Stumbling Through

by Steve Shadow

  “Nope, that’s his name.”

  “Glad I bought some cowboy boots before I left. Do you think we can ride horses and do round-ups and all that shit?

  She turned and looked at me like I was a child in need of Ritalin.

  “Jesus, you’re acting like a five year old. This isn’t some movie. But, yeah, sure, I guess Jasper could take you out on the ranch. He seems like a nice guy. I know he has the hots for me but I think he is too shy to do anything about it. Maybe we can get him high and see what happens if he loosens up a little. It’s just that this is a small town and I got to be careful who I mess around with. I don’t want my male clients thinking that they can get anything other than a haircut.”

  “Hey, I just got here and you’re already talking about getting it on with some cowboy. Boy, you are still just as insatiable as ever. Well, whatever you want is fine with me. I just really want to see his ranch. I know it sounds juvenile but I am totally stoked. Think I should get spurs? Maybe a six-gun and holster?”

  We both fell into each others arms while laughing out loud. I was thrilled to see Betty again and happy to be out west.

  Betty made us some ham sandwiches and we sat at her kitchen table and talked about the old days in Chicago. Betty had worked for me while she attended school and we had some wild adventures during that time. She had just finished cleaning up the kitchen when we heard a knock at the back door.

  “Here’s Jasper. Come on and meet him.”

  Betty opened the door to a tall, thin light-haired guy. He looked to be in his early 20’s and had on jeans, boots and a big cowboy hat.

  “Hi there, Betty,” he said with a big grin. He noticed me and nodded his head.

  “Hey, Jasper,” Betty said. “This here is my friend Cal. He’s visiting from Chicago on his way to California. He’s real anxious to see your ranch. Think we could stop by?”

  Jasper removed his hat and stepped up to me. He held out his hand and said, “Pleasure to meet you. Be glad to show you around the ranch. It ain’t mine; I’m just the hired hand lookin’ after it while the owner is back east buyin’ horses.”

  He shook my hand with a firm grip. I could feel his calloused hands. He seemed to be much stronger than his thin frame would suggest. He had a friendly grin and moved in a slightly disjointed manner.

  “The pleasure is all mine. I can’t tell you how exciting this is for me. I’m a big city boy and this cowboy stuff is a real thrill. I can ride a horse but anything else would be new territory for me. I don’t mean to be a bother but if you could show me around the ranch I would really appreciate it. Well, I got to unpack, so I will see you two later.”

  They went into Betty’s shop and I went back to the bedroom to take a shower and hang up my few clothes. The effects of the long drive, vigorous sex and little sleep had caught up to me and after my bath I lay down and nodded off. I was roused gently by Betty.

  “Hey, sleepy head” she said. “Get up; it’s Saturday night in Lander. It is time to hit the town and live it up.”

  I blinked my eyes and saw that the sun had set. “Wow, sorry I fell asleep. Give me a few minutes to get dressed. I’m starving. Is there anywhere to eat in this town? I want to take you out to dinner.”

  “Sure, Cal; we got real restaurants and everything.” She began laughing and started tickling me as I got out of bed. I grabbed her and pulled her to me. I looked in her smiling eyes and said, “I am so happy to see you Betty. It has been a long time.”

  “Yes, it has but here we are. Come on, get dressed. We are going dancing and drinking.”

  Lander proved to be one long main street. I learned that on Saturday nights it was divided into the white side and the Indian side. Crossing this invisible line could lead to serious consequences. I found all this fascinating and wanted to meet some Indians. Betty cured me of that idea with a few nasty tales of punch-ups and knifings.

  She took me to a steak house which was not bad. We then went to a bar. The band they had was strictly country and western. Betty spent a lot of fruitless time trying to teach me to do some western dances, without much success. We met some guys in a survey gang who went around the state drilling for oil and gas. They looked like a pretty rough bunch but seemed friendly enough. By 2 we were pretty wasted and drove back to Betty’s cabin. She told me that Jasper had asked us to come out to the ranch on Sunday. I fell asleep thinking of horses, cows, and Indians.

  We got up the next morning with bad hangovers. A lot of coffee and some of Betty’s flapjacks and we were good to go. I put on my jeans, cowboy boots and an old western style shirt I used to wear on Halloween.

  “Well, howdy, Tex,” Betty said. “Ain’t you the righteous dude.”

  We both laughed. “Hey, cut me some slack. This is a thrill for me. You know, like playing Cowboys and Indians. Call me Roy Rogers. Let’s head ‘em up and move ‘em out. Yahoo, buckaroo!” I yelled out loud.

  “Jesus, Cal, try and cool it a little. Jasper will think you’re goofy.”

  “I don’t care. Let’s go.”

  We got in Betty’s pick-up and headed out of town. After a 30 minute ride we pulled up to a sign that said “Bar HD”. Betty turned down a dirt road and we stopped in front of a group of buildings. Jasper was sitting on the porch of a small house. He had a bunch of tools and knives on a table that he was sharpening and oiling. He stood up as we approached.

