Stumbling Through

by Steve Shadow

  SUGAR NUSSBAUM

  My name is Lenny Minkus. I am a skinny, pimply faced high school junior. I am a virgin. How to change that condition is all I think about. Well, I think about other things but it’s mostly sex that occupies my mind. I jerk off a lot but I have to be careful because my fucking Jewish mother is always hounding me to get out of the bathroom and I think she knows what I am doing in there. Of course, she would never say anything as those things are never talked about in my house. As for my father, he works, eats, shits and grunts. I hate it at my house and being an only child only focuses more attention on me.

  At school none of the girls will look at me. I don’t blame them. I have no personality. I am too shy to talk to them. I am no good at sports and think that they are stupid and a waste of time. I like science-fiction and read all the pulp sci-fi magazines. I once copied a story from one of them and turned it in to my English teacher as my own. That was a disaster. I had to listen to an hour long lecture about plagiarism. I mostly drift through my classes, only paying attention if I am interested in the subject.

  Aside from the occasional skin mag that someone gets a hold of (and in 1955 they were very few and only showed tits) I just dream of naked women. I have never seen a naked woman and think constantly about ways to alter this fact. My best pal Bobby is always lying about his female conquests, and even though we both knew it is all bullshit, the stories he tells are so good that they get us hot and bothered anyway. Bobby can sure spin a tale.

  I am always jerking off so much that my cock is perpetually sore. Unless I can get some soap, all I have is spit for lubrication. I use the bathrooms at school to jerk off in. At least there I don’t have my Mother knocking on the door and yelling about hemorrhoids.

  On the day that changed my life I got up early and dressed in a hurry. It was a Saturday and I was meeting Bobby to go downtown to the Chicago Theater. Whenever we have some money we like to take the El downtown and spend the day seeing movies, going to the magic store and eating at Blimpys. The Chicago Theater has a stage show plus a movie and sometimes we stay through the film twice to see the stage show again

  Today was something special because I was going to see my idol, Bill Haley. He and his band, the Comets, were my favorites. I had all their records. The movie “Blackboard Jungle” with Glenn Ford, featured his song “Rock around the Clock”. It was a big hit. You could not turn on the radio without hearing it every five minutes. Of course being a fan, I knew that it had come out the year before as the B side to a single called “13 women and only one man.”

  We stayed to see the show twice and it was the best thing I had ever seen. Bill Haley’s bass player, whose name, I think, is Marshall Lytle, came from the back of the theatre pushing his giant fiddle down the carpeted aisle with the sax player sitting on it. Everyone was clapping and bouncing in their seats. All the girls in their poodle skirts and pony-tails were screaming and jumping up and down. Thank God for rock and roll. It was so much better than that sappy crap that filled up the radio.

  After the show let out, and still on a high from the performance, we went for our usual hamburgers and that’s when my day got even better. Bobby was sitting in the booth across from me grinning like a madman.

  “What are you so happy about? I mean it was a great show but you ain’t as crazy for Bill Haley as I am.”

  “It ain’t the music I’m grinning about; it’s what happened last night.”

  “Well if it is so important how come you waited until now to say anything?”

  “Because, you goofball, if I told you before the show you wouldn’t want to have come downtown.”

  “Are you kidding? I’ve been waiting to see Bill Haley forever. This was a great day.”

  “Well, you’re day is about to get a lot better.”

  “All right, what’s the big secret? More of your stupid sex stories that we both know are a load of crap. Let’s eat, I can’t get home too late or my mother will have a fit.”

  He just kept grinning. “Oh you ain’t going to be worried about eating or getting home on time when I let you in on this bit of news.”

  “OK, so what’s the news? Did you finally get a peek at that lady who lives behind you? You been watching that window for 2 years and still ain’t seen nothing.”

  “Forget that. You ready for this? I screwed Sugar Nussbaum and you can screw her too.”

  I looked at him like he was nuts. “Who the hell is Sugar Nussbaum?”

  “Don’t you remember? I told you about my cousin Ernie who goes to Senn High. He met that girl in the neighborhood who will screw anyone.”

