Temple of the Winds tsot-4

by Terry Goodkind

  Kahlan grimaced. She wasn’t ready. She held her breath. It was too late not to be ready; Drefan was there. She bit her lower lip as she winced.

  She felt as helpless as she had ever felt in her entire life. She was married to Drefan, not Richard, and Drefan, not Richard, was having her. Everything was lost.

  Her eyes squeezed shut, Kahlan pressed her fists to her shoulders as he moved in her. Tears trickled from the corners of her eyes. Her nose stuffed up as she wept silently, and she had to open her mouth to breathe. She wanted to wail in anguish, but she instead had to remind herself to breathe. She couldn’t seem to stop holding her breath.

  It took longer than she had hoped, but not as long as she feared. Finished at last, Drefan rolled off her, onto his back. He had accomplished his task, but he seemed not to have relished it. She was somehow relieved that he hadn’t enjoyed it. He lay there, recovering his breath, as she finally let hers out. It was over. She told herself that it hadn’t been so bad. It was nothing, really. She hardly felt anything. She had foolishly balked, and here it was, over already. It wasn’t so bad as she had feared. It was nothing, really. But it was. She did feel something. She felt defiled.

  Drefan reached out, his fingers tenderly, sympathetically brushing a tear from her cheek. She shoved his hand away. She didn’t want his sympathy. She didn’t want him touching her. She hadn’t agreed to him touching her, just to consummating the marriage. His touch wasn’t part of it.

  She remembered being with Richard. She remembered her hot need of him. She remembered the wild passion. She remembered her screams of sheer pleasure. Why was this so different?

  Because she didn’t love Drefan, that was why. In fact, she was beginning to realize that she loathed him. There was something about him that she didn’t like, and it was more than just that memory of his hand on Cara. There was something deceptive about him, something devious. She hadn’t consciously realized it before, but she could see guile in his blue eyes.

  Kahlan wondered why she would think that. He had just consummated their marriage, and he had been as gentle as he possibly could be while still doing it. He could easily have done anything he wanted; her power was locked away. She couldn’t stop him. Yet he had tried to be sympathetic, understanding.

  Still, it seemed a wonder to her that it could be so different from when she had been with Richard. She would give anything, almost, to have that pleasure again. She longed for that fulfillment, that satisfaction. The sating of lust.

  Drefan’s breathing evened out after a time. Kahlan lay there, in the darkness, beside him, beside her new husband, waiting. Why hadn’t the Temple of the Winds come? She had done her part.

  Maybe Richard hadn’t. Kahlan wondered if he could. After all, she had only to lie there. Richard had to be aroused. How could he be aroused, over there, knowing that his brother was over here, having his way with the woman Richard loved?

  Kahlan had seen the look in Richard’s eyes, the look of wild jealousy, at the mere mention of what Shota said—that Kahlan would marry another. Kahlan had never seen such a look in his eyes before, and at the time there hadn’t really been a reason for it. Now there was.

  No, Nadine would see to it that Richard did what he needed to do. If there was one thing Kahlan had confidence in, it was Nadine’s desire to consummate that marriage.

  Nadine was a beautiful woman. She was more than enthusiastic. How could Richard not be aroused? He knew he had to do it. He would have no reason to try to resist her urging. Maybe Richard was thinking of it as revenge against his brother, Michael, for taking Nadine. Perhaps that was how he would get through it.

  Kahlan knew that Nadine was having the time of her life. This was Nadine’s dream. This was Kahlan’s nightmare.

  The dark sky she could just perceive out the windows seemed to boil, as it had all day and all night. The air remained dead still and sticky. The storm wouldn’t break. It threatened, but it would not come.

  Kahlan laid her wrist over her forehead as she rested, waiting. Her legs hurt, and she realized that it was because she was pressing her knees together. She let her legs relax. Drefan had done his duty. He was finished. It was over. She could relax.

  Kahlan shut her eyes when she heard Nadine’s distant laughter drifting through the night air. The woman was as good as her word. Did Richard have to make her laugh? Couldn’t he just do his duty? No, Richard would not make Nadine laugh. Nadine laughed for Kahlan’s benefit.

