Covertly Strong (The Strong Series Book 1)

by N. A. Alcorn

  And his love for her fills his heart.

  Fills.

  Fills.

  FILLS.

  Until his heart is at maximum capacity, loving Sloan with every single beat.

  UPON HER THERAPIST’S INSISTENCE, SLOAN has found herself inside her parents’ home. It’s been years since she’s stepped foot inside this house, and the feeling is bittersweet. Everything is eerily the same and makes her feel as if she’s taken a time machine back into the past. The hallways are still lined with pictures of John and Maria Walker and Sloan’s childhood. The same family portrait still hangs above the fireplace in the spacious living room.

  It’s painful yet heartwarming all at the same time.

  And the one thing that’s helping her get through this very difficult ordeal is Nix. He’s right by her side, going through all of the boxes stored inside the attic on the second floor.

  “Damn, baby. Your dad’s gun collection is ridiculous,” Nix declares while rummaging through one of three large gun safes. “Seriously, I think I have a fucking hard-on right now.”

  Sloan laughs in response. That’s nothing new. He’s always hard…horny bastard. Sexy-as-hell, horny bastard.

  “I knew that was going to be your favorite part of going through my father’s belongings,” she responds, flashing a wistful smile at Nix before going back to organizing the numerous boxes that fill the attic.

  “Holy fucking shit!” Nix shouts, his strong voice booming across the wooden beams that line the ceiling.

  Sloan startles, looking up at him immediately and searching for some sort of emergent situation.

  He is holding a large gun in both of his hands, gazing down at it in absolute awe.

  Once she realizes everything is fine, her hand goes to her chest in relief. “You scared the shit out of me!” she scolds. “What has you so worked up over there?”

  “Baby…” He pauses as his eyes scan the serial number on the side of the gun. His brain is refusing to believe what he’s holding in his hands.

  #1088 is engraved on the butt of the gun.

  “I can’t believe this…” He pauses again, completely at a loss for words.

  “What? What is it?” Sloan asks as she gets up from her sitting position and walks over to Nix’s side. She looks down at the gun, and honestly, she has no idea what has her fiancé so speechless.

  “Meli, do you have any idea what gun this is?” he asks in pure disbelief.

  She shakes her head.

  “This is a Colt Walker .44 Caliber.”

  “Okaaaaay,” she states, still confused.

  He holds the gun out to her, pointing to the serial number. “You see that number? Number one zero eight eight.”

  “Yeah, I see the serial number,” she confirms.

  “Babe, this gun is one of eleven hundred that were ever made. It’s one of the most valuable guns in the world. And your father had it. This gun was just sitting up here in his safe…” he trails off as he glances around the attic. “I can’t believe this fucking gun was just sitting up here and no one knew what it was worth!”

  “Okay, seriously, you need to spell it out for me. I have no idea why you’re freaking out about this.”

  “This gun is worth upwards of eight hundred thousand dollars.”

  Her jaw drops. “What?” she asks, swearing she heard him wrong. There is no way her one of her father’s guns is worth that much money.

  “You heard me right, sweetheart. John Walker had his own Colt Walker, a gun that is in mint fucking condition and worth a hell of a lot of money,” Nix declares with an awestruck expression etched on his handsome face.

  “I need to sit down,” she whispers, more than overwhelmed.

  Her ass finds a random cardboard box that lies behind her. She sits there for a few moments in total shock. Her eyes glance up to Nix every few seconds, taking in his mesmerized look as he examines the very valuable gun in his hands.

  “Did your dad have a will? I mean, I think something like this should have been mentioned.”

  “I was nineteen when they died. I remember my parents’ lawyer going through their will with me, but honestly, I was too overwhelmed at the idea that I had lost the two most important people in my life to focus on anything else…” she trails off, trying to think back to the day she sat in their lawyer’s office going through her parents’ wills. Her father was a very financially smart man and left Sloan with more than enough money to live off for the rest of her life.

  Nix sets the gun down, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asks.

  She nods, looking up at him and smiling. She starts to say something, but her weight is too much for the measly cardboard box she’s sitting on. The box collapses beneath her and she almost falls flat on her back.

  Luckily, Nix is there, holding her shoulders in place.

  Sloan looks up at him and giggles.

  “Are you all right, babe?”

  “Yeah,” she responds with another laugh.

  She starts to push herself up off the ground to stand but stops, looking down at the various envelopes her hands just brushed across. Her fingers pick up one and hold it up to her inquisitive eyes.

  Her mouth drops in pure incredulity, completely taken aback by what she’s seeing—a sealed envelope from Nix…to Sloan…with her forwarded address to Japan on it.

  She quickly picks up another envelope, scanning it with intense scrutiny.

  She stares down at the envelope with her and Nix’s addresses in her handwriting. Over fourteen years ago, she handed that very same envelope to her father before he left for work so that he would drop it off at the base post office. It has no stamp—no visible marking from the post office—that lets her know it was ever mailed. And the envelope is still sealed, holding a handwritten letter to Nix inside.

