Katie's Angel

by Tabatha Akers

  “What do you want for lunch?” mom asked.

  “Whatever is good with me, I am not really picky,” Katie said.

  “Well then how about some Chinese food?” mom asked as they opened the door to the mall.

  “That is fine with me. I could use some chow mien anyways. It has been forever since I have had some of that,” she said to mom as they got in line for food. Katie did not realize she was even hungry until she felt her stomach growl. She could already taste the orange chicken and chow mien.

  When it was their turn in line, mom order some fried rice and mandarin chicken. Katie ordered the chow mien, orange chicken, and her favorite Chinese food ever, cream cheese ragoons. If Jackson was there he would order the same thing. It was his favorite meal, and he would eat it all the time if he had been allowed to.

  They ate lunch and talked a little bit about this and that. When they were both finished mom asked Katie “Where do you want to go first?”

  Katie shook her head and replied, “I don’t really care where we start mom. I really don’t need anything.”

  “Well how about we go into Old Navy and see if there is anything you see that you like. We have not been able to go shopping like this in a while, so let’s enjoy the time together,” mom replied.

  “Ok that is fine. I will look but I don’t guarantee that I will find anything that I like,” Katie said half heartily. She really did not want to be out shopping today. She wanted to be in her room where she always was these days.

  They walked into Old Navy and looked around. There wasn’t really anything in there that really drew Katie’s eyes. Mom held up a few different shirts that she thought Katie would like but Katie just really wasn’t into this shopping trip. She was still thinking about Jack. She couldn’t believe he lived right down the street from her and she didn’t even know it. She thought about how he came to her house to make a date. Or was it a date. He didn’t say it was a date so it couldn’t be a date.

  Katie was still deep in thought when a hand landed on her shoulder making her jump. It was mom. “Katie, are you ok sweetie?” Mom asked.

  Shaking her thoughts from her head she nodded. “I am fine mom. I was just thinking about my day is all.”

  As they walked out of Old Navy mom asked “Did you go to the library today?”

  Katie didn’t want to lie to her mom, but she wouldn’t be lying if she said that she went to the library, because she did go to the library. She just didn’t go inside. “Yes I did go to the library.”

  “What all happened while you were there? Did you read to the little kids? Is this something you are going to start doing again?” Mom asked.

  “Nothing much happened today. There were not any groups today so I didn’t read to anyone today,” Katie replied hoping mom couldn’t hear her heart beating a mile a minute because she was not being one hundred percent honest. Katie has never been a very good liar or “extender of the truth,” as her mom like to call it.

  “Oh so you just hung out then? Did you see any of your friends there? You don’t hang out with anyone like you used to. You know it is okay for you to have fun with your friends’ honey. You do not have to sit at home all the time. It isn’t healthy either,” her mom said in a concerned voice.

  Katie knew that this was why mom wanted to take her to the mall. They have not done anything like this is almost two years, and now mom wants to start again. She knew she should have said she was not feeling good. She did not want to talk about this with anyone, especially her mom.

  Katie saw American Eagle up ahead and thought she could change the subject. “Can we go into American Eagle please?” she asked her mom.

  “Sure, but you are not going to get away from answering me Katie. You have to talk about what is going on in your life. You have completely shut your father and I out. I also know you haven’t seen your friends since Jackson died. It isn’t healthy to keep everything inside. You have to talk about it.”

  Katie stopped and yelled, “I am fine mom. I do not need to talk about anything. I am doing just fine. You know who isn’t fine. It is Jackson. He isn’t here with us. That is what is wrong with me. He should not have had to deal with something so horrendous at such a young age. Do you want to know the worst part of it?” Katie asked. She continued before her mom could answer her “the worst part is everyone seems to be so concerned about us. They bring us food, and call everyday to check on us, they all act like they are so sympathetic about it, but where were they when he was sick. They were the ones that pointed at him and wouldn’t let their kids play with him, because they were afraid that their kids would get whatever it was that Jackson had.” Katie continued as the tears began to stream down her face, “They were only concerned about themselves, and now they just want to make it seem like they care, because it is the right thing to do. I am so sick of everyone doing things like this when they did the complete opposite when we really needed them the most. We don’t need their help! Jackson needed their help by letting him continue to have his friends around. He needed friends that he didn’t have to worry about dying on him in between Chemo visits, and the parents of those kids took that from him. I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE!!”

  Katie turned and walked off and into the store before her mom could say anything else. She could feel everyone staring at her, and she knew she just made a scene, but Katie was so tired of everything that was going on that she didn’t care who saw her or what they thought.

  She was looking at a pair of pants when she heard whispering, as she looked up she saw a lady who she thought looked familiar, was looking at her and pointing her out to another lady. She was so tired of being the one that everyone felt so sorry for. Why did they have to stay in this stupid little town where everyone was such hypocrites when it came to doing the right thing? She couldn’t wait to graduate high school so that she could leave this place and never come back.

