INTERRUPTED LULLABY

by Valery Parv

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  Contents:

  Prologue

  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

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  Prologue

  ^ »

  When the baby's lusty cry tore the air in the small private hospital, the new mother burst into tears of relief and joy. Seeing the midwife rush the newborn baby into the resuscitation room, the mother had been frantic with fear. Now, hearing her baby's healthy cries as the midwife placed him into her arms, the mother knew everything would be all right.

  It had been a difficult night. The doctor was to have been here long ago, but had stopped to help at a horrendous accident between two crowded buses at a major intersection in the city. According to the midwife, staff had been borrowed from all over the hospital to help deal with the victims pouring into the emergency room, a scene being repeated at hospitals throughout the city.

  Admiring the new baby, Rosemary Fine felt triumphant. As a midwife she was accustomed to coping without a doctor most of the time, but when a baby needed resuscitating, she normally called for backup. This time she couldn't call anyone because the mother, Jenny Fine, was her sister-in-law, and it was against hospital rules to deliver a relative's baby. With everyone too busy to ask questions, Rosemary had decided to go ahead on her own. She had nearly regretted it when the baby was born, but everything was all right now. Rosemary had seen to it.

  Jenny quickly counted tiny fingers and toes. "I suppose everybody does that," she said, her voice sounding thin.

  Rosemary mustered a smile. "Probably. He looks pretty good to me. Vaughan, isn't that the name you chose for him?"

  "Sylvia for a girl and Vaughan for a boy." Jenny brushed damp hair out of her eyes with her free hand, her gaze blurring. "Did I hear Ross tell you that the nice woman in the next room lost her baby?"

  The midwife hesitated. "You weren't supposed to hear that. Her baby's cord prolapsed, causing oxygen starvation. There was nothing Ross or anyone could do."

  Jenny's arm automatically tightened around her baby. "How terrible. She told me her name is Tara, and she's so beautiful. A model, I think. We checked in almost at the same time. Her partner couldn't be with her, either, so I hope he gets here soon. She'll need him to comfort her. After I lost Josh, they told me it was crib death and nobody's fault, but I kept asking myself how I could have made a difference. Tara's probably doing the same right now."

  Rosemary brushed her sister-in-law's hair out of her eyes. "You mustn't distress yourself about it."

  Jenny sighed. "You're right. But I couldn't face Ross if anything went wrong this time. He wants a son so much. How much longer is he going to be tied up? Except for a few minutes here and there, I've hardly seen him since I arrived."

  "You've been married to a midwife long enough to know that nothing ever goes to plan. He'll stop in as soon as he can, but like me, he's had to extend his shift until more staff can get here," Rosemary said. "Apparently half the city's still at a standstill. They're swamped in emergency."

  The new mother peeled back the cover swaddling the baby. "Hi, Vaughan. Your daddy's going to be so proud of you." She lifted her head, her eyes bright. "I'll have a word with poor Tara later. She must feel devastated."

  Rosemary shook her head. "It's not a good idea. She's best left to deal with her grief in her own way. We'll see she gets professional help when she's ready."

  Jenny looked uncertain. "If you think so."

  "Trust me, I do. Ross is arranging to move her to a ward away from the other mothers and babies, so you're unlikely to meet her again. You concentrate on getting your strength back and taking Vaughan home. Let Ross and me look after Tara. There's nothing for you to concern yourself about, nothing at all."

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  Chapter 1

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  As soon as she walked into the meeting and saw who was sitting in the front row, Tara McNiven felt tension coil inside her like a snake waiting to strike. What was Zeke Blaxland doing here? He could be here for the same reason as the rest of the audience, to hear about the children's charity she represented, she told herself shakily, but somehow she sensed he had another agenda. Zeke always had another agenda.

  She had heard that he was back in Australia, and his column had been carried by the Australian papers while he was living in America so she was used to seeing his photograph on the editorial page three times a week. She had managed to convince herself that she was immune to the sight of his ruggedly handsome features but being confronted by him again in the flesh made her all too aware of the reality. She would never be immune to Zeke, no matter how much time they spent apart.

  Other members of the audience, all executives from the city's fashion retailers, were casting him curious glances. As Australia's best-known newspaperman, he was instantly recognizable by sight as well as by reputation. His mane of collar-length black hair was as much a trademark as the challenging spark in those pewter-grey eyes.

  He was taller than most other men but managed to look relaxed even coiled into a chair a size too small for his impressive frame. It was a wary kind of relaxation, she couldn't help noticing. He was probably assessing every detail of her appearance and demeanor.

  Well, let him. She schooled herself to not show that his unexpected presence had unsettled her. She had changed since they'd been together, but knew she looked good. She weighed a few pounds more these days but it suited her. Her hair was straighter, curling under onto her shoulders where it had once tumbled midway down her back in a torrent of curls. Zeke had liked to run his fingers through it, she recalled, a shiver of memory rippling over her scalp and down her spine.

