Changing Faces

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  Traffic was now moving much more steadily, and I was maybe about twenty minutes from my exit. My cramping, however, was beginning to accelerate and all I could hope was that I wouldn’t start bleeding. If only I could make it through another day, and even better, until I returned home. Especially since it had only been three weeks since my last painful cycle. I’d actually bled straight through the super-size tampon I was wearing, the two overnight maxi pads, and ultimately through my clothing. I had even soiled my leather executive-style chair, which I’d hurried to clean before anyone saw it. And the more I thought about it, I’d been bleeding excessively for more than six months, and it was getting worse all the time. It was starting to make my life completely miserable and I didn’t know what to do about it. Maybe it was something minor and could be corrected, but regardless, I knew I had to see a doctor. There was no way I could go on the way I was.

  After about twenty minutes I drove into the airport parking ramp and found a space to leave my car in. But right when I did, my phone rang again. My first thought was to ignore it, but when I saw that it was my mother, I answered.

  “Hello?”

  “How are you this morning?”

  “I’m fine, Mom. What about you?”

  “I’m good. Just taking a vacation day today since it’s so beautiful outside.”

  “I don’t blame you, because this is unusual weather for the month of September.”

  “I know.”

  “And how’s Daddy?”

  “He’s at work, but he’s doing fine. Still complaining about how his twenty-eight-year-old supervisor doesn’t know what she’s doing and how he’s going to make up his mind and retire without notice.”

  Mom and I laughed. “Daddy cracks me up. But at the same time, I’m sure reporting to someone who is that much younger than him must be hard.”

  “It is. I’ve never seen your father more upset than he’s been lately. He’s been with the bread company for over thirty-two years and he’s always loved it. But now I think he’s serious about coming out of there.”

  “Well, he should if he’s not happy. You guys have more than enough money saved and life is much too short to keep doing something you don’t enjoy.”

  “I agree, and that’s why I’m retiring next year myself.”

  “Right, Mom. You’ve been saying that for how long?”

  “I’m serious. I really am. I love teaching, but it’s time. Children are not what they used to be, and the last thing I want is to get hurt or end up in jail.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Yesterday, one of my ninth graders stood toe to toe with me and cursed me out right in the middle of class.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “No. Earlier in the day, I’d seen her in the hallway with some boy, practically having sex with their clothes on. So I broke it up. But when she came into the classroom, she told me that if I didn’t stay out of her business, I might as well start expecting an ass-whippin’.”

  “What?”

  “Isn’t that something? And you know I wanted to snatch that little girl and throw her against the wall as hard as I could, but I didn’t. Which is why I know it’s time for me to stop teaching. This sort of thing is going on all the time all over the city, and depending on who the parents are, they can be worse than the children. Some of them will defend those little brats until the very end, even when they know how wrong they are. It’s almost like Mitchell High has become a war zone between the faculty and the students.”

  “Then I don’t blame you, you should retire. And to be honest, I wouldn’t wait until next year. I would do it at the end of this semester.”

  I couldn’t help wondering how so much trouble could be going on in Mitchell, a city ninety miles away from Chicago and populated with only a hundred fifty thousand residents.

  “We’ll see,” she said.

  “Well, Mom, I don’t want to rush you off the phone, but I’d better get inside so I can get checked in.”

  “I’m sorry, honey, I thought you were still driving. I’ll let you go then.”

  “I’ll call you back when I get up to the gate.”

  “If not, I’ll talk to you later. I just wanted to call you before you took off, because you know how nervous these planes make me ever since 9/11.”

  “Mom, you were afraid of planes even before then.”

  “I know, but now I’m terrified, and I’ll be worried sick until you get back here safely.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “And I’ll be praying for exactly that. That’s the other reason why I took the day off.”

  I smiled. My mother was so cautious, but I did appreciate her.

  “I’ll call you as soon as I land.”

  “I love you, sweetheart.”

  “I love you, too, Mom. And kiss Daddy for me.”

  I stepped out of the car, pulled my garment bag from the trunk, and locked the doors. Then I headed inside the airport and over to American. The building was already full, and thankfully I’d purchased an electronic ticket and had the option of checking myself in. It was so much more convenient than having to wait in a line that had easily sixty people in it.

  I stepped up to the terminal, swiped one of my major credit cards, and waited for my information to appear on-screen. I saw my first initial and last name, but the system wanted the first three letters of my destination city or the acronym of the airport. I typed in LAX and my flight itinerary displayed pretty quickly. Then, shortly after I answered a couple of other questions, my boarding pass printed and I proceeded up to the counter. The representative checked my photo ID and asked me to place my luggage on the platform next to her.

  “Do you have any film in your bag?” the representative asked.

  “No.”

  “Is it locked?”

  “No.”

  “Then that’s all we need. Have a nice flight.”

  I left the area and headed through security, which was sort of an ordeal in itself. I’d placed my laptop and coat on the rubber belt and walked through to the other side, but the metal detector had beeped and they’d asked me to remove my shoes and then scanned my body with a plastic wand. I wasn’t happy about the delay or all the personal scrutiny, but I knew this was all very needed and I actually felt somewhat safer.

