They Drink it in the Congo

by Adam Brace

Victor Madam, not all diaspora are the same.

  Stef We can’t have a Congolese festival that excludes the voices of the Congolese, especially when we call it CongoVoice.

  Anne-Marie (chuckling) That would be really stupid.

  Jenny We didn’t call it that.

  Stef No alright, I did. Let’s vote on it.

  One-third Congolese on the Steering Committee? In favour.

  A majority of hands go up. Stef scans them.

  Poppy (voice-over) I’m putting my hand up, by the way.

  Stef That’s passed. It’s not a drastic thing, if we continue as we are we’re fine: nine people, we have three Congolese, that’s a third.

  Anne-Marie No. Samo is not Congolese.

  Stef Oh. God, I’m so sorry.

  Samo I am from Uganda, but we of course have interest in the issue of child soldiers.

  Stef Of course, sorry, I shouldn’t have presumed.

  Samo It’s fine. I can’t tell always Welsh and whatnot.

  Stef No, but. I should’ve known.

  We don’t quite have one-third Congolese. But by next meeting, that will change.

  Jenny I hope your confidence is well placed, Stephanie, I really do.

  Stef Thanks, Jenny, I’m sure we all value that positivity.

  A word about the press launch. Anne-Marie and I will present. I know that a lot of you can’t be there but it is being live-streamed so please tweet about it and retweet us we are already at 1,100 followers which is a start / but we can

  Tony Tell them about Harry

  Stef (shoots Tony a look) Well, I don’t want to make too much of it, but one of our followers is the British Oscar winner Harry Jandrell, who Tony and I were at university with.

  Jenny One celebrity follower does not a campaign make.

  Stef And as you’ll see I’m not suggesting it does.

  Oudry Social Media Policy: Moving Beyond Virtue Signalling.

  Jenny So we’re beyond getting likes and follows are we?

  Stef No, but we want to convert them into active engagement. People in rooms, making positive investments. Not just retweeting us to signal their virtue to others.

  Jenny And are you seriously suggesting we don’t use viral content?

  Stef I’m suggesting videos instantly shared and instantly forgotten don’t work. Kony2012

  Oudry Core Campaign Themes.

  Stef The campaign will make consistent advocacy messages.

  Fred Yep.

  Stef Obviously for some this is second nature – are we happy with our themes? A?

  Oudry Women: victims of war. Rape as a weapon. Representation.

  Anne-Marie Absolutely.

  Stef Great, B?

  Oudry Children: child soldiers. Mortality rate.

  Samo Very good.

  Stef Finally C?

  Oudry Natural resources.

  Stef So they’re the core themes, what I’d like / to do now

  Poppy (voice-over) Just to clarify, do natural resources include gorillas?

  Glances exchanged.

  Jenny They don’t.

  Stef I s’pose strictly speaking they could?

  Fred We-ell, not really.

  Poppy (voice-over) Why not?

  Fred In Congo the natural resources we’re talking about are gold, diamonds, coltan, cassiterite, tin, uh tungsten. Mined at great human cost and used by multinationals to make the world’s technology.

  Poppy (voice-over) I agree it’s terrible, but I haven’t heard anything about gorillas.

  Jenny I think it could be confusing, conflict minerals, and then gorillas tacked on the end.

  Fred Yeah, I don’t think it / helps us

  Poppy (voice-over) That kind of makes me wonder why I’m here.

  Tony Flakey babysitter, wasn’t it?

  Poppy (voice-over) We want assurance today that part of the advocacy agenda, probably natural resources, must be ape-related.

  Fred That’d be diluting our message on conflict minerals and we’d walk.

  Anne-Marie You love apes so much, where is your love for the naked ape?

  Stef We will try to accommodate everyone.

  Poppy (voice-over) Well, I think the festival is trying to secure our funding without granting proportional advocacy points and I’m afraid we’d walk too.

  Stef Well I’m afraid that in light of five million dead and mass rapes every week, we might not be able to lead on gorillas in the mist.

  Poppy (voice-over) Whose voice was that? Was that the co-ordinator?!

