Changing Faces

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  I stepped into the shower and closed the glass and chrome door behind me. The water was hotter than most people could stand, but I loved it. I stood there, savoring every moment, turning slowly, making a 360-degree turn. I did this for five to six minutes and then opened the shower gel.

  I squirted it into the palm of my hands and rubbed it across my body. I started at my shoulders and moved down to my toes. The smell was most satisfying and I didn’t want this to end.

  Next, I rinsed off the gel, opened the jar of scrub, scooped out a portion, and massaged every area. My body always felt smooth whenever I used this. When I finished, I rinsed off the residue and turned off the water. Then I dried my body and sprayed mist over it. Afterward, I sealed everything I’d used with lotion. There was nothing like layering any sweet-smelling scent.

  As I reentered the bedroom, I tied my robe the rest of the way and jumped when I saw Rico sitting at the foot of my king-size bed.

  My first thought was to ask him what he was doing, but when I tried, nothing came out. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was terribly in shock or if it was because I didn’t mind him being there.

  “I hope you don’t think I’m trying to use you or disrespect you because I’m not. But the truth of the matter is, I wanna make love to you.”

  I guess he was a lot more straightforward than I realized. He’d told me that from the start, but I certainly hadn’t expected anything like this.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asked.

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t know. That you want me just as badly or that you want me to get out. Because I’ll understand either way and I won’t be upset with you.”

  “The problem I have with this is that we don’t know each other. And I don’t want to be in some wham, bam, thank you ma’am situation come tomorrow morning.”

  “And I promise you, it won’t be that way. I’m really and truly attracted to you and I’d like us to keep seeing each other long after tonight is over with,” he said, standing and walking toward me.

  My nerves went haywire and Rico must have noticed.

  “Why are you so uncomfortable? Is it your weight? Because I’m telling you, I don’t have any issues with that. If you want to know the truth, I’m fascinated by it. I’ve always wanted to date someone your size, but you’re the first person to catch my eye like this,” he confessed, and grabbed both sides of my face. “You really are beautiful, Whitney, and don’t ever let anyone tell you different.”

  Then he kissed me slowly and gently. I kissed him back and after seconds we kissed rough and uncontrollably. We kissed just the way I liked it and I wanted him. I needed him to make love to me immediately.

  But Rico had other plans.

  He backed away, untied the belt to my robe, and stared at me seductively. I was feeling self-conscious again, but not as much as before. Within seconds he took me into his arms and kissed me again. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I wrapped mine around his neck. He kissed my neck in all the right places, caressed my breasts, and then rubbed his hand back and forth between my legs.

  I squirmed and moaned and pleaded with him to take me. But he wouldn’t.

  Instead, he kneeled to the floor and looked up at me.

  I knew what he wanted me to do but I didn’t have the heart to tell him: I couldn’t spread my legs unless I lay on the bed. It was the only possible way with all the fat surrounding them.

  But Rico didn’t care about any of that and quickly found his way to my glory. Surprisingly, I opened my legs farther than I’d thought I could.

  I rested my hands on his shoulders and whimpered like a child. Real tears actually fell down my face. The feeling was that ridiculously wonderful.

  When I felt myself preparing to explode, I held his head with my right hand.

  When it happened, I screamed at the top of my lungs and cried even harder.

  Rico stood up and smiled at me, but he never said a word. He led me to the bed and I pulled back the rich purple duvet and tossed the matching throw pillows anywhere they wanted to land.

  “Still think I’m just here to use you?” he asked.

  At this point, I didn’t care if he was or not. But I shook my head negatively and lay on my back.

  Rico undressed his well-cut body and I learned very quickly why his hands and feet were so big.

  I opened my legs, Rico lay on top of me and then slid inside. He moved in and out, slowly at first and then picking up speed. Now, he moaned with me.

  “Oh.” He sighed.

  “Is it good to you, baby?” I asked.

  “The best,” he answered, groaning.

  I bent my knees and Rico plowed into me even farther. He worked fast, rocking back and forth, and I gyrated my pelvis forcefully.

  “Oh shoot,” he spoke loudly. “Oh…my…goodness.”

  He breathed heavily and relaxed his body.

  He lay there for a while and then raised his head up and moved to the side of me.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Was it worth it?”

  I chuckled. “Do you really need me to answer that?”

  “I guess not. And I meant what I said. You are the best. I don’t know if I’ve ever been with a woman who felt this good.”

  “Maybe it’s the cellulite,” I joked.

  He couldn’t help laughing. “Are you always this critical of yourself?” he said, smoothing down my hair.

  “I don’t want to be, but sometimes it’s better to make fun of myself so that I won’t have to wait for other people to do it. Sometimes it’s better to beat ’em to the punch.”

  “You should give yourself a lot more credit. You’re a good person, and whether you realize it or not, you have a lot to offer.”

  “Like what?”

