Danny sized up the lanky man in his mid twenties. His chest, biceps, and forearms were a canvas for the ink art that covered every square inch of his flesh. His long, jagged hair was shaved on one side and dyed purple. It was offset by the many earrings and metal spikes that decorated his face. Danny found him to be oddly attractive.
“ What would you like?” he asked, breaking Danny's silent gaze.
“ Whatever’s on tap is fine,” he managed say.
“ Your choices are Coke, Sprite, or cranberry juice.”
Danny rolled his eyes at the bartender, and gave an exaggerated pout to the tattooed man with purple hair.
“ I'll take a cola and a J&B,” the spiked man told the bartender. He handed the soda to Danny, then took him by his arm, and led him to a back booth away from the crowded dance floor.
“ Thanks for the soda, but it wasn't exactly what I was thirsty for,” Danny said brazenly.
“ No? What were you thirsty for?” The man slid his glass closer to Danny.
Ignoring his suggestive comment, Danny took a sip from his drink.
“ Help yourself. So, how old are you, sexy boy?”
“ How old do you want me to be?”
The tattooed guy poured the rest of his whisky into Danny's soda glass and said, “I can tell you're gonna be fun to play with.”
Danny wet his lips in nervousness. Uneasy with the man's direct eye contact, he turned his head and spotted a pool table. He decided to head over to more familiar territory. "See ya'," Danny said, taking his drink and getting up.
“ Hey, where do you think you're going? I bought you that drink.”
“ You can have it back.”
“ It's not what I'm thirsty for.”
Danny tried to laugh and pretend he wasn't scared. “Let's play a little pool,” he said to distract him.
The man sauntered over and asked, “You play much?”
Danny racked up the balls. “Not really. You could teach me.”
“ Oh, there's a few things I'd like to teach you, but these weren't the balls I was thinking about knocking around.”
He lifted Danny up and placed him on the old tattered pool table, and then grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him. He tasted like cigarettes, and alcohol, and lust. He pulled the frightened boy in tighter, reached between his legs, and anchored him to the table. Danny recovered from his shock and kneed him in the crotch. The man doubled over, and then quickly straightened back up with a menacing laugh.
“ What do you have there?” asked a man with glazed eyes, tangled hair, and bad acne. Another buddy came up next to him, smacking his friends on the back, completely blocking Danny's escape.
“ A fresh little chicken, with an attitude.”
“ I'd say he's fresh, he looks newly hatched.”
Danny waited for an opportunity to run. When the man directly in front of him paused to light a cigarette, he leapt off the table. If Danny hadn't hesitated, he would have gotten away. Instead, he was grabbed by the back of the shirt and dragged back. “Don't run off so soon! We haven't even grabbed our sticks yet.”
“ Why don't you chalk mine for me?” the larger man with acne taunted along with his friend.
“ Why don't you go chalk yourself!” Danny retaliated by hurling spit to the middle of his forehead.
The man angrily wiped the spit from his face, and rammed his chest against Danny. “Why, you nervy little ball buster! Do you know what we do to little wiseass punks around here?”
Danny was smacked on the side of the head, and then lifted back up on the pool table. Before he knew it, there was a crowd around him. Danny scanned the faces of the men hoping to find one with a hint of sympathy. They were all drunk and laughing. Danny's head spun as the laughter and voices became muffled. He felt the eerie sensation of falling into a tunnel. He could hear Stan's voice repeating the word secret in his head. He was no longer attuned to what was going on around him. An overwhelming sense of shame and terror immobilized him right before his vision went dark.
*****
Ethan was starting to get worried about Danny's late nights out. He warned him that he shouldn't be going out alone, and the places he was heading would only lead to trouble. Danny was determined to prove him wrong, and that he was a man who could take care of himself. Ethan was convinced that Danny's recent self-destructive behavior was going to get him seriously hurt. He had to do something to stop him. With no other alternative, he called Mitch to tell him what Danny was up to.
After getting off the phone, Mitch contacted Antonio. The two of them met downtown to coordinate their efforts in finding the wayward boy. They split up to pound the streets to search in every gay bar they knew. Mitch was exhausted, and feeling defeated, when the bouncer in front of a hardcore punk bar told him that he had not seen anyone who matched Danny's description. He was on his way to another destination when a scrawny kid with spiked green hair and several nose rings came running up to the bouncer pleading for assistance.
“ There's a new chick in there `bout ready to be pounced by a bunch of hawks! He needs help!” he yelled.
Mitch's head jerked back when he heard those words. He swiftly turned around, and ran in ahead of the bouncer, shoving past anyone in his way. Mitch learned that day that the expression 'seeing red' could be literal. It was pure rage that drove him to tear through the sea of red, throwing chairs and men aside to reach the only thing in true color; Danny's light brown tuft of hair. He spotted him between a pack of men circled like vultures around the pool table. He didn't know how he knew it was Danny. He just knew.
