Ray of Light: The Days of Redemption Series, Book Two

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  She stepped inside and almost gasped. Inside was a double bed, neatly made with a pair of quilts and what looked like ironed, white sheets. Pegs lined the wall, and hanging on them were Edward’s clothes. “This is your room, isn’t it?”

  “Jah. I thought you might like to use it while you’re here. It’s clean, and will give you some privacy and quiet.”

  It was obvious that he’d very carefully cleaned what was clearly the nicest room in the mission complex.

  Seeing how much trouble he’d gone to, how much preparation he’d made for her arrival, she felt even worse.

  Oh, he must be so disappointed in her.

  “Where are you going to sleep?”

  “I’ll bunk with some of the other men in one of the dormitory rooms.”

  “I can’t take your room, Edward.” As she glanced around, at his shirt hanging, at the pile of notes and loose change on his chest of drawers, she was certain that every little thing was going to remind her of him. Even his scent filled the room. But then again that helped her finally feel a little more relaxed, as if she really wasn’t so far from home.

  And that new glimmer of well-being was so wonderful, she wanted to hug him close and promise that she’d never embarrass him ever again.

  But she wasn’t sure that she could promise him that.

  “Viola, this is really the only appropriate place for you to sleep.” He stepped away. “Plus, I, ah, I had imagined you’d want to see where you’d be sleeping when we married.”

  “Had imagined?”

  “Yes.” He shrugged. “But perhaps this isn’t the best place for you.”

  “What do you mean? Where else would I go?” All the hotels that they passed coming in from the airport looked too far away and too expensive.

  “Perhaps you’ll want to stay home.”

  She heard what he was saying, but it didn’t want to register. “You mean Berlin?”

  “Jah.” His face looked expressionless. Stoic.

  “Where would you be? You wouldn’t quit, would you?”

  “No, I told you, I have a commitment to the mission. My chance to withdraw was back in February, when I came out here the first time. I can’t leave now, it’s my job.” He cleared his throat. “But, like I told you, some wives stayed behind.”

  “I thought perhaps that was out of necessity. That they were raising kinner and wanted them to be at their schools and such.”

  “It’s also by choice.” He shrugged. “There’s no need to make any sudden decisions, but I want to assure you that if staying in America is something you need to do, I’ll understand.”

  “But you said—”

  He cut her off. “I said a lot of things, Viola. We both know that just because I want something to happen, doesn’t mean it will. I think it was wrong of me to push you so. I didn’t want to be away from you. I wanted to marry you quickly. I wanted you here, by my side. But I should have asked what you wanted to do.”

  It almost sounded as if he were trying to find a way to break things off. “Edward, I love you.”

  “And I love you, too, Viola. Of course I do.”

  “Then give things some time. Give me some time. I mean, I only got here a few hours ago, Edward. Surely you don’t expect us to make decisions about the rest of our lives in just a few hours? Do you?”

  “You’re right, of course.” Gently, he reached out and caressed the side of her cheek. She looked into his eyes and realized that he looked sad. “Get some rest. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

  “All right,” she murmured, waiting for him to caress her cheek again, and then hold her close.

  Instead, he turned and closed the door tightly behind him.

  Dismayed and yet again on the verge of tears, she took off her shoes and sat on his bed. She lay down and curled on her side, inhaling the comforting scent of him on the sheets.

  He was right. They could talk more later. Who knew what that conversation would be like, anyway?

  She could only hope it went better than the one they’d just had.

  “I don’t know the last time I laughed so much,” Lovina said with a smile as she sat with Aaron at the kitchen table the morning after Amanda and Regina’s arrival. “That little Regina has already drawn a ring around my heart.”

  Aaron smiled at her over the rim of his coffee cup. “I have to agree that the child is a delight. I hope her mother and Roman can come to some kind of agreement and soon.”

  “They must be feeling something if she’s bringing her daughter up here to see Roman.”

  “And us,” Aaron corrected. “I recall Roman saying that he wanted her to meet his whole family.”

  “Sam and Lorene are coming over tonight. We’ll either scare her off, or scare Roman,” Lovina joked. “The Keims all together can be overwhelming.”

  “I suppose so.” Her husband looked to add something more, then kept his tongue.

  “What is it?”

  “Oh, I was just wondering how you first felt when you met my family.”

  “I was overwhelmed, too,” she said with a burst of laughter. “I wanted to please you.” Almost shyly, she gazed at him through lowered lashes. “Of course, I was afraid your family would shun you for even thinking about dating an Englischer.”

  He scratched his beard, as if he was trying to remember. “They were surprised I fancied you, for sure. But they were happy I was smiling again.”

  Leaning back, he rested one foot over the opposite knee—the way he used to sit all the time. “After Laura Beth, I didn’t smile so much. You changed that.”

  She was touched. So rarely did they speak to each other like this. To cover up her deep feelings, she said, “I was always doing something wrong. I’m sure everyone had a lot to laugh about.”

  She looked at her husband fondly, not seeing his unruly, thinning gray head of hair. Instead, she recalled how his hair had once been thick and the color of dark caramel. His eyes had held a tired expression . . . like they’d seen too much.

