by Suzanne Cass
She told herself she’d endure this, these feelings would pass sooner rather than later. It was better this way, to survive on her own. She didn’t need a man. Certainly not when they all turned out to be heartless betrayers. Even the best of them turned out to be just like her father in the long run, and she was better off without any of them.
She’d needed to vote Tam out, so she could go on and win the money. That was what was important to her now. Her grandmother’s future, not some vague chance at a love affair that was destined to fizzle out as soon as she got back to reality.
Slamming the palm of her hand down on the surface of the water, she punctuated her determination to continue playing this game to the best of her ability.
And she’d do it minus Tam.
~
Tam awoke and stretched, the unfamiliar hardness of the bamboo poles beneath his body making him sit straight up in alarm. It took a few seconds to remember where he was.
Deception Cove.
A grey shape lying next to him grew arms and legs, rolled over and yawned. It was Cho. The two of them were sharing a rather small shelter in a very basic campsite, with none of the luxuries Tam was used to at the Moonrakers’ camp. There were no pillows or mosquito nets or hammocks here, just a blanket each. He should be used to it by now, this was his third night out here. For some reason his brain just didn’t want to accept its fate. He’d been sent to Deception Cove. His alliance was shattered and he’d have to fight with every ounce of his remaining strength to get back into the game. If he didn’t make it back, he’d become the fourth member of the panel. But that was no compensation as far as he was concerned. It might even be worse than having to leave the game altogether, having to vote for one of those people who’d betrayed him would be more than he could handle.
The night he’d arrived at Deception in complete and utter blackness, he’d been more than pleased to find it was Cho asleep in the shelter. Cho had greeted him with a sleepy grunt, moving over only marginally to let him in and then falling back to sleep within a few breaths.
The following morning Cho more than made up for his apathy, giving Tam a sincere hug of welcome and then grilling him for every little detail of the goings on at Moonrakers’ beach. He’d been just as shocked as Tam at Alisha and Cilla’s backstabbing tactics.
Tam had been very careful not to mention how deep his connection with Cilla had become. How his hands still trembled when he thought about how easy it’d been for her to deceive him. She’d walked back from the voting table cool as a cucumber, nothing in her demeanour led him to suspect she’d just written his name on that piece of paper. But he knew as soon as he let down his guard, let despair creep back in, his carefully schooled guise would crumble. He had to keep fighting the urge to bury his head in his hands, to smash his fist into the nearest tree, to walk down that beach and never come back. To give in. Somehow he’d have to learn to bottle up his despair, his devastation. He’d use those emotions, turn them around to make him tougher and more dogged in his determination to win this game. Just to show her he could.
So Tam had listened with seeming rapture as Cho reciprocated, filling him in on how life was at Deception Cove, and how he’d managed to beat the other four team members who’d been sent to Deception.
Staring out over the small beach this morning, Tam watched the breakers as they rolled across the reef and into the protection of the lagoon. Puffs of white clouds sat on the horizon, looking like so many scattered balls of cotton wool. The ocean was still dark cobalt blue, not yet touched by the sun’s rays. It’d be a good day, hot and dry, with no sign of the torrential tropical rain that often came to turn their lives into a living hell.
The thought brought him up sharp. He’d been out here so long now it was becoming second nature to forecast the weather. Funny, he’d never cared much for the meteorological conditions living in LA. But on the island, every nuance in temperature, every slight wind change could mean a great day, or an unbearable one.
Life was a lot simpler here on Deception. The knockouts happened on the same day as the exemption knockouts back on the main island. The only difference was, on Deception the castaways knew who’d been voted off in the last tribal. The others back at camp had no idea who was going to come back and haunt them in the end.
‘It’s knockout day,’ said Cho, his muffled voice coming from beneath his armpit.
‘That it is my friend.’ Tam stepped down onto the sand, letting the coolness surround his toes.
‘It’s going to be a perfect day.’
‘Mmm hmm,’ replied Cho.