  She turned to walk away from the shirts and saw her mom standing there looking at her. “Do you feel better now?” mom asked.

  Katie turned so that mom could not see the shame on her face, “I’m sorry mom. I shouldn’t have said all of that. It was rude and wrong of me. I am just so tired of seeing the same people who turned their backs on our family when we needed them the most, acting like they are here to help us now.”

  “This is why you need to talk about what is going on in your head and your heart sweetie. If you do not talk to anyone it will continue to build up and you will become a completely unhappy person,” mom said as she put her hand on Katie’s’ shoulder.

  “I just really don’t want to talk about it mom. It hurts too much without talking about it, so I can’t imagine how much it would hurt if I did talk about it.”

  Katie’s mom knew how she felt. It hurts so much when she didn’t talk about Jackson, and it hurt even more when she talked about him, but it always made her feel better in the end. It seems kind of weird, however if you thought about it long enough it made perfect sense.

  “Honey, we don’t have to talk about it if you do not want to, but you cannot keep going to the park and avoiding your friends. You have to deal with this before it gets to you and you don’t know what to do next. Jackson would not want us to continue to be sad like this,” mom said as she hugged Katie close.

  Katie knew her mom was right but she just couldn’t let this go like it was nothing. But she did not really want to continue this conversation with her mom. Ok mom I will talk to you and dad when I need to. I just don’t want you to push me to talk. If I say I don’t want to can we agree to just leave it at that?” Katie asked her mom.

  Katie’s mom nodded her head. “We can agree to that. I will try to be a little less pushy when it comes to getting you to talk to me.”

  “Thanks mom. I will try to talk a little more when I need to. Now can we get back to enjoying our day at the mall, please?”

  “Sure lets go get you some new shoes. I know a girl can always use a new pair of shoes or two,” mom said with a wink of her
eye.

  They finished off their shopping day by getting a pair of new tennis shoes each, along with two pairs of flip flops as well. When they left the mall they were already hungry again, but they knew they should wait for dad to get home.

  “Thanks mom for a fun afternoon. I think when we get home I am going to go to the park to see who is there if you don’t mind,” Katie said.

  “That is fine with me honey. Just make sure you are home in time for dinner. We are going to have BLT’s tonight.”

  “Yum that sounds good. I wouldn’t miss that for anything,” Katie said rubbing her growling stomach. “I will be right on time for dinner.”

  Chapter 7

  Katie got up early to go to visit Jackson before her lunch date. She wasn’t sure if she would get to go later and she did not want to miss a day of talking to him. The last few days every time she left Jacksons new home, she felt like she was a little more relaxed than the day before.

  She got dressed and pulled her blonde hair up in a pony tail. She brushed her teeth and was out the door within thirty minutes of being up. She was looking forward to the lunch date with Jack. There was something about him that was intriguing to her and there felt like a sense of normalness when he and she were around each other. Though they had only really been around each other once, she felt like she had known him forever. Snapping back to reality Katie arrived at the cemetery in ten minutes.

  She walked over to Jacksons’ grave and sat down. She brought her fingers to her lips and then touched his name. She did this every time she was there. It was the first and last thing she always did.

  Katie got the feeling again that she was not alone. She got this feeling so often lately that it had started to feel normal. It was something that she could not shake and honestly didn’t know that she truly wanted to shake it.

  “I miss you so much today. I have a date and could really use hearing you make those kissy sounds as I get ready,” Katie said. “I think you would like him. His name is Jack, and he went to school with me last year for the last few months. If mom and dad knew, they would probably freak out on me. It is just lunch so it isn’t like it is a big deal.”

  She stopped and pulled at the grass on the ground. It didn’t look like anyone had mowed the lawn in at least two weeks. “The least they could do is to make sure they keep it neat and pretty here for you,” Katie said to Jackson. She rubbed the top of the headstone and noticed that it was dusty. This set Katie into a cleaning frenzy. She took her sweat shirt and wiped the top of the headstone until it was shiny in the sunlight. She grabbed the grass and made it all as short as she thought was appropriate. Then she took the flowers that mom always made sure that she bought for Jackson every month, and planted the container in the ground. Now whenever the flowers were there, they wouldn’t end up turned over in the wind. When she was done with that Katie felt like something was missing, but she just couldn’t pin point what it was. She looked at her watch and realized she needed to go, because she only had an hour before her lunch date. She couldn’t believe how much time had gone by so fast.

  “Well I have to go now. Sorry I got into cleaning and we didn’t get to talk much, but it made me feel better to know that I could take care of you again. I love you Jackson, and I miss you more today than I did yesterday. The days are not the same without you,” Katie said as she touched her fingers to her lips and then touched Jackson’s name. As she stood up to leave she knew what was missing from his new home and she would make sure to bring it tomorrow when she came. Katie turned and walked away.