  “Yeah, I remember you said you had sex with her. As I recall you went into detail about it. So that was just more of your usual lies. So now what? Do I have to listen to more juicy tales from the sick mind of Bobby Lohman?”

  “OK, so I lied about it that time but this time it’s for real. I ain’t kidding. Ernie gave me her address and he said to just go over there.”

  Bobby started jumping around in the booth. I could see he was all excited. Maybe this time he was telling the truth. My mind began to race. Holy shit, could there actually be a real girl to screw. I started sweating. Just the thought of a naked girl in front of me almost made me hyperventilate. I completely forgot about my burger and fries and began pumping Bobby for more information.

  “So what happened? What did she look like? Come on, give with the lowdown.”

  He leaned back with a smirk on his face. “Oh, so now you’re interested. Your old buddy Bobby delivers the goods. This dinner is on you, pal. This is the real deal, the cat’s meow, as those cool cats like to say.”

  “Well, you going to spill the beans or do I have to beg?”

  “No, this time I got no stories. I’m going to give you her address. You drop by when ever you’re ready. She is usually at home unless she’s got a date. So the best time to stop by is before 7. She lives with her folks but they don’t give a shit what she does.”

  “Wait a minute. Tell me something. Is she young, old, fat, ugly, I mean, what the hell. You gotta’ give me something.”

  “Maybe she’s 20. Not ugly. She got big tits and she knows what to do. ‘Course I got experience, not like you. You sure you know where to put it?”

  He began laughing and I reached over and took a fake swing at him. Our excitement bubbled over and we started laughing so loud the waitress was giving us dirty looks. We paid and left the restaurant. We climbed the stairs to the “El” train and headed home. On the train I wrote down Sugar’s address. It was not too far from where I lived. I could hardly sit still during the ride. We got off and walked to our apartments. Bobby’s place was a few blocks from mine. He said goodbye with a wink.

  “Yeah, Lenny, you’re gonna’ rock around the clock now. See ya’ later, alligator.”

  I continued walking home with my head in turmoil. Could this really happen? Or maybe this was just a joke. I bet Bobby and his asshole cousin Ernie were pulling a joke on me. It must be a joke; what girl just has sex with anyone who shows up at the door? From the tales I heard at school, it was murder just getting a kiss and a feel from any girl. Rory, who was the most popular guy in our class, said all the girls he dated wore these skin tight girdles and you couldn’t get your hand inside even if they let you. I figured I would just ignore Bobby’s story and forget about the address he gave me. I reached in my pocket and crumbled the piece of paper I had written the address on and threw it away. I had gone about half a block when I panicked. What if this was the truth? Was I crazy to pass up such a chance? I ran back to where I had tossed the paper and started scouring the street. It was dark now and I ended up crawling around on my hands and knees until I finally found the balled up scrap of paper. My heart was pounding and I felt light-headed. Between seeing Bill Haley and hearing about Sugar Nussbaum my poor teen-age psyche was frazzled. I needed sleep.

  When I got inside the house the usual questions began. “Nu?” my mother said. “Did you and that meshuganah Bobby have a
nice time? Did you eat something decent? Please do not tell me that this was another goyishe feast of everything that is bad for you? Were you careful on the train? Was the show nice? Was the music enjoyable?” She was relentless.

  “Listen, Ma, everything was fine. I’m tired. I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning. Say goodnight to Dad.”

  “You go say goodnight. He’s in the basement with his farcocktah model trains. 45 years old and he plays with trains.”

  “I’ll pass on that. You go down there. It’s too creepy for me.”

  I took a leak, washed up and got in bed. A rainstorm was brewing and the tree branches outside my window were swishing back and forth. The leafless branches cast strange shadows across the walls. I reached down and began to stroke my penis as I imagined Sugar Nussbaum’s huge tits. I hurriedly grabbed a sock off the floor and wrapped it around my throbbing dick as I came in gushers. Luckily I kept it off the sheets. I wrapped one sock in the other and put them into a plastic pencil case and hoped my bloodhound Mother would not smell anything in the morning. She seemed very fond of inspecting every nook and cranny of my room when I was not there.

