Rock My World

by Coulter, Sharisse

  It had been six years since she’d seen her father in person, until 24 hours ago when she had knocked on his glass windowed front door. The heavy Florida air choked the pleasantries out of her as quickly as it released the unruly nest of curls she so avidly straightened each day.

  “Erica!” Her father exclaimed, pulling her into a bear hug, as though this were a happy social visit. She pushed out a hand and walked past him, taking in the modern glass living room with its uninterrupted ocean view.

  “It’s Airika now.” She said, over-enunciating the “air.” His face fell. She pretended not to notice. “So what do I have to do this time?” She said, walking toward the clear wall, keeping her distance.

  “Can you stay long?” He asked.

  “This isn’t a family reunion. We’re not hanging out. Ira summoned me,” she said, looking around for her father’s lawyer. “What did you do this time?”

  “I … I didn’t do anything, sweetheart. It’s just a misunderstanding. That’s all.”

  “Mmhmm, aren’t they all,” she said, her eyes never meeting his.

  “How have you been? How’s Zachary?” He asked, changing the subject.

  “Don’t pretend you’re the concerned father type. It’s condescending. What, exactly, do I have to do?”

  As if on cue, Ira Stearn entered the room wearing a white linen suit, complete with Panama hat. All he was missing were a few gold chains and a henchman. As the most notorious attorney for the rich and famous trying to circumvent scandals, this little piece of business was mere child’s play.

  Ira set a crisp white piece of paper on the table in front of her relaxing into a plush leather armchair. He puffed a cigar. She scanned the letter, knowing she’d sign it regardless of its content. It wasn’t her first time. For an absent father, the doctor had quite the collection of character references from her. If someone were just to read through them they would think theirs was an idyllic relationship. His probation officer probably thought she worshiped the ground he walked on. This time was different. In exchange for her trust fund (which kept her moderately successful business afloat) she had to convince her star client not to press charges against her father, who was accused of botching the star’s mother’s boob job. “Why sixty year-old women feel the need to bother, is beyond me,” she said to no one in particular. That was beside the point.

  Normally these little ready-to-sign letters came in the mail with a check and she needn’t bother herself with the particulars. This time, however, it directly interfered with her life and she couldn’t stymie the flood of memories. And resentment. If it weren’t for a lifetime of these scenarios, Airika would still have a mother. For all the dirt she had on these two schemers, they better stop treating her like a child begging for her allowance. If they didn’t start paying her some respect … well, she’d finish that threat if she really needed to.

  Blackmail wasn’t the most endearing quality in a father, but she couldn’t afford to give up her birthright because of his transgressions. That was the word her mother used to use. It was a five-dollar word for “whores,” of which there were many.

  “You have my money?” She asked in a flat tone. Ira indicated the kitchen counter with a flick of his cigar. Her father sat, like a naughty child, with his hands flat on his thighs, eyes on the floor. He couldn’t even bribe her himself, she mused, sliding the thick envelope into her purse. That’s the kind of father he was.

  The roar of the engine pulled her from her contemplation and, as the plane sped down the runway, her champagne rattled dangerously close to the edge of her tray. She caught it just in time to narrowly avoid ruining her favorite silk blouse. She couldn’t be sure but she thought she saw the flight attendant smirk as she buckled herself in for takeoff.

  “Airika, doll, last minute appearance booked in Seattle. Need a consult ASAP. There’s a car waiting.”

  Airika deleted Simon’s message as she breezed past baggage claim to the uniformed driver holding a card up that read “A. Thomas.” She handed him her bag, not looking up from her phone. He mumbled something to her, which she ignored, getting into the backseat of the Town Car.

  She spotted Alex immediately, sitting alone at a table outside a trendy looking restaurant. As she approached the table, she noticed his posture tense, which both saddened her and turned her on (as his muscles became more pronounced through his thin t-shirt).

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Hey,” he said, not looking up at her.

  “Where’s Simon?” She asked, looking around before pulling out a chair opposite Alex.

  “On a call. He’ll be right back.”

  They sat in complete silence for many minutes until she couldn’t take it any longer.

  “Look, I know you hate me,” she started, studying him for any sign of it not being true. “And you have every right to.” He raised his eyebrows in agreement, still studying his menu. “But the thing is, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I put you in this position. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I hurt Jenna.” She could feel her hands shaking and she clenched them together to keep calm. Alex finally looked up from his menu. He sat back in his chair, not saying anything.

  “I can see now that I misinterpreted things between us. I just thought … after that trip to Barcelona … that you … felt the same about me.” She forced herself to say it, and now it was her turn to avoid looking at him. When he didn’t respond, she added, “Because I love you. I always have. And I wish I didn’t, but I do, and I just don’t know how to stop.” She felt her face get hot and her eyes begin to sting as she took a shaky breath to keep herself from crying. She hated girls who cried in front of guys.

  “Jesus, Airika,” he said, shaking his head. She looked up at him, imploring him to go on. “I don’t know what to say to that. I had no idea that’s how you felt. And I don’t know what I did that made you think it was reciprocated. I just … I dunno.” He grabbed his hair, leaving it messier than usual. “I wish you hadn’t jumped me in front of my wife. I could’ve sympathized if you hadn’t told her about us dating in high school. You knew I always loved her, even when you and I dated for that half a second. You did this,” he sighed in resignation.

