Securing Aisling

by Andrea Boyd

  Qualifications of My Future King

  Gives in to my every whim, much like a servant

  No geezers.

  Smart like me

  Not a worshiper of Baal

  Horse-like features.

  I could not even look at him now. He had found mine and Gwen’s stupid list. How was I going to explain this?

  “Well, how did I measure up? I mean, I am not old, and I have never worshiped Baal, but I am not sure about the rest. Eoghan is obviously the better looking one, and you have already seen how big a mess I made of things on the way here, so I may have already failed number three. And that first one, I am sure if given enough guidance I might be able to accommodate part of your whims. At least, I promise to put forth my very best effort.”

  My voice was so strained it was a surprise he could even make out my answer. “It was a joke. You see, when faced with a stressful decision, Gwen and I make up silly, impossible lists just to ease the tension and to clear my head.”

  Hearing his laughter finally gave me the nerve to look at him.

  “I did not mean for you to take it so seriously. I figured it had to be a joke. I just wanted to see what you would say. I am sorry to have upset you yet again this morning.” He reached over and placed a kiss on my cheek.

  I breathed a sigh of relief and then quickly changed the subject as I began eating again. “What are your plans for today? I do not foresee any more meetings until Reilly and Owen return. I hope they do not run into any problems.”

  “I mainly wanted to look around and get familiar with the place. I have never been above the second floor before yesterday, and I have not walked out on the beach since I was a child.”

  “I would love to show you around. One day you will have to tell me why you quit coming here during Session with your family.”

  He gave me a shy look. “The truth is I had a terrible crush on you that has lasted for years. Once Father figured it out, he put an end to my attending anything that would put me in your presence. It was just before this Session that I decided to present myself to see if there was any chance at all for me. I am sure he did not protest this time because he was so sure you were going to choose Dunbar. At least that seemed to be the case in the beginning.”

  I was touched more than he knew at his confession. “I was never going to marry Dunbar. I may have tried to fool myself into giving him another chance, but it took less than one hour in his presence to remember why it was not going to work. We have nothing in common. I am glad you decided to come out of hiding.”

  We spent the rest of the day exploring. We started out with a tour through the castle. We made a game of stealing kisses from each other without getting caught by the servants. It was all the enticement I needed to show him every secret passage that I knew about. Gwen and I had searched every inch of this castle when we were younger, but it was nothing like the giddy pleasure I felt while introducing my husband to his new home.

  After dinner, we made a brief visit through the stables and barracks. I introduced each warrior to their new king. Most congratulated us on our marriage and welcomed him to the kingdom, but judging by the looks on some of their faces, a few may have been skeptical about their new ruler. I was not worried. Garrett would eventually win them over.

  We then took a stroll through the maze-like gardens beside the castle. There were interesting nooks between the hedgerows with private places to sit and talk and maybe steal a kiss or two in the warmth of the early summer sun. The roar of the ocean could still be heard, but the garden blocked out most of the wind.

  That afternoon we took a walk hand in hand along the beach until sunset. I marveled at the fact that the same things I had spent a lifetime experiencing, seemed like new when shared with Garrett. It was as if my life had started over the day we said our vows.

  That night we went through the same routine getting ready for bed. This time he was awake when I came out from my bath, but he informed me that he wanted to read a little longer. I spent hours lying in bed, staring at the darkened ceiling before finally dozing off only to awaken in the morning to find out he had slept in the sitting room once again. He apologized, and I rationalized it in my head, but in truth I was disappointed.

  A week went by in much the same way. The kisses and casual touches had gradually come to an end. Something was wrong, and I had no idea how to fix it. I could not understand what I had done to cause my husband to lose his desire for me. Maybe he never felt it to begin with, but it surely had not seemed that way before. Could it have all been a farce just so he could become king? I thought back to all the passionate moments we had shared. I just could not believe that they had been less real to him than they had been for me.

  I started having nightmares. Knife Thrower suddenly came back to life in my dreams. It did not make sense to think of him as Knife Thrower after he had tried to kill me with his bare hands, but this was the name I had given him first. Besides, it was less frightening than thinking about how it could have ended.

  On my eighth night back at Aisling, my dream changed. It seemed that even Knife Thrower no longer wanted me. He had passed me over to some scarier, faceless man who had me tied up with a rope and trapped in a dark hole. I thrashed about and screamed for him to let me out, but it was to no avail.

  “Brianna, wake up.” Suddenly the faceless monster was there holding me, and I struggled even harder to get away.

  “It is all right, I am here and I will not allow anything to happen to you. Shh, it was just a dream, I have you.”

  Garrett.

  He was in my bed, holding me in his arms in the middle of the night. I do not know how this came about, but I stopped struggling and wrapped my arms around him.

  He gently pushed the hair back from my face while kissing my cheek and neck. My head was on his shoulder, and I buried my face into the crease of his neck and hungrily placed little kisses from the base of his neck up toward his jaw. I ran my hand up his bare back, and I swear I could feel him slightly shaking in my arms. Then his lips found mine.

