by Suzanne Cass
As soon as they got back to camp after Simon had won individual exemption this afternoon, Simon had sought Cilla out. She’d followed him into the jungle, her feet dragging at every step. Simon had won the knockout entitled know your sailor mates, which was a series of questions about all of team Moonrakers. Cilla knew she’d seriously underestimated how good Simon was at this game.
‘What’s the matter, Cilla?’ Simon could turn on the charm when the whim took him, and he hit her with the full force of it today, showing his straight-edged smile, with just the right amount of tender concern evident in the solicitous way he touched her arm. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’
Anything he could do to help? Simon was at the root of her problems. And he knew it. However, she didn’t want to let him see how much she was actually hurting, how much Tam’s betrayal had cost her. Cost her soul.
‘I’m fine, Simon, but thanks for your concern.’ She turned on one of her best fake smiles for his benefit.
‘Oh, that’s good, I’d hate to think I caused a rift between you and Tam. It wasn’t what I intended, I just thought you were owed the truth, that’s all.’
Bullshit. It took some effort not to say the word out loud. Simon’s little ploy had gained him exactly the outcome he’d hoped for. The problem was, even though she knew Simon had manipulated her, she couldn’t bring herself to forgive Tam. If she were going to survive out here, she needed a strong ally. And if Tam wasn’t it, then maybe Simon might just be the next best thing.
She knew she was going to listen to what he had to say. Even though every fibre of her being screamed to get away from him – that he was poison – the logical part of her brain was overriding it, telling her Simon was a strong contender. Ever since her trust in Tam had been broken into a million pieces, that logical voice was becoming louder and louder. It was getting easier to ignore the irrational voice that told her it wasn’t right to give up on Tam, that she should stick to her agreed alliance, no matter what.
Perhaps, given better circumstances and timing, something might well have flourished between her and Tam, but it was the nature of the game they were playing. Sea-Quest always ended up stripping away all excess emotions, exposing human nature for all its naked corruption. Breaking down both weak and strong relationships. There’d been a connection with Tam, she’d felt it growing. But it would’ve taken a super-human effort to maintain that connection on the outside. It was better this way, to end it now, quick and clean.
‘What do you want really, Simon?’ She dropped all pretence at pleasantness. Her temper was wearing thin. This game was wearing thin.
His smarmy smile disappeared.
‘Well, as you can see, I won exemption today.’ He expanded his chest towards her and dangled the parody of a parrot in her face. ‘So you won’t be voting for me tonight, no matter how much you might’ve wanted to.’
‘What makes you think I was going to?’ she said with a sneer.
‘Oh, I’m pretty sure you and Alisha and Tam would’ve been gunning for me. That’s why it was so important I win today.’
Simon was right on target. Or he would’ve been three days ago. It was true, she and Alisha and Tam had been desperate to get him out and get themselves to the top three.
Oh how quickly things changed.
‘So what are you suggesting, Simon?’
‘I have a plan. You and me, Cilla. We’d make quite the team. We could definitely make it to top three together. You’re a strong woman, capable of winning almost any physical knockout. You have a sharp mind, but keep it well hidden, flying under the radar if you like. And best of all, people like you. Hell, even I like you.’
‘All those traits you’ve just listed could also make me a solid threat for the million. A good excuse for you to keep me close. Let me be quite frank, Simon. I don’t like you. So stop trying to butter me up with your flattery, because it won’t work.’
Simon took a step backwards as if she’d physically slapped him.
‘I see the real Cilla is finally making an appearance.’ He raised his arm in a mock salute. ‘And shooting from the hip too. Well let me tell you something. You don’t have to like me, Cilla, to form an alliance with me.’ He enunciated every syllable of the last sentence, driving the words into her head.
She didn’t answer, afraid of what she might say or do. All she really wanted was to turn on her heel and march out of the jungle. Away from Simon and all his backstabbing and conniving. Away from this game and the emotions it was dredging up. Emotions she’d tried to bury deep. Dark, twisting emotions, too much like her father’s manipulative ways. How could she ever have known coming onto this island would be so fraught with emotional land-mines? She almost wished she could change her mind, be whisked away, back to the safety of her life on her yacht.
