Heartbreak Warfare

by Jessica Marin

  “Oh yes, Jenna, you’re most certainly playing games with Cal,” he says, acknowledging the incredulous look at my face. “He wanted to continue pursuing you, and you only gave him your email address? What the fuck is that? How is giving him your email address guarding your heart? Be honest, you’re emotionally involved with every email you write. Don’t lie to yourself by saying you won’t be disappointed when those emails stop, because you will be! You think he’s going to continue emailing you after a couple more months, if that? You’re dangling him on a rope. You’re wasting his time, and he’ll realize that and the emails will completely stop. And then it’ll be too late to pick up that phone to call him. People make long distance relationship work all the time. So what if he’s an actor? He’s a human being and if you continue with this game, you’ll never know if his intentions are true or not.” He downs his drink and sits back in his chair with his arm crossed.

  “I’m sorry, Jenna, and I don’t mean for my words to hurt you either as I love you as well.” He looks back and forth between me and Layla. “You both need to let the past stay in the past and not define your future.”

  We all sit there is silence, looking everywhere but each other. I feel Layla grab my hand and I look over at her. Her eyes are questioning if I’m okay, and I give her a small smile in response. We all look up as our favorite bartender, Nico, stops at our table and places shots of whiskey in front of us.

  “I don’t know what is going on over here, but you all look fucking depressing. Lighten up, my favorite people! Pick up those shots and let’s toast!” We do as we are commanded and pick up the shots as Nico serenades us with one of his favorite Irish toasts.

  “May your troubles be less

  And your blessings be more.

  And nothing but happiness

  Come through your door.”

  We salute each other and throw back the shot, grimacing as the whiskey burns down our throats. We thank Nico as he takes the shot glasses away and leaves us back to our silence.

  “I didn’t mean to ruin the evening,” Robert says as he places some cash on the table and gets ready to leave.

  “Robert, you didn’t ruin anything.” I stand and give him a hug. “Thank you for being honest with me…with us. I know you’re coming from a place of love and I am so grateful for that. I know I’m not going to change tomorrow, but I can promise you that I will think long and hard about what you said and try to find ways to improve.” I look over to Layla. “Layla, what do you think?”

  She looks at us, sighs and gets up from the table to hug us. “I love you both, even when your honesty feels like a knife to my heart. I know I need to work on myself. All I can say is that I will try.”

  And we end our night out with promises that we pray we can keep.

  16

  Robert’s speech from O’Malley’s resonates with me one week later as I take the scenic route on the Riverwalk to meet him and my mother for a business lunch. Cal’s emails have stopped, and in their place are apology responses from his assistant. Valerie is always apologizing for his lack of response and has updated me on his arrival in Hong Kong. While I appreciate how great she has been with me, she’s not the one I want to hear from. I can’t help but think that maybe Robert is right with Cal’s interest fading.

  Maybe he just wasn’t that into you in the first place, Jenna.

  I roll my eyes at my own thinking. I don’t even know what disappoints me more – Cal, for not trying harder to email me, or how upset I am over a situation I all but predicted was going to happen. Either way, I hate myself for staring at my emails, hoping that every time I refresh there’ll be one from him. The madness needs to stop! I need to make a decision of what I’m going to do. I either write him off and enjoy my memories with him in Las Vegas or I attempt to contact him one last time, but this time by phone.

  I push the Cal predicament aside as I enter my mother’s favorite restaurant. Around this time every year, we meet to discuss my company’s strategy for planning the annual charity gala for the Children’s Hospital where my father works. My mother is chair of their events committee and while I am grateful that she got me the gig as it is one of my bigger revenue generators, working with her comes at a price - my sanity. We don’t have that smushy sweet, my-mother-is-my-best-friend bond that other families have. Most of the time I can’t stand to even be around her. She is materialistic, pretentious, judgmental and drinks more than I would like for her to. I have nothing in common with her and prefer my father’s company over hers any day of the week. She is insanely jealous of the relationship I have with my father, yet she is the creator of it. He is the compassionate, loving, and reliable parent. When I told them I was getting a divorce, my father hugged me and told me I deserved better. My mother told me to go after him because he was the best I was ever going to get. Every visit with her is a critique on my looks, my weight, my business - and now my single hood.

  “Jenna, dear, I am so glad you are finally here. What took you so long?” Her fake lips pouting as if she’s a child. Her hair is up in its signature chiffon, nails and lips perfectly matching the red of her hair. She is wearing a silk blouse, with a pencil skirt and heels. Diamonds sparkle from her ears and hands. Appearances are everything to Pamela Pruitt, and she won’t even associate with you if she feels you are not in her league.

  “Hello, Mother.” I kiss her on her cheek; her perfume is so strong that I make a mental note to change my clothes when I get home. “You look lovely, as usual.”

  “Why thank you, darling. Is everything okay?”

  “Everything is fine, Mother. I took the Riverwalk over since it is a beautiful day.”

