April's Glow

by Juliet Madison

  Damn. She should have gone to see him earlier when he’d texted her after her birthday. ‘So they haven’t sedated him?’

  ‘Tried to, but he almost jabbed the nurse with a needle. Flung it across the room, then got up and started yelling and stumbling around, banging into beds and equipment. And …’ her mother’s voice shook. ‘Then he got aggressive and grabbed one of the nurses by the arms.’

  ‘Oh no.’ April stood. ‘I’m guessing they can’t just give him a drink.’ She managed a weak laugh.

  ‘Ah, no. And he’s clearly starting to go through withdrawals.’

  ‘I’ll get Belinda to close up, should be fine. Will you pick me up from here or my place?’

  ‘I’ll see you at the shop in five or ten.’

  ‘Okay.’ April ended the call. ‘Sorry, hope you’re right to close up today?’ she asked Belinda.

  ‘Sure, is everything okay?’

  ‘I don’t want to burden you with my family dramas, but my dad, he’s an alcoholic.’ She hated saying it out loud. It blemished the air around her with a stain she couldn’t budge. ‘He’s causing some trouble at the hospital, so I’d better …’ she gestured to the door.

  ‘Oh, I had no idea. Crap. Okay, sure, I can handle things here. You go.’ April grabbed her bag and Belinda ushered her towards the door. ‘Hope he’s okay,’ she said.

  Instead of waiting out front, April dashed as fast as she physically could to the bottle shop further up the road, away from the main street. It was crazy, feeding his addiction, but she didn’t know what else to do. He needed to calm down before he hurt someone or himself, and barring sedatives if they could get them into him, this was the only way. She picked up a small bottle of whiskey and a hip flask, glad she had her roomy handbag, then dashed back to wait at the store. Glancing around to check no one was watching, she filled the flask with her father’s poison. Her mother arrived soon after.

  When they arrived at the hospital, it was easy to find his room. They only had to follow his voice, bellowing throughout the ward. ‘Ur all a bunch of idiots!’

  ‘Mr Vedora, they’ll be here soon. Settle down.’

  April and her mother walked in. Her father paced slowly, aimlessly, around the room, his hospital gown hanging limply from his thin frame. ‘Dad,’ April said.

  ‘My daughter!’ His eyes went wide. ‘She is here, idiots. She is here. Look.’ He came toward her and pointed at her face. ‘She’s so beautiful.’

  One of the nurses managed a smile, and April grasped her father’s hands, dry and leathery. ‘Dad, hop back in bed. You need to get some fluids and rest.’

  ‘So beautiful,’ he said, obeying her command. ‘Even with the missing leg.’ He looked at the nurse. ‘See? She has a fake one.’ He pointed again.

  April’s mother huffed and finally moved closer to her ex-husband, but April rolled her eyes. It didn’t bother her.

  ‘Gary, don’t talk about April’s leg. Just do what the nurses and doctors say.’

  April knew her mother didn’t want to be there, but she also knew what her father was like and how difficult it could be for medical professionals to deal with him, and her mother would be embarrassed on his behalf.

  ‘And my wife,’ her father said, reaching out his hand, but Clarissa didn’t let him touch her. ‘Still beautiful but getting older, as you can see.’ He scrunched up his face. ‘We all get old. We all get old and then we die!’ he yelled. April’s mother backed away and turned her face to the wall.

  April talked calmly to him and the nurse took the opportunity to swiftly reinsert the IV line and do other necessary tasks, smiling gratefully at April. April felt compassion for the staff, dealing with difficult patients. She’d seen a lot after her accident and, despite her challenging recovery, some of it was made easier by the caring people who looked after her. Some were just methodical, practical, doing their day’s work but a few others had made a big difference, like you could tell it was their passion and they did their best to make things that little bit easier.

  ‘These idiots don’t know what they’re doing,’ he said. ‘No one can look after me like you two can. Or used to,’ he sighed. Then his weary eyes met hers, hope giving them a hint of gloss.

  She knew that look. It was the ‘did you bring me anything?’ look.