  She was glad she was wearing her best power-dressing cerise jacket and navy skirt, the colors flattering her honey-gold complexion. Business-like but still feminine, she had decided as she'd checked the mirror before leaving home.

  The shorter hairstyle emphasized the features that had made her a successful model before she became spokesperson for Model Children, the foundation she and a group of fashion designers had established to help children in need.

  She sighed inwardly. Try as she might to play down her model looks and focus attention on the work of the charity, it didn't help. Like Zeke Blaxland, she was recognizable wherever she went.

  She could hardly complain. Her background had helped her to recruit some of the biggest designers in the industry to support the cause, and her fame ensured the charity got the publicity it needed to help as many children as possible. Now she wanted to broaden the foundation's base to include other arms of the fashion industry.

  She felt her brows arrow into a frown. Zeke Blaxland's name hadn't been on tonight's guest list, she would swear to it. But demanding to know what he was doing here would only show how much his presence disconcerted her and she had no intention of giving him such an advantage. She had given Zeke far too much already.

  Just thinking of how much sent a pang through her so sharp it was almost physical, but she fought the sensation. Deliberately she pulled herself together, for once thankful that she stood five-ten even without the slender heels she wore for speaking engagements. Zeke used to say she was one of the few women who could meet him eye-to-eye—almost.

  He liked the almost part, she recalled with a surge of bitterness. Near equality wasn't the same as true equality, something he had never wanted from a woman, or not from her, anyway. He liked to kid himself that he was a New Age man when truthfully, he hadn't a New Age bone in his magnificent body.

  Tara's heart picked up speed. Once his caveman approach had thrilled her. She had enjoyed the feeling of being protected and, yes, loved by him. She swallowed hard, remembering the feel of his arms around her, so strong and dependable, as his sensuous mouth shaped h
ers to his will, while his clever hands manipulated her body with a skill worthy of a virtuoso violinist. She had been a willing instrument and Zeke the bow. Lord, what magnificent music they had made together.

  Her heart thundered and her palms moistened as she thought of the end result of their lovemaking she had carefully kept from him. Once she wouldn't have dreamed of keeping anything from him, especially something as important as the child they had conceived together, but his decision to work in America had made it impossible for her to tell him the truth without looking as if she were trying to manipulate him.

  Their baby had been stillborn so there had been no need for him to find out. No need for them to both endure the nagging sense of loss she'd lived with for so long. There was nothing he could have done, and she couldn't have borne forcing him to give up his dream to remain with her, only to have their life together end so disastrously.

  A choking sensation gripped her. So much had happened in a year. A year, seven months and a handful of days, she amended inwardly. She hadn't been aware of counting the days but now she found that part of her had logged every minute since he had left.

  She made herself take deep breaths, conquering wire-taut nerves with an effort of will. She owed it to herself and the children not to reveal how much Zeke's presence bothered her. "Fake it," the photographers used to tell her during her modeling days. Why were these things invariably easier said than done?

  She stepped forward. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for inviting me to address your group about the projects we're currently undertaking at the Model Children Foundation. I'm told you choose a different charity to support each year and since Model Children was started by people in the field of fashion like yourselves, I hope to persuade you to choose M.C.F. this year. Are any of you familiar with my work?"

  She saw Zeke's hand shift as if he meant to raise it. "I mean, the work of the foundation?" she restated, and saw his arm relax. But his eyes continued to flash a challenge at her. "You can't ignore me forever," they seemed to say. As if she could ignore him for one single minute. But she didn't have to let him know it.

  Another man raised his hand. He seemed younger than most of the men in the room, probably his early twenties and less outwardly confident. A very junior executive, she couldn't help thinking. "The foundation helped my wife and me when our first child was born. A fire in our house destroyed every stitch of clothing my wife had prepared for the baby as well as the beautiful new nursery we'd prepared."

  This time her smile was genuine as satisfaction surged through her. She was able to stop thinking about Zeke's eyes on her for all of thirty seconds as she turned to the man. "You're Todd Jessman, aren't you?" He nodded. "I remember seeing the fire reported on the evening news."

  "I wondered how the foundation managed to step in so quickly. I doubt we'd have had the courage to ask for help but after the news story, your people appeared out of the blue with everything we needed. My wife was overwhelmed. We did write, but it's great to have a chance to finally thank you in person."

  She shook her head. "I can't take the credit. A large group of fashion designers and others in the industry are behind the foundation."

  "And they are getting excellent publicity in the bargain," came a soft interjection.

  At the sound of Zeke's gravelly voice, an involuntary shiver shook her. It reminded her too vividly of compliments freely given and lapped up like mother's milk, of whispered suggestions in the moonlight, and promises made over the phone.

  Promises ultimately broken, she made herself remember. From what she knew of him, Zeke hadn't changed. In his syndicated column, Difference of Opinion, he took potshots at everything that was good about people. She had once asked him why he preferred to write about the negative side of human nature. He had responded that good news didn't sell papers.