  Jenny I’m afraid it was.

  Fred More a case of ‘Gorillas will be missed’.

  Tony Very strong, Fred.

  Poppy (voice-over) Look, I’m under strict instructions. I can’t spend our 20K like this. Good luck, guys.

  Oudry Signing off.

  Fred We meeting next week then or should I not hold my breath?

  Jenny We don’t currently have a functioning committee, we don’t have one-third Congolese and we’ve just lost twenty thousand pounds.

  Stef We will have the numbers we need. And the finances.

  Don’t delete it from your diaries. Let’s move on.

  SEVEN

  HOW LONG HAVE YOU GOT?

  Outside. Morning. Stef is tapping on her tablet.

  Oudry CongoVoice Twitter: watch our campaign launch this morning on Periscope live from Westminster. We want your questions for the Q’n’A!

  Tweet.

  She swipes and begins reading. She could be walking? Or waiting?

  Crazy Celebrity Sideboob: Red Carpet Special.

  She swipes again.

  Editorial: luxury technology is enhancing our lives.

  It is changing our conception of who we are.

  Stef is being watched.

  Phones and tablets are sold to us as having souls. Like the power figures Nkishi – objects inhabited by fetish spirits in the Congo basin – they appear to contain life. Not simply objects made with human energy. From lifeless matter sourced with exploited labour.

  But as something that has human energy itself.

  A man in a mask walks straight up to Stef and throws a waterbomb at her.

  She screams. The man runs. Maybe pedestrians react in confusion?

  Stef is left covered in a red liquid. Her skin is stained red. She is helped away.

  A conference room. Tony is directing Kat on a raised platform.

  Tony Okay now, let’s hear Stef’s mic. Now Anne-Marie’s.

  Bit less gain on that. Nice.

  Anne-Marie enters.

  Anne-Marie Scarf? Or no scarf?

  Tony For the launch probably no scarf, but it is a very nice scarf.

  You look absolutely right. Elegant, distinguished.

  Kat, can you check if Stef’s come through reception. She’s not answering.

  Kat leaves.

  Y’know nerves are actually our body’s way of providing us with focus.

  Anne-Marie I’m not nervous.

  Tony So Stephanie tells me you’re a scientist

  Anne-Marie I am trying to finish a PhD, if that makes me a scientist.

  Tony What’s your field?

  Anne-Marie It’s a very small field.

  Tony But the small field is in a bigger field, right?

  Anne-Marie Always.

  Tony So what’s the bigger field?

  Anne-Marie Pain.

  Tony Pain? Pain is a big field. What sort of pain do you look at? Back pain? Front pain? Thomas Paine?

  Anne-Marie (dry) Well, I can see you have a science background.

  Tony Hey, do you know the best sort of pain to look at?

  Anne-Marie I would say, the pain of the rich.

  Tony Ha. That’s very good.

  That’s actually better than what I was gonna say.

  Anne-Marie What were you going to say?

  Tony No, don’t worry, it’s definitely better.

  Anne-Marie (laughs) Well I don’t study rich pain sadly, I am investigating neural c
orrelates of interindividual differences in the subjective experience of pain.

  Tony Bit of an obvious choice. Got long left?

  Anne-Marie I have a daughter, I care for my father so

  Tony So might take a while then?

  Anne-Marie Sadly, I think so

  Tony Sounds painful.

  Anne-Marie laughs.

  You actually laugh at my jokes.

  Anne-Marie Yes, I was laughing because you thought it was funny.

  Stef enters hurriedly, a scarf wrapped around her face.

  Stef Guys. Don’t freak out.

  Stef removes the scarf.

  Tony Fuck, are you alright

  Anne-Marie Eh

  Stef I’ve been sprayed with red ink or something, it’s okay, don’t freak out

  Kat enters and sees Stef.

  Kat Ohmygod, are you alright?

  Anne-Marie Are you in pain?

  Kat D’you need an ambulance?

  Tony Who did it!

  Stef No, but it seems like it’s stained me.

  Tony Who did it?