  “Mornin’ folks,” He drawled. “Welcome to the BarHD. Glad you got here early. I was fixin’ to carve some steaks from the elk I got a few days ago. Come in the barn and I’ll show you.”

  He led us to a barn where an enormous elk was hanging from some contraption. The animal had been gutted and little remained. “He’s mostly done now. I got a mess of meat in the freezer. I’ll give you some to take home; makes mighty good eatin.”

  He showed us around the buildings on the ranch and explained what a lot of the equipment was for. I asked where the cattle were. He told me they were on the range but we could go out later for a head count and then round them up and bring them in. We went to the bunkhouse and sat around while he showed me how to tie knots and work a lasso. Betty and I tried our hand at roping on a fence post. It was a lot harder than it looked. I asked him a lot of stupid questions about guns and cattle. At one point he stood and said, “I can’t figure on why you are gettin’ so het’ up over a bunch of beeves. They are just cows.”

  I tried to explain things to him from my perspective but he just shook his head.

  “You know I am goin’ back East to pick-up a horse. I’m going to Boston; never been East. I’m lookin’ forward to riding on one of them subways.”

  “Well, you got to watch yourself in a big city like Boston. I know that riding the subway in Chicago is always an adventure especially late at night. There are some nasty characters down there.”

  “Hell,” he said. “I ain’t afraid of no city folks.”

  “OK, dude, but watch your money. There are a lot of pick-pockets on the subways.”

  We went in the main house and had bowls of elk chili which Jasper had made along with a plate of home-made biscuits. It was all very good. Jasper seemed to get a kick out of my boundless enthusiasm for everything he showed me. Betty looked at us like we were children. After a couple of beers on the front porch he said it was time to round up the cattle.

  “Where’s all the ranch hands,” I asked.

  “Well, it’s Sunday and this is a small operation. We are only runnin’ 32 head right now. Come on we got to get ‘em in now.”

  He led us to a big red pick-up truck. My face fell and Betty laughed.

  “Don’t we have to saddle up and all that?”

  He looked at me and chuckled along with Betty. “No, we are modern cowboys. We got trucks and helicopters and such. Climb in.”

  I tried not to show my disappointment. I wanted to ride the purple sage and hoot and holler.

  We drove across a large piece of land and soon saw some cattle.

  “Now you two count the
m as we pass. Try and keep them straight.”

  Jasper drove in circles which bunched the cows together. We got them all accounted for and once he got them moving they seemed to know which way to go. He had left the corral gate open and the cows followed each other in. He stopped at the corral and jumped out of the truck. After he secured the gate Betty and I got out of the truck.

  “Come on in the corral,” he said. “You can say howdy to the cattle.”

  Betty and I slowly entered the corral. Once we were inside some of the cows came up to us and nuzzled us with their wet noses. It was a little scary because of their size but they were very friendly. I wish I had a camera so I could show my friends back in Chicago what a cowboy I was. We petted the cows as they kept bumping us around. After a final count, we helped jasper lay out feed and water.

  Betty asked Jasper to come by her place later and bring some of the elk steaks and she would cook them up on the grill and we could have a little party. She gave Jasper a sweet smile and it looked like his knees were getting weak. Miss Benet was quite the charmer and exuded a heat that was impossible to resist. I wished I could have just stayed at the ranch.

  “Well, I surely do appreciate the invite. I got some more chores but how ‘bout I come by around 5 or so?”

  She gave Jasper a long hug and thanked him for showing us around. We shook hands and I told him what a thrill this was for me. He just stood there and grinned.

  Back at Betty’s we showered and took a nap. I was worn out from the excitement of the day and also needed to rest up for the evenings activities. I knew Betty all too well and wanted to be rested for what might be in store.

  

  We got up after our nap and Betty began to prepare fixings for tonight’s little BBQ. My task was to chop some vegetables and roll a few joints. We had picked up some wine on the way home and I was deep into a nice California old vine Zinfandel when I heard Jasper drive up. He got out of his truck carrying a cooler.

  “Howdy, folks, I got some trimmed steaks here all ready to throw on the fire.”

  After hugs and hand shakes we went out front and put the meat on the glowing coals while Betty poured wine for everyone.

  “Hell, I ain’t never drunk no wine with elk before. This what you do in the big city?” He looked my way with a sly grin on his face. I was totally knocked by him and his western ways. I had trouble not just grinning all night like an utter fool.

  “Yup, that’s what we do all right.” I said. “Us big city folks have strange ways.” We all laughed as Betty fired up a doobie.

  She looked at Jasper. “Hope you ain’t against a little weed, Jasper.”

  “No, ma’am, I sure ain’t. We got some growin’ on the ranch.” He took a long toke and let out a big puff of smoke. “That is some mighty fine smoke you got here.”

  We finished the joint and poured more wine. The steaks smelled great. Betty served them up with some salad and baked beans. We all dug in as the sun began to set. It was a beautiful evening. The unfamiliar smells and the fresh air were a welcome change from smoggy Chicago. We demolished the food and polished off the wine. The air continued to cool as we sat back in our chairs, stuffed and sated. After awhile we headed inside before the mosquitos and other bugs got too pesky.

  