  “You’re smart, you have a good career, you own this immaculate home, and I can tell you have a big heart.”

  “But I’m still overweight.”

  “And?”

  “And I don’t want to be.”

  “But you’re working on it, though, right?”

  “Yeah, but I’ve got this class reunion coming up in eight weeks and I don’t want to look like this.”

  “So, what’s the plan? I know you’re watching your carbs, but what else?”

  “I ordered this workout program.”

  “Well, the bottom line is that you have to stay conscious of it every day. You have to wake up thinking about the proper food you’re going to eat and what workout you’re going to do. It has to become the most important thing in your life.”

  “I know, but that’s still easier said than done.”

  “You want me to help you?”

  I turned to look at him.

  “I’m serious,” he said. “You want me to?”

  “You would do that?”

  “Without a doubt. I know you ordered some program, but why don’t I just train you at the health club three to four times a week?”

  “Okay. And I’ll pay you if you want.”

  “This is payment enough,” he said, stroking my breasts.

  “Will you stop?” I said, blushing.

  “Why don’t we start tomorrow?”

  “Right after work?”

  “Yep. The same time you came this evening, because that way I can get my own workout in before you get there.”

  “Okay, Rico, when do I wake up and what is it that you really want from me?”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because this is too good to be true.”

  “Why? Because we met only a few hours ago and we already had sex?”

  “No. Because I weigh two hundred and fifty pounds and you can have any skinny woman you want.”

  “But I don’t want just any woman. I’m interested in you.”

  I sighed deeply.

  “You’ll see,” he said. “Come next year this time, you’ll see that I’m still here.”

  Then he mo
ved on top of me and said, “By the way, what color suit do you want me to wear to this class reunion of yours?”

  Now I knew what heaven must have felt like.

  Chapter 14

  CHARISSE

  MARVIN, WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE?” Charisse asked, holding him around his waist.

  “Time.”

  “How much time?”

  “I don’t know. I guess we’ve been through so much that I’m just not attracted to you anymore. I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings, but I need to be honest with you.”

  “But I love you, Marvin. I’ve always loved you.”

  “But you haven’t always acted like it. You treated me like I was beneath you, and over a period of time, I started to hate you for it. And then last week when I told you I was going out, you hauled off and slapped me. And pushed me into the wall.”

  “I know, I know. And I’m sorry. Sometimes I get so angry that I blow things out of proportion.”

  “Well, it can’t ever happen again.”

  “It won’t. I promise.”

  Marvin moved his wife’s arms away from him and walked away.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To get dressed for work.”

  “Why don’t you stay home so we can talk?”

  “I can’t. I have a full calendar today.”

  “What about lunch?”

  “I thought you were meeting Taylor and Whitney.”

  “I’m supposed to but they’ll understand if I can’t make it.”

  “No, you go, because I’ll be too busy. The most I’ll have time for is to get something from the cafeteria.”

  Marvin closed the bathroom door and Charisse heard him turn on the shower.

  Asshole.

  Today was Wednesday, only three days since Marvin had revealed what he knew about that policy, and already she was sick of begging and pleading. She was sick of lying, faking, and pretending that she loved him when deep down she wanted him dead.

  But her hands were tied. She wasn’t sure how this was all going to play out, but she was smart enough to know that she had to feign her affection toward him, otherwise he would tell her mother everything. Even now, Charisse still hadn’t accepted what was happening to her. She’d spent hours on Sunday afternoon, again all day Monday and most of yesterday, trying to figure out how she’d lost control of her marriage. And when had she lost it? And when exactly had Marvin wised up? And found the balls to stand up to her? He had always been such a pathetic little wimp, and now he was acting like king of the jungle. He acted as though the entire world was his and he could do whatever he wanted with it.

  And she’d even had to force a relationship with Brianna, something she’d never had to do before. Although she had to admit, it wasn’t as bad as pretending with Marvin. With him, she had to pretend like she wanted him sexually when she didn’t. Once upon a time, she’d wanted him to make love to her every other day and she’d told him exactly how to do it. She’d told him which way to move, at what speed, and when he could finally release himself. Their lovemaking had always been on her terms and her terms only.

  But now things were different. Temporary, she reminded herself, but definitely very different. Meaning, she would continue to beg and plead until she arrived at a permanent solution. She would walk the walk and talk the talk but her thinking would not be in agreement. She would play the perfect wife until she found a way to get rid of him. She would do it without serving one day in prison.

  Charisse left the bedroom and walked into Brianna’s.

  “Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” she told her daughter.

  Brianna pulled the covers closer to her neck but didn’t say anything. She looked dumbfounded.

  “Do you have anything in your dirty clothes basket?”

  “Yes,” Brianna said timidly, and looked toward the closet.

  Charisse could tell she didn’t know what to think or why her mother was treating her so nicely.

  It was time Charisse set her mind at ease.