  When I’d gathered all of my belongings, I took an escalator down to the lower level and another one up to a different area. I strolled toward one of the delis, preparing to grab a bite to eat, but suddenly I stopped in my tracks. Blood was gushing into my underwear, and I hurried to the nearest restroom. Thankfully, I’d brought my oversized tote and had packed a number of tampons and sanitary napkins. Actually, I’d put on a pad this morning, just in case, and I was glad I had.

  But I hated this. It was one thing for this to happen at home, but not out in public. So, what was I going to do? How was I going to make it four hours on a crowded flight? What if I bled straight through my clothing again and onto my seat? I would never be able to live that down. The humiliation would be unbearable. On the other hand, I knew my bosses really wanted me to attend this conference and I couldn’t have them thinking that I’d skipped out on it—especially not because of female problems. It would be all the reason they needed to believe I couldn’t cut it as a partner. As it was, one of them, Skyler Young, already had these preconceived notions about women in the first place.

  I wanted to cancel the trip, but I decided to just make the best of it. And while I was in fact concerned about my career, I realized that this medical issue was starting to frighten me. In the beginning, I’d thought maybe the bleeding might be the result of fibroid cysts, but now I worried that maybe I had some form of cancer. Uterine. Ovarian. Cervical. It could be anything. It happened to women all the time. Even women like me, who were in their late thirties or younger. I knew my failure to see a physician hadn’t been in my best interest, but for some reason I just hadn’t found the courage to do so before now. It hadn’t helped tha
t my longtime gynecologist had moved her practice to a different state and I wasn’t thrilled about searching for a new one.

  When I finally pulled myself together, I left the restroom. But as soon as I did, something dawned on me. I don’t know why exactly, but suddenly I realized that I’d been blessed with just about everything. Great parents, a man who loved me, a satisfying career. To put it plainly, I just didn’t have a whole lot to complain about. Of course, I wanted to be married and I wanted to have children, but overall, my life was pretty happy.

  So happy that I guess something was bound to go wrong eventually.

  Chapter 3

  CHARISSE

  CHARISSE STIRRED the home-style grits one last time, removed them from the stove, and poured them into a ceramic bowl. It wasn’t very often that she found time to prepare a full-course breakfast for her family, but she always tried to do so every Wednesday, her day off. As a matter of fact, Wednesday was also the day she had lunch with her two best friends and the day she attended Bible study in the evening. Although with Taylor being out of town on business, Charisse and Whitney had agreed to postpone their get-together until next week. Which actually was a good thing since for some time now Charisse had wanted to accompany some of the older women of the church when they visited members who were in nursing homes. Charisse worked hard at being a faithful and obedient Christian but she’d never felt that Sunday school, Sunday worship, or various evening services was enough. She wanted to be more involved with outside ministries. She wanted to share God’s Word with people who weren’t able to spend as much time at church as she did.

  Just as Charisse lined the round glass table with scrambled eggs, grits, sausage links, wheat toast, and a pitcher of orange juice, the children walked into the kitchen and took their seats.

  “Good morning, Mom,” Brandon said.

  “Good morning,” Brianna repeated.

  “Good morning,” Charisse said, sitting down at the table with them. “Where’s your dad?”

  “Right here,” Marvin said, strolling into the room, Chicago Tribune in hand.

  “Do you wanna say the blessing?” Charisse asked him.

  “No, you go ahead,” he said, and flipped open the sports section.

  Charisse wanted to strangle him. It was almost as if he rebelled against church and anything to do with God just so he could piss her off. Damn him.

  “Dear heavenly Father,” she started. “Thank you for all the many blessings you have bestowed upon us and for the food we are about to receive. In your son Jesus’ name, Amen.”

  “Amen,” Brandon and Brianna said, and reached toward the center of the table, helping themselves to what their mother had prepared for them.

  Marvin took a sip of orange juice, never looking up from his paper.

  “Hey, B,” Brandon said to his sister. “I wonder if your girl Nina is coming to school today. Especially, since she got that booty whipped so badly.”

  Brianna frowned. “She’s not my girl. I can’t stand Nina with her ugly self.”

  “Awww. You’re just mad because she took your little boyfriend from you.”

  “Whatever.”

  “What boyfriend?” Charisse asked.

  “Nobody,” Brianna hurried to say.

  “Liar,” Brandon teased. “You know you like Halston.”

  “I don’t! And I wish you would stop saying that.”

  “Yes, you do. You’ve been liking Halston ever since we were in elementary school. Admit it, girl.”

  “Whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes at him.

  “Okay, that’s enough,” Charisse interrupted.

  Brandon laughed in a taunting way and Brianna made a face at her brother.

  “You are so childish to be in the eighth grade,” Brianna continued.

  “And you’re too silly to be in the seventh,” he shot back.

  “You make me so sick, Brandon.”

  “You’re just mad because I busted you out about that boy in front of Mom and Dad.”

  “You didn’t bust me out about anything. So, now.”

  “I said, that’s enough,” Charisse added.