As bodies went flying he had one mission – get the boy. Everything else was muffled background noise. A pool stick hit him several times over the shoulder and cracked in half, not once slowing his forward motion. Space quickly opened up for Mitch as he lunged for his boy, scooped him up, and carried him out of the bar.
When Danny first became aware of his surroundings, he was in the family jeep. He focused on the smell of new leather upholstery. It grounded him. It was unseasonably warm for late October, and Mitch had the air conditioner on. His teeth began to chatter from the forced cold air.
“ Take a deep breath,” he could hear Antonio say.
Danny was faintly aware that he was hyperventilating, and he tried to even out his breathing. He kept focusing on Antonio's soothing voice. He squeezed the large hand that held his tightly.
“ That's it. Good boy.”
“ Is he going to be okay?”
“ I think so.”
“ Danny, can you hear me?”
Danny nodded.
“ You're in the car. You’re safe. We're heading home.”
Danny's head pounded to the words 'you're safe.' He would have cried, but there was nothing left. He felt numb. He liked it that way. Antonio put his arm around Danny and began to rub warmth into his hands.
“ Turn the air off, Mitch, Danny's freezing.”
Danny put up no resistance to being brought back home. He figured he owed it to them not to cause any more trouble. He quietly went about his business and did anything that was asked of him without complaint. Antonio was aware that their time with Danny was limited. He tried to enjoy the time they had left, but there was no spark in Danny. Even the bad tempered, argumentative Danny was preferable to the spiritless and passive young man who inhabited their home.
Danny didn't have the energy or desire to argue. He didn't want to show them any disrespect, but the place no longer felt like home. He convinced himself that it never was. He was deluded to think he had a real family. These men were kind and honorable. To them he was only a teenager in need, and they did the respectable thing. More than that, they went above and beyond what anybody could hope for. He had
no right to expect more. He spent the following days feeling empty. Danny went to school and spent long hours napping on a couch in the back of the library. He also took on more hours at work to avoid interactions with anybody he had a personal relationship with.
“ Are you okay, sweetheart?” Antonio placed the back of his hand to the worrisome boy's forehead.
Danny forced a placating smile, and said, “I'm fine.”
“ The workload at school isn't too much now that you're going full time is it?"
“ No, the workload is fine."
"Mitch and I would like you to consider cutting back your hours at work. There is no need for you to be making money while you are in school.”
"I am going to need the money when I move back in with Ethan. The rent there is expensive, even with two extra people.”
“ Are you sure we can't convince you to stay here with us?”
“ I'm sure, but thanks for the offer.”
Antonio helped Danny to pack more of the things he left behind, and volunteered to drive them over to Ethan's. Danny's birthday was in two weeks, and they agreed to help him move back to Ethan's during the Thanksgiving break. Danny was already spending most of his time there anyways.
“ We'd like you to spend the holiday with us, and then you can officially move in with Ethan over the weekend,” Antonio mentioned, on a gray Sunday morning.
“ Thanks,” said Danny, trying to appear positive.
*****
“ He's been so despondent lately. What did we do wrong?” Antonio asked Mitch later that night.
“ We didn't do anything wrong. Danny just has to figure some things out on his own.”
“ What does he have to figure out? He knows we love him. He'll always have a home here with us.”
“ Unfortunately, not the way he wants it.”
“ Oh, you don't take what TJ said seriously, do you? He can't really want to be in a relationship with us.”
“ Why not? Face it, Antonio, by the end of the month, he will be legally an adult.”
“ I don't care what the law says. How can we just let him go?”
“ We don't have a choice. He already sees himself as an adult.”
“ I see a scared and vulnerable boy. He still needs us.”
“ That's part of the problem. You can't see past your need to save the child we brought into our home a year and a half ago. It's too late for us to save that boy anymore than we already have.”
“ I don't believe that. He does need us. I know he won't admit it, but he wants to be here.”
“ Aren't you listening? He doesn't want us to mother him like a child. He wants us to love him like a man.”
“ How do you know that?”
“ Antonio, don't be blind. Open your mind, and see him with a fresh set of eyes. The boy is not despondent because he had a bad childhood and needs us to recreate a better home life for him. The boy is lovesick.”
The impact of those words finally hit home for Antonio. “Oh God, Mitch. What do we do?”
“ Well, the way I see it, we have only two options. Either we send him off with our blessing and wish him well. Or we love him, as a man, and bring him home.”
“ Certainly there are other options."
"Mitch, please,” Antonio pleaded, when he remained quiet.
“ Antonio, love, this is the one request I cannot honor. Our time has run out with Danny. He is no longer willing to let us coddle him like a child, nor would I want him to. It's time he grows up.”
“ But he's so young and fragile. He has no family but us.”
“ He'll get bruised along the way. He needs an opportunity to make it on his own if he is ever going to survive.”
“ I don't want him to just survive. I want him to be safe with us. I want him to thrive and be happy.”