  “Look, Brianna,” she said, sitting down on the bed. “I know we’ve never been all that close and that I haven’t been the mother I should’ve been, but those days are no more. What I want is for us to start doing things together and for you to realize that you can come to me about anything.”

  Brianna didn’t move or blink.

  “I mean it, honey. I don’t want us at each other’s throats the way we have been. You’re my baby and I love you.”

  Charisse was so good that she’d almost fooled herself. She deserved an Academy Award for this one.

  But Brianna did something she wasn’t expecting.

  “Mom, I’m so sorry,” she said, coming from under the covers, practically leaping across the bed and hugging Charisse. She sobbed and wouldn’t let go.

  Charisse hugged her back but she wasn’t sure what to do next. Charisse’s mother had never hugged her and she would never approve of what she and Brianna were doing now. This was such uncommon ground compared to what Charisse had been used to. Compared to what she had been taught when she was growing up.

  “Mom, I love you, too. I’ve always loved you, but I thought you didn’t love me. You always act like you hate me.”

  Charisse didn’t know what to say but for whatever reason she squeezed Brianna tighter. She pretended that she was Brianna and that Brianna was her mother. She closed her eyes and imagined her mother holding her in her arms more than thirty years ago. She pretended how happy those times had been. She imagined a life where there had been no beatings, no yelling, and no ridiculing. She pictured a life where her parents had loved each other and had never had an argument.

  Charisse smiled and rocked back and forth with her mother but then reality set in. She remembered the extension cord, the back of her hand, and even, once, a baseball bat. She remembered all the horrible things her mother had done to her, and when she opened her eyes and saw Brianna, she burst into tears. She stared at her daughter, shook her head in confusion, and ran into the hallway.

  She hurried down the stairs and into the basement so that Marvin wouldn’t see her. She sat on the bottom step and wailed hysterically. She wailed as if she were going insane.

  But Charisse had experienced bouts like this before and she knew how to handle it.

  “Dear God, please give me strength. Please help me to understand why Mother was always so cruel to me. Help me to understand why I am the way I am and why I’ve done so many terrible things. Lord, please, please, forgive me—especially for the way I treated my brother. I didn’t mean it, Lord, but I was so tired of Mother bragging about him and all his money and then saying that I should be more like him. Lord, I was tired of her loving him and not me. Lord, please help me to be a better person.”

  Charisse sat for a few minutes, wiped her tears away with her hands, and walked back upstairs. She went into the powder room and splashed cold water across her face. She dried it with a napkin and went into the kitchen.

  She pulled herself together and did what she did every Wednesday.

  She fixed breakfast for her family.

  Chapter 15

  WHITNEY

  TAYLOR WAS ALREADY sitting at the table when I walked inside Ambrosio’s. I still wasn’t all that ready to mingle with Charisse, but Taylor wouldn’t have it any other way. She’d made it clear that she expected to see me or else. I’m not sure what the “else” actually meant, probably nothing, but I’d still shown up.

  I walked over to the table and hugged her.

  “Hey, Whit,” Taylor said. “I’m glad you decided to come.”

  “I am, too. Where’s Charisse?”

  “She called to say she was running a few minutes late, but I’m sure she’ll be here soon.”

  “Then that gives me time to tell you my news. I wanted to tell you yesterday, but you were so busy in court that I decided to wait.”

  “What is it?”

  “I met somebody.”

  “Really?” As always, Taylor was noticeably
excited for me.

  “Yes. And he is a dream come true, girl.”

  “Oh my God. Where did you meet him?”

  “At the health club. He was there Monday night and he just started talking to me.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Rico Anderson.”

  “Is he Puerto Rican?”

  “I asked him the same thing, but no.”

  “So, have you gone out with him, did you see him yesterday, what? And now that I think about it, you’re actually glowing.”

  “And for good reason, too. Girl, the man made love to me so brilliantly that I can barely think straight. He’s an absolute master at it. And he did it two nights in a row!”

  “Is he from Chicago? What does he do for a living?”

  “He’s from Chicago Heights and he’s an accountant for AIC. And T, he doesn’t even care about my weight. At first, I didn’t believe him, but after last night I’m really starting to think he means it. And he’s even showing me the proper way to work out.”

  “That’s wonderful, Whit. I am so happy for you.”’

  I could tell Taylor wanted to cry. The woman was my rock. Chronologically, we were the same age, but Taylor had been born with a very old soul and sometimes I looked up to her like a mother.

  “I gotta tell you, though, I keep waiting for the bomb to drop. Because I just don’t want to believe a man that looks that good could want to be with me.”

  “Well, I say enjoy the moment. If it lasts forever, then great. But even if it doesn’t, you’re happy with him now and that’s what’s important.”

  “I agree.”

  “I can’t wait to meet him.”

  “What I’ll probably do is invite you, Cameron, Ms. Thing, and Marvin over for dinner one Saturday.”