  When she got home she went upstairs to the bathroom, and showered quickly. She carefully picked out a pair of her better jeans and a shirt that mom had gotten her yesterday. She paired it with a pair of flip flops and a belt. She put on some mascara, which she didn’t do very often at all but thought that this instance warranted its use. She knew it would only take her about ten minutes to get to the restaurant but she didn’t want to be late, so she left the house at twelve fifteen.

  Katie figured she would be the first one there, and was surprised to find Jack was already there waiting for her. She walked into the restaurant and walked over to the table. She was so nervous that she felt her hands sweating. It was embarrassing to her. This was something new. She didn’t go to lunch with a guy, much less really talk to any guys. Katie was always the shy one, and really kept to herself when it came to guys.

  “Hi, I thought I was going to be the first one here,” Katie said to Jack as she sat down.

  “I didn’t want to be late,” Jack said without looking at her. He was a little embarrassed that he had been so early. He had been looking forward to this lunch all night and day. He had barely slept last night, but that was nothing abnormal about his life.

  The waitress interrupted his thoughts asking what they wanted to drink. Katie said a sweet tea without lemon, and he ordered a glass of milk. When the waitress walked away, they grabbed the menus and started looking at them.

  “What do you suggest?” Jack asked. I have not eaten here before.

  “Everything is good, but my favorite thing here is the open faced turkey sandwich,” Katie said.

  “That sounds good. I think I will have one of those,” Jack said.

  The waitress returned with their drinks, and took their order. When she walked away, Katie looked around the restaurant and thought it was odd at how slow it was there. Usually it was a pretty popular place at lunch time.

  She remembered going there with Jackson, during the summer when mom and dad where at work, and she didn’t really want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. Jackson loved to walk down there. It didn’t last very long that he could, because he started to lose all of his strength when they started to up his medicine, but she made sure to take him a treat from there at least once a week.

  She noticed that Jack seemed as nervous as she was. He was spinning his cup around on the table. “So you like milk a lot then?” Katie asked.

  Startled by the question she asked he looked at her and just smiled. “Milk is good for you, unlike the sweet tea you are drinking right now,” Jack responded.

  Katie just smiled. “But sweet tea is one of the things that make summer seem normal.”

  “We drink a lot of milk at home, so I always just order that when I go out to eat,” Jack responded.

  “So how do you like it here?” Katie asked Jack.

  “It is really different from Denver, but I have grown to like it. I think it is so nice to not always be in such a hurry, like everyone is in Denver. The nightlife here is an adjustment, but I am not really into going out since moving here anyways.” Jack replied as the waitress brought their food to them.

  After making sure they didn’t need anything else, and both saying thank you, the waitress walked away, Jack looked at their plates with wide eyes.

  Jack looked at Katie and said, “This is a lot of food. You should have warned me. I won’t need to eat dinner tonight if I eat all of this.”

  Katie giggled and replied, “It will be the best food you have tasted since you came out here though, and so it will definitely be worth being so full afterwards.”

  They both took their first bites and he looked up at Katie. He couldn’t believe he didn’t realize how beautiful she was in school. Her blonde hair just accented her face in a way that he knew she was oblivious to. As he watched her take a bite of food, he couldn’t put a finger on how he was feeling and why.

  “This is really good,” he said to Katie. “This is definitely a better dinner than I would be having at home tonight, so I definitely will be eating here more often than at home.”

  “What your mom doesn’t cook very well?” Katie asked.

  “Not exactly,” he replied. He didn’t really like talking about his mom lately. Not since the accident anyways. His dad didn’t talk about it either so that made it easier to just dismiss it like it never happened.

  “Oh well my mom cooks almost every day. Usually it is a full meal. Once in a wh
ile she will just make a casserole and call it good, but she makes the best lasagna you will ever taste. And her pumpkin pie during the holidays will make you want it every day for the rest of the year.” Katie said to Jack as he took another bite of the turkey and mashed potatoes.

  “I would much rather have microwavable dinners, than have to really eat my mom or dads food. They both lack in the ability to really make the food taste unbelievable.” Jack said.

  “Do you like to cook?” she asked him.

  “Not very often, it really depends on what mood I am in if I even go into the kitchen,” he said. “How about you, do you cook?”

  “I actually like to make different things, but not many people would actually try it.” Katie replied thinking about how Jackson was the only one who would honestly try her food. Even mom would get this look of not happening, when she asked her to try it.

  “Well at least you make the effort.” Jack said. “What else do you like to do for fun?”

  Katie was not really sure how to answer that question. Honestly her whole world revolves around when she can get to Jackson again. It wasn’t like she did much more than that these days. This information though, she was not ready to share with anyone who was close to her, much less someone she barely knew. “I like to listen to music and read. Last summer I got into reading to the toddler classes at the library. It was fun to see all the little kids face light up over the puppy finding his way home.” Katie said feeling a little embarrassed at how easy she is finding Jack to talk to. Suddenly she felt as if someone was standing next to her. This feeling was getting so much stronger every day. It was starting to kind of freak her out actually.