  This was no stolen kiss from a maiden. It was rough and urgent, and I felt ignited from the inside out. He ran his hand up and down my side, and a moan escaped my throat. He was sitting on top of the covers, and I wanted him underneath with me, so I started tugging at them, hoping he would get the picture. That was when he jerked away and practically leapt from the bed.

  It was dark but for the moonlight streaming through the open balcony door. He stood there breathless, nervously running his fingers through his hair. “I am sorry Brianna, I am so sorry.”

  Sorry for what?

  “I have to go.”

  “Stay . . .” He was gone before I could finish one sentence. I fell back in the bed and stared at the ceiling for a while wondering what had went wrong. Had I been too aggressive? I should have left the covers where they were. He would have moved them when he was ready.

  I started crying in great heaving sobs. The noise from the ocean probably drowned out any sound, but I did not want him to hear me, so I covered my mouth while my body shook. If I knew what the problem was, then maybe I could make it right. If I was so repulsive, why did he ever start kissing me in the first place? I felt so alone and unloved. I took slow deep breaths to control my crying until finally there was only an occasional shuddered breath, but the tears would not stop. I knew I was feeling sorry for myself. I did not care. I hardly ever cried, and I needed the release.

  I do not know what time it was when I finally went back to sleep, but I woke up with puffy red eyes and a stuffy nose. Garrett was nowhere to be seen. I did not bother going down for breakfast. I did not bother getting dressed or even brushing my hair. I spent the morning sitting on the chaise lounge out on the balcony. The sights and sounds that usually brought me comfort were lost to me this day. I watched as the sun climbed the sky and went past my view toward the front of the castle. My favorite book lay abandoned beside me. I had thought to find solace in those familiar words, but I was too depr
essed to even read.

  It was no surprised when Agata came out to where I was sitting. She carried a package wrapped in brown paper and tied with string in one hand and a glass of ice cold lemonade in the other. I accepted the glass and took a long sip. She pulled a chair around to face me and sat down. I studied her wrinkled face with her overly large blue-gray eyes. I could tell something was on her mind, and I waited for her to speak.

  “You look awful.”

  I ran my hand over my tangled hair and looked away. “Is that what you came out here to tell me?”

  “No. Eamon sent me to speak with you about a delicate matter. He thought it would be easier coming from me.”

  I leaned forward with concern and placed my hand on hers. “What is it? Something is wrong I can see it in your face.” All of my problems melted away for a second while I worried about what she had to tell me instead.

  “Calm yourself. Nothing is so much wrong that it can’t be fixed. But it is a delicate matter as I said.”

  She took a deep breath and went on. “It seems that you and the king have not come together as husband and wife.”

  I sat back in the lounge and looked back out toward the sea. How could this be the business of Eamon, Agata, or anyone else besides me and Garrett? I did not even want to think about how they knew. As if Agata could read my mind she started again.

  “I know you are wondering what it would matter to me or Eamon, and it is not any of our business beyond the fact that we both love you and want to see you happy, but I can assure you that it is of great importance to this kingdom.”

  “How can that possibly have anything to do with the kingdom’s welfare?”

  “King Coman has gotten wind of it, child. If your marriage isn’t consummated, it’s as if it never took place.”

  Garrett’s father must have followed through on his threats to deny that a ceremony ever happened. “I can assure you that a marriage did take place. Regardless of what Coman says, there were witnesses. I did what I was supposed to do. I got married as the law required. What goes on in the bedchamber between husband and wife does not make it a marriage.”

  “Doesn’t it?”

  “How could it?”

  “You remember Isaac and Rebekah from the Bible. When they were married there was no mention of a ceremony. When Rebekah got to where Isaac was, she got down off of that camel, went with him into his mother’s tent, and the Bible says he took her. It is in Genesis chapter 24. Look it up if you don’t believe me. It’s the same today. It isn’t the ceremony that makes you husband and wife, it’s the part where two people come together as one.

  “And there is more to it than just the law. God also intended for that act to be a gift, one to be enjoyed between husband and wife. Do you understand? This coming together as one is a natural thing. There is nothing to fear.” Agata laid her hand on mine, a look of concern puckering her winkled face.

  I felt even more defeated. “How am I supposed to have this conversation with Garrett? He is the one unwilling.”

  “He is? I thought for sure . . . well, that makes my gift all the more appropriate. Here, allow this to do the talking for you.” She laid the package in my lap.

  “But you already gave me a wedding gift.” Gifts had been pouring in from all over since right after our arrival. Agata had given us a beautiful wall tapestry that depicted the castle of Aisling and the surrounding area. She must have worked on it for years anticipating my nuptials. It now hung in our sitting room.

  “Who would protest at getting a gift? Just open it, child.”

  I untied the string and pulled the paper back to reveal a skimpy piece of shear white fabric trimmed in ruffled lace. I lifted what I believed was a nightgown from the packaging. It was completely see through. My mouth stood open, and the breeze coming from the ocean did nothing to ease the heat from my face. I could not even look at Agata.

