by Christa Lynn
The three of us freeze, not moving at all and waiting for the right moment to get up. We sit for a long time, and Hank finally kicks the blanket off of us and moves to re-light the lantern. He sets his gun down, and at that precise moment, gunfire erupts from up top and the steel door opens into the darkness above. I remember thinking I didn’t even know it was night time, as we’ve been in here for days with no working clock. I glance up at the clock on the wall, and it’s still set on two o’clock.
Just then, a steel-toed boot hits the top rung of the ladder and down comes a large man. “Freeze, fucker!” Hank yells as he grabs his gun and points it at the man.
The man stops and looks up out of the hole and nods, but continues his descent as if he didn’t hear Hank.
“I said, freeze!” Hank yells again, this time removing the safety and cocking the gun. “I really don’t want blood in here, but I’ll put a bullet in your back if don’t stop where you are,” he says, but the man realizes it’s a teenage boy behind him and keeps coming down. As his feet hit the concrete floor, he turns to us and smiles when he sees me. Hank walks up to the man and puts his gun right in his face, but the man reaches out and pushes it away, knocking Hank to the floor with no effort at all.
I pull my small .38 up, and with shaking hands, aim it at the man’s head. But two more men come quickly down the ladder and we realize we are in trouble. The men are wearing camouflage, boots, and are covered in weapons. “Are you here to rescue us?” I ask, my voice shaking.
“Oh, yeah, little girl. I’ll save you,” he says as he lunges at me, yanking the gun out of my hand and shoving me to the floor. I scurry over to Hank for protection, but one of the other men slams his boot into Hanks gut, the resulting groan of pain making me realize I’m on my own.
The other man pushes Mama against the wall, his fist making contact with her head and her limp body falling to the floor. “Mama!” I scream.
“You don’t need your mama anymore, little girl. It’s time you became a woman,” he says, his grimy hands all over me. He rips my night shirt and shoves me down onto the old mattress in the back where we all sleep. “Yeah, little girl. I’m gonna show you what it’s like to be a woman. Has anyone ever put their dick in you?” he growls. I shake my head, the fear in my eyes goading him. “Well, you’re gonna love it, little girl,” he says as he grabs my chest so hard more tears fill my eyes.
“You’re hurting me,” I cry out.
“Oh, yeah, baby. This is definitely going to hurt.”
“Hank?” I scream. “Hank, help me! Mama!”
But no one answers, all I hear are the thunks of boots against their limp bodies as the other two men try to kill them.
“They can’t help you, little girl,” he says as his hand presses against the area between my legs and he yanks my underwear off.
I jerk up in the bed, sweat beading off of my forehead as I try and get a grip on where I am, before the door bursts open and Emma comes in and crawls into the bed next to me, pulling me into her arms and rocking.
“I know, Jo. I know,” she says trying to calm me, but my body is shaking and I can’t stop crying. “Tell me about your dream, Jo. I have them all the time, and I’ve never had anyone to talk to about them.”
I calm down a little, surprised at the reassurance from Emma, who’s had a harder time of this than me. The fact that she’s here with me and trying to calm me down when I know the turmoil going through her head has to be overwhelming.
“I didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep,” I say, brushing the tears from my face and trying to pull away from her, but she won’t let me.
“You comforted me earlier, please let me do the same,” she says, and I realize then Emma is stronger than she makes out to be. There are times when you have to be strong and times when you want to be strong. This is a time when she wants to be, but she knows she doesn’t have to be.
I take a deep breath and flashback to that night, the night the Heretics pulled me out of the bunker and tell her the story. She nods in affirmation, as if she was there. And maybe she was, just in a different place.
“I was raped three times that night, each man taking their turn with me. Once they were done, they drugged me and dragged my bloodied body up the ladder and took me away.”
“To Brampton,” she says. It’s not a question, because she knows.
“Yeah, I woke up in a stark-white room, on a gurney like in a hospital, the sheets between my legs stained red from the force of the assault. A doctor came in and checked me out to make sure I wasn’t injured, and then he raped me too.” I shiver, knowing I trusted a doctor to help me, only to have him be one of them.
