Tell me about Berlin. I suppose it’s much different in the winter.”

  He laughed. “It’s about as different as night and day! Right now, it’s terribly cold and snowy in Ohio, even though it’s the beginning of March. We still get lots of snow into April there. Right now, you’d be hitching up your sleigh in heavy snow, and bundling up in coats and cloaks and scarves and mittens.”

  “And?”

  “And it’s hilly there.” He looked out into the distance, just as if he were staring at a giant postcard in front of him. “Really hilly. The roads are winding, and there are lots of trees. In the fall, the leaves turn oran
ge and yellow and gold. Tourists come from all over, just to look at them.”

  This time, she couldn’t hold back a smile. “Tourists come to see leaves?”

  “They come for more than that, I reckon. It’s peaceful. Quiet. Out in Holmes County, the pace is slower, and not simply because we’re Amish. You have to live more slowly because we’re dependent on the Lord’s seasons and His weather.”

  “The leaves are all gone now, right?”

  He nodded. “Yep. The trees are bare, but that’s okay, because you can see the red cardinals that much better. Or winter hares. And deer.”

  “You have deer?”

  “We sure do. But not as pets of course . . . they just wander around. Sometimes I’ll be out in the barn with our horse, cracking the film of ice that’s formed on the water troughs, when I’ll look up and see a pair of bucks. It’s a lovely sight.”

  The picture he’d painted captured her interest, spurring her imagination. “Maybe one day I’ll go up and see this Berlin.”

  “You should. You and Regina can come up on the Pioneer Trails bus and stay with us.”

  “Stay with you?” she blurted, taken aback.

  “I live in a pretty big haus, my family’s lived there for quite a while. Anyway, when you come, me and my family could show you around. You can visit my aunt Lorene’s place of work—the cheese shop.” He winked. “We’ll even drive you out to Walnut Creek and Sugarcreek. There’s a lot to see.”

  She laughed, because they were only pretending that she’d ever go up north. That she’d ever see him after he left. “You almost sound homesick.”

  He slowed down and looked at her more carefully. “Not at all. I like home, but I needed a break. I like it here, too. I think you’re a lucky woman, to live this close to the ocean.”

  Amanda flinched. He was the first person in years to mention that she was lucky about anything. Most people looked at her in pity.

  “Oh. I guess I stuck my foot in my mouth again, haven’t I? I realize, of course, that you’ve lost your husband.”

  “Actually, I was just thinking how grateful I am that you reminded me of my blessings. Sometimes, it’s very tempting to only think about what I’ve lost and how different my life is from how I’d hoped it would be.”

  He glanced at her for a long moment, his eyes serious, his gaze tender. Finally, he said, “It sounds like you had a good marriage.”

  “I did. The best.”

  Something flashed in his eyes, right before he looked forward again. “I am sorry about your loss.”

  “Danke. My Wesley, he was a good man. He would have been a wonderful husband to me forever, I think. But I have Regina and Wesley’s family.”

  “His family?”

  “Oh, yes. As I said, it’s their condominium that I’m staying in.” Feeling a little braver, she said, “This is the first time since my husband died that I’ve done something on my own.”

  “Doing something for the first time is always hard. Were you scared?”

  “Honestly? A little bit. Before I was married, I was part of a big family. And spoiled enough to be born number six out of eight children.”

  He raised a brow. “I’ve never heard of anyone calling themselves spoiled because they were from a large family. Usually that means they are used to sharing.”

  “I’m used to sharing, but that’s not what I was thinking of. Instead, I was thinking of the gift of privacy. And of being alone. If I had been the eldest girl, I’m sure I would have had to watch over the other kinner. But because I was one of the younger siblings, I didn’t have to do much of that. So I developed a healthy taste for being alone. By the time I was twelve, one of my brothers and two of my sisters were already married. See, when you’re always surrounded by siblings, half of who’ve been asked to always look out for you . . . it can be confining.”

  “I know what you mean, to a point. Being the only boy, I was able to get time alone.” He seemed to want to say more, but instead he looked down at his feet and chuckled. “It looks like Goldie here needs a rest.”

  The dog was sprawled across his feet, panting heavily. Amanda pointed toward a spigot. “If you have something to hold water, we could fill it up.”

  Roman looked around, found someone’s abandoned paper ice cream bowl wedged under a rock, and pulled it out. “This should do, if we rinse it out.”

  “I think so,” she said, taking it from him. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Nee, I’ll do it,” he said quickly. “This dog is my responsibility. I should be getting the water.”

  “I don’t mind. You stay here with Goldie,” she said over her shoulder as she walked briskly to the public water fountain.