But she was too much of a realist to let that wish linger more than a second. She was here now, and she needed to save her boat if she ever wanted that lifestyle back, so she’d have to deal with the repercussions of what she was about to do.
Simon spoke into the silence, ‘Tam has already showed he’s untrustworthy. You can’t possibly be thinking of keeping the alliance with him now?’
Instead of answering his question she asked one of her own. ‘What about Alisha, where does she fit into all this?’
‘That’s up to you, Cilla. But remember one thing. I’m not asking her to come to final with me. I’m asking you.’
So Alisha would have to be discarded too. Cilla knew it was an inevitable outcome, after all there could only ever be one winner. But Simon would want someone weak in the top three with him. Someone like Rosa.
Their dream had been for all of them, Alisha, Tam and her, to be in the top three.
And they could still do it, if Cilla didn’t waver.
‘I’ll need to think about it first, Simon. I’ll let you know before we go to the conclave, don’t worry.’
‘Well, just so you know, if you don’t agree, I’ll be talking to Rosa. I know she’ll be more than happy to help me vote Tam out.’ Cilla knew Rosa would be eager to vote anyone out as long as it wasn’t herself on the chopping block. ‘But I’d rather be sitting next to you in the top three.’
The part that neither of them mentioned, the issue they skirted around the edges of, was what would happen if and when they did make to the final three. Simon, with all of his testosterone fuelled ego, obviously thought he’d played a better game and people were more likely to vote for him than Cilla. She wasn’t so sure of that.
She needed time to try and figure out why Simon was so determined to form an alliance with her. Rosa was just as good a choice; perhaps even better, shy and retiring, definitely someone who was flying under the radar. People might be less likely to vote her as the winner if they thought she’d only ridden on other people’s coat tails, instead of playing her own game. Simon on the other hand, had been a very strong and visible player, treading on lots of people’s toes on his way to the top.
And that led to the other burning question she needed an answer to. What if they did vote Tam off and he managed to come back from Deception Cove? They didn’t know when –or even if – someone would be returned. If it were him who returned he’d hate her guts. She’d have an enemy for life.
She’d gotten no closer to figuring that question out yet and now here she was sitting at the conclave, still unsure of what she should do. She glanced down the line of seated team members, trying to gauge everyone’s moods. Alisha was sitting at the furthest end, but she caught Cilla’s eye and gave a conspiratorial wink.
She and Alisha had gone off to do some snorkelling after the challenge. It’d become their thing to go together and sit on the rock ledge and gossip. Enjoying each other’s company. Cilla had spilled the whole sordid story out to Alisha, while she sat there, chubby hands clasped in her lap and listened. The story of how Tam and Simon had seen her naked and how they’d kept it a secret for so long. How Simon had finally confided in her on the prize and plunder k
nockout.
There was one part she kept secret, the fact Simon wanted to take her to the final three, expanding her tale to make it sound like Simon wanted to join their alliance instead.
After Cilla had finally wound to a halt, out of words to explain Tam’s betrayal and out of breath from speaking so fast, Alisha only had one question for her. She said, ‘Do you want to vote Tam out tonight? Do you want to break our alliance?’
Cilla hadn’t been able to find the words to form an answer then.
Now, sitting at the conclave Cilla knew what she had to do. It was for her own self-preservation, for her own sanity. She just hoped she’d have the strength to write his name down on that piece of parchment. She gave a slow nod to Alisha, who twitched her mouth up in a wry grimace of acknowledgment.
~
‘It’s time to vote.’ At the sound of JJ’s voice, Tam broke his contemplation. Alisha stirred next to him and got up from her seat, making her way over the spindly bridge to cast her vote.
‘Wow, Tam, your firebrand just got blown out.’ He turned around to take a look. His firebrand had indeed gone out. It felt like and ice blade had just been drawn down his spine. The hair on the back of his neck stood up. He didn’t believe in black cats or walking under ladders or any other such signs.