  “Now, tonight you bathe with some of that flowery soap you like so much. I left some scented oil in your bathing chamber. Rub some of that into your skin and then put that gown on. You greet him in that, and I’m sure it will get the job done. Now, do you need me to come back tonight to help you get ready?”

  I closed my mouth and shook my head.

  She chuckled. “I didn’t think you would.”

  As she got up to leave, I forced myself to look into her eyes. “Thank you, Agata.”

  “You are quite welcome, Honey.” She patted the top of my head and went back inside.

  Nineteen

  Garrett

  STAYING AWAY FROM Brianna was the hardest thing I had ever tried to do. I thought if I could just hold her off a little while longer, everything would be okay. It was not like she had been throwing herself at me. Most of the time we spent together was in the presence of others. To my shame, I avoided her the rest of the time. I have to admit though, it was a little disappointing that she had not chased after me.

  I was aware that something had been disturbing her sleep almost from the time we arrived at Aisling. There were several nights that I heard her moan out and thrash about in her bed, but these episodes never lasted long. On the night when I awoke to her screaming, I could not stop myself from going to her. I had only meant to console her, but it quickly escalated into something more. My body had responded in a painful sort of way, but in my head, I knew it was not the right time. In the morning she would have wondered why now. I did not want her to think it was because I had suddenly felt sorry for her.

  So I ran. I left our suite and made my way in the dark to her old bedchamber. I spent most of the night staring up at the canopy trying to figure out how I was going to fix this. I realized right then that it had been wrong for me not to discuss my reasoning for withholding myself from her from the beginning. Now it seemed an impossible subject to broach. So much for my plan to be open and honest with my wife.

  As far as I could tell Brianna had not come down at any time that next day, and I had not had the nerve to go up and check on her. Reilly and Owen arrived home from Gilvary. I told them to take the rest of the evening to recuperate from their trip and scheduled a meeting for the next day. In truth, I was not ready to meet with them without her there. I tried to stay busy for the rest of the day. I had stalled for as long as I could, but now it was time to go upstairs and face my wife.

  I did not see her when I came in. I sat down on one of the couches and started pulling my boots off. Brianna came and leaned against the doorframe. I was shocked to look up and see her wearing a gown made out of the sheerest material I had ever seen. Even though my brain tried to slow down the situation, I was powerless to stop my eyes from taking in the sight before me. Her face was pale, and she was visibly trembling. I could tell it was an effort just for her to stand there without covering herself.

  “What are you doing?” What are you doing? For all the brainless things that could have come out of my mouth, why had I asked that? If I had not realized it was a stupid thing to ask I would have soon figured it out by her reaction.

  She pulled away from the doorframe as her face turned beet red. She was not blushing this time. She carried a look of pure anger, and it was aimed right at me.

  “What do you think I am doing? Do you want to know where I got this gown? Agata gave it to me. Eamon sent her up here to talk to me because it is known throughout the castle that my husband refuses to share my bed. Oh, it is not enough that everyone here knows that you find your wife to be repulsive, your father knows it as well. Apparently our vows alone are not enough to keep him from coming after my kingdom. I will not lose Aisling because of this!”

  Things were worse than I had thought. I felt horrible knowing that I had been the one to plant those doubts in her head. “Brianna, I do not find you repulsive. In fact just the opposite is true. It has been all I could do to keep my hands off you.”

  She threw her hands up angrily. “Then I do not understand. You act as if you want nothing to do with me. If you really wanted to be with me, what has been stopping y
ou? Have I done something to make you feel like I did not want your affections, because I surely do not remember ever pushing you away? If there is some signal that a wife is supposed to give her husband to let him know that it is time for the marriage to begin, please tell me what it is because I am without a clue here, Garrett.”

  I could see the frustration in her face and hear it in her voice. I held my hands up in a gesture for her to stop. “Calm down, and please just listen to me. I will explain what I should have said from the very beginning. I do want to be with you, Brianna. I burn to be with you. But you heard what my father said. When he showed up at our wedding he asked if you were with child. I know that he knew it was not true, but if you should happened to have gotten in that condition right after we were married, he would have used it to his advantage. Even without him, the rumor would have spread like wildfire. That is why I have pulled away when I really wanted to draw you closer. Do you not see?”

  My pleading words had not calmed her down at all like I had hoped they would. “You have made me feel like there is something wrong with me, like I am undesirable all because you were afraid of what your father would think! Do you realize that you have handed the reins of our marriage over to Coman, and he is still controlling both of us all the way from Gilvary? Is this what you had in mind when you agreed to marry me? If it is, I have to say that I am more disappointed than you could ever know.”

  The magnitude of my stupidity hit me right between the eyes. I could not believe how wrong I had been in withholding my love from my wife. I had allowed my father to control my actions in a way I never would have believed possible. I made a vow to myself right then to never give him power over me or my life here at Aisling again, no matter what.