  Tears begin to fill her brown eyes as she frantically rummages through the large amount of letters that are scattered around her.

  “Babe, what’s wrong?” Nix asks with concern once he notices her visibly upset state. His gaze stares down at various letters on the floor, still not realizing what they are.

  “These are our letters,” she voices through thick emotion. “These are our letters, Nix. All of them. All of the letters we sent to each other and never received. All of the letters that got lost. They are all right here.”

  “What?” He sits down beside her, picking up the envelopes and staring down at the addresses.

  “I don’t understand,” she whispers through her tears. “Why are they in my parents’ attic? Why are they here…stored away? Why didn’t I ever see these?” Her mind searches through memories and moments that revolve around the letters.

  Nix glances back at the cardboard box that housed their letters, finding a large, white envelope labeled ‘Sloan’ taped to the top. He pulls it off and holds it out to her. “I think you were supposed to read this first before seeing what was inside.”

  She looks at him hesitantly.

  “Do you want me to open it for you?” he asks, seeing the torn expression on her face.

  She nods.

  He opens the envelope and pulls a handwritten letter out.

  “Read it,” she tells him quietly. “Read it to me.”

  Nix stares at her, questioningly gauging her current state.

  “Please?”

  He unfolds the letter and then clears his throat, preparing to face the unknown. He takes her hand in his, squeezing gently for reassurance, before he begins.

  Dear Sloan,

  I was going through the attic this morning, trying to find your mom’s favorite suitcase for our trip out to Washington D.C. to visit you, and came across these letters. I started to think about what would happen if something happened to your mother and me…and I never got a chance to explain.

  I still don’t understand why I decided to keep these…

  I guess I knew deep down you would want to know.

  I stopped sending your letters to Nixon around the ti
me we moved to Japan. You were seventeen—nearly eighteen—at the time and you were devastated that our family was moving again. You told me that, the day you turned eighteen, you were going to leave and go live with Nixon. That scared the shit out of me, baby girl. Not because I was afraid I would lose you, but because you had—still do—your whole life ahead of you. You were young and intelligent and should have been focusing on living your life, not revolving your life around a young man.

  There are so many opportunities out there for you and I didn’t want you to sell yourself short. I understand that you cared deeply for him, and I know that he felt the same for you, but you still needed to spread your wings and do things for yourself, not base your choices for the future off what he was doing or where he was going to be.

  This is why I stopped giving you his letters and stopped sending yours. I hope one day you will understand that I only did this out of love. I only did it because I loved you more than life itself and wanted the best for my beautiful daughter.

  This is the only secret I have ever kept from your mother… She knew nothing about this. Hell, this is the only secret I have ever kept from you. Sloan, I love you with all of my heart and I am so proud of the woman you’ve become. You’ve made a life for yourself at Georgetown and you’re excelling in everything you do.

  I hope one day I’ll be the one to share these letters with you, but if for some reason you’re reading this because I’m not there anymore, just remember that I love you and would do anything to protect you. This was the hardest decision I’ve ever made, and still, some days, I wonder if it was the right one.

  I’m sorry if this hurts you. That was never my intention. My intention was only to do what I thought was best at the time.

  I love you, baby girl,

  Dad

  Sloan sits quietly beside Nix, feeling like her whole world is crashing down around her. She is questioning everything she thought she knew about her dad.

  Why would he do this to me? Why would he think this was best?

  Tears stream down her cheeks as she stares into Nix’s concerned eyes. Her lip trembles from the emotion that bleeds from her heart. She tries to process her father’s words, but everything just hurts. It just fucking hurts.

  Nix folds the letter back up and slides it into the envelope. He is shocked that, all this time, this is what happened between them. Someone he looked up to, someone he respected, was the one who stood in his and Sloan’s way. Anger threatens to boil to the surface of his skin, but he pushes it down. He knows that is not what she needs to see right now. She needs to know that it’s okay, that this is all in the past, and none of it matters now. She needs to continue loving her father and only have good memories of him.

  “I can’t believe he did this. I cried. I cried every night for you and he saw that. He saw the look on my face every single day when he didn’t have a letter to give me. I was miserable,” she whispers through her tears. “Why did he do this to me?”

  “We were kids, baby. We were young and in love and your dad didn’t understand that two seventeen-year-olds with their whole lives ahead of them could really know they were it for each other. He didn’t meet your mom until after he had established his naval career. That’s why he did it. He thought he was doing what was best. He wanted you to live. He wanted you to find your own way instead of basing your life decisions off of me. John Walker loved you and he did what he thought was best. He did what he thought he needed to do.” Nix leans forward, swiping errant tears away from her cheeks.

  She inhales a shuddering breath, leaning into his touch. “But what if we never found each other again? What if I had to see all of this while sitting up in this attic by myself? While I was still hiding behind a façade and living a life in the CIA. I can’t even imagine how that would have felt…” she trails off, completely overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation.

  Nix stands and lifts Sloan’s sitting form off the ground. He wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Then he slides his hand under her chin, bringing her gaze to his. “Please, Meli. No more tears. It breaks my fucking heart to see you cry.” He gently kisses her soft lips. “This is in the past. The letters, the decisions your dad made—it’s all in the past. We’re together and that is all that matters now.”