  The night dragged on endlessly. Where was the Temple of the Winds? Drefan made no attempt to touch her again, and she was thankful for that. He lay there, on his back, waiting with her.

  Each hour that passed brought no change. From time to time, Kahlan drifted off to sleep. Nadine’s throaty laughter brought her awake with a jolt.

  Kahlan wanted to slap Richard. How long was he going to make this go on? He could have had Nadine three times by now. Maybe he had. Maybe when the Temple of the Winds didn’t come, he kept trying. Nadine would like that. Kahlan felt her cheeks burning.

  Drefan was silent as he lay beside her. The winds had said that they couldn’t talk. She guessed that Nadine’s laughter didn’t count; she used no words. Her laughter carried message enough.

  Kahlan sighed. Sooner or later, the winds would come. They had all done as required. Had she, though? What was it Cara had said? You must do your part in this—indulge in this.

  Drefan had indulged. He had been satisfied. Nadine certainly was indulging. Richard must have. Kahlan hadn’t. She hadn’t “indulged.”

  She dismissed the idea. It had to be something else. Maybe the winds were just waiting for Nadine to finally have enough. That would fit the way the Temple of the Winds had done everything else, twisting the pain for Richard and Kahlan. Making them suffer.

  As the night dragged on, and recollecting Cara’s words about indulging, Kahlan thought again about the time she had been with Richard in that place between worlds. She had felt the kind of pleasure that other woman felt—the indulgence not only in love, but in lust.

  Kahlan had been so frustrated lately, waiting to be with Richard, waiting for that closeness again, waiting to be married to him so they could be together as husband and wife. Waiting for that satisfaction again. It was so near, she had been so close, so ready, and then it all fell apart, leaving her hopes dashed and needs unfulfilled.

  Now, for the first time, she was free of her Confessor’s power, free to take pleasure from a man, not for love, but for the sheer indulgence of pleasure. She was free to enjoy what other women enjoyed. Here she was, lying next to her husband, and not an unattractive man at all, and she was feeling frustration for the need of Richard.

  Was she to live the rest of her life being denied a simple pleasure of life that she was now free to indulge?

  But she didn’t love Drefan. Without love, the passion was empty. Still, it was passion, and if not ideal, at least she could have that much satisfaction. The spirits had taken everything else from her. They had taken Richard, the only thing she really wanted out of life. Would she let them take simple pleasure, too? What else had she, now? This was her husband. She was condemned to live the rest of her life with him.

  Must it be without at least some small release of pent-up need? Wasn’t she entitled to at least that much after all she had sacrificed? They had taken everything else from her: her only love in life; her Confessor’s power. You must do your part in this—indulge in this.

  What if that was why the winds hadn’t come? What if it was because she hadn’t indulged?

  Drefan rolled over on his stomach and sighed. He was frustrated by the wait, too. Or maybe he was tending to his auras.

  She thought about Drefan’s tight trousers, and the way she caught herself looking. Drefan was a handsome man; he was built like Richard. Drefan was her husband.

  Her anger at the spirits for taking everything from her was what finally made something inside her snap. This was all she had. She was entitled to this much—to release.


  When her hand touched Drefan’s back, he jumped. Kahlan smoothed her hand across the muscles of his back, and he settled. She let herself feel his muscles, as she used to feel Richard’s muscles, feel his shape. She took a deep breath, and she let herself go.

  Kahlan’s hand moved down Drefan’s back. She gritted her teeth as she gripped his buttocks. They were as tight as they looked in his trousers. She was lucky, she guessed; the spirits could have insisted that she marry a repulsive man. Instead, they had insisted that she marry Drefan, and he was far from repulsive. He wasn’t as handsome as Richard, no one was as handsome to her as Richard, but women were always fawning over Drefan. Now, he was her husband. He had pledged to be loyal to her. She had pledged to be loyal to him.

  This was the only pleasure she was to be allowed. This was all the spirits had left her. At least she could have this much—have what she was entitled to.