  “Excellent idea, since it looks like your pants are getting a little tight in your rear. Enjoying yourself a little too much, are we, darling?” She winks at me to try to soften the blow of her insult. Robert starts coughing, no doubt choking on his own saliva that he accidentally inhaled from the shock of her comments.

  “How kind of you to notice, Mother. And here I thought I was looking halfway decent today.” I peruse the menu to avoid looking at her. My clothes are tighter, but I chalk that up to my lack of working out and my recent poor food choices due to stress. Of course I would never admit to my mother that she is right.

  “Now Jenna, I never said you didn't look good. I just said you look like you've gained some weight. Why don’t we order so we can start talking business, shall we?” She motions for the waiter to come over to take our orders. We tell the waiter our food selections and proceed to discuss business.

  "I am so excited to announce to you our theme for this year’s gala.” She takes a sip of her wine before proceeding. “Drum roll please!” Robert enlightens her by drumming against the table. “The theme for this year's gala is….Cabaret!” She laughs and claps her hands with excitement.

  “Ooh, Cabaret! We haven’t done that type of party yet, have we, Jenna?” Robert’s gets out his notebook and briskly starts to write.

  “No, we haven’t and that’s actually a really great theme, Mother. No doubt your idea, of course?”

  “Of course, darling! Where do you think you get your creativity from?” There is nothing my mother won’t take credit for, especially when it pertains to my career. “The board unanimously approved the idea, and we have a meeting next week to go over our budget. So the sooner you can get me quotes, the quicker we can put things in motion.” The waiter arrives with our food, and we continue to listen to my mother’s vision for the party and throw back and forth some ideas. The hour goes fast, and by the time lunch is done, my excitement for the party mirrors theirs.

  “I think we have enough information to reach out to our vendors and possibly get you a quote by the end of this week.” I give Robert a questioning glance and he nods his head yes.

  “Excellent! I cannot wait for New Year’s Eve! It is going to be an amazing event, and we will hopefully raise lots of money. Enough about business, I want to know what is going on with both of you?” my mothe
r asks as the check arrives. We all know this is her way of trying to get any new information about me out of Robert since I refuse to tell her about my life. I grab the check from her to pay and try to answer her as vaguely as possible.

  “All is well, Mother. We shoot our first news segment for News Channel 3 in a few weeks, which we are anticipating will bring more new clients and ramp up website activity.”

  “Have you talked to Tyler at all?” She interrupts me, not caring at all about the exciting new opportunity for my business.

  “No, Mother. We’re divorced. I expect to never talk to him again.” I concentrate on signing the check, not wanting to look at my mother with the disgust I have for her right now for bringing him up.

  “Jenna has started dating again though!” I gasp in shock as I look up at Robert and decide to kick him hard underneath the table for his revelation. He grunts and shoots daggers at me.

  “What? Jenna! Why haven’t you told me? Who are you dating?” My mother actually looks like her feelings are hurt from me not involving her in my personal life.

  “Nope, I am not dating anyone. I was for one week, but it looks like it isn’t going to work out.” Robert raises his eyebrow in question.

  “One week? Jenna, that is barely dating and too early to determine if it will work or not.”

  “He doesn’t even live here, Mother.” I say with exasperation, tired of the topic already.

  “Oh my word, did you meet him online? That is how you get yourself killed, Jenna Lynn!” My mother saying my middle name means she is being serious.

  “She met him in first class on her way to Las Vegas!” Robert pushes his chair back to stand, avoiding my second kick to his shins.

  “First class?! Ooh, I love first class!” My mother looks back and forth between us, her eyes widening in excitement.

  “Yes, I arranged first class for her, so she wouldn’t have even met him if it wasn’t for me.”

  “Oh Robert, you take such good care of Jenna. We wouldn’t know what we would do without you!” I roll my eyes and want to hurl at the love fest between the two.

  “Well, she is the best boss I’ve ever had! Did she tell you she’s giving me a raise next week?” He places his hand over his heart and flutters his eyelids. I laugh out loud with as much fakeness as I can muster since there is zero intention for anyone to get an increase in wages.

  “Congratulations! Sounds like business is going well, then?” my mother asks with a raised eyebrow.

  “Yes, Mother, it is. In fact, we need to head back for a conference call with our software company to prepare for the potential increase in traffic on our website.” I stand up and air kiss each side of her cheek.

  “Will you come over for dinner on Sunday, Jenna? Your father wants to resume our weekly dinners as frequently as possible, since you’re now too busy to even see us.” My mother lays on the guilt trip as we walk her out of the restaurant and wait for her car at valet.

  “We’ll see, Mother. Let me look at my schedule.” We haven’t done family Sunday dinners in months due to me purposely making myself unavailable on Sundays. It isn’t that I don’t want to see my parents - I just don’t want to see them that frequently. I am saved by having to say anymore with the arrival of her car.

  “Goodbye, my darlings! Chat soon!” She blows us goodbye kisses as she gets into her car and pulls away from the curb into traffic.