  Stef A man.

  Tony A black man?

  Kat and Anne-Marie can’t help looking at him.

  Well, it’s a fair question.

  Stef I don’t know, his face was hidden.

  Kat Have you called the police?

  Anne-Marie Wait. I know this.

  Anne-Marie sniffs the liquid.

  Yes, it’s Eosin.

  Stef What’s that?

  Anne-Marie It’s disinfectant, the Belgians use. On wounded children.

  This was Les Combattants.

  But you will be fine, it will make a stain for a few days.

  Stef A few days.

  Tony Fuckers

  Stef First I thought it was acid, then I thought maybe fake blood.

  Then I didn’t know what to think

  Kat Did you call the police?

  Stef I came straight here, because of the launch.

  Tony Forget about the press launch!

  Stef No, I can do it.

  Anne-Marie Of course we must cancel.

  Stef We can’t.

  Tony We can.

  Stef We’ll lose the press. It’s hard enough getting them here once, to then say not today someone’s got red shit on their face

  Anne-Marie Eosin.

  Stef If we postpone, we won’t get exposure, we’re finished.

  Anne-Marie No, Stephanie.

  Stef After the first minute everyone will get used to it.

  They look at her sceptically.

  Well I am doing it and you’re all gonna have to lump it.

  Tony Stef, if it’s being filmed, periscoped and photographed – the story will change from the campaign to ‘Charity woman attacked with red whatever’

  Anne-Marie Eosin.

  Tony The story belongs to the fuckers who did it. And it might even scare more people off.

  Stef

  My God, I hate it when you’re right.

  Anne-Marie I do it alone.

  Stef Anne-Marie. We can’t.

  Anne-Marie It’s called CongoVoice. I am Congolese, I have a voice.

  Stef This event is for a British audience. We need to present it as a partnership. Congolese diaspora and British NGOs with Parliament

  Tony What about Huw Bennion?

  Stef He’s in Wales.

  Tony What does the person actually need to do?

  Kat (to Stef) Just chair the event, introduce the campaign, right?

  Stef We’ve got African, British African journalists out there. I’d suggest you, Tony, if you didn’t know absolutely fuck all about Congo.

  Tony I know what they don’t drink.

  Look I should do this. How much do I really need to know?

  Stef The history of the problems of the Congo.

  Tony Right. All of them?

  Stef Unless you want to insult people with your ignorance and ruin our campaign.

  Tony But that’s the only obstacle to me doing it?

  Stef Well, I mean. Probably, but it’s a pretty serious / obstacle

  Anne-Marie One of the steering committee? Jenny?

  They all look to Stef.

  Stef Jenny Walton, who wants my job?

  Anne-Marie She has experience. Always near Westminster.

  Stef We could we could call her but, I mean, it might confuse the press about who was co-ordinating the whole –

  She gets her smartphone out.

  Of course. Of course we should call her.

  Oudry Calling: Jenny Human Rights Monitor.

  Tony Y’know what, I’m good at stuff like this

  Oudry Answerphone.

  Stef Jenny, it’s Stephanie Cartwright, if you’re anywhere near the press launch do urgently come and find us.

  Anne-Marie Okay, and what about Kat?

  They all look at Kat. Kat almost physically hides.

  Kat I can’t speak in front of people.

  Tony I’ll do it – I’m actually better under pressure than Stef

  Stef Bullshit

  Tony Like when I did that bungee jump.

  Anne-Marie You don’t know Congo.

  Stef You did a bungee jump?

  Tony You watched me

  Stef No

  Tony For your college charity.

  Stef I can’t imagine you doing a bungee jump

  Tony You don’t have to imagine it because you watched me.

  Anne-Marie Who is my partner for this launch?

  Tony How long have we got?

  Stef Ten minutes.

  Kat We need to give them five to set up.

  Tony So, fire away then. Whenever I ask about the problems of Congo everyone says, ‘How long have you got?’ Well, I’ve got five minutes.

  Kat Four and a half

  Tony I work with lobbyists, I pick up stuff quickly. Just tell me the problems of Congo in four and half minutes.