  It was where their outlooks reached a fork in the road. She believed that what goes around comes around. Zeke believed you had to fight for what you wanted. He hadn't fought for her, she thought, wondering what else he could have done to make a difference. No, she wasn't about to start making excuses for him now. With his cynical attitude, they couldn't have lasted anyway, even without the baby.

  She pulled her thoughts sharply back to the present. It wasn't easy. She had never loved another man the way she had loved Zeke and she was staggered at how much it hurt to see him again, surveying her with hard-eyed intensity as if she were meat in a butcher shop window.

  Not meat, candy, she remembered him saying once. He had told her how, as a boy, he had pressed his face against a candy store window, his eyes eating up all the goodies inside. With not a cent to his name, that was all he could do. With you, Tara, I feel as if I've finally been given the keys to the store, he had told her the first time they'd made love.

  Too bad he had eaten her up then spat her out, she thought, feeling anger flash through her. She subdued it and made her fingers unclench, forcing herself to concentrate on her task. Normally she could assess her audience in a couple of glances, enough to decide exactly what tone to take in her presentation, but tonight her thoughts were in chaos. Although the audience was two-thirds male, Zeke could have been the only man in the room for all the attention she had paid the rest, she realized with a shock.

  Zeke would turn up when the meeting was being covered by Australian Life magazine, she thought furiously. The journalist and photographer had already set their equipment up at the back of the room as they had done for a number of the foundation's fund-raising activities. Accustomed to performing for the camera, she hadn't let the visitors distract her unduly. The dress-for-success outfit was her only concession to the coverage. Zeke's presence was another matter.

  The visiting journalist was bound to recognize him and would, no doubt want to interview him, as well. No matter. Maybe they could find out what his motives were and save Tara the trouble. She only hoped he would behave himself well enough not to spoil the story for her. No matter what he thought, the publicity was intended to help the foundation far more than any individual.

  "It's true the fashion designers benefit from the publicity," she carried on, amazed that she could sound so unruffled given the turmoil inside her. "But children in need are the real beneficiaries and tonight I'd like to show you how you can join us and help make a difference in their lives."

  She had their attention, she saw with satisfaction as she warmed to her subject. Business people responded to factual information, she knew from previous experience. Appealing to their emotions was the fastest way to scare them off, so she deliberately made the presentation very practical, with lots of case histories like Todd's so they could visualize their efforts playing a real part in improving the lives of the children the foundation was intended to help.

  She couldn't imagine having the same impact on Zeke, she thought. His own experience had made him cynical about charity. Her breath caught as she remembered the night she'd learned about his background. She had wanted him to accompany her to a fund-raiser for a foster family program. He'd objected but wouldn't go into details.

  She'd pressed. He had always been reluctant to discuss his family and now she wondered if she'd hit on the reason when she'd asked that night, "Zeke, do you have some experience of foster care?"

  "Bitter experience," he'd snapped, his eyes becoming shadowed. "My mother was only seventeen when somebody spiked her drink at a party and she woke up in bed with an older boy whose name she never knew. When she found herself pregnant, her family disowned her. She couldn't cope alone."

  Tara's heart had leaped into her throat. "She gave you up for adoption?"

  "It would have been better if she had. She left me with a foster family long enough to settle in, then she took me back to live with her."

  "At least she loved you enough to come back."

  "I might have believed it once, but three times is a little hard to swallow."

  "Oh, Zeke." Her heart went out to the small boy whose trust had been so badly betr
ayed. No wonder he was reluctant to show affection after learning that it could be snatched away at a moment's notice. "What about your mother's family?" she'd asked.

  He'd looked away. "Her father was a religious type who didn't want to know her or me. I only tried to see him once, to tell him his daughter had died in a car accident. It was made clear that I needn't have bothered."

  "It's his loss," she'd said firmly, wrapping her hand around his. His fingers had felt cold. "I'm sure he regrets it now that you're so successful."

  "Too late. So now you know why I object to supporting something that did me more harm than good. If a parent puts a child up for adoption, at least everybody knows where they stand."

  To Tara, things weren't always so simple, but she had known it was futile to argue with Zeke when his mind was made up. And who knew, she might have felt the same if her early life had been as disrupted as his. She had also understood why he'd resisted making promises to her. Their life was wonderful as it was, he'd insisted. Why tamper with perfection?

  As a result, when she found out she was pregnant she had known she couldn't force him into a commitment he didn't want. Nor could she go with him, for the same reason. She had hoped he would stay in Australia of his own accord, but he hadn't. From his comments tonight, it seemed he hadn't changed at all.

  Awareness of him played through her thoughts like background music as she went on to explain how the foundation had started when a woman on her own had unexpectedly given birth to triplets without the resources to clothe and equip them.

  Tara had been a patient at the same hospital, although she avoided mentioning that part, especially with Zeke in the room. She had expected to be in the maternity ward and her heart had been torn in two when she had been moved to a surgical ward instead, with a woman who coughed all night. It was a long way from a baby's healthy cries, she remembered thinking.