  Kahlan seized Drefan’s hip and rolled him over, toward her. She hooked her leg over his, and let her hand roam over his chest. Drefan didn’t react. Maybe he was surprised by her change of behavior. Maybe he was confused. She would have to unconfuse him. She gently pinched one of his nipples, then let her hand slide across his flat stomach, and down.

  Kahlan found that Drefan was in no condition to do her any good. If she wanted to have her pleasure, she would have to change that.

  She kissed his chest. She trailed wet kisses down his stomach. His breathing seemed slow. Kahlan felt frustrated anger that he wasn’t taking the hint. She was tired of being frustrated, while everyone else wasn’t.

  She decided that if she wanted to have satisfaction, it was up to her to see to it that she got what she wanted. No one would give it to her-she would have to take it. Kahlan let her tongue, her kisses, glide the rest of the way down Drefan’s taut belly.

  When she took him in her mouth, she tasted her own blood. She forced herself to ignore the taste as she urged him to react.

  At first she thought he wasn’t going to, but when she lost herself in the erotic nature of what she was doing, he finally did. He came back as strong as before.

  By the time Drefan was fully ready, Kahlan was panting with need. Once she had decided to have her pleasure, she became insistent. Drefan was her husband now. It was his duty to fulfill her needs, too, not just his own. Kahlan’s head was spinning with the want of release. That it was Drefan no longer mattered. In her mind, she imagined it was Richard. At that thought, she moaned with longing and climbed atop him, straddling his hips.

  This time, she was ready to accept him. This time, she wanted him. She shut it out of her mind that this was Drefan and imagined it was Richard. Since she couldn’t see Drefan’s blue eyes, it wasn’t hard to envision it was Richard, instead.

  She remembered the things she did with Richard, and did those things. She relived that experience in her imagination. Her mouth gaped. She gasped for air. Sweat ran down her body as she moved atop him, writhing forcefully against him.

  Drefan was panting now, too. She needed to have release from all the frustration that had built up for so long—all the times she had kissed Richard, and wanted to do more; all the times he had touched her, and she had wanted him to do more. Now, he was.

  Kahlan leaned forward, to kiss him. Drefan turned his face away. She scooped her arm under his head, and held him to her chest, instead. His face felt hot against her breasts. The roughness of his unshaved face excited her as she slid her sweaty flesh against him. It made her pant all the more.

  She was just about to scream at him to put his hands on her, when she remembered that she wasn’t allowed to utter so much as a word. She seized his wrist and put first one hand where she wanted it, and then the other, to hold her bottom while she moved—so she could imagine it was Richard holding her again, needing her. She wanted to feel him gripping her in his big hands while she moved.

  For the first time since she had last been with Richard, she felt wild pleasure, wild lust, a wild, desperate need. That it was with Drefan no longer mattered to her. She wanted only release.

  It came with stunning, ridged shivers. Her sharp moan shook her shoulders. Her legs stiffened to stone. Her toes clawed. She slammed herself down on him as the wanton fulfillment of lust inundated her. She gave herself over to it completely, and with helpless, unbridled abandon let it run free. She gasped sharply again, the cry following in the echoing wake of the first. It seemed that it lasted an eternity, as if it was almost too much to endure. With a final convulsion, it subsided. At last, it was over.

  For one twisting moment, she had been free. There was no plague, no people dying, no responsibility, no duty, no marriage to Drefan, no Nadine. For that one moment, she had been free of it all, and she had been immersed in gratification. For that one moment, her heart and her lust had been with Richard again.

  Kahlan collapsed to the side of Drefan, panting, getting her wind back, pushing her wet hair back off her face. It occurred to her that he hadn’t reached any satisfaction this second time. She didn’t care. She had. At the moment, that was all that mattered: sweet release.

  For a wonderful moment, she had been free of everything, and had been with her love, if only in her imagination. Kahlan realized that she was weeping with the joy of it.

  She lay on her side, turned away from Drefan, as she recovered. She wiped the tears of pleasure from her face. In the absence of need, she unexpectedly began to feel ashamed.

