Sempre (Forever)

by JM Darhower

  “I prefer not to wear any shoes. They squeeze my feet.”

  “That’s because you haven’t tried Nike’s.”

  “Well, they didn’t buy me Nike’s.”

  “True, but I can.”

  She rolled her eyes. “These shoes do what they’re meant to do.”

  He didn’t argue, knowing it would get them nowhere. He’d let her feel like it didn’t matter, because that was who she was, and he’d buy her some Nike’s, because that was who he was, and they’d both be happy when she accepted them, because that was just who they were together. It was complicated, yet something about it seemed so simple to Carmine.

  He grabbed her hand, and they made it down to the foyer when a cabinet banged in the kitchen. Carmine’s heart pounded hard as he pulled his hand from Haven’s. Vincent stepped into the doorway, his gaze coming to rest on them. Carmine swallowed, trying to push back his panic. His father wasn’t supposed to return until the next evening when Celia arrived.

  His eyes were penetrating as he looked between Haven and Carmine. “You kids are up early.”

  “And you’re home early,” Carmine said.

  Vincent nodded. “I figured I’d get some sleep.”

  Carmine stared at his father, unsure of what he should do. Haven cleared her throat after a moment of awkward silence. “Good morning, Dr. DeMarco.”

  “Good morning. Are you two going somewhere?”

  “Christmas shopping,” Carmine said. “I figured she’d like to go, since she’s never done anything like it before.”

  “Oh, well, that’s… nice,” Vincent said, eyeing Carmine intently. “I assume, since you’re up so early, you’re going to the mall?”

  Carmine nodded, realizing he should’ve asked if he could take her that far.

  Vincent glanced at Haven again and his eyes widened when he noticed the coat. And not just any coat—the most expensive piece of clothing Carmine had ever bought.

  “I forgot the child needed a coat,” Vincent said, looking back at Carmine. “Get her one while you two are out, but don’t pay as much for hers as you did for that thing.”

  Carmine rolled his eyes. “Whatever, it was worth every penny.”

  “Very little is worth that much.”

  Vincent started up the stairs. Carmine motioned for Haven to follow him out the front door, but she hesitated. “How much money did you pay for this coat?”

  “I don’t recall the exact price, Haven.”

  “Okay, well you don’t know why he’s being so generous, do you?”

  He shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine, but we should probably leave before he changes his mind.”

  Haven started shivering the moment the air hit her. Carmine ushered her into the car and slid into the driver’s seat, blasting the heat.

  Her teeth chattered. “Wow, it’s cold.”

  “I told you—your nipples could probably cut glass. Pull your shirt up and let me see.” Playfully, he reached toward her chest, and she smacked his arm. He pulled away, laughing. “Christ, you didn’t have to hit me, tesoro. I was just checking. You know, research purposes and shit.”

  * * * *

  Woodlands Center was tucked into the Appalachian Mountains, just outside of the Asheville city limits. Nearly 200 stores made up the massive two-story mall, everything from major retailers to small locally owned shops.

  Haven’s body was tense as they stepped through the main entrance of the building, the place already packed with customers despite it being so early. Everyone was picking up things they’d forgotten to buy, but Carmine hadn’t even begun.

  He kept a hold of her hand and started jabbering, wanting her to focus her attention on him and not the others. They walked through the crowds for a few minutes to give her time to loosen up, and when her apprehension receded he pulled her into some stores. Haven clung to him the entire time, only letting go long enough so he could pay for Celia’s present.

  “Let me know if you see anything I should get,” he said. “In case you haven’t noticed, I suck at this shopping thing.”

  She frowned. “I don’t know what anyone likes.”

  “My brother’s easy-going. He likes computers and history, especially the Civil War. I don’t even know if you know what that is, but it’s when the—”

  He cut off, and Haven smiled sadly. “I know. It was the war over slavery. President Lincoln said it was wrong to ever own a person, so Congress made it illegal.”