  Stef and Anne-Marie look at each other. Anne-Marie is unhappy but relents.

  Stef Kat, grab any interns you can see and forcibly drag them in here.

  Kat has gone.

  So. Where do we start? Rwandan genocide in 1994

  Anne-Marie No we cannot start there.

  Stef Alright, when the Belgians left in 1960

  Anne-Marie We cannot start there

  Stef Where do we start?

  Anne-Marie Portugese arrive in Congo 1482

  Stef Je / sus

  Tony Fuck’s sake

  Anne-Marie Important because: Portugese say Kongo kingdom is well-developed.

  Then (claps) everything change – sixteenth century, slave-traders

  Stef We might need to jump forward

  Anne-Marie Already this is a white history for you

  Tony But we’re talking about the problems now though.

  Anne-Marie That’s right. We are.

  Slave-traders, first Portuguese then Dutch then you English then French, steal Congolais men to sell to work them to death.

  Then comes Leopold.

  Intern enters. Everyone turns to look at her.

  Intern Kat said to come in here. (Of Stef’s face.) Jesus, are you okay?

  Stef could hand her a sheet of card and write ‘L’ on it – or some other visual aid.

  Stef Fine. You are now King Leopold. You’re a big Belgian with a beard and you never go to Africa but you own a huge bit of it. Stand on that chair which is Congo. Hold this.

  Anne-Marie Congo Free State

  Stef New name: write that, Intern.

  Anne-Marie 1885 – Leopold takes rubber, uses forced labour. There is slaughter

  Stef Ten million killed

  Anne-Marie Fifteen million, more

  Stef Well, numbers up in the air.

  Anne-Marie Hands cut off

  Stef Yep, amputation policy, for slow workers, Belgian officers rewarded for the number of hands they brought back.

  Intern This is horrible.

  Anne-Marie So first resource taken was men,
then it was rubber, then palm oil.

  Stef So, Tony, the line on Belgian colonialists is pretty clear.

  Anne-Marie Worst colonial rule.

  Tony Ever?

  Stef Probably.

  Anne-Marie Certainly.

  Tony It’s rare the Belgians are the best at anything

  Stef (to Anne-Marie) Anything else?

  Tony Chocolates. Arguably paedophilia.

  Anne-Marie But not just the Belgians who benefit.

  Stef The slave trade powers London, Bristol, Liverpool. Congo rubber for our bicycles, cars, industrial fan belts

  Anne-Marie Congo copper drives your industrial revolution. Just like Congo minerals are drive China’s / right now

  Tony But sorry – the genocide in ’94

  Anne-Marie But that is because the colonialists make the Tutsi the favourite.

  Kat enters.

  Kat I can’t find anyone else.

  Tony Time?

  Kat Two, three minutes at a push.

  Stef Kat, can you come here and be the Tutsis, please.

  (To Intern.) And you’re the Hutus.

  Anne-Marie Colonial Europeans think Tutsi are better because they are taller and have more light skin.

  Stef Swap!

  The interns swap roles.

  Anne-Marie Because Tutsi farm cow and are not nomadic, like Hutu.

  Kat So I’m Hutu and I’m nomadic and I’m worse

  Intern And I’m Tutsi and I’ve got cows

  Stef Cows were everything, wealth, prestige, power – more protein.

  Tony And why’s this relevant?

  Anne-Marie Europeans measure height, noses, skulls to see who is Hutu and Tutsi.

  Stef Bigger skull bigger brain they thought.

  Kat So the difference with Tutsi and Hutu is really more from Europe?

  Stef You could even move between them. Before they were given racial ID cards.

  Tony The Hutus and Tutsis were made into enemies by Europeans?

  Anne-Marie Not quite so simple.

  Stef But pretty much.

  Tony Why don’t I know about that?

  Anne-Marie Who likes to learn the bad history?

  Stef So jumping forward to Rwanda in ’94 these tensions / erupted

  Anne-Marie No. Congolese independence, 1960. Patrice Lumumba: the only truly elected leader of Congo.