  Dear spirits, what had she just done? She had enjoyed herself, that was all. She had needed the release. Then why did she suddenly feel so dirty? Distant thunder rumbled toward them. A hint of embedded lightning flickered in the sky. Kahlan looked up, out the windows. Another flash, closer, ripped through the insides of the roiling clouds, briefly lighting the mountaintop.

  From the other building. Kahlan heard a long scream from Nadine. Kahlan blocked it from her mind. As much as Nadine’s scream rankled Kahlan, it at least didn’t leave her as frustrated as it had before.

  Three more screams came from Nadine. Short, piercing, urgent. Kahlan pressed her hands to her ears. Nadine had made her point, couldn’t she just let it be, now?

  The wind came up, abruptly, as if a great, huge door had opened. The blast of air hit like an avalanche. The building shuddered. The entire mountain quaked.

  Kahlan propped herself up on her elbows, peering out the windows. Distant lightning flickered through the turbulent clouds. Thunder rumbled, reverberating through the mountains. Each strike came a little closer.

  The Temple of the Winds was coming—there was no doubt in her mind. That took her thoughts back to Richard, because it was coming for him. She felt sudden shame. How could she so easily lose track of her heart? How could she find such pleasure from another man? What was she thinking?

  She had never felt so dirty in her whole life as she suddenly did now. With Richard, she had felt wonderful afterward. Now, she was feeling worse by the moment. If Richard ever found out, he would never understand.

  Richard would never know. There was no way for him to find out. Unless Drefan told him. Her heart pounded. She thought about the guile she thought she had seen in Drefan’s eyes. No, he wouldn’t tell Richard. But what if he did?

  With a sudden, close strike of lightning. Kahlan sat up straight. She saw something out the window—a structure. As the winds had said, there was no doubt. She could talk, now.

  She spun back to Drefan. She had to secure his silence in this before they left this place. If Richard ever found out . . . The wind lashed at the mountaintop. The thunder boomed, In the darkness, she reached out and clutched his arm.

  “Drefan, listen to me. You must promise. You can never tell what just happened, what I just did with you.” Her hand tightened. Her fingernails dug into his arm. “I’ll do whatever you tell me to do for the rest of my life, but you must promise me that you will never tell”—ribbons of lightning lit the room—“Richard . . .”

  Thunder crashed, jarring the ground. Lightning snaked along the bottoms of
the clouds, lighting the room with a harsh glare. In the flickering flashes, gray eyes were fixed on her.

  “I think ‘Richard’ already knows.”

  Kahlan screamed.

  Chapter 59

  Kahlan froze. Thoughts crashed through her mind in a confusion of thundering terror.

  Her scream came again, ripping through the night, loud enough to be heard over the sound of the thunder. She couldn’t make herself blink. She couldn’t tear her eyes from Richard’s face.

  She couldn’t understand, couldn’t make sense of it. The world felt as if it had turned upside down. Everything tumbled around in her mind, making it impossible to think.

  As the lightning lit the room again, she knew only one thing: this was Richard, not Drefan.

  No look she had ever seen on Richard’s face was as terrifying to Kahlan as the one she saw now. There was nothing in his eyes. Not rage, not lethal commitment, not determination, not a deadly calm countenance, not jealousy, not even empty disinterest.

  There was no . . . soul, in those gray eyes. No heart.

  Kahlan covered her mouth with both trembling hands. She backed away until her back smacked into the stone wall.

  He had known from the first instant she had come into the room. Richard could tell it was her coming into a room. He had known it was her the whole time—from the first instant Cara had led her in here.

  He knew. He had tried to squeeze her hand, to reassure her, to let her know. She had pushed his hand away. He had been as gentle as he could. He had tried to brush her tears away, after. She had pushed his hand away. She hadn’t let him show her that it was him.

  Kahlan collapsed to the floor with a wail of horror. “No! Dear spirits, no!”

  Richard didn’t rush to her, didn’t speak words of comfort, didn’t yell. Instead, he went to where his clothes were lying, near the door, and began getting dressed.

  Kahlan scurried to her things nearby. She raced to pull on her underthings, suddenly feeling the humiliation of her nakedness, its reminder of what she had just done.