LeftInTheDarkness

by Stephani Hecht

  Even the bar appeared small and worn. It was manned by only one bartender, and even then, the guy looked bored. The shelves behind him held a few bottles of booze. Thanks to his family history, Taylor could tell that while a couple were premium, most of the liquor was cheap.

  “What is this, a Shriners club, or something?” James waved a hand in front of his face as he coughed. “I think they had my grandpa’s retirement party here.”

  Taylor laughed while Andy shot them an annoyed glare. “Don’t complain. At least we got into a club.”

  Devlin cast a droll glance over the place. “Yeah, and if we want to pick up some pedo-bears, we’re all set.”

  A much older guy walked by, his eye practically eating Christian alive. Devlin pulled his boyfriend into his arms and glared at the guy. “Go find some other prey. This one is taken.”

  Christian tilted his head up and grinned at Devlin. “I like the jealous side of you.”

  Taylor looked over at James just in time to see the flicker of hurt pass over the guy’s face. For some reason, an irrational flare of anger went through Taylor at the thought of James still harboring feelings for Christian.

  What the hell? What should that matter to him? Taylor shook his head. He must just be worried for a friend, that’s all. There was no way it could be anything else. He and James had been friends forever, and that was never going to change into something else.

  Then Taylor noticed he was getting a few leers coming his way, and he instinctively moved closer to James.

  “Don’t worry. We’ll just pretend to be a couple, too. That should keep them away,” James chuckled into Taylor’s ear.

  A shiver went through Taylor as James’s breath skated over his neck. Oh, wow! Until that moment, Taylor hadn’t even realized that was a sensitive area of his body. Then James put his arms around Taylor, pulling his back to James’s chest in a backward hug, and Taylor felt like his insides were melting.

  Shoot! I’m getting turned on by this!

  You can’t be. You and James are just friends. Nothing more.

  I know, but this feels really, really good.

  What? Do you like having your heart broken? Because that’s the only way that this could end.

  Taylor let out a sigh when he realized that he’d just actually had an argument with himself. That had to be a first. If he kept this up, they’d be sizing him up for a padded room right next door to his mother.

  “You want to dance?” James asked.

  Devlin and Christian were already heading there, and Andy was practically glued to some guy’s side. Taylor could only assume that was the Seth he kept yapping about. Taylor’s stomach rolled as he studied the guy. He might have been kind of cute, were it not for the tight leather pants and boots. To Taylor, though, the guy just screamed creepy. Even the way he wore his shirt, with the top three buttons undone, screamed douchebag.

  “Yeah, that sounds great,” Taylor replied.

  Maybe it would get his mind off his worries for Andy. James frowned, showing he had the same concerns. James even gave a slight shake of his head before he took Taylor’s hand and began to lead him over to the dance floor.

  Christian and Devlin seemed to be in a world of their own. Christian’s head rested against Devlin’s chest as they swayed to the music. Devlin gazed down so tenderly that it tugged at Taylor’s heart, but in a good way. It was nice to know that his friends were so happy together.

  Then Taylor looked up and saw the hurt in James’s eyes as he studied the couple. Taylor’s good mood fled as he realized just how much James was hurting. Determined to make James forget, if only for a little while, Taylor put his hands on the other guy’s shoulders and said, “Show me your stuff.”

  As predicted, that got a laugh from James. It was a small one, not much more than a chuckle, but Taylor would take what he could. James put his arms around Taylor’s waist, and they began to dance.

  At first things were awkward. Not only had Taylor never danced with a guy before, but it felt odd being held so closely by an old friend. Soon enough, though, Taylor relaxed and got lost in the music. He even found himself sinking a bit into James’s hold.

  It felt so nice…too nice. A tingling sensation shot up Taylor’s spine. He tried to remind himself that James was a friend, and that’s all there would be between them. Taylor’s body had other ideas, however, and soon another worry crept up.

  Oh, damn! Oh, God! Oh, no! Not now, please!