  He squeezed her hand. “I didn’t know if you knew that shit, but I guess you do. Hell, you know it better than me.”

  “I didn’t know it until I saw it on Jeopardy the other day,” she said. “One of the questions was about the Emancipation Proclamation, so I looked it up in a book in your library. It said all the slaves were freed.”

  Sadness wrecked his insides when he saw her eyes glass over. She started to walk again, but he stood still, gripping her hand. He stared at her for a moment, standing in the middle of the mall with people filtering all around them. “I can’t save the world, Haven, but I'll save you… even it’s the last thing I do.”

  “You’re already saving me,” she said. “More than you realize.”

  “Good,” he said, brushing her tears away, “but I’m gonna be issuing a Haven-inspired Emancipation Proclamation soon.”

  Her brow furrowed briefly before a look of realization came across her face. “So you’re Abraham Lincoln and your father’s Congress?”

  He chuckled. “I was thinking I’m the North and he’s the South, but that probably makes more sense. As long as I don’t get shot like Lincoln did. I mean, I’d take a bullet for you, tesoro, but I’m not looking forward to having to. The last one hurt enough to last a lifetime.”

  She gaped at him and looked like she was about to argue, so he held his hand up to silence her before she started. “And don’t even dare tell me you’re not worth it, or that it’s pointless, or any of that other shit, because I don’t want to hear it.”

  Her mouth snapped closed. He took her hand and the two of them strolled through the mall again.

  They hit store after store, buying presents for the family and even some for Tess and Dia. He told her to pick out a coat and eventually had to grab one for her, because she couldn’t seem to see past the price tag. They detoured into the shoe store, and despite Haven’s objections, he grabbed a pair of black and pink Nike’s for her. He took the shoes to the register and wrapped his arms around her as they waited in line. They were standing there when Carmine’s name was called behind them. Haven tensed the moment she heard it, but he just turned his head, recognizing the voice. “What’s up, Max?”

  “Wow, I guess it is true,” Max said, glancing at Haven.

  Carmine smirked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I bet,” Max said, laughing. “I never thought it would happen.”

  “Me, either,” Carmine said. “So, what are you up to?”

  Max shrugged. “Just getting out of Durante for a bit.”

  “Same here. We're probably gonna head for lunch soon. I’m not gonna survive the rest of this trip without a strong drink.”

  “Girlfriend or no girlfriend, I see you’re still the same.”

  “Yeah, well, keep that shit to yourself,” Carmine said as the cashier started ringing up the shoes. “We're trying to lay low.”

  “Understandable,” Max said. “Speaking of your dad, he asked me about you yesterday.”

  Carmine’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”

  “He asked if I've noticed you seemed happier and wanted to know if you’ve been getting anything from me lately. I told him it’s been over two months.”

  “Yeah, I need to leave that shit alone. It gave me a nosebleed last time.”

  “That’s exactly why I’d never touch it.”

  “Yet you’d sell it to me.”

  “I give it to you,” Max said, laughing. “You never pay for it.”

  Carmine had no comeback to that. Max had a p
oint.

  * * * *

  Nearly two dozen restaurants made up the teeming food court, lines of people waiting to eat. Carmine and Haven strolled through the crowd, the different scents mingling together and making their stomachs rumble.

  Carmine squeezed Haven’s hand. “So, what are you hungry for?”

  She glanced around apprehensively. “There’s so much.”

  He pulled her along the side of the food court. “How about pizza?”

  “That’s fine.”

  They went to a small pizzeria on the corner and picked a booth in the back. They slid in across from each other, and Carmine grabbed a small menu as the server walked up. Haven asked for a Coke, while Carmine sighed. “A Heineken. No, wait, two Heineken’s.”

  The server gave him a curious look, and he reached into his wallet for his fake ID. The guy surveyed it and handed the ID back before fetching their drinks. When he returned, they ordered slices of pepperoni. Peacefulness surrounded their booth as they ate while the bustle of activity went on all around them.