  April put a finger to her lips.

  When the nurse had finished, Clarissa walked out of the room to talk to her, and April reached into her bag. ‘Dad, just a few sips, okay?’ she whispered. ‘If you behave and let the medicos do their job, I’ll bring more tomorrow. And maybe they’ll even let you out early. But you have to promise.’

  He gulped from the flask without answering. She might as well have said she had one hour to live and he still would have gone for the drink first.

  ‘Okay, Dad? Be good and more tomorrow.’

  ‘My lips are sealed,’ he drew a line across his lips with his fingers and April took the flask from his hands, shoving it quickly into her bag. Luckily the curtains around the other beds were drawn. ‘Is it bedtime yet? What time is it? Midnight?’

  ‘No, it’s early. But you sleep if you need to.’

  ‘Sleep. I need to. Mmm, sleep.’ His eyes went droopy.

  She stayed with him a while as he drifted in and out of sleep, then stood as his breathing changed to a regular rhythm.

  Her mother glanced her way. April nodded.

  They left the hospital, and before starting the engine Clarissa paused for a moment and took a deep breath. ‘Right, off we go!’ she said with forced enthusiasm. She had seen it before, her mother trying to counteract the difficult times with overt happiness and excitement. Like once in the past when her dad had sworn at them and told them they were useless … ‘Wow is that the time? Let’s go out for diner instead, no time to cook!’ her mother had said, and they’d gone and pigged out on pizza. Or the time when her dad threw up on the living room floor, and after her mother had cleaned it up she’d clapped her hands and said … ‘Let’s go shopping! I need a new sheet set. Oh, and shoes! And we can have lunch.’

  April listened on the drive home as her mother blurted random, mildly pleasant but unimportant remarks about anything that popped into her head.

  ‘You’re quiet,’ her mother said.

  ‘Just thinking.’

  ‘April, I’m your mum. You don’t think, you speak. What’s got you so silent?’

  ‘My new neighbour. He’s an alcoholic. A really sexy one.’

  Clarissa made a sound that was a cross between a gasp and a laugh. ‘He’s told you this? Or have you seen him drinking?’

  ‘He told me. He’s eight months sober though.’

  ‘Ah. Well, good for him. But you remember what happened after your dad tried to stay sober, don’t you?’

  ‘How could I forget?’ The sight of her mother falling from the top of the staircase had scared the life out of her teenage self. She’d poked her head out of her room when she’d heard the commotion: her father yelling his slurred frustrations, her mother trying to calm him. It was his first day of drinking again after a short break of a few weeks, and Clarissa had hidden the grog from him, trying to get him back on track. But it only made him upset, and without meaning to, he’d flung his arms around and accidentally collided with his wife, who lost her balance and fell backwards. Three broken bones, two ribs and her arm were the result. And the gradual dissolution of their marriage.

  ‘Keep your distance, honey.’

  ‘A bit hard, considering we’re neighbours. We’ve had dinner together. That’s when he told me.’

  ‘Dinner? Like a date?’

  ‘Not really, just a friendly thing. He told me about being a soldier. He’s been through a lot.’

  ‘Oh. Well, I’m sure he has. But you need someone less complicated in your life, April. What about that nice young man at the bank?’

  ‘That one with the permanent smile on his face?’

  ‘Yes, always so positive.’

  ‘It’s weird though, li
ke his smile is fake. I don’t buy it. I think he’s pretending.’ April looked out the window, watching the passing cars. Passing, because her mother always drove ten kilometres under the speed limit. ‘Anyway, I’m not attracted to the guy at the bank.’

  ‘Attraction isn’t everything,’ Clarissa said. ‘I was head over heels attracted to your father, look where that got me.’

  ‘Mum.’ April sighed.

  ‘Well, attraction will do you no good with this neighbour fellow. A dead end, that one.’

  ‘He’s a nice guy. But don’t worry. I don’t plan on falling for him.’

  A twinge of discomfort twisted inside. Had she already fallen for him? She would have to un-fall, because like her mother said, he was a dead end. She couldn’t get involved with someone who had a problem with alcohol, simple as that. She would not repeat her mother’s mistakes.