  “Sorry, Mom,” Brandon apologized.

  Brianna didn’t say anything one way or the other.

  “Did the two of you finish your homework?” Charisse asked.

  “Yes,” Brandon answered.

  Charisse waited for her daughter to respond but she didn’t.

  “Brianna, did you hear me?”

  “I finished my homework right after school the same as I always do.”

  “Are you getting smart with me?”

  “No. I just answered your question.”

  Her tone was curt, and Charisse had to stop herself from grabbing her out of that chair. Ever since Brianna had turned twelve, their relationship had become a fiasco. Of course, by no means had they ever been close, not even when Brianna was a small child, but now things were much worse.

  As of late, Brianna rarely smiled, she seemed almost irritated whenever Charisse said anything to her, and she was, for the most part, cocky. Although since she was Daddy’s little girl, she never treated her father that way, but acted as if Charisse was her enemy. To be honest, Charisse felt the exact same way about her daughter. She wasn’t proud of it, but she wished with everything she had that Brianna had never been born.

  The Richardson family quietly ate their food until Marvin broke the silence.

  “One of my coworkers is leaving the company and we’re giving him a send-off celebration after work.”

  “Really?” Charisse said. “And where is this send-off?”

  “At Tommy’s.”

  “The sports bar?”

  “Yep.”

  “And you think that’s the right kind of place for a Christian man to be hanging out at?”

  “I don’t know whether it is or not, but I’m going.”

  “Oh, is that right? But you can’t go to Bible study on Wednesday nights, though?”

  Marvin drank more of his juice and picked up another section of the newspaper, openly ignoring her.

  Charisse wished he was dead. He was so different now that he’d been promoted to area manager at the gas company and was now making noticeably more money—even more than she made as a surgical nurse. It was almost as if that little job of his had gone straight to his head and that he thought he could say or do whatever he wanted. He didn’t even go to church on Sundays anymore. Not to mention he acted as though he despised her, and he barely said more than a few words to her on any given day. Which was why it was hard to believe there had been a time when he had done any and everything she’d told him to do, no matter what that any and everything had been. For fifteen years she’d been able to control him completely, but now that control was nonexistent. It was almost as if she was married to a total stranger who didn’t care about her in the least.

  The children glanced at each other and Charisse got up from the table and went over to the sink.

  “You guys had better finish up,” Marvin said. “Your bus will be here in fifteen minutes.”

  “Okay, Daddy,” Brianna said, smiling.

  Charisse hated both of them—her husband and her daughter.

  “Dad, are you coming to my game tomorrow?” Brandon asked.

  “Of course. You know I don’t miss any of your games.”

  “And we’re still going to the high school game on Friday, right?”

  “Yep.”

  “I wanna go, too,” Brianna said.

  “Girl, football games are for men,” Brandon bragged.

  “Then why are you going?” she spat.

  “Just shut up, Brianna.”

  “Didn’t I say that was enough?!” Charisse yelled. “All you two ever do is argue, and I’m sick of it.”

  Brianna stood up and kissed her father on the cheek. “Bye, Daddy.

  “See you, Pops.” Brandon balled his hand into a fist and bumped it against his dad’s.

  “You guys have a good day in
school.”

  Brandon pecked Charisse on the cheek. “Bye, Mom.”

  “See you when you get home,” Charisse said, but her heart wasn’t in it. She loved her children—well at least she loved Brandon, but right now she was more concerned about Marvin and his decision to go out partying.

  “Well, I guess I’m out of here, too,” he said, standing.

  “You know, Marvin, you and I really need to talk. Things are very different between us and I’m not the least bit happy about it.”

  “The only difference is that I’m not letting you treat me like a child anymore.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Charisse, don’t even get me started.”

  “No. I want you to tell me what you mean.”

  “I’d really rather not.”

  “Look, Marvin. I want to know why you’re acting like this and I want to know now.”

  “Okay, fine. You wanna know why? Well, for one, you’ve always told me where I could go, where I couldn’t go, and pretty much how I should feel about everything. You even hated Ronnie and Charles even though you knew they were like brothers to me. You were so short with them every time they called that they finally just stopped calling altogether. And of course, whenever I wanted to go visit ether of them, you always went into a rage. So, even though I didn’t want to lose their friendship, I decided that our marriage and your happiness were more important. But even worse was the way you ruined the close relationship I had with my parents. You never liked them from day one and you did everything you could to keep me away from them. But in all fairness to you, I take the blame for that because it was I who allowed you to treat them so terribly. I will never forgive myself for letting you schedule that trip to Jamaica when you knew it was the same weekend as their fortieth wedding anniversary. And to think I was stupid enough to go along with what you wanted just so you wouldn’t be upset with me.”

  “I can’t believe you’re saying all this.” Charisse tried explaining, but she knew he was telling the truth about everything. She truly hadn’t liked his parents, his friends, or anyone else who had tried to interfere in their lives. She’d wanted their lives to be only about the two of them, and if it hadn’t been for her belief that God wanted women and men to procreate, she never would have considered having children either. It was also the reason she’d only wanted one child and not the two she’d ended up with.