  Taylor squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to will his body to behave, but it seemed to have a mind of its own. Horrified and embarrassed, he tried to take a step back so he didn’t accidently brush against James and give everything away.

  “Hey, you guys look cute together,” Devlin said.

  He then gave James a heavy pat on the back. Taylor watched as James surged forward. Fear froze Taylor in place as everything seemed to happen in slow motion. A sinking sensation filled him as he realized that in a matter of milliseconds James would be pressed against him and then he would know just how much Taylor was enjoying the dance.

  James crashed into him. Taylor barely had time to brace for the blow. Then it happened…they were pressed together and there was no way that James couldn’t feel how excited Taylor was. Taylor opened his mouth to let out a gasp, but all that came out was a squeak as he realized something.

  He wasn’t the only happy one on the dance floor. James was just as…er…excited as Taylor.

  A buzzing filled Taylor’s head, and he sucked in some much needed oxygen. He forced himself to lift his gaze, terrified of what emotions might be on James’s face. Sure, he might be turned on, but did that make him embarrassed? Angry? Stunned?

  Taylor found himself locked in James’s blue-eyed gaze. The only message that Taylor found there was shock, but it seemed to be the oh-wow type instead of a what-the-hell kind.

  James shifted his grip so they were both firmly on their feet, but he kept Taylor close. Taylor continued to gaze up at his friend, feeling as if he were truly seeing him for the first time. Which was stupid, since they’d known each forever.

  Had James’s lips always look so full and soft? When did his cheekbones get so sharp? Was he styling his hair a new way, or had it always look that good?

  Christian let out a soft laugh, and the mood was broken. James’s gaze shifted over and Taylor saw that same flicker of jealousy from earlier.

  It became too much. The flurry of emotions, the stale air in the club, the fact that Andy was getting up close and personal with a sleaze. Taylor’s stomach rolled as a cold sweat broke out over his body.

  Pulling away from James, Taylor made a mad dash for the bathroom. He heard somebody yelling his name, but Taylor didn’t dare take any time to turn around to see who it might be. As it was, he barely made it in time. He pushed open the door to the men’s room and dove for the nearest stall.

  He had emptied most of the contents in his stomach before he noted that the toilets were even grosser than the rest of the bar. The bowl looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in twenty years and the floor felt sticky under his hands.

  This was so not how he’d wanted the night to go down.

  He body heaved again, but since his stomach was empty all that came out was bile and some blood. The blood was a new development since he came home from the hospital. He should probably tell Angie, but Taylor didn’t want to be more of a bother than he already was. Besides, it would probably just clear up. It’d happened to him once before around a year ago and he hadn’t gone to see a doctor then, yet he survived.

  He got up, flushed then went over to the sink and scrubbed his hands. Next, he splashed some cold water on his face. He dried off and spotted in the reflection of the mirror, somebody standing behind him.

  Rooh-rooh! This wasn’t good.

  “Mr. Skims. What are you doing here?” Taylor asked as he spun around.

  Damn, just when he thought things couldn’t have gotten any worse. Mr. Skims was the leader of the youth group at PFLAG, s
o he knew exactly how old Taylor was. Going by the way he narrowed his eyes, he wasn’t happy with the fact that Taylor had snuck into the club, either.

  Even while angry, Mr. Skims managed to be hot and then some. Christian liked to say the guy reminded him of Zac Efron, and Taylor had to agree. The only thing was, Mr. Skims was more of a mentor, a role he took very seriously.

  “Funny, I was just about to ask you what you were doing here?” Mr. Skims stepped closer. “I noticed Christian’s here, too.”

  Oh, boy. They were so busted.

  “Our friend knows one of the owners,” Taylor offered, lamely.

  “Does the owner know that you’re underage?” Mr. Skims shook his head. “What am I saying? Of course he does. Let me guess, it’s Seth, isn’t it?”

  “How did you know?”

  “The guy has always been a slime-ball.”