  “I know. I fucked it all up,” she said.

  They sat in silence until Simon finally joined them at the table, launching into a wordy detailing of tomorrow’s interview, which she couldn’t help but tune out. She’d just begun to relax when she noticed the cameraman in the bushes with his lens trained on them. How long had he been there? She wondered.

  Chapter 24

  Jenna slammed the door behind her, hurling herself face down onto the bed without bothering to strip off her layers of clothing. She screamed into the pillow, punching the mattress over and over again like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

  Lucky. She hated that word. The next person to call her “lucky” would … suffer a mean glare while she couldn’t come up with a decent retort. She couldn’t even think clearly enough to come up with a fictitious comeback. What was wrong with her?

  She should have seen it coming, in some form or other. Airika had always been manipulative and self-involved, but it was usually directed at someone else. She should have known the odds were in favor of it happening to her too. Alex was a different story. Nothing could have prepared her for his disregard for her and, more importantly, for Felicity’s feelings. Oh God, Felicity!

  Jenna never expected Mother-Of-The-Year awards. She’d screwed up her fair share on that front. You don’t get pregnant in high school, give up your entire social life and status, and not take out at least some of that frustration on the baby that’s been crying for two days straight, despite your best efforts. But the one thing she’d always been hyper-vigilant about was keeping her daughter well away from the gossipmongers.

  Sure, in high school, she coasted on the rails of the nepotism train, before the days of celebrity kids being famous from birth onward. She got into clubs, always had the best of everything, and got a modeli
ng agent before she’d ever auditioned. But all that was small potatoes in comparison to the temptations and traps of the celebrity culture today. Celebrities’ toddlers now appeared on best and worst dressed lists, for pete’s sake.

  The thought of paparazzi stalking Felicity at school to find out about Alex and Airika made the little hairs on her neck stand on end. She picked up the cabin phone and dialed.

  “Allo?” Airika’s fake accent grated on Jenna’s ears.

  “Hello Airika.”

  “Jenna?”

  A pregnant pause spread between them. Jenna felt the anger well inside, making her teeth chatter. She gripped the phone tighter and willed herself to sound calm and steady.

  “I want to know why.”

  “Why what?”

  “Why my husband? Why are there pictures of you two in the tabloids? Why were you on a hotel balcony with Alex first thing in the morning?”

  Another silence. Jenna refused to cave first. Do not make this easy for her, she told herself.

  “Look, I know this isn’t the politically correct answer or whatever, but I love him. The Barcelona thing is crap. Alex saved me from a guy that got out of line and let me cool off in his room. Don’t be mad at him for that.” Airika said. “Nothing happened,” she added, almost under her breath.

  Jenna exhaled, her shoulders relaxing slightly. Her grip loosened infinitesimally on the phone.

  “But you know Jenna, you’re not the only one whose life changed when you got pregnant. We were dating. You two had broken up. He cheated on me, not you!” She said.

  Jenna inhaled sharply. She was speechless.

  “We didn’t mean to hurt you, but not everything is about you.” Airika said, sounding dejected.

  Airika breathed on the other side of the line, waiting. Jenna had no retort. She had absolutely no idea what to say. The word “we” clanged incessantly inside her head, compounding her worst fears. Airika was right. Technically, they hadn’t done anything wrong. Technically. Girl World operated under a different set of rules though, and there was no question those rules were obliterated. Even if Jenna believed Airika’s sincerity, so what? She had no idea what it meant to be married. The sacrifices, the love, the compromises. And trust. Airika knew nothing about trust. It crossed her mind that she sacrificed her career for Alex, not Airika. She made those life-changing decisions and divisions of labor with him, not her. Maybe it wasn’t fair to put so much of the blame on Airika, and yet logic and emotion rarely went together.

  ***

  “Mom?”

  “Is everything okay?” Anya asked.

  “No.” Jenna’s voice wobbled. “There’s an article out. It’s bad.”

  Anya listened as Jenna told her about it. When she finished, Anya remained quiet.

  “Mom? What should I tell Felicity?”

  “What do you think you should tell her?” Anya asked.

  Jenna sighed. “I want you to tell me what to do.” Her voice sounded small and pathetic in her own ears.

  “Only you can answer that.” There was that obnoxious calm again. Jenna didn’t want to admit that deep down she knew her mother was right. But she had no idea what to do. Until now, she’d been taking a breather from her marriage. With this article and the inevitable press storm, she’d have to make a decision.

  “I’m coming home.” Hands shaking, she hung up the phone and sank down into the couch, staring straight ahead at the blackened fireplace. The sky outside was a steely grey, the color of armor.

  Despite the warmth of the cabin, goose bumps covered her flesh. Half of her wanted to crawl under the covers and wake up when the whole thing had been resolved—preferably by someone else’s decision-making. If only there were a highlight reel for relationships like in sports. She’d like to know the game-changing points all at once, rather than being bombarded by them, one by one.