That was typical of a conversation between the two of them. Neither of them was really much for long drawn out chats, and it suited them both fine if they only said a few words to each other all day. Tam remembered Cho had been so full of self-importance and a desperate need to win when he’d first arrived on the island. Cho had been at Deception for two weeks now, fought and won in four other knockouts. His time out in the wilderness had pared back those more abrasive traits, to reveal Cho’s innate intelligence and a calmer, more likeable person. They’d developed an easy friendship. Companionship didn’t always require a barrage of words to work well. Together they sat in silence and surveyed the scene from the shelter. The show’s motto cam back to Tam, between deception and survival lies redemption. Well today, he was definitely praying for redemption.
~
Cilla’s gaze was fixed on the crackling orange blaze of the dying campfire, but she didn’t see the flames flickering in front of her, such was the turmoil in her mind over the night’s events. She could hear the murmurs of the other three talking amongst themselves. She tuned them out, their voices becoming a blur of white noise in her head.
Alisha was gone.
Simon had conspired to vote her off and now he and Hayden and Rosa were all sitting there congratulating themselves. Her stomach churned and she thought she might be physically sick. Since Tam’s ousting, the Moonrakers had splintered, no one trusted any one else anymore. The game was taking too many wrong turns, spiralling out of Cilla’s control and she didn’t like it one little bit.
Alisha’s loss hit Cilla like a fist smashing her to the ground. She’d not seen it coming. They’d been too worried Simon might be going to turn on Cilla, and not really considered any other option.
The cold night pressed against her back, the fading embers only lending subtle warmth to her feet and knees. Suddenly she felt so alone. Alisha’s exit brought home Tam’s loss even more. It brought home how much Tam had been her mainstay, her confidant, someone to watch over her. But more than that, he’d been a friend, and then ultimately, a lover. She yearned for his body next to hers, to feel his strong heartbeat beneath her fingers. It’d been three days now since he’d gone and the lost feeling, the idea there was a gaping hole inside her chest was becoming worse with the passing of time, not better as she’d hoped.
‘Alisha should take it as a compliment,’ Cilla heard Simon say.
‘What did you say?’ she snarled at him.
‘You heard me.’ Cilla caught the gleam of Simon’s teeth in the firelight. ‘She should take it as a compliment. Alisha was the prime threat, so she was the one who had to go tonight. You can’t be that upset, Cilla. It was either her or you.’ Simon had whispered something similar to her on the walk back from the conclave. She guessed that in his own twisted way he was trying to tell her that he was still sticking to their agreement, that they’d make it to the final together, without letting on to either Hayden or Rosa. It was obvious he’d spun them all a story along similar lines to keep them voting with him.
He made her sick. This whole game was starting to make her sick.
‘Look at it this way, we should all be celebrating. We made it to the top four. That has to be an achievement in itself.’
‘Whatever.’ Cilla didn’t want to listen to any more of his rhetoric. She turned her back on the other three and the fire. It was possibly the wrong thing to do, she might get Hayden
and Rosa offside with her cold aloofness, but right now she didn’t care.
Hayden was being more than a little sanctimonious at the moment anyway, unable to stop bragging about winning this latest exemption knockout. It was a little out of character for the Hayden she’d gotten to know in the past few days. She’d come to quite enjoy Hayden’s company. They seemed to click somehow. He’d always been likeable and easy-going, but now with less team members around, she’d gotten to know him better. Out of the four of them, she had the most in common with Hayden. Rosa was friendly, if a little reserved, and now they were the only two women left, there was a definite bond of girls-only camaraderie. But the friendship was still hesitant and newly made. And Simon. Well, she was staying as far away from Simon as she could.
Yep, Hayden really was a genuinely nice guy – when he wasn’t bragging about winning exemption that was. If he’d been a little bit too overattentive towards her once or twice, Cilla had chosen to ignore it. Perhaps she’d even welcomed his friendly flirtations, in an inadvertent way. Because she missed Tam so much, it was nice to feel wanted. But now, after this last win at exemption, Cilla decided she might have to re-evaluate how she viewed Hayden.