  After they were finished eating, the two of them set back out into the mall. Haven paused after a few feet when they approached the restrooms. “I really have to go.”

  Carmine pulled his hand from hers. “I’ll wait.”

  She disappeared inside the restroom while he strolled over to a bench in the center of the aisle, plopping down on it with the bags scattered in front of him. A few minutes passed, and Carmine grew edgy. He looked at his watch, wondering what was taking her so long. Another minute went by, and then another, and Carmine’s alarm spiked after ten minutes had elapsed.

  He kept glancing back at the restroom. While he trusted her feelings for him, believed she cared, a part of him recognized how easy it would be for her to slip away there. His back had been turned, so he wouldn’t have even known. She’d fade into the crowd, never to be seen again.

  More minutes passed. He was on the verge of barging into the restroom when Haven finally stepped out. He breathed an audible sigh of relief as she walked over to him. “It was busy in there.”

  “Girls love bathrooms,” he said. “It’s like their congregation place. I don’t know what they do in there, but I always imagined them getting naked and making out.”

  She laughed. “They were putting on make-up and gossiping.”

  “Close enough,” he said with a shrug as he picked up the bags. “Are you ready to get out of here? All of these people are making me feel claustrophobic. I think I’m starting to get paranoid because of it.”

  She smiled, glancing around. “Shouldn't you get something for your father?”

  “Yeah, but not here. I’ll pick his up on the way home.”

  Traffic was heavy, cars lined bumper-to-bumper on the road leading away from the mall. Carmine gripped the steering wheel tightly as his temper flared, not wanting to snap and ruin Haven’s day. She was acting so carefree, and he didn’t need to let some jackass in a Corvette ruin it because they couldn’t drive ten feet without slamming their breaks.

  “Are you okay, Carmine?”

  He glanced at Haven and forced a smile. “Absolutely. I’m great. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “You’re grinding your teeth,” she said. “You do it when you’re aggravated, I think to keep from saying anything.”

  He sighed exasperatedly. “I’m just close to running over this idiot in front of us, even though it isn’t their fault we’re sitting here. They have a car ahead of them. And one ahead of them. And probably fifty fucking more in front of that one.”

  He started babbling nonchalantly to keep his attention off of the traffic, and Haven distracted him the best she could. The drive went by quickly after they made it onto the main highway. Less than an hour later, he pulled up in front of an old brick house a few miles from Durante. “You need to wait out here,” he said as he cut the engine. “I don’t want you coming in.”

  “What is this place?”

  “It’s a… well, it’s where I get all the bad shit you want nothing to do with,” he said. “I’ll only be a few minutes.”

  He opened the glove compartment for the envelope of cash he’d withdrawn the day before. The neighborhood was relatively safe, despite the house itself being the most dangerous one in town, so he knew she’d be better off in the car than inside.

  He knocked on the front door. It was pulled open, and the guy eyed him suspiciously before ushering him in. “Ah, DeMarco. I thought you changed your mind.”

  “Since when do I change my mind?”

  The man shook his head. “Never.”

  He disappeared, returning with an M1 Garand, military-issue rifle. He handed it to Carmine, and he looked it over before handing him the cash. The man counted it, ensuring the whole $6,000 was there. “Always my favorite customer.”

  * * * *

  Carmine took off his coat when they made it home that evening and flung it toward the closet. It landed on the floor, and Haven eyed it offensively. Sighing, he picked it back up and hung it on the back of his desk chair. “Are you happy now?”

  “I was never unhappy, Carmine,” she said, a hint of amusement in her voice. “But thank you.”

  He wrapped his arms around her, going straight for her neck as she cocked her head to the side to give him better access. Grabbing his beanie, Haven chucked it across the room, and Carmine laughed. “Why is it you can throw stuff around, but I can’t?”