  “That woman is a hot mess. You two are the best daytime soap opera ever, dah-ling!” Robert teases as we head back to my apartment.

  “You sure do your best to help instigate the drama.” I give him a knowing look, calling him out on his tactics.

  “I take offense to that as I was only looking out for you by getting her off your ass about your ex!” I roll my eyes at him playing the victim when he is far from it.

  “Whatever, Robert, don’t play innocent when you knew exactly what you wanted to tell her.”

  “Honestly, Jenna, I get sick and tired of hearing her go after you about him. I was hoping her hearing that you are dating again would put an end to it. I apologize, as you’re right, it’s not my place to tell her about your personal life.” I see where his intentions were, but it isn’t his business to discuss those details with my mother.“Please don’t be mad at me, Jenna. I’m gay and you know how we love gossip and drama. I can’t help it if it’s in my DNA.” I shake my head and laugh, entwining my arm through his as we continue walking.

  “Since we were kind of talking about Cal without revealing who he was, what IS going on with him?” Robert asks after a couple of minutes of silence.

  “I haven’t heard from him in almost two weeks. Hate to admit it, but I think you’re right.” I sigh with resignation.

  “I don’t want to be right, Jenna. I want you to have a happy ending.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and squeezes.

  “Thanks, but my intuition was always telling me it wasn’t him, anyway. I should have never given him my email address.”

  “But if you didn’t, then you would be sitting here wondering about the what ifs.” Robert knows me well as I nod my head in agreement with him.

  “It’s time to move on to someone who is going to give you the attention you deserve!” he says with conviction. And yes, I need to. But it is so much easier said than done when someone makes you feel the way that Cal does.

  After our conference call, I tell Robert to go home early and enjoy the rest of his evening. I wrap up the remainder of my work, pour a glass of wine and sit on my couch, enjoying the colors of the sunset over Lake Michigan. My thoughts turn to Cal, and I can’t shake the nagging feeling that it just doesn’t seem like him to all of a sudden stop talking to me. I hold his card in my hand and stare at his phone number. Hong Kong is thirteen hours ahead, putting their time in the early hours of the morning. My internal debate continues as to what I should do:

  Don’t call, it would be rude to wake him.

  He might have his phone turned off, so you wouldn’t wake him.

  He probably gets up early for work.

  He doesn’t have to pick up the phone if he doesn’t want to!

  Call him tomorrow during normal hours.

  Call him NOW, as you need closure!

  “Ugh!” I dial his number and get up to pace, the anticipation of him answering making my heart race. I would be perfectly happy hearing his voicemail so that I could leave a message and put the ball back in his court.

  “Hello?” A female voice picks up on the last ring and I sit down as I suddenly start to feel nauseated.

  “Um….Valerie?” I ask, hoping it is her and not some random woman that he is now sleeping with.

  “Yes?” Relief spreads through me as she confirms her identity.

  “Hi, it’s Jenna. Jenna Pruitt. Cal’s friend from Las Vegas?” I phrase it as a question, hoping she remembers who I am.

  “Hey Jenna! How are you?” Her voice turns enthusiastic as she acknowledges remembering me.

  “I am fine, thanks for asking. Sorry if I sound confused, but I wasn’t expecting you to answer his phone. Are you in Hong Kong, too?”

  “Oh no, I am in Los Angeles. Did Cal not email you about him breaking his phone? I literally just came back from the phone store with his new phone to ship out to him. Your timing is perfect!” She laughs and I feel somewhat better that reality is not what my mind was picturing.

  “No, I still haven’t heard from him since our last email correspondence.”

  “Really?” She asks with surprise in her voice. “Jenna, I’m really sorry. I promise you that I have reminded him to email you back!”

  “I really appreciate that, Valerie. I understand he’s busy, but maybe this is for the best anyway.” I can’t help the disappointment that laces my voice.

  “Listen, Jenna, I like you and I’m going to be honest with you. Cal’s career is on the rise, and with that comes people giving him anything and everything he wants. He’s a very good actor, and his charm is extremely convincing. Let’s ju
st say he’s gotten very confident from our days in acting class.” I listen to every word she says, completely understanding what she’s insinuating. “I know your feelings are probably hurt by his lack of response, but trust me when I say that you want to move on. You’re not the first woman he has done this to, unfortunately. Please don’t repeat what I’m saying. I’m just tired of watching him do this to good people and he always leaves me to pick up the pieces of these women’s hearts. It’s disgusting really and if it continues, I’m going to find someone else to work for. I’ve stayed long enough with him that I’ve built up my own reputation of being a reliable and trustworthy assistant. I know I wouldn’t have a problem finding someone else to work for.”

  “I am sure you have, Valerie, and I appreciate your honesty. Don’t worry about my heart, as it’s still completely intact.” I reassure not only her, but myself as well. While my heart IS still intact, I can’t help the stab of pain it is feeling with the knowledge that I was just another notch on his belt.