  “If he’s so bad, then why are you here?” Taylor argued.

  “I came to check out the new club. I only took a couple of steps in and realized what a dump it was. We were just about to leave when I spotted you.”

  “We?”

  “My boyfriend came with me.” Mr. Skims gave a gentle smile. “And don’t think you can change the subject on me. What are you doing here?”

  “Making a fool of myself,” Taylor admitted. “I seem to excel at that.”

  Mr. Skims studied him for a few moments. “Are you even well enough to leave the house yet?”

  “Yeah, I went back to school on Monday.”

  “How are things going?”

  Taylor shrugged. “Christian’s family is really great. But…”

  “They’re not your family,” Mr. Skims finished for him.

  Taylor nodded. “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I just wish that my mother could be here for me.”

  No, instead she had to mentally check out. Maybe it wasn’t fair, but Taylor resented her for that. The selfish part of him wanted his mother to be there for him for once in his life.

  “You know what I was thinking the entire time they were beating me?” he whispered.

  “What?”

  “That I hoped they killed me. I’m just so tired. Tired of being different…tired of fighting…tired of being hated.”

  Mr. Skims put a hand on Taylor’s shoulder. “Do you still feel that way?’

  Yes, all the time!

  Since Taylor knew that would earn him a room next to his mother for sure, he shook his head. “No, I care too much about Christian and my friends to do that.”

  Mr. Skims studied him for so long that Taylor felt for sure the man was going to call his bluff, but in the end he said, “Okay, but if you ever need anybody to talk to, call me. I don’t care what time it is.”

  “I will,” Taylor said, wondering if he’d ever really have the guts to reach out like that.

  Mr. Skims turned and started to open the door.

  Taylor stepped forward, wanting to ask one last question, “Do you ever wish that you weren’t gay?”

  “I used to, but not anymore.”

  Taylor scoffed, “Is this where you give me the whole It Gets Better spiel?”

  “No, because I don’t think you’re ready to hear it yet.”

  Taylor paused, not sure how to respond to that. In the end, he just settled for another shrug.

  Mr. Skims opened the door all the way and gestured for Taylor to walk out. “After you.”

  Taylor found Christian, Devlin, and James waiting for him. When Christian spotted Mr. Skims, his eyes grew wide before he gave a timid wave. “Hey, Mr. Skims. Didn’t expect to see you here.”

  “I think that’s my line. What were you guys thinking?” Mr. Skims admonished.

  Devlin pointed at the older man. “Is he a friend of yours?’

  “Yeah, he leads our youth group at PFLAG,” Taylor replied.

  Mr. Skims cocked a brow at Devlin. “I’ve never seen you or your family at a meeting.”

  That drew a bitter chuckle from Devlin. “You won’t, either. My mother doesn’t go to any event unless they offer free booze and young men.”

  “Let me guess, you’re Devlin,” Mr. Skims shot back.

  Devlin’s lips curled up into a wicked grin. “Aw…you’ve heard of me. I’m touched.”

  “Don’t be. None of it was good.”

  James let out a snort of laughter that he quickly covered with a cough when Devlin glared at him. Had the situation not been so serious, Taylor would have been tempted to join him. It wasn’t every day that they got to see somebody out smartass Devlin.

  “Okay, time to leave, boys,” Mr. Skims jerked his head toward the door.

  They all followed, although Devlin let out an aggravated huff. Once they were outside, Christian said, “What about Andy? We can’t just leave him.”

  “Andy already took off with the pedo-bear,” Devlin announced, his brow furrowing in what looked to be concern.

  Shoot, if even Devlin was worried, then Taylor didn’t feel like he was overreacting anymore.

  Mr. Skims let out a soft curse. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I saw them leaving while Taylor was in the bathroom.”

  “Why didn’t you stop him?” James asked.

  Devlin gave him a droll look. “Now, why didn’t I think of that? Oh, that’s right…because Andy has never listened to me. Once he’s made up his mind to do something, there’s no talking any sense to him.”