  I finally fell asleep dreaming of what I thought a naked Sugar would look like. I only managed to sleep fitfully and spent most of the night tossing and turning. In the middle of the night the rain began in earnest and I opened my window a little to smell the sweet wet air. I inhaled deeply and felt the coldness wash over me. I had never felt so alive. I had rock and roll coursing through me and the promise of a real live girl to look forward to.

  

  Sunday went by in a daze. I read the funny papers and did some schoolwork but my mind was elsewhere. It took all my self control not to rush over to Sugar’s house. I had to wait for a weeknight when I could say I was at some school function. I was anxious but also scared. I was not only afraid of what might transpire with Sugar but I also still had the nagging feeling that I was going to be made a fool of and that this was some elaborate practical joke on Bobby’s part. I was a nervous wreck. My Mother kept asking me what was wrong. I finally had to go out for a walk. Very little of last night’s storm remained. The ground was wet but the sky had cleared and the sun was out. I made up my mind to go by Sugar’s house on Monday night. The tension was too much for me to bear any longer.

  On Monday at school, every time I saw Bobby, he winked and grinned. I tried to ignore him as the day dragged on. Finally school ended and I walked home. I got through the afternoon and ate dinner in a haze. Around 6 pm I told my Mother I had to meet friends at the library to go over some homework. I walked the few blocks to Sugar’s apartment building. I pressed the buzzer in the lobby for the Nussbaum residence. A girl’s voice said, “Who’s there?”

  “Hi, my names Lennie, I’m a friend of Bobby Lohman. He said to stop by and see you”

  “Who are you a friend of?”

  “Bobby Lohman, Ernie’s cousin.”

  “Oh yeah, OK, come on up.”

  The buzzer went off and I opened the door and went up to the second floor where she lived. I knocked on the door. It was opened by a girl in a green dress with her hair up in rollers. She was no beauty. Her eyes were set close together and she had a big nose. But Bobby was sure right about her tits. When I looked down at her chest I could see they were huge.

  “Come on in, I got a date tonight but you can talk to me while I comb out my hair.”

  She led me to a bathroom and motioned for me to sit on the toilet. She began to take the rollers out of her thick brown hair. She did not look very bright nor did she sound like it either.

  “Listen, kid, if you came up here to get a fuck, it’s no dice. I’m all dressed and it took forever to do my makeup. I ain’t getting undressed and I ain’t pulling my pants down neither. I don’t want my underwear getting all stained. I got a guy who is going to take me to a nice restaurant for Chinese. Could you do that?”

  I was sitting in a stupor. I was so nervous I just shut down. I could hardly hear her and only nodded at what she was saying. She turned and looked at me.

  “What’s the matter? Say something. What kind of company are you? What did Bobby tell you?”

  I jumped up suddenly and she took a step back. I began to stammer, “He said, you know, that you would give it to me.”

  “What, are you kidding? I told you I got a date. Just talk to me, you can come back another time. You’re sorta’ cute.”

  “Please,” I begged. “Can’t we do it now? I can’t wait, please.”

  She stared at me very seriously. She looked at a clock over the sink.

  “Shit; OK. I suppose I could do the blow job special on you, but we got to hurry. You got to be gone before my date gets here.”

  She took my hand and led me into the living room.

  “Pull down your pants and lay on the couch. Hurry up.”

  “Can’t I see you naked?’ I pleaded.

  “No. I told you I ain’t getting undressed. No time. Just shut up ya’ little jerk and lay down.”

  I did as she said and lay on my back. She knelt down and as her face approached my crotch she reached out and grabbed my cock. The second she touched me I shot jiz all over her face and hair. She screamed and leapt up and away from me.

  “Holy Shit, look what you done. Damn it, you ruined my makeup and now I got cum in my hair.”