For today’s knockout, the five of them had been led to a clearing many miles inland, right in the centre of very dense jungle, to a pit of black mud. Gluggy, oozing volcanic mud. The knockout was to see who could carry the most mud from the pit to a large wooden barrel twenty-five metres away, using only their bodies, in the space of five minutes. The mud was then weighed at the end. JJ had called this knockout, pay the ferryman, and he’d told them they should think of their bodies as the ferry and the mud as their cargo.
She had to laugh once they all started to slather their bodies with the black goo. They resembled some kind of demented mud monster conjured from the depths of a sci-fi movie, all lumpy and misshapen, with eyes and teeth the only recognisable features. She’d not seen such a silly knockout in her whole time on the island.
But at the end, somehow Hayden just managed to tip the scales with a mere one hundred and three grams of mud more than the rest of them.
The conversation she’d had with Alisha after the knockout kept repeating itself in Cilla’s mind. Cilla had popped up onto the rocks to take a rest after catching fish after fish, sitting next to the other woman whose black skin shone with droplets where Cilla had splashed her as she got out of the water.
‘Do you think we made a mistake voting off Tam?’ Alisha’s frank question caught her unawares.
‘I really hope not.’
‘So do I. I know he hurt you and I know we would’ve needed to get rid of him sooner or later.’ Alisha fixed Cilla with one of her sharp stares, meant to skewer her to the spot, intent on speaking her mind. ‘He was too much of a strong player to keep around forever. But it does rankle me just a bit we had to break our alliance. I would’ve liked for all of us to go to top three.’
Cilla knew she owed Alisha. And it was only now that Cilla would admit when she’d asked Alisha to choose her over Tam, it probably hadn’t been fair. But then again, who was to say what was fair or not in this game.
What would Alisha say to Tam if he was still at Deception Cove when she got there? Would she tell him she was sorry? That they shouldn’t have voted him out. Or would she tell him the truth. That it was Cilla’s idea to get rid of him. The thought hadn’t struck her before and she spent many minutes rolling that one over and over in her mind. If it were her going to Deception, would she be ready to tell Tam she was sorry? The answer would be a resounding yes. She now knew she regretted sending him to Deception. She might even tell him that it was by far the stupidest move she’d made throughout the whole game. But would he believe her?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The dense jungle closed in around him, claustrophobic and cloying. It was as hot as Hades in here, not a murmur of a breeze to stir the mid-afternoon air. Sweat soaked Tam’s shirt and formed great dark patches under his arms and down his front. His newly grown beard itched like crazy, but it did have one saving grace, it kept the bugs away from his face. Hordes of tiny gnats swirled around his head and no matter how much he swished them away, they floated back again to torture him with their faint buzzing. It almost made him miss the barren little cove of Deception. At least it didn’t close in on a person, trying to drown them in the compressed tropical humidity.
He was nearly there. Soon he’d be able to dive into the cool azure water and sluice off all this damned sweat. A tunnel of light beckoned him onwards, promising an end to his jungle ordeal. He frowned. They wouldn’t be expecting him. How would they react?
JJ had made him trek back to the campsite the long way round, through the jungle trails rather than sending him on a swifter – and much cooler – boat. He said he wanted the rest of the team to be caught unawares.
Clamping his teeth together Tam trudged on. The people on the beach wouldn’t welcome him back with open arms, of that much he was sure. He didn’t care. What other people thought of him no longer factored into his plan, their reactions to him wouldn’t even cause a blip on his radar anymore. It was a solemn promise he’d made himself this morning, after he beat Alisha at the last knockout. He was here for one reason only, and that was to win.
It’d been a shock to see Alisha arrive last night.
A tiny pinprick of light had heralded her arrival, accompanied by the hum and clunk of a boat’s engine impinging on the night’s silence. He’d been trying to fall asleep in the shelter, without much success. Cho had gone earlier in the day and it was odd not to have a familiar presence nearby.
Tam had beaten Cho at the knockout and then spent the afternoon in solitary contemplation.