  “Can you talk to his parents?” Mr. Skims pressed.

  “Sure, but you better make sure your carrier can handle international calls. Last time I heard, his mother was in England, and his dad was in Mexico.”

  Mr. Skims ran his hand through his hair. “Damn it. Fine, go, but make sure to call me the second you hear from him.”

  Taylor blinked in surprise. “You’re just letting us off?”

  “Yeah, I should call your parents, but I have a feeling that would do a lot more harm than good with some of you.” The older man gave James a pointed look.

  Taylor silently agreed with him. While things might be a little better for James at home, something like that could shatter the fragile peace.

  “Now go.” Mr. Skims made shooing motions with his hands. “Don’t let me catch you guys here again.”

  Giving the disgusting place one last glance, Taylor said, “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

  Chapter Seven

  James sat far to the side of the passenger seat as his mind raced from all the events of the evening. While he tried to keep his gaze directed out the window, time and time again, he found himself darting glances over at Taylor.

  For his part, Taylor remained silent, his body far over to the other side, no doubt because he didn’t want a repeat of the accidental dance floor brush-by. A heat crept over James’s face as he thought back to that horrifying moment. He still couldn’t believe he’d been betrayed by his own damn body like that.

  The past few weeks must be playing havoc with James’s mind, because there was no way possible that he thought of Taylor in that way. Sure, they were both gay, but they were friends…pals…buddies. Even if James did feel something for Taylor, that would only make things more difficult. Taylor would never return the feelings.

  Although, come to think about it, Taylor had suffered from some body-betrayal issues of his own.

  James stole another glance. A car passed by, its headlights briefly illuminating Taylor’s face. The long lashes surrounding his brown eyes seemed almost long enough to fan his cheeks. Taylor continued to fiddle with the zipper of his light jacket. It was a new one, not the usual hand-me-downs that he sported. No doubt it’d been a gift from Christian’s parents. The dark blue color looked good on Taylor.

  Biting his bottom lip, James turned away. Since when in the hell had he noticed things like how long somebody’s eyelashes were or what their signature color might happen to be? At this rate James would pull a Jessica and start writing poetry.

  Roses are red, Violets are blue

&
nbsp; Hey, Taylor, I really, really hope you didn’t notice how much I want you

  “Damn it!” Christian exclaimed.

  He held his cell in his hand, the screen lighting up his face.

  Christian was cute, sweet, and everything that James had always found attractive. Which was why James had such a big crush on the guy. Even as that thought passed his mind, James found himself glancing over at Taylor once more.

  Good ol’ Taylor. The same kid who used to be such a skinny, dorky klutz that he couldn’t walk across a room without tripping. James took in a deep breath as a startling realization hit him. Taylor had grown, in all the right places. James had just been too self-centered and blind to notice it before.

  “Andy still won’t reply to your texts?” Devlin asked Christian.

  “Not since the first one where he oh-so-politely told me to mind my own business,” Christian replied sarcastically.

  While James hadn’t seen the message for himself, he was willing to bet it had more than its fair share of four-letter words in it. Christian might be the sweet one. Devlin, the jerk. Taylor, the little, lost puppy. James, the dumb joke. But Andy was the one who had the biggest and dirtiest mouth of them all. Devlin like to say that he was going to sign Andy up for The Bad Girls Club, so he’d teach those bitches some real curse words.

  “I’ll try,” Taylor offered. “Maybe he won’t be as angry at me.”

  Taylor punched in the text and sent it. It pinged back in record time. Taylor’s mouth parted in shock as he read it.

  “What did he say?” James asked.

  Even in the dark, James could see the cute flush creeping up Taylor’s cheeks.

  “He more or less suggested that I find some action before I get as uptight as Christian and Devlin.”

  While it was mean, James had to bite the inside of his cheek to hold back the laughter. While Andy’s insulting Taylor irked James, the comment about Devlin was sheer gold.