“ Be reasonable, Antonio. How happy could he be surrounded by men he wants more from than they are willing to give? How happy could anybody be in such a circumstance?”
“ Oh, Mitch, what did we do?”
Mitch held Antonio; it had been a long time since he heard the man cry.
“ We did nothing wrong, but nurture and care for a young man who has fallen in love with us.”
Antonio nodded his understanding until shocked still by Mitch’s next words.
“ Now we have to decide if we can fall in love with him, and if there is room in our hearts for another.”
“ Mitch, you can't be serious?”
“ I love him, Antonio. I don't want to see him go.”
“ As a man? You...you love him as a man?” Antonio stuttered in disbelief.
“ I love him,” Mitch reiterated with confidence.
“ But...”
Mitch cut him off to make his confession. “When I took Danny out of that bar... In fact, before I found him, before he even left, I knew my feelings for him were changing. I'll be damned, but it was killing me to think he was making himself available to other men. I'm not proud of it, but when I saw him on that pool table, the first thought that came to me was not 'thank God he's safe,' but 'thank God no one touched him.' That boy is mine. Nobody else has a right to him.”
“ Mitch?” Antonio questioned, when his partner fell silent again.
“ I'm all right,” Mitch responded, brushing off Antonio's concern.
“ So, you want him to be with us? Like the others?” Antonio asked, trying to wrap his mind around what Mitch was telling him.
“ It's hard to say, Antonio. I'm consumed with guilt at even the thought of it.”
“ What should we do? I usually look to you for the hard decisions.”
“ That's funny, because I usually look to you.”
Antonio gave a tearful smile. “Well, if we are seriously considering this, then it is not a decision for two. It is a decision for five.”
*****
Thanksgiving was a quiet affair. Danny was trying to stay upbeat and show his gratitude for being allowed a few drinks with the men. Leaving was weighing heavy on his mind, making it hard for Danny to enjoy himself. He kept thinking about how it would probably be the last holiday they would share together.
The men were originally waiting for Danny's eighteenth birthday to appease any lingering doubt about his age before they asked him to enter into their adult relationship. With his impending move and melancholic mood, they decided to approach the subject after their Thanksgiving meal.
“ Danny, please put the glass of wine down.” Mitch could no longer stand to watch his admirable, yet failing attempt to keep up a brave front.
“ Why? I only had two drinks all day.”
“ I know. I want you to be clear headed. We have something very important we need to discuss with you.”
“ We?”
“ All four of us.”
“ It's not going to be in the office, is it? The four of you don't want one last chance to spank me before I leave, do you?” Danny joked to ease the tension.
“ No, it's doesn't have to be in the office if it makes you feel uncomfortable. How about the family room?”
“ Uh, okay.”
It felt like he was walking to a firing squad with the four men following somberly behind him. Danny's legs jiggled anxiously as he sank into the couch waiting for someone to say something. Antonio gave him the same sympathetic face he was wearing all day and took a seat across from him. He pulled Ricky in to sit with him on the love seat. Ricky rested his head against Antonio and couldn't be reached for eye contact. Mitch sat on the edge of the recliner, looking as sober as ever. Thank
goodness for TJ. He flopped down next to Danny, forced on a smile, and gave him a reassuring wink
Danny crisscrossed his legs, and put his hands in his lap feeling young and insecure.
Mitch began. “Danny, TJ has informed us about the nature of your feelings for us.” Danny glared at TJ who gave him an apologetic shrug. He had no choice but to accept it; and he looked down at his hands with a blush. Mitch waited for Danny to slowly peep his head back up. “I would like to start by saying we are all very flattered...” His voice became muffled and Danny's vision blurred. “Danny, are you listening? Stay focused,” Mitch said, with concern. He noticed the way Danny's pupils dilated, and the subtle change in his breathing. The young man blinked in response, and Mitch continued, “I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you that we have a difficult time viewing you as an adult.”
Danny bit his quivering lip. “I know. I understand.” It was the hardest thing he ever had to say.
“ You are young and being patient can be very difficult. On the flipside, I'm afraid, the older we get the slower we are to accept change.”
It was too difficult to speak, so Danny just nodded.
“ That doesn't mean we can't, or won't.”
“ What Mitch is trying to say is that we love you very much,” Antonio added.
“ I know,” Danny assured them.
“ Hear me out. We are all very saddened by the idea of you leaving, and each one of us would be thrilled to have you stay with us.”
“ I appreciate that,” Danny said, as sincerely as he could.
Antonio finished by saying, “Our home will always be available to you however you choose to live here.”
Ricky felt compelled to share his own words. “Danny, I continue to be amazed each day at the capacity of love that exists in this house.”
“ Uh, huh.” If Danny were not so grief-stricken, he would have found it amusing how they were all struggling to let him down easy.
“ So, what do you say?” TJ asked.
“ Umm... that's very nice.”
“ Do you need time to think about everything we said before you make a decision?” Antonio questioned.
Bringing Home Danny Page 34