Alisha bumbled her way up to the camp, with only one tiny torch to light her way. He’d embraced her with an affectionate hug. But it was clouded with bittersweet emotions; pleasure at having a friend back, sorrow that she’d been voted out, and a growing anger. Anger directed at Cilla. She must’ve orchestrated Alisha’s departure in much the same way as his own.
It didn’t matter how hard Alisha tried to convince him that Cilla had nothing to do with her demise, he was sure it wasn’t true. Cilla had become public enemy number one and nothing anyone said would change his mind. He didn’t even care enough to ask the question as to whether Alisha had voted for him on that fateful night as well. It no longer mattered.
The second Alisha had left Deception after he’d beaten her in the knockout, he’d made his resolution; to win at all costs, and everyone else could bloody well go to hell.
In front of him the tunnel of dark glossy leaves opened up, revealing the beach. Light rebounded from the white sand, almost blinding him after the dimness of the jungle. Slowing his pace, he allowed his eyes to adjust for a few seconds. He didn’t want to be at any kind of disadvantage when he appeared.
With quiet footsteps he walked onto the back of the beach, coming into sight of the Moonrakers’ campsite.
Rosa was sitting by the fire, stirring the pot with a stick, cooking up rice for lunch. Simon was sitting next to the fire, his back to Tam. He could hear the murmur of voices, but couldn’t discern what they were saying. Rosa didn’t notice him at first, so engrossed was she with her conversation. Perhaps a movement caught her eye as he started forward again, because she looked up sharply, her discussion cut short when she stopped mid-sentence, to stare at him.
‘Tam! What …’ Simon twisted around at her exclamation.
Both of them gaped at him, open-mouthed.
Simon recovered first. ‘Tam. Welcome back, buddy.’ He stood up and came towards him, hand extended. Tam ignored it, striding past him towards the fire. No more false platitudes for him.
‘Surprise,’ he said, his tone mocking and cold. ‘I’m sure you weren’t expecting me back, huh?’
‘Well, we weren’t sure who … I mean we didn’t—’
‘No, I know you didn’t,’ Tam replied curtly, as his gaze swept the rest of the campsite. He wouldn’t re
lax until everyone knew he was back. Until he’d shown everyone he meant business.
‘Hayden and Cilla have gone to the little bay to catch some crabs. They should be back soon,’ Rosa said, still wary. She hadn’t offered him her hand or a hug to welcome him back, catching his mood better than Simon.
‘Great.’ Tam shrugged and sat down next to the fire, hiding the flash of white-hot emotion that burned through him. Why did his blood boil at the thought of Cilla alone with Hayden? I don’t care anymore. He repeated the mantra in his head a dozen times before the fizz of jealousy dissipated.
Both Rosa and Simon shared an indecipherable look before Rosa said, ‘I guess I’d better add some more rice for lunch then.’ Tam just nodded. He wouldn’t admit he was starving, that he’d had less food at Deception than they received here. He wasn’t going to reveal anything about Deception that he didn’t have to. Less information shared meant more power to him.
After a few bumbling attempts at trying to include Tam in small-talk, which Tam ignored, Rosa and Simon went back to their previous conversation, leaving him to stare at the fire in contemplation.
After half an hour, as Rosa was just about to serve the rice into coconut shells, voices could be heard drifting over the sand. Hayden and Cilla were on their way back. All three of them stood up to await the other pair’s arrival. Simon couldn’t hide a slight smirk.
At first the pair didn’t register there was a third person standing by the fire, so deep in conversation were they. He allowed himself one swift glance to drink in Cilla as she walked and talked. She wore her orange sports bikini with an unbuttoned long sleeve shirt draped over her shoulders, looking as fresh and sunny and stunning as if she’d just stepped out of a fashion swimwear magazine. Her limbs had gone even more golden in the tropical sun, her hair pulled back in a jaunty ponytail that flicked across her shoulders. And she was smiling and laughing along with Hayden. She looked happy. For him the effect was immediate; a tightness in his chest radiated to a low pull from somewhere down in his abdomen – his body recognising her presence.