  Unfortunately, the world of motherhood was never so simple. She couldn’t even get proper self-pity time in before her mommy alarm went off. She took a deep breath, wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes where they threatened to break through the dam of her resolve. No, hold it together! For Felicity, she would.

  The image of Alex and Airika sitting on that balcony, looking like a pair of happy lovers assaulted her again, twisting the knife in a little deeper.

  ***

  “Hey.” She said, answering the door, seeing Zach on her doorstep.

  “How was it?” He asked, oblivious. It felt like a lifetime ago that she’d been so excited and inspired. Was that only a few hours ago? She plastered on a smile.

  “Noelle was great. Thanks for getting me the job.”

  “You’re leaving, aren’t you?” He sounded sad. It took her off guard.

  “How did you know?” She asked.

  “Your tone. You’ve got the it’s-not-you-it’s-me voice,” he said. She laughed and told him she did need to go home but that she planned to come back.

  “You’re a good mom,” he said. She blushed from the compliment.

  They stood in the entryway for a long moment before her inner hostess kicked in.

  “Would you like to come in? Coffee?”

  He nodded and followed her inside. She went to the kitchen to start the coffee while he headed toward the couch in the living room. She sat on the large armchair next to the couch and let out a sigh.

  “Is everything else okay?” He asked, brows knitting together in concern.

  “I don’t know anymore. I just got off the phone with Airika.”

  “Oh?” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

  “Yeah, I just wanted to know why she did it.”

  “Did what?”

  “Kissed Alex!”

  Zach was stunned into silence.

  “She said she was in love with him and that I was selfish.”

  The coffee maker pinged and Zach sprung up to pour their coffee. Her teeth started chattering again and she fought to calm down, tears pricking the backs of her eyes.

  He returned, handing her a steaming mug. He sat down, instantly taking a sip from his own. She didn’t want to talk about it either. But when she caught him looking at the diary she left on the coffee table, she smiled, longing for the simple days of having crushes and worrying about brushing hands in a movie theatre.

  “May I?” He asked, picking it up.

  “Why not?”

  She had a pretty good idea what part he must have gotten to when he looked up at her with his big brown eyes. Instead of feeling embarrassed, she felt amused.

  “You didn’t know I had a crush on you?” She asked.

  “Um, no. I thought I annoyed you. Whenever I came into a room you stopped talking and found excuses to leave.” He didn’t take his eyes off her.

  “I was just nervous and awkward.” She laughed at the thought of herself as a tongue-tied teen.

  “I liked you too,” he said quietly, studying his mug.

  Chapter 25

  After Jenna hung up on her, Airika felt particularly vulnerable, certain she’d just destroyed her relationships with both Alex and Jenna. Her phone rang, still in her hand.

  “What?”

  “Um … how are you?” Meg said.

  “I told you only to call if there was an emergency. So?”

  “I … I just got a call from Martine’s rep. Her mom … ”

  “What?” Airika demanded.

  “She fired us.”

  Silence.

  “I tried to ask why … ” Meg sounded near tears. Airika hung up without response. She clenched her jaw so tight she felt it turning into a headache. This was her father’s fault. That philandering no-good bastard!

  She headed down to the hotel bar. She only knew one sure-fire way to calm down: she needed to get laid. Some people turned to drugs or alcohol. She turned to orgasms.

  When she saw Simon sitting at the bar, she sighed. Slim pickings. She strutted over and tapped him on the shoulder. He smiled that lascivious smile of his. He better be good.

&nbs
p; “What’s doin’ doll?”

  “Wanna fuck?” She said, straight-faced.

  ***

  “Alex! Hey, wait up.” Airika called down the long hallway. He turned around.

  “What’s that?” He asked, pointing to the magazine she held out to him. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. The pained look on her face made his heart sink.

  “For fuck’s sake!” He threw the magazine on the floor, slamming open his hotel door. He sunk onto the bed, head in his hands. Airika stood in the doorway, unsure what to say. He collapsed onto his back, pulling at his gold and copper hair.

  “If it makes you feel better, I already told her you didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “You what? When did you?” he stuttered, eyes open wide in horror.

  “She called me.” Airika said, gazing at the floor.

  “Where is she?” He couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice.

  “Tahoe. Don’t worry, she’s fine. She’s with Zach.”

  “What do you mean ‘with Zach’?” He sneered, eyes flashing.

  “I mean, they’re both there and Zach has been checking up on her making sure she’s okay,” she said, frustrated at the reminder that her brother was more interested in attending to poor Jenna’s hurt feelings that helping his sister sort out a legitimate family dilemma.

  “She went to Tahoe? With Zach?” He asked, eyes glazing over.

  “Yeah. You didn’t know that?” Her lip twitched in the hint of a victorious smile. Maybe Little Miss Perfect has secrets too.

  “I gotta go. Sound check.” He sprung up, grabbed a jacket off the back of a chair, and left her to let herself out.

  ***

  His hands trembled as he pulled on his jeans, looser now than a week ago. He tried to warm up his voice but it kept cracking, hitting off notes everywhere. He hated being the last to know Jenna’s whereabouts, let alone the fact that she was spending time with another guy. The irony was not lost on him.