  Except when he gazed at her.

  Years ago, it had felt as if she were the only person in the world.

  “To be honest, I’m not really sure what I thought about when I met your relatives. All I remember was that I wanted to change,” she murmured. “And that I wanted you.” To her surprise, she felt her cheeks heat. Even after forty years, he could make her blush.

  “We were two souls in need of fresh starts. I had lost Laura Beth and Ben. You had lost your boyfriend.”

  “We were both in need, for sure,” she agreed.

  “Well, the chores aren’t going to do themselves. Best go see if Roman needs a hand.” Aaron was always the practical one. Meanwhile, her head was still in the clouds, remembering Jack, when Aaron closed the back door with a thud.

  Thinking about how she’d sneaked out of her house the day after the accident and took the bus to the hospital to see Jack.

  When she’d gotten there, his parents had barely acknowledged her existence.

  Even worse was when one of the nurses had told her that Jack didn’t want to see her. Right in front of a bunch of his friends.

  She’d realized that she had never really meant all that much to him. Not even after all the things they’d done. Especially not after Billy’s death.

  But after he’d left for basic training, Jack had written her a carefully penned note that had revealed more than he’d ever told her in person.

  In it, he’d told her that after he’d left for boot camp, he’d thought about her more and more. She’d made an impression on him, for the better. And because of that, he wanted to change. He wanted to be a better person, and he hoped she’d give him another chance. He’d asked her to write him back.

  And so she had. They’d exchanged a few brief, hesitant letters. Each filled with grief and regrets about Billy.

  Then, of course, things had changed again.

  And Lovina had realized that the pain she had been feeling, while bad, had only been a taste of what was abou
t to come.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  The day had been wonderful. Now, as he and Amanda sat on the couch in the front parlor, Roman finally understood what Viola had felt with Edward.

  Now he understood why his sister was willing to pledge herself to a man who was determined to live all over the world. Feeling the way he did about Amanda, Roman knew he was willing to change his idea of his life, of who he was, of who he wanted to be.

  That’s what happened when a person was in love, he realized. Love made everything in life worthwhile . . . and much in life seem hardly significant at all.

  As he turned to the beautiful woman he was falling in love with, he noticed that she’d become increasingly withdrawn over the last few minutes.

  “You’re pretty quiet,” Roman said after he brought them fresh cups of coffee. “Is something wrong?”

  She shrugged in that winsome way he noticed she did when she was at a loss for words. “Not a thing. I’m simply content.” After taking a sip of her coffee, she added, “I guess I’ve been quiet because I’m so used to Regina constantly chattering in my ear. Perhaps I’ve forgotten how to have a real conversation.”

  “My grandparents have become smitten with her and her chatter.”

  “I think she feels the same way. She is enjoying being around a big, gregarious family.”

  Her comment surprised him. “I would have thought she would be used to being around so many people, living close to Wesley’s family the way you do.”

  “We live close to them, but it isn’t the same as what you have here.”

  Her words seemed a bit evasive. “Why not? Did Wesley not have a lot of siblings?”

  “No, he only had one sister and they were never terribly close. But the main reason is that the Yoder family isn’t loud by nature. They’re fairly quiet people, I guess,” she said after some reflection. “Then, of course, Wesley’s sickness and death cast quite a dark cloud over us all. It was hard to concentrate on anything but the cancer, and that he was fading from us in spite of our prayers and the doctors’ drugs and treatments. We all became quieter after his death.”

  Roman was again reminded of their different life experiences. His naiveté embarrassed him. Until he’d met Amanda, he’d thought of himself as someone who was strong because he’d shouldered many of the farm’s responsibilities. Now, he realized that his strength couldn’t hold a candle to hers. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so thoughtless.”

  Resting a slim hand on his arm, she shook her head. “Oh, Roman, don’t think that. You’re not being thoughtless. Truthfully, I never thought about why we are the way we are. I just always accepted it . . . for better or worse.”

  She smiled at him, her smile turning the dark night a little brighter. “Though Marlene and Micah have been good grandparents to Regina, I think their grief for Wesley dominated their actions. They’ve been kind, but a little standoffish.” She wrinkled her nose. “Nee, that’s not quite right. Anyway, they haven’t spoiled her near as much as she would like them to. Not like your family is doing, anyway.”

  “I never would have imagined anyone saying that my grandparents were the spoiling kind.”

  “They pay attention to her. That’s what counts. Roman, haven’t you seen how she practically glows around your mother and grandparents? She eats up their attention like a hungry caterpillar! In a lot of ways, Regina is just a little girl aching to fill the gap of all that she’s lost.”

  Something about the way she said that made Roman realize that Regina wasn’t the only one who was trying to fill the gaps in her life. Amanda had been so focused on taking care of her husband and now her daughter that she’d put her own needs aside. Now, she seemed just as eager as Regina to try new things, to have some fresh experiences.

  Now, that was something he could help with.

  “Hey, I thought I could take you for a ride in our sleigh. What do you think about that?”

  “I think it’s freezing out!”

  “I know, but we could bundle up under some wool blankets.” He waggled his eyebrows. “We could sit really close to keep warm that way.” Just to tease her, he added a little bit of a challenge. “Unless you think your Florida blood can’t take the Ohio cold?”