  As Roman looked after her, looking more than a little chagrined, she heaved a sigh of relief. That man might be thinking she was all about being helpful, but she knew the truth. At the moment, she was only thinking about herself. She needed a few seconds to catch her breath and come to terms with how she was feeling.

  Though she was enjoying the conversation with Roman, she didn’t like how comfortable she felt with him. The feeling was far more scary than staying at the condominium by herself.

  Though she knew better, she couldn’t help but feel like she was betraying Wesley.

  She knew deep down that wasn’t what Wesley would want. When he was ill, and she was trying so hard to be brave and stalwart, he’d told her time and again to never stop living.

  Of course, at the time, she’d had no inkling of what he was talking about. All she’d been able to focus on was the fact that one day very soon her husband would be going to heaven, and she’d never be able to look into his smiling brown eyes again. The pain of watching him suffer, coupled with the knowledge that she was losing him, had prevented her from thinking of anything else.

  She’d pushed aside his efforts to talk about her future, about a life spent without him. For her, it was too painful to consider. For Wesley, it had been all he wanted to think about.

  “You’ve got to move on one day, Mandy,” he’d murmured one evening when they’d been all alone and she’d been so tired she hadn’t even bothered to light a candle. “One day, you’re going to need to find someone else.”

  “I’ll be fine. And Regina will, too.” She’d been thankful for the dark room, hoping he wouldn’t notice how she was lying. Because, really, how was she ever going to be fine without him?

  “One day, you’re going to be tired of being alone.”

  “Nee—”

  “And I want you to know that I’ll be watching you from heaven, smiling,” he’d said, just as if she hadn’t interrupted him. “I don’t want you to mourn me forever.”

  Back then, she couldn’t imagine doing anything but mourning him. He’d been her world, her daughter’s father.

  But perhaps he’d been right.

  Because at the moment, mixing with the guilt she felt about even thinking about Roman Keim in a romantic sense was a small sliver of exhilaration, too. She’d felt his interest.

  And she’d felt interested, too. Reminding her that though she was a widow and a mother, she was also a woman.

  It was only lately that she’d forgotten.

  Chapter Eight

  Even when she didn’t understand why things happened the way they did, Lovina believed with all her heart that the good Lord always had a plan. Furthermore, she believed that His plan was the right and best one. When she was tempted to despair, she simply prayed harder.

  She’d grown up believing that was true faith.

  Her faith had gotten her through some of the toughest moments in her life.

  She’d tried to pass this on to her children. Whether she’d been successful or not, she did not know.

  For the life of her, she couldn’t understand why God had decided that all of their secrets needed to come tumbling out, one right after the other, all at this time in her life. It seemed to her that His timing, while always impeccable, was somehow off the mark this time. All He was doing was
causing havoc in their lives and making the lot of them very unhappy indeed.

  But perhaps the Lord had been giving her the chance to make changes in their lives? Maybe He was now making everything a jumbled mess so they’d all be forced to make some changes?

  Thinking about the brief conversation she’d had with Marie while sewing, Lovina looked across the small living room at her husband.

  Either she could avoid things a little longer . . . or finally push her husband to make things right.

  Feeling as if the Lord was at her shoulder, giving her strength, she knew there was only one option. “Aaron, what should we tell the family about Laura Beth and Ben?”

  Half asleep in his ancient easy chair, he didn’t even bother to open his eyes. “Nothing.”

  “Well, why did you mention it to the family, then? You opened up a wasp’s nest when you revealed you had another wife and child.”

  One eye opened. “Lovina, it ain’t their concern. All that happened long before they were born. It doesn’t affect them. Not one bit.”

  As Lovina smoothed out the pale yellow fabric she was making napkins out of for Lorene’s wedding, she pursed her lips. She wasn’t surprised by his answer. For over forty years, he’d been adamant that they only worry about the present, not the past. Time and time again he’d told her that nothing could be done to change what had already happened.

  Mostly, his opinion had made sense. It certainly had kept their lives calm.

  She’d done her best to abide by Aaron’s wishes, to be the good and dutiful wife he’d wanted her to be. She’d even gone so far as to pretend that she wasn’t curious about his first wife. Or his child.

  The smart thing to do would be to say nothing and let this disagreement fade.

  But it seemed she wasn’t all that smart after all.

  Or maybe she was just tired of being told what to think.

  “Well, Elsie told me that their kitchen phone has been ringing nonstop. Our kinner are talking to each other. Before you know it, they’re going to push us to talk about this. I know that is what Marie wants.”