  Chapter 14

  The next day, April left Belinda in charge briefly and went back to the hospital. She took her father home when they discharged him, and made sure his living environment was clean and safe. She made him eat, then when he was settled on the couch with the television, she left. He would be okay, for now. He would get worse again, but for now, she could leave knowing she’d done what she could. The rest was up to him.

  Being a Saturday the store was busy, and by the end of the day she’d almost forgotten about her dad. It was only when things became quiet for a moment that her thoughts would return to him. And then to Zac. She’d already decided not to get involved, but maybe she should try even harder. Maybe she shouldn’t even be that friendly with him. Keep things more like they were with Nancy Dillinger next door; occasional brief exchanges, the odd wave and smile, and that was about it. Though Nancy seemed quite comfortable with Sylvia Greene in the next house up, she didn’t know why, maybe Sylvia was Nancy’s doctor and they knew each other that way. Yes, she would have to keep her distance as her mother had said. It would only make things harder, the more they interacted.

  ‘You look like you’re settled in for a long night chained to the computer,’ said Belinda, as she grabbed her bag and went to leave work.

  April sipped from her takeaway coffee cup as she sat at the counter, going over figures and occasionally jotting down notes and ideas into a word document. ‘Just focusing on the business.’

  ‘Not reading a certain person’s blog, by any chance?’ she eyed her curiously.

  ‘No. No of course not.’

  ‘But you wish you were, right?’

  ‘No. Definitely not. I don’t have time.’ Her words were short and sharp.

  ‘Worried about your dad?’

  April dropped her hands and looked at her employee. ‘No. I mean, yes. But he’s okay for now. Right now I’m looking for ideas on how to celebrate April’s Glow first birthday.’

  ‘Oh,’ Belinda came over to the computer. ‘But isn’t that, like, six months away?’

  She nodded. ‘October. But better to plan early. I want to do something special, like, not only for the store, for the town too. Something to give the store great exposure but also make it a win-win for the community.’

  ‘A candle making competition?’ Belinda suggested. ‘A colouring-in competition? An everything’s-free-for-one-day-only event?’

  April chuckled. ‘Yeah, not gonna happen.’

  ‘What about having a party somewhere, and everyone gets dressed up as a candle? Ooh! And you could have strippers! They jump out of giant candles and get everyone glowing.’ She winked.

  ‘Nice try, and as much fun as that would be, I better choose something a bit less … X-rated.’

  She stayed at the store until after dark, then remembered she had clothes hanging on the line at home and should probably get back. She also realised that maybe she didn’t really need to start planning the store’s birthday celebrations yet and was just trying to avoid an interaction with Zac.

  April sprinkled food pellets into Romeo’s bowl when she got home, then opened the back door, quickly closing it when she noticed Zac on his deck. His back slightly hunched, he peered at the sky through a telescope. He straightened up and looked her way. She could see him slightly through the door’s window, but she moved back into the kitchen and hoped he would finish soon so she could go outside.

  What am I doing? She asked herself. I can’t avoid him forever.

  But for now, she had to. Or minimise exposure at least. And after a long day today and night last night, she wasn’t in the mood for exchanging banter.

  She clattered dishes and pots and pans in the kitchen to sound busy, not that he could probably hear her, and then heated up a dinner she had frozen. When she’d finished, she peered out the back door. No sign of Zac.

  She closed Romeo into the laundry to stop him running outside, then carried the basket out to the night air. A cool breeze wafted around her face, her hair tickling her cheeks. She pulled the clothes and underwear off the line (which she’d hidden behind the towels so Zac couldn’t see), a few pegs dropping onto the ground in her haste. She bent to pick them up, then her gaze became drawn to Zac’s face through his kitchen window. He waved. She picked up her washing basket and flashed a brief, courteous smile, then scurried back inside.