Then why did his guts feel like they were twisting into a thousand knots right now?
He put on his best phoney smile and gave a nonchalant shrug. ‘I hope that isn’t an omen, JJ.’
He saw Cilla turn around and glance at the now-dark firebrand. She flinched when she saw it. Her reaction hit Tam like a punch to the solar plexus.
She wouldn’t look at him. It’d been two days now. He wanted to grab her by the arms and shake her, force her gaze to his so that he could tell her over and over again how sorry he was. But every time he’d approached her, that cold, unflinching stare stopped him in his tracks. Why had he let Simon talk him into keeping that secret? And why had it mattered so much to her. She’d blown it all out of proportion, as if she were using it as an excuse to break their friendship.
That strange prickling sensation at the back of his neck wouldn’t go away. Alisha had assured him their alliance was strong, that they were voting for Hayden tonight. Of course he couldn’t ask Cilla to reassure him, but she’d stick to their plan. Right? There was no reason to doubt either Cilla or Alisha.
Why then was there a niggling doubt at the back of his mind. Was it his imagination, or had Alisha’s smile been a little too bright as she made her declaration that it’d be Hayden tonight?
Simon had agreed the old team Dawnbreakers should stay together to get rid of all the old Nightrebels first. But Tam didn’t trust Simon one little bit. Could Simon be out to get him tonight? Tam couldn’t see how Simon would manage to pull off a coup like that, even if he’d been able to make an alliance with Hayden and Rosa. Tam would be protected by Alisha and Cilla.
He hoped it wouldn’t come down to a tied vote.
‘Tam, your turn.’ He nodded at JJ and made the treacherous crossing over the bridge.
As he sat down again he shot his gaze skywards, thankful it wasn’t raining yet. Dark thunderheads were rolling across the sky, obscuring the moon with their agitated fury. The rising wind tore at his clothing. It was no wonder his firebrand had gone out, the gusts were reaching fever pitch. Why had no one else’s firebrand gone out though?
‘Let’s tally the votes,’ said JJ, placing the wooden chest on the table with reverence.
‘The first vote is for … Tam.’ JJ’s face showed little emotion as he held out the parchment for them all to see. It did indeed have his name on it. A weight like a heavy stone settled in the middle of Tam’s stomach.
‘The second vote is for … Hayden.’ Whew. Tam threw him a glance laden with solidarity. They were brothers in arms now, both on the chopping block. He liked Hayden, he really did. The whippet-like man had a quick smile and a straightforward manner that put everyone at ease. This vote was nothing personal.
‘The third vote is for … Tam.’ Uh oh. Not good. It looked like Simon might be playing his cards after all. Tam made himself take a calming breath, trying to quieten the pulsing throb that had suddenly started in his veins.
‘That’s two votes for Tam and one for Hayden,’ said JJ. Tam watched as he reached in and pulled out another folded parchment. JJ turned it around so they could all see. ‘That makes three votes for Tam and one for Hayden.’
Now it wasn’t just a stone sitting in Tam’s stomach, it felt as though his guts had been removed and flipped inside out. He could feel sweat starting to bead his upper lip. Simon had got Rosa and Hayden on his side, that much was obvious. He’d be okay, the next two votes would be for Hayden. It’d be a tie. A tie he could handle. He could beat Hayden in just about any knockout JJ might throw their way. Except a tight-rope walk, perhaps.
‘The thirteenth person voted off Sea-Quest is … Tam.’ Lack of understanding made Tam slow to react. What had JJ just said? ‘Bring over your firebrand, Tam.’ He stood, legs moving stiff and jerky, like a robot. How could this have happened?
‘The team has voted,’ JJ intoned as he went through the motions of putting out Tam’s already snuffed firebrand. ‘You’ll be going to Deception Cove, where you’ll have a chance to get back into this game.’ JJ pointed to the stairs that led away and down, towards the left of the stage. Tam moved mechanically through the noose doorway and down the stairs.
It was only then it dawned on him. Alisha and Cilla had deceived him. Let him down. Thrown him into the lion’s den.