  She buries her face into his neck and continues to softly cry into his embrace. She cries over the past. She cries because reading a letter from her dad is bittersweet. She can’t believe that he hid these letters from her, but deep down, she knows he didn’t do it to be mean or to hurt her. He did it because he was her father—her very overbearing and protective father—who thought he was doing what was right.

  But mostly, she cries because she still misses her parents every single day. She wishes things were different, that John and Maria were still alive. She wishes she could call her mom and talk about planning her and Nix’s wedding. She wishes she could go fishing with her dad. There are so many things she misses about them. And as much as it hurts to find out that he hid these letters from her, she can’t hate him for it. Her heart is still only filled with love when it comes to her father.

  “I think we need to get out of here for a little bit and get some fresh air. Can I take you somewhere?” Nix asks.

  She nods into his neck.

  He proceeds to carry her out of the attic, down the stairs, and out of the house until he’s placing her in the passenger’s seat of his Jeep. He buckles her seatbelt and places a gentle kiss on her lips. Nix takes her to their second favorite spot, Solana Beach. The one place that, not so long ago, urged her to eventually open up to him and let their second chance at being together start.

  They walk hand in hand along the beach, watching the waves crash softly against the sand.

  “My dad wrote that letter only a few days before my parents died,” she says quietly. “It’s like he knew something bad was going to happen to them.”

  Nix gently squeezes her hand for reassurance, looking down at her with a tender smile.

  “I want to be mad at him. I want to hate him for it, but I just can’t.”

  He stops their forward movement, placing his hands on her hips and pulling her body to face his. “You shouldn’t be mad or hate him for what he did. He only did it out of love, sweetheart.”

  She looks up at him, her brown eyes squinting in response to the intense rays of the San Diego sun. “Do you think we should read them?”

  “A part of me does, but then there is another part of me that says we shouldn’t. All of that is in the past and maybe it’s not the best idea to read letters of that painful time,” he states with a wistful smile. “I wrote some pretty sappy shit back then,” he admits.

  “Nixon West writing sappy letters?” she asks with a laugh. “I have a hard time believing that.”

  “You’re the only woman who can get to me like that. I’m only a romantic for you.”

  “Yeah,” she snorts. “Mr. ‘I’d rather fight with you than fuck anyone else.’”

  He laughs at her sarcasm. “Always busting my balls, woman.”

  “For the rest of your fucking life, Lieutenant,” she declares with a huge grin.

  “I’ve been thinking about our wedding, soon-to-be Mrs. West, and I know the perfect place…” He pauses, grasping both of her cheeks with his hands. “Diamond Head Beach.”

  “Really?” she asks with excitement in her voice.

  He nods and then kisses her softly. “It’s the perfect place. The spot where your sassy little ass first caught my eye,” he whispers against her lips.

  “You love my sassy little ass,” she retorts.

  “Oh, don’t I fucking know it.”

  She laughs, grabbing his hand and urging him to continue walking along the sand.

  “I can’t believe your dad’s gun collection is worth that much money.”

  “Do you want to sell it?” she asks, unsure of the right decision.

  “Hell no!” he responds immediately. “We’re keeping eve
ry single one of those guns. I’m going to put his Colt Walker in bulletproof glass and hang it over the mantel. The guys will die when they get a look at that baby.”

  “Over the mantel? Seriously, Nix?” Her brow furrows.

  “Yes, over the fucking mantel,” he answers without a second thought.

  She laughs at his always colorful choice in words.

  “And we’ll save your dad’s gun collection so we can pass it down to our kids,” he adds thoughtfully.

  “Hopefully, we have a son. I doubt any future daughter of ours would want over two hundred guns,” she states with a small laugh.

  “Johnathon Walker West.”

  She stops in her tracks, turning to look at him. “Huh?”

  “That’s going to be our son’s name—Johnathon Walker West.”

  A huge smile encompasses her face. “You’d want to name our future son after my dad?”

  “Of course. Your dad’s name is badass. And plus, Johnnie Walker is one of my favorite whiskeys.”

  She shakes her head in mock annoyance. “I should’ve known there was more to it…” she trails off, observing his mischievous expression. “What’s with the look? That look”—she points to his face—“looks like trouble with a capital T.”

  “I was just thinking about all of the fun we’re going to have when we’re trying to make some babies.”

  She points her index finger in his direction. “No knocking me up until after the wedding.”

  Nix licks his lips in a provocative manner.

  “Wherever that dirty mind of yours has gone, you better reel it the fuck in, caveman.”

  He continues staring at her, flashing a wicked grin her way.

  “Don’t even think about it,” she demands as she takes a few steps back.

  He stalks towards her.

  “Nix!” she shouts as she turns to run.

  He grabs her waist, pulling her body back into his, his chest pressed against her back. “Come on, Meli. Let’s go fool around in the back seat of my Jeep like old times,” he whispers into her ear.