  * * *

  In his eagerness to get to know her, maybe he’d scared her off? Zac frowned as he flopped into bed that night. Juliet leapt onto the bed and curled herself up in a ball on his chest. He stroked her fur while she purred, the vibrating rhythm bringing a certain comfort and calm to his racing heart. An image flashed in his mind, that one day April would be curled up around him in bed, and he’d be stroking her hair as she lay on his chest. He couldn’t help it. But as each image intruded into his mind, he allowed himself a brief moment of pleasure at the possibilities. The future possibilities. Then he’d replace it with another image, or focus on something around him so that he wouldn’t get swept away into the temptation.

  His sleep was sporadic, as usual. By the time he woke properly in the morning it was too late to see her, she would be at work. Hopefully they could catch up when she got home. The telescope had been an impulse purchase online, with free overnight shipping promotion. He couldn’t resist. Looking up into the stars reminded him that he was only a small part of this world, and although each person was significant, it reminded him not to get caught up in trivial things or get overwhelmed with his own problems. There was a whole world out there, a whole universe. Even though right now in his life, this house, this street, this town—what little he had seen of it—was his whole world, his whole universe. And he couldn’t help but hope that she would become his world, his universe, when the time was right.

  As he ate a slow breakfast, mushroom and tomato omelette, he wrote. Questions formed in his mind, and he knew that when you wrote things down, asked the universe, or whatever greater power existed, for help, sometimes the answers came. He just hoped the answers would be ‘yes’.

  QUESTIONS

  Will my past mistakes haunt me forever?

  Will someone give me a chance, now, or ever?

  Will I be able to create something new,

  and will you let me create it with you?

  * * *

  When April arrived home, Zac was sitting on his front porch, sipping from a mug. She tried to look hurried and busy, carrying two bags of shopping. ‘Have to get these inside,’ she said.

  He gave a nod.

  When she’d put them away and opened the back door to let Romeo in, she couldn’t see him.

  Not again!

  She tiptoed to the fence and peered into Zac’s garden. ‘Romeo!’ she whispered. ‘Stop getting it on with Juliet and come home!’

  She spied his tail in the bushes, along with Juliet’s as she sat on a tree branch staring at her feline neighbour. Thankfully no hissing this time. But like April, Juliet was keeping her distance.

  Romeo scurried to another nearby bush, the bell on his collar jingling. April dashed back inside and got a bowl of food, then brought it back to tem
pt him. ‘Romeo, look! Dinner.’ She held the bowl up above the fence. He tentatively approached, his nose twitching.

  Zac’s screen door squeaked. ‘Want a hand?’

  She looked his way. ‘I thought you liked cats to do their own thing.’

  ‘Yeah, but you seem busy, so I’m guessing you want your cat inside sooner rather than later.’

  ‘I am. And I do, actually.’

  As Romeo’s nose was hypnotised by the scent of food, Zac scooped him up and over the fence.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said, walking with her cat back inside.

  A few nights ago they were staring into each other’s eyes and now they were avoiding each other’s eyes. Well, she was avoiding his.

  Had she been too abrupt? At least she’d said thanks. But just because they’d spent a deep and meaningful evening together didn’t mean they had to talk at length every time they were in each other’s presence.

  April looked in the fridge, trying to decide what to eat for dinner. She hadn’t defrosted any meat, and was unmotivated to cook. Eggs? She had three left. Damn, she knew she’d forgotten something from the shops.

  Her phone beeped, and she glanced at the screen.

  I’ll have plenty of dinner ready in about an hour if you want to join me. It’s in the slow cooker.

  Could Zac read her mind? And she had read some of the book he lent her. Wasn’t she supposed to get dinner for each chapter, or was that only for the whole book? She couldn’t remember. But no. She couldn’t go over there.

  Thanks, but I’m all good here.

  She checked her vegetable drawer, her pantry, and then her finger touched the pizza delivery flyer stuck behind a candle magnet on her fridge. No, if a pizza delivery vehicle turned up outside he’d know she’d blown him off.

  Scrambled eggs it would be.

  But first, couch and Facebook time for a little while.

  She lay on the couch and put her legs up when her phone beeped again.