  I got off the couch and began pulling up my pants. I was blushing and sweating and kept saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

  She slapped me in the face and punched me in the chest. I stood there in a daze.

  “Get out of here, you dumb little asshole. And tell that Ernie and Bobby to stay away and never come back. Get out! Get out! What are you deaf?”

  She pushed me to the door, opened it and shoved me through it. She slammed it in my face. I stood shaking in the hallway. I could feel my dick dribbling in my pants. I was in shock. What a disaster this turned out to be. If she ever told Bobby I would never live it down.

  I stumbled home like a robot. I promised myself that I was through with women. From now on I would stick to rock and roll and forget girls.

  

  I guess Sugar never said anything to Bobby or his cousin. Maybe she never saw them again. I forgot about girls and took up the guitar again. I had learned to play a little when I was younger. This time I studied in earnest and by senior year I had a band. I played and sang lead. We were called “Lennie and the Limelights”. We got pretty good and played a lot of high school dances. My complexion cleared up and I grew a few inches. Popularity changed me and my interest in girls returned. They all hung around the band. I knew how to act now and all my teenage fantasies became a reality. These days Bobby hung on my coat tails to get dates.

  One night after a high school sock hop that the band had played Bobby and I stopped for a burger. We sat in the neon tinged emptiness of our favorite diner, Mel’s, and sipped our cokes.

  “Hey, Bobby, what ever happened to Sugar Nussbaum? You ever look her up again?”

  “No. She had some fight with Ernie. I went over there for some action but she wouldn’t let me in. How come you never went to see her?”

  “Because I thought it was just more of your bullshit.”

  “No, it was all true. Man, she sure could suck a dick. And those tits, mama mia!”

  The next day I went to Sugar’s apartment building. I wanted to take her out for dinner and show her I was a different person now. I was no longer a scared little teen-age dork. I had money and I had popularity. I parked in front of her building and entered the lobby. When I looked at the tenant list her name was gone. I guess she had moved. I felt kind of sad. She was my first attempt at sex. Even though it was a disaster I’ll never forget Sugar Nussbaum and the look on her face when I came all over it. And, son of a bitch, now I’ll go to my grave without ever getting the Blow Job Special.

  CHLOE

  Tom and I had been waiting for a long time to see Cheech and Chong in person. We knew all their routines by heart and o
ften recited them back and forth on the phone or when we hung out. When I heard they were coming to town I used my connections with a friend in the ticket sellers union to score a couple of front row seats.

  On the night of the performance we got good and hammered and took the El train to the theater. A large crowd of stoned hippies were hanging around outside trying to cadge tickets. We decided to go around back by the parking lot and do one more doobie before the show. We were huddled behind a dumpster, toking up, when we heard a small voice behind us. We turned around.

  “Hey dudes, can you spare a hit?”

  A thin, pale girl who was maybe16 stood in front of us. She looked like she had been on the streets for awhile and was none too clean. Her dyed blond hair was losing its color and her clothing, while stylishly hip, was a little torn and frayed. Tom just gave her his usual stoned grin. He would get it on with anything that moved but I like to consider myself a little more discriminating.

  “Beat it, punk,” I said. “We ain’t sharing nothing with you.”

  “Aw, come on, guys. Just a couple of hits, I can be real nice.”

  “Yeah sure, be real nice and get the fuck away from us.”

  Tom frowned. “Hey, dude, don’t be so mean. Give her the fuckin’ roach. She’s cool.”

  “How do you know she’s cool? She you’re pal?”

  “Aw, man, don’t be a dick. Look at her, man, she’s jonesin’ for a hit. Hey babe, what’s your name?”

  “Uh, it’s Chloe.” she said with pleading eyes and slurred speech.

  I flipped the roach and it hit her in the face and fell to the ground. She knelt down and picked it up. It was still lit and she puffed hard to get the last hit. Then she put it out and swallowed the rest. She nodded at us and turned to leave. She stopped and swayed in place. She turned and said, “Hey, you guy’s couldn’t spare some change, could you?”

  Her eyes were unfocused and she looked about ready to fall over.