  “I was born in Pennsylvania. I can handle the cold and snow.”

  He raised his brows. “Are you sure about that?”

  “Perfectly sure,” she countered, then chuckled. “Boy, you got my gander up, didn’t you? You are incorrigible, Roman.”

  “Sometimes being incorrigible has its advantages.”

  “And what are those?”

  “It lets me get my way.” Taking a chance, he slid closer to her on the couch, wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Take a chance, Amanda. Come for a sleigh ride with me.”

  “Just the two of us?”

  “Of course.” He would be happy to take Regina for a sleigh ride one day. But at the moment, all he wanted to do was tease and cajole Regina’s mother. And maybe, kiss her in the moonlight.

  He was, after all, incorrigible.

  “Come on, Amanda,” he whispered. “What can it hurt?”

  Amanda felt a burst of alarm flash through her. His words were igniting all sorts of feelings she’d long ago resigned herself to that she’d never experience again. But here they were, alive and well inside her.

  Realizing how eager she was for Roman’s attention was more disconcerting than the feel of his arm around her shoulders. Was she even ready for this?

  Wesley hadn’t been demonstrative with his love for her. Even when they were alone, he hadn’t been one to touch or hug her. He was far too reserved for that. But she was finding herself to be much like her precious daughter. She, too, was enjoying the sensation of being around someone who was so open and affectionate.

  In her own way, she was soaking up the warmth as much as her daughter was.

  But of course, she knew what getting so close to Roman could do. It could hurt her very much. She could get her heart broken.

  His arm fell away, making her skin feel chilled.

  “Amanda?” he murmured, his gaze searching. “Have I upset you? Did I push too hard? Talk to me.”

  She was still focused on her arm. The way it felt so cold with his hand gone. Who knew an arm could be so sensitive, anyway?

  But that feeling cemented her decision. If she stayed away from him, if she stayed safe and wary, then chances were very good that she wouldn’t be hurt. She could get used to being a little bit cold. Soon, she would forget what it felt like to be warm. She would forget how much she’d ever craved another person’s touch.

  She could go back to her life, and go back to work. She could find comfort in stranger’s smiles.

  But she was so tired of being cold.

  “That sleigh ride sounds like a good idea,” she finally replied, making her decision. “It sounds wunderbaar.”

  Roman gazed at her like she’d made his day. “That’s great. I promise, I’ll bring extra blankets. And I’ll heat some bricks for our feet. I won’t let you get cold, Amanda.”

  She was staring at him, her lips slightly parted, thinking about everything he wasn’t saying, when they heard footsteps approaching.

  “Mamm?” Regina called out.

  Pushing all those thoughts of romance to one side, she turned to find Regina and Elsie. “Hi, you two. Were you looking for me?”

  “Regina here was wondering where you two were,” Elsie said. With a meaningful look directed at Roman, she added, “I thought it might be a good idea to find you.”

  Regina scampered forward. “Mamm, Mrs. Keim said we could start making cupcakes for the wedding.”

  “Truly?”

  “My aunt Lorene and aunt Mary Beth are coming over tomorrow,” Elsie explained. “Lorene thought pretty cupcakes iced in different pastel colors would a nice change from the traditional wedding cake. We need to bake over two hundred. Three hundred if possible. We’re going to refrigerate them until Monday or Tuesday when it’s ti
me to add icing. We’d love your help.”

  “And I would love to help you. Regina, you will like making the cupcakes very much.”

  “Are you going to make them, too, Roman?”

  “Definitely not. Baking and icing cupcakes is a woman’s project.”

  “What will you do?”

  Looking terribly put upon, he sighed. “I suppose I’ll have to work.”

  “Where?” She wrinkled her nose. “In the smelly barn?”

  “That very place. But wait a minute, weren’t you just telling me a few hours ago about how much you liked the barn and all the animals?”

  “Oh, I like them.”

  “Even smelly Sam?”

  Her lips curved up. “Especially smelly Sam.”

  He chuckled, then to Amanda’s surprise, he scooped Regina up and twirled her around.

  Regina grabbed hold of his arms, squealed in delight, then said, “Again!”

  Amanda felt her insides turn to mush as she realized what was happening. She was falling in love.

  Just as she was pretty sure Regina was, too.

  With every tug and hug of her daughter, Amanda felt the last of her resistance slip away.

  Later that night, Roman ignored the knowing glances of his mother and sister as he prepared the sleigh for their ride. While Amanda and Regina were helping with the dishes, he’d gathered a pile of fluffy quilts and a sheepskin cover for the cold leather seat.

  Then he’d buckled up the horse to the sleigh. As Roman expected, Chester was excited about being out in the snow. He was shaking his head impatiently as Roman fastened his reins. “Settle, boy,” he said soothingly. “I know you’re excited. I am, too, but we need to bide our time. Amanda will be out when she’s ready. That’s a woman’s prerogative, I guess.” And something, he realized, that he might have to get used to.

  And though his sisters’ dawdling had always annoyed him, now he was finding that he wouldn’t mind waiting for Amanda whenever she needed him to.