“They gave me an old robe to put on and walked me to the room where I ended up spending the next few years. They let me rest for a few days before I was paraded around the room for my first mate to pick me.” I start shaking again.
“Shh, it’s okay, Jo. I know, I was there, remember? I had been there for a few days by the time you got there, so I know. They paraded us all in the one room, with all of those men staring at us, pawing at us,” she cries and I know she’s reaching a breakdown.
We sit and cry together for a while, before we both finally fall asleep in each other’s arms. I open my eyes when the sun crests my face and the warmth comforts me. I look over at Emma, and she’s sleeping with her back to me, so I get out of bed and head to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. My eyes are heavy and puffy from crying, and my hair is a mess so I find a brush to get out the tangles. I sit down on the toilet and drop my face into my hands, going back over the dream and struggling to figure it if I could have prevented the whole thing. I’ve not seen Mama or Hank since then, and I know they would have looked for me, so I have to just come to terms with the fact that the men killed them. Mama would have been no use for them, as she was older and couldn’t have any more children. But I can’t imagine they would have killed Hank. He could have joined their army and … No, Hank was a good guy, he would never have sided with them, he would have died first.
I get myself together and peek in on Emma, who’s still sleeping, before heading downstairs to see the guys off. I enter the kitchen, and it’s empty so I decide to cook the guys breakfast. I grab the eggs from the refrigerator and the fresh-ground sausage that’s wrapped up in paper, thankful for the animals that roam the back of the property. Whoever planned this compound remembered everything that we used to have in better days.
Kane walks in already dressed in his fatigues and boots, his hair messy and his eyes still sleepy. “What are you doing?” he asks as his body comes up behind me, the warmth instantly awaking me.
“What does it look like?” I respond as I stir the ground sausage before dumping the beaten eggs into it.
“Smells good,” he says, but he continues to stand behind me. “And I’m not talking about the food.” He groans as he presses a kiss on my neck before getting dishes down from the cabinet. “Did you sleep well?” he asks.
“Not really,” I say, but I don’t go any further.
He stays quiet, but I can tell that he’s contemplating his next question.
“Something happen?” he asks, pure concern on his face.
“Just had a bad dream, that’s all,” I say, shaking it off. I have no desire to go over that dream with him. Telling Emma had been hard enough, but at least I know she understood where it came from.
He reaches around me and takes the spoon from my hand and turns me to face him, his eyes now searching mine. “Tell me,” he says.
“It’s nothing,” I say as I turn from him, but he turns me back and kisses me on the lips, his eyes softening.
“It’s not nothing, Jo. I can feel the tension in this room. Tell me.”
“No, Kane, it’s nothing. Really, just a dream,” I say, but my body betrays me, and I start to shake, remembering that man’s hands on me.
“I don’t believe you,” he says as he kisses me again, my mind remembering more from that night.
“Stop, Kane
. I can’t,” I say, trying to push him away, but my struggle is futile as he pulls me closer. I start to freak out and fight him, beating my fists against his chest and turning my head where he can’t see the tears that have resumed their flow down my face. Panic starts to fill my bones and his arms just get stronger around me. “Kane, no,” I scream, but he doesn’t let me go. He wraps his arms around me and brushes his fingers through my hair.
“It’s okay to let it out, Jo. You know I’m not going to hurt you.” But I can’t speak; the tears are choking me, and I can’t control it. I sob into his shoulder, my entire being jerking in fear. But Kane doesn’t let me go, nor does he try and stop my tears. He just holds me and lets me get it out of my system.
“What’s going on in here?” Emma asks as she steps into the kitchen, her eyes going back and forth between myself and Kane.
“Nothing,” I say as Kane releases me and I go back to the stove, the sausage now almost burning. I remove the pan and set it aside to dish up for the guys. None of them come in, so it’s just the three of us eating in pure silence. I can feel both Emma’s eyes on me as well as Kane’s, but no one says as word as we eat until Emma breaks the silence.
“What was going on when I walked in here?”
