Once Upon a Time in Elmore: When Gumball Met Penny

by Wrigley Stuart

  “For the forty-eighth straight week,” added Mr. Watterson.

  “That’s because there isn’t a lazy bone in your body,” said Mrs. Watterson, beaming.

  Gumball poked his sausage with his finger, twice. He then plunged his spoon into his mashed potatoes and left it buried there, where it stood straight up.

  Gumball stared at his plate while the rest of the family ate.

  “Is something wrong, Gumball?” asked Mrs. Watterson. “You love sausage-on-a-stick, and you haven’t eaten a bite.”

  “Gumball’s not hungry because he’s in love,” Darwin blurted out.

  “I’m not in love!” insisted Gumball. He shot Darwin an angry look. “Fourth-graders don’t fall in love.”

  “He’s seeing fireworks and hearing harps,” said Darwin.

  “You’re just unobservant,” said Gumball.

  Mrs. Watterson lowered her sausage stick and smiled at her son. “Your first crush! What’s her name?”

  “Pffghtp,” said Gumball. He frowned and then stuck out his tongue to unknot it yet again.

  “Love or not, you still need to eat,” said Mrs. Watterson.

  Mr. Watterson eyed Gumball’s sausage and licked his lips. “If the boy doesn’t want to eat, don’t make him eat.” He reached over and nabbed Gumball’s sausage. “We don’t want this to go to waste,” he explained, and then gobbled it down, stick and all.

  Gumball lay down on his bunk bed. “Penny doesn’t even know I’m alive!” he wailed.

  “That’s because you pretended to be dead so you wouldn’t have to talk to her,” Darwin said.

  “I only pretended to be mostly dead!” Gumball cried. “That’s not the same thing.” Gumball sat up and pounded his fist into his palm. His eyes narrowed. “I need a plan to become more confident and sweep her off her feet.” He cleared his throat. “Not that I like her or anything.”

  “Right. You just like to sweep,” agreed Darwin.

  Gumball picked up his fedora from the floor. He held it in his hand and rubbed his finger along the feather. Then he plopped the hat back on his head. As soon as the hat was in place, Gumball brightened. “I’ve got it! Penny said she liked my hat. I will wear it every day for the rest of my life. Then Penny will like me.”

  “Really? I don’t think that’ll work,” said Darwin.

  “Of course it will. Trust me!” Gumball walked to the mirror over his desk and admired himself. He tilted the hat to the left side, and then the right, and then back to the left. “Nothing can go wrong as long as I have my hat.”

  “Assistant Principal Brown doesn’t like you wearing it in school,” Darwin warned.

  “That’s because he doesn’t know what it’s like to have a crush on someone. He’s too old.” Gumball bit his lip. “Not that I have a crush on anyone,” he added quickly.

  “Of course not,” said Darwin, rolling his eyes.

  As Gumball walked to school the next morning he felt tall and unstoppable. Every inch of his body tingled with confidence—confidence that came from his totally awesome hat.

  He breathed in the cool, morning air as they strode down the sidewalk. “I don’t know why I didn’t wear a hat sooner, Darwin. I feel powerful! Sophisticated! Invincible!”

  Marvin Finklehimer stood at the intersection, mumbling to himself. Gumball snatched Mr. Finklehimer’s hand and the small, wrinkly red bean nearly toppled over.

  “What are you doing?” Marvin Finklehimer snapped.

  “I’ll help you cross the street!” Gumball stepped forward, yanking Marvin behind him.

  “But I don’t want to cross the street!” Mr. Finklehimer cried, stumbling. “Let go of me!”

  “Nonsense,” said Gumball. “All senior citizens want to cross streets.”

  Gumball tightened his grip and pulled, while Marvin swatted Gumball with his cane. “I said, let me go!” he yelped.

  Gumball closed his eyes and dragged Marvin into the intersection. “Helping people . . . Ow! . . . cross the street is not . . . Ow! . . . easy,” said Gumball between repeated cane blows.

  Performing good deeds was painful when good deeds fought back.

  The red light changed to green. Speeding cars whizzed past. A station wagon narrowly missed them, as did a large van.

  “Shouldn’t you open your eyes?” cried Darwin from the safety of the sidewalk. “That looks dangerous.”

  “Nothing can happen to me if I’m wearing my hat!” yelled Gumball as he continued to drag Mr. Finklehimer behind him.

  A school bus turned the corner and headed straight toward them. Gumball was in the middle of its path but his eyes were closed so he didn’t see it. Mr. Finklehimer screamed.

  The bus’s horn blared as it veered to the right, its tires squealing. Two cars in nearby lanes swerved to avoid the bus, and instead crashed into each other.

  The bus skidded, jumped the curb and smashed into a fire hydrant.

  A powerful spout of water shot up into the sky and smoke rose from the bus’s engine. All the kids filed out of the bus as water continued to spray into the air. No one appeared to be hurt.

  The passengers stood watching from the sidewalk as a small pickup truck collided into the back of the bus, followed by a convertible, and then a helicopter. A line of police cars and fire trucks converged onto the scene, sirens blaring. Nearly all of them crashed into the school bus, too. One police car missed everything but then backed up and rammed into a truck. One car, somehow, crashed into itself.

  “See? We’re all safe and sound!” announced Gumball, opening his eyes as he and Marvin arrived at the curb. He didn’t seem to notice the catastrophe he had created just half a block away. “You’re welcome!” he said to Marvin, bowing. Marvin bashed him on the head with his cane three more times.

  As Marvin clopped across the street to get back to the other side, Gumball and Darwin continued walking to school. “Some people just aren’t thankful,” said Gumball, rubbing his nose. It still throbbed from two of Mr. Finklehimer’s cane smacks.

  As Gumball and Darwin turned another corner, they spotted Tina. The fearsome and massive Tyrannosaurus rex towered over them. Her long tail whipped dangerously behind her.

  “Hi, Tina!” said Darwin.

  Tina opened her mouth, her massive teeth glistening with razor-sharp deadliness. Gumball hissed at her, and then gave a mighty roar. Tina stopped roaring and took a small step backward. Gumball hissed again, louder this time. Tina yelped, turned, and bounded down the sidewalk. A moment later she was around the corner and out of sight.

  “Wow. You scared Tina,” said Darwin in surprise. “No one scares Tina.”

  “It wasn't me. It was my hat,” said Gumball, rubbing his finger along the brim. “It’s fearless.”

  As soon as those words escaped Gumball’s mouth, a shout rang out from behind them. Gumball spun around. Sal Left Thumb, Elmore’s most notorious crook, ran toward them. The masked fingerprint clutched a large bag of money. Doughnut Sheriff chased him, cheeks puffed out as he repeatedly blew his police whistle. The round pink doughnut was too slow to catch the slippery thief. He was falling behind.

  Gumball stuck out his foot just as Sal Left Thumb reached them. The villain tripped and sprawled forward, his bag of money flying into the air.

  The bag landed in Gumball’s outstretched hands and Sal landed in a bush.

  The sheriff stumbled up, panting. Gumball handed him the bag. “Here you go, officer. No need to thank me. Thank the hat.” He pointed to his fedora.

  “Thanks, hat. You’re a hero,” said Doughnut Sheriff.

  “Nothing can go wrong as long as I have this hat!” Gumball exclaimed.

  “That hat sure is lucky,” agreed Darwin.

  And with that, they continued to school.

  As they made their way across the playground, Gumball saw his friends. Penn
y stood in the middle of the group, talking with Leslie and Tobias. She smiled. She laughed. Gumball stopped with a gulp, watching. But then he reached up and felt his hat. His confidence restored, he strode up to them.

  “I have my hat, I have my hat,” he repeated softly to himself. “Hi, guys!” he called out.

  “’I’ve got another hat joke,” said Banana Joe. “There were two hats on a hat rack. One says to other, I’ll stay here. You go on a head!” Banana Joe guffawed and held his stomach. He laughed so hard, his peel split open and little bits of banana oozed out. “Look at me! I must have found that joke appealing. Peel! Appealing! Get it?” He fell to the ground in a fit of laughter and his peel split open even further.

  No one else smiled.

  “I’ll have you know that this isn’t just any hat,” announced Gumball, gesturing to his head with a theatrical wave. “It’s the most awesome hat ever. With this hat, I can do anything!” He winked at Penny, who responded by blushing. “I think I’ll wrestle alligators today after school. Or maybe I’ll climb Mt. Everest. Or, I know—I’ll win an Olympic Gold Medal in the luge.”

  “Do you even know what the luge is?” asked Darwin.

  “Of course not, but I’ll win it anyway.” He flashed a big smile at Penny. “Oh, hi, Penny. I didn’t see you standing there.” He tapped his hat and grinned even wider. “I’m pretty incredible, you know.”

  “I know,” she said, looking at her feet.

  “Of course you do,” said Gumball, full of bravado.

  Darwin rolled his eyes. “I think I liked you better before you wore your hat.”

  “You’re just jealous,” said Gumball, his smile threatening to take over his entire face. He winked at Penny again.

  “Oh, Gumball!” she giggled.

  But just at that moment, a gust of wind swirled through the playground. It blew across Gumball’s head and carried his hat up into the current.

  Gumball’s fedora spun in the breeze and then soared high up over the playground.

  “My hat!” cried Gumball, as he ran after it.

  Gumball’s overflowing confidence turned to overflowing panic. Without his hat, he was nothing. Gumball had to get it back.

  The fedora flew as if it had wings. The gust of wind lifted it higher and higher. Then it floated gently down onto the roof of the school.

  Gumball patted his bare head. It felt lonely. He trembled.

  Gumball sprinted toward the school. A ladder leaned against the wall, reaching up to the roof. Rocky Robinson, the school maintenance worker, balanced on it while washing windows.

  “Out of the way!” Gumball shouted. He scurried up the bottom rungs of the ladder and then scrambled over Rocky’s legs, shoulders, and nose without slowing.

  “Oomph! Watch it, dude!” cried Rocky.

  “Sorry!” Gumball hopped off Rocky’s head and onto the roofline.

  The hat sat only a few feet away, waiting to be rescued. Gumball sighed in relief. He bent down to grab it.

  Another gust of wind whipped by and the hat took flight again. It brushed against Gumball’s fingertips before darting into the sky and off the roof.

  The fedora bobbed through the air. Gumball leaped back onto the ladder. As he made his way down, he stomped over Rocky again.

  “Hey! Be careful, dude!” protested Rocky.

  “Sorry! But I have to rescue my hat!”

  The hat! It fluttered in the wind, up and up and over the school fence. Gumball sprinted across the playground and climbed the fence in pursuit. He hurled himself over its pointy tips. The hat lingered, merely inches away.

  Gumball lunged, arms outstretched. His fingertips grazed the hat, but the wind swirled and the hat rocketed away.

  Gumball looked down, but it was too late to stop his fall.

  He landed face-first on the sidewalk. BANG!

  “That hurt,” Gumball moaned. But he didn’t have time for moaning! Gumball popped up and ran as fast as his cat legs could carry him.

  His hatless head was cold, so cold!

  His confidence seeping out like air from a punctured tire, Gumball rushed around the corner and past Mr. Finklehimer.

  “Get away from me!” The old bean thwacked Gumball with his cane.

  But Gumball kept going, zooming through a lawn and over a bike.

  Still, the hat flew.

  Finally, the hat sailed into the middle of the street. It lingered briefly and then fluttered to the ground and—PLOP!—right into a mud puddle.

  Gumball groaned. He caught his breath. He took a step into the road.

  But before he could retrieve his beloved hat, a bicyclist sped past him and ran over it. Mud splattered onto Gumball’s legs.

  The hat was wet, muddy, and now had a bike tire track in the middle of it.

  But a dirty, battered hat was better than no hat at all.

  Gumball took another step toward it.

  A large truck barreled into the lane. Gumball jumped back and this time, mud splattered onto his head.

  Even worse, the hat was now as flat as a pancake. The feather was in shreds. The brim was ripped.

  But a dirty, battered, ripped, and flat hat was still better than no hat at all.

  Gumball took another step forward.

  A loud, rumbling noise jarred Gumball. Again, he jumped to the side. This time, a bulldozer rolled through the intersection and right over the hat.

  Things couldn’t get any worse!

  The bulldozer backed up, ran over the hat one more time, and then continued forward and over the hat a third time.

  Now things couldn’t get any worse.

  No more traffic was coming, so Gumball walked to the middle of the street.

  But it wasn’t a hat in the street. Not anymore. It was a flattened, muddy, unrecognizable mess. Gumball plopped it on his head anyway.

  Despite everything, Gumball felt his confidence returning.

  A dirty, battered, ripped, muddy piece of fabric was still better than nothing.

  With a smile and a confident stride, Gumball marched back to school. Mud dripped off the “hat” and down his cheek. But as he crossed through the school gate, Gumball raised his chin.

  He could still do anything! He still had a hat! Well, sort of!

  Darwin was waiting in the school yard.

  “I got my hat back,” said Gumball, dipping his head to show the shorter Darwin. "It still looks awesome."

  “I thought that was a clump of dirt,” admitted Darwin.

  Gumball hoisted the once-was-a-hat-but-was-now-a-small-piece-of-black-muddy-cloth off his head and rested it in his palm. “See? It’s as good as new.”

  “As good as a new what?”

  Although the sky was clear, a random bolt of lightning flashed through and struck what was left of the hat.

  The cloth burst into flames and disintegrated into ashes.

  Gumball now held nothing but a handful of dust. As it blew away, Gumball whimpered.

  That afternoon at recess, Gumball went to caress the side of his hat, but instead stuck his finger in his ear. His friends stood in line to play four square, but Gumball watched from a few feet away, trembling.

  “Don’t you want to play?” asked Darwin.

  Gumball shook his head. “What’s the point? I’ll only lose.”

  “No, you won’t,” said Darwin. “You always win.”

  “That was then, this is now. Without my hat, I’m worthless.” Gumball sniffled.

  “Hey!” said Banana Joe. He bounced over with a laugh. “I’ve got a joke for you, Gumball. Knock, knock.”

  Gumball stared at Banana Joe.

  “I said, ‘knock, knock,’” repeated Banana Joe.

  Gumball continued to stare.

  “You’re supposed to say, ‘Who’s there?’” Darwin whispered
to Gumball.

  Gumball sank to the ground “What’s the point? No one would visit me if I wasn’t wearing a hat.”

  “It’s just a joke,” said Darwin, as he tugged on his brother’s arm.

  "My hat is not a joke!" wailed Gumball. “My life is over!” He didn’t have the energy to get up and face the world. He laid his head on Darwin’s shoulder, his tears dripping down Darwin’s arm. Banana Joe shrugged and walked back to the four-square game.

  “Wow. You really have lost your confidence,” said Darwin.

  Alan floated over, a happy smile on his balloon face. “Hi, guys!”

  “Hi, Alan,” said Darwin.

  Gumball didn’t answer.

  “Hi, Gumball,” said Alan.

  Gumball jumped behind Darwin. “Make him go away! Please don’t hurt me, Alan!” He trembled. “I’m scared, Darwin! So very scared.”

  Alan continued to float peacefully next to them, smiling.

  “He’s a balloon, Gumball,” said Darwin. “Alan is the least scary kid in the entire school.”

  Gumball continued to shiver.

  “He’s not himself today,” Darwin explained to Alan.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better, Gumball.” Alan floated back to his friends.

  “Are you okay?” Darwin asked Gumball, who was quivering so much his teeth were rattling, his ears were shaking, and his eyelids were fluttering. Then Darwin pointed across the playground. "Look, there’s Penny!"

  Gumball shrieked and ran to the nearest tree. He shimmied up the trunk and into the branches until he was completely hidden by the leaves.

  “You can’t stay up there forever!” Darwin yelled.

  “Try me,” answered Gumball, quivering from deep inside his hiding spot.

  When the school day ended, Darwin hurried out the classroom door. Penny tapped him on the shoulder. “Is Gumball okay?” she asked. “I didn’t see him in class this afternoon.”

  “I think he’s fine,” said Darwin. “Well, sort of fine,” he admitted.