He turned around. Both women watched him. Alisha stared back at him, plump face emotionless, hands folded neatly in her lap. Cilla’s green eyes were glazed with tears, but her mouth was set in a stubborn tilt. Who was it? Who’d double-crossed him? Blindsided him? Was it Cilla or Alisha? Or both of them?
How could he not have seen this coming? He should’ve realised how deeply he’d hurt Cilla. So deeply she felt the need to wound him back, to take the ultimate revenge. He’d cared more about his own feelings than hers, and that’d made him blind. Blind to his own downfall.
‘It’s time to go, Tam.’ JJ gave a light touch to his shoulder, urging him to head off the stage.
A magnificent rage started to build in Tam’s gut as he descended the stairs. It burned and fizzed through his veins, so he almost believed his vision had been overlaid with a red tinge. He let his fury build, let it carry him down the stairs on a flood of agony. His rage would help him fight his way back from Deception. Because that’s what he meant to do. He’d be back.
Try as he might, however, his rage wouldn’t completely obliterate the sorrow that tempered his wrath. Tightness clutched at his throat. There’d be no chance to redeem himself with Cilla now.
He’d lost something priceless.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Little wavelets lapped gently around Cilla’s ribs. She sat alone in the shallow azure water, staring out into the Gulf of Thailand. Absent-mindedly she picked at the scabs on her knees. Bug bites she’d scratched that had turned into sores. The bites covered her whole body, but she’d just about learned to ignore the itching by now.
She must look a sight. Hair unwashed and bedraggled, so dry it felt like straw when she ran her hands through it. Skin blotchy and red, pockmarked with angry welts and insect bites. And if the other team members were anything to go by, she must smell pretty bad too. Thirty-three days with only one proper shower and the grime was becoming so ingrained it’d take her days of cleansing to get rid of it. Scrubbing with sand was no alternative to a good old-fashioned piece of soap. Her clothes were just about falling off her. Apart from the fact she’d lost quite a bit of weight from her already thin frame, her clothes were ripped and torn and soiled.
Running a hand gingerly over the scar on her forehead, she wondered what it looked like. They didn’t have the luxury of a mirror in camp, and while it didn’t bother her out here, she pondered if the scar would remain obvious. A permane
nt reminder of her time on the island. It might be the only outward scar she received from her time on Sea-Quest, but there would be many more, equally deep scars, remaining hidden inside.
Her musings returned back to the conclave last night. The night she’d helped vote Tam off. She’d made the right decision, the logical voice kept confirming inside her head. Why then did her heart feel like it’d been dragged through the mud? She felt as dirty on the inside as she was on the outside.
It’d been a huge struggle to get out of the shelter this morning. Everyone else was already up and off, doing their own morning ablutions by the time she roused, which was unusual. Cilla was nearly always the first person out of bed in the morning, often before the sun had turned the horizon from indigo to pink.
She hadn’t slept well, tossing and turning all night, much to the ire of her fellow team members. Her dreams had been filled with the look on Tam’s face as he heard his name being called last night. She knew he’d be angry and thought she’d shored up those walls around her soul high enough to withstand any onslaught. But she’d not been ready for his mute, unqualified disbelief. Then he’d turned around and the recognition in his eyes that he’d been betrayed speared right through her.
Simon’s unrivalled delight as they walked back to camp hadn’t helped one little bit either.
This morning she tried to recall the terrible rage she’d felt for Tam the night he fought with her. Tried to reinstate the fierce justification she’d felt when she decided to vote him out. Somehow today though, her indignation felt hollow, and … tainted.
She wouldn’t let her mind admit that she missed Tam, because that’d be conceding defeat. Her body, however, was a different matter. When Tam had been around he was a constant distraction, his presence a beacon for her awareness. Her body was so finely attuned to his, it’d react instantly to the slightest brush of his arm or the bump of a shoulder, igniting instantly into a flash-fire of heat and desire.
Now he was gone there was no chance of the fire being ignited anymore. In its place was left a bone-rending ache, a resonating sense of loss she’d never felt before.