“Jo had a bad dream last night, I was just letting her cry it out,” Kane responds.
“You guys,” I say as I wave my hand. “No need to talk about me like I’m not here.” I’m annoyed with this conversation already, and it just began.
“You told him?” Emma asks.
I look at her, like I can’t believe she just asked me that. “No, I didn’t.”
“She didn’t have to,” Kane says. “I could see it in her eyes, so I just held her so she could let it out. Why, do you have a problem with that?” he asks, and I can see his frustration.
She looks down at her food and drags her fork through what’s left. “I just thought …”
“Thought what, Emma?” I ask, curiosity rolling through me.
“Nothing, it’s none of my business,” she says and goes to place her plate in the sink.
“Look, Emma,” I start my unwanted lecture, “I appreciate you being there for me last night, and I’ll always be there for you. He just happened to walk in while I was cooking, and …”
“And?” Kane asks, his eyebrows raised.
“And … that’s it. I don’t owe either of you an explanation,” I say as my fork clanks down on my plate. I’m suddenly not hungry anymore, so I put my plate on the counter and cover it so someone else can eat it later rather than throwing it out.
“Did you tell him about the dream?” Emma asks.
“No, I didn’t,” I respond. “Though, you and I both know it wasn’t a dream.” I turn to face them.
“What the fuck happened?” Kane stands up, noticeably angry.
“Relax, Kane. Nothing happened last night, I just dreamed about what did happen thirteen years ago. Let it go, okay?”
He sits back down, but I can almost see the smoke coming from his ears. He’s angry that I’m not confiding in him, but, frankly, he doesn’t need to know about the day I was ripped from my home. It’s water under the bridge, and I need to move past it. Kane doesn’t need two vulnerable women under his care, and I need to be there for Emma. I need to show her that it’s okay to be strong, and it’s also okay to be weak. We went through a lot over the years, and no two women were treated the same. When I see how Emma is, I realize I was lucky, as ironic as that sounds.
I start washing dishes when Abe walks in, also dressed and ready to go. He pats Kane on the back. “You ready to march?” he asks before scanning the room and seeing the expressions on all our faces. “Did I miss something?” He picks up my plate of food and proceeds to consume the remains in two bites. “This is good, got anymore?” he asks. I grab the pan and dump the rest onto his plate, and he sits down next to Kane, eyeing him like he’s keeping something from him.
“So, I’ll ask again. Did I miss something?” Abe asks directly toward Kane.
“You didn’t miss anything. Finish up, I’m ready to hit the road. Are the horses ready?”
“Horses? We’re taking the horses?”
“Yeah, in case we find some supplies we can bring back.”
“Oh, yeah, right. I’ll get Lady and Corndog ready to go,” Abe says as he shovels his remaining breakfast into his mouth before releasing a large belch.
“Nice, Abe,” Kane says as he walks out the door toward the barn. Abe follows quickly behind, and Emma and I left alone in the kitchen.
“I can’t believe you told him about your dream,” Emma whispers.
“I didn’t, Emma. And that wasn’t a dream, really. Yes, I dreamed it, but it all really happened,” I tell her once again, not knowing if she didn’t believe me from last night, or didn’t really hear me. She’s lost in her own world at times and—
“What do you mean it really happened?”
“I went over this last night, Emma. Were you not listening?” I ask, now getting a bit unnerved by everyone’s concern over a fucking dream.
“I’m sorry, I was focused on consoling you and I …”
“Well, part of consoling is listening to what’s upsetting someone, Emma. If we’re going to be here for each other, we have to listen to each other. And if that means leaving your comfort zone, then so be it. I’m here for you and I’ve listened to you, but sometimes I need someone to listen to me.”
“You have Kane,” she says as she stands up from the table and turns to leave.
“We have Kane, Emma. There are no sides here, this isn’t a competition. We’ve both been through Hell, though different types of Hell. My Hell was no worse than yours and your Hell was no worse than mine, we just experienced different amounts of pain. But what you need to realize is it’s over. We both need to get our minds around that and become stronger women because of it. This war is far from over, and we can’t afford to crawl into a hole and pull the hole in after us. We have to be strong, or we’ll never survive,” I say, turning my back to her. She doesn’t speak and just turns and leaves.