  She smiled playfully. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He rolled his eyes and walked her backward to the bed. She laughed and kicked off her shoes, letting them fall to the floor with a thud. Climbing on the bed, he kissed her briefly before collapsing beside her. “Christ, I’m too exhausted to even make out.”

  “I’m…” she started, breaking out into a yawn that halted her words.

  “I know, colibri,” he said, closing his eyes. “It’s been a hectic day. Let’s just go to sleep.”

  “I should go to my room then.”

  “No, you shouldn't. Don't leave me.”

  She laughed. “At least let me go get changed.”

  “But I’ll miss you.”

  “These jeans are uncomfortable, Carmine.”

  “So take them off.”

  “And the shirt? It’s not really made for sleeping in.”

  “Take it off, too.”

  “What about the light?”

  “What about it?”

  She was quiet for a moment. “You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”

  “You know I do. You can go get changed, though,” he said, not wanting her to be uncomfortable.

  “I know I can,” she said, sitting up and pulling off her shirt to expose her lacy black bra. She tossed the shirt on the floor and lay back down beside him, unbuttoning her jeans and kicking them off.

  He stared at her, astounded as his eyes scanned her exposed skin. He’d seen it all, but she’d never been so comfortable revealing her body before. “Christ, you’re beautiful.”

  He ran his hand up her stomach, not even thinking twice before slipping his fingers under the cup of her bra. Haven gasped, pulling away from him. “I thought you were too tired to make out.”

  “I thought so, too, but then you stripped for me.”

  She laughed. “You’re the one who told me to do it.”

  “I know, but damn, I didn’t expect you to. You’re getting awfully brave. But yeah, you’re right. No touching. I get it.”

  Stripping down to his boxers, Carmine discarded his clothes on the floor with hers before turning off the light.

  “You can touch,” she said softly as he climbed back into bed.

  He pulled her close to him, stroking her stomach and hip as he kissed her neck. “I know, but I really am exhausted.”

  * * * *

  Haven made breakfast the next morning before she and Carmine locked themselves away to wrap presents. Having never wrapped anything before, Haven approached it like it was some sort of puzzle to figure out
. Carmine laughed a few times when her face scrunched up in concentration, and she’d meticulously fold the massive paper like complex origami. He just slapped it around the gift, using half a roll of tape to keep it together.

  Once the presents were wrapped, they went downstairs for some lunch and watched a movie in the family room with his brother. Carmine’s nerves were on edge the entire time as he drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch.

  After about 45 minutes, a car pulled up out front. From the corner of Carmine’s eye, he could see Haven go rigid. The front door opened and Vincent’s voice ricocheted through the house, followed by soft feminine laughter. Dominic jumped up, picking Celia off the ground to swing her around.

  She glanced at Carmine once Dominic set her back on her feet. “You look more like her every time I see you, kiddo.”

  She didn’t have to specify—Carmine knew what she meant. He hugged her, not bothering to respond. It was the truth, and Celia was the only person who wasn’t afraid to talk to him about his mom.

  Celia pulled back from the hug. “Have you been good?”

  “I haven’t blown anything up lately, if that counts.”

  She smiled. “It’s a start.”

  Vincent cleared his throat, his eyes focused on Haven in front of the couch. She stared at the floor as she picked at her fingernails. Seeing her look so afraid tugged at Carmine’s heart.

  Celia approached her. “Haven?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Carmine ran his hand through his hair. His worst fear for today was happening—she was resorting back to the timid girl she’d been months ago.

  “I’ve heard a lot about you,” Celia said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  Haven’s voice was barely audible. “You too, Mrs. Moretti.”

  “Call me Celia, dear. Mrs. Moretti is my mother-in-law and quite the wicked witch, at that.”

  Haven's eyes widened as Vincent laughed. They all glanced at him, but he just shook his head, not interested in sharing whatever he found funny. He shared a brief knowing look with Celia, the corner of his lips still fighting to turn up.