“Fuck,” I say as the hot pan burns my finger. I slam the pan into the sink and put my finger in my mouth in an attempt to calm the sting, but, of course, that doesn’t work. Emma comes back into the kitchen quickly.
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah, just burned my finger,” I say as I shake the pain out of it.
“Let me see,” she says as she takes my hand and lifts it to her face, her lips grazing the reddened skin.
I pull my hand back. “You can’t kiss it and make it better, you know?” I laugh, effectively breaking the tension between us. I place my arms on her shoulders. “We need to be strong, for each other. It’s okay for us each to break down occasionally, because in the end we’re going to need strength. While the guys are gone, you’re going to learn to shoot. Deal?”
“Shoot?”
“Yeah, a gun. As in protect yourself.”
She nods in affirmation. “Okay,” she agrees.
“By the time the guys come back, you’re going to be a hell-on-wheels badass,” I say, smiling.
“I don’t know about that.” she shies away.
“Oh, I do, I see your fire, Emma. You may try to mask it with weakness, but I’m going to pull that out of you, and you’ll be a fighter in the end.”
I look at her face and see that I’m nowhere close to convincing her of this. “We’ll never escape our past fully, and we’ll never forget it, but we have to move on and take those experiences and make them into something good. But you have to be on board with it, Emma. I can’t do it alone, and neither can you. Are you with me?” I ask, suddenly feeling like a cheerleader. “I’ll be there with you, I’ll help you. But you have to make an effort to help yourself too. We can do this,” I say, trying to egg her along. She nods quietly, but I still see reservations. “Take your fear and turn it into anger, anger to take out on the men that put us in that situation. I’m going to train yo
u to be a killer of all that is wrong in this world, that I can promise you.”
Her sad eyes focus on mine, and I see something change in them, a newfound hope that there is a life for us outside of Brampton. She nods and pulls me into a hug, her tears falling like rain.
“I’m scared, Jo.”
“I know, so am I. But we can’t let fear get the best of us,” I say, tugging on her long blonde locks. “Fear is the devil, Emma. Fear will overtake us if we don’t tamp it down. I lost my fear when I was released from Brampton, I found a peace within myself that told me I was a survivor and a fighter. I will not let the memories of that place hold me back, and you can’t, either. Now is the time for us to move forward and kick our fears in the ass. Kane and Abe won’t know what hit them when they get back.”
“Okay, I’ll try,” she says against my ear.
“That’s all anyone can ask, Emma. That’s all any of us can do at this point, is try. And together, we will not fail.”
Kane
Abe and I walk into the barn and get the horses ready and saddled up, tugging on their reins to bring them out of the barn and into the field. We tie them up and head back to the house to get our supplies. The kitchen is empty, and I assume the girls are off doing girl things, causing my dick to jump at that thought. Surely not, though; they were both pretty emotional this morning. I hope that one day Jo shares her nightmare with me, but I won’t hold my breath. And right now, I have to focus on the task at hand and get on the road.
Abe and I put on our backpacks and strap our guns and knives into their holsters and head toward the door.
“You guys be careful, okay?” Jo says quietly from the other side of the room, her features softer than they were earlier. I walk to her and cradle her face in my hands and rub my thumb along her bottom lip.
“We will, and you girls too. We won’t be gone long; this is a quick trip to OKC and back.”
“And we can go to my old house when you get back?”
“We’ll move that way once we see if we can get some more men,” I say, really wanting to tell her we’re not going to OKC and actually to Arrow’s Crossing. I hate lying to her, but I don’t want to take her with me until I know if it’s safe. All we need is to run across Heretics and they try and kidnap her again, or kill her. If we do meet Heretics along the way, I need to be on my game and take them out. I don’t need to be worrying about Jo at the same time. Dale is at the house, so he’ll watch over them. It’s been me, Abe, and Dale since the beginning of all of this, and they are the only three that I trust with my life. Luke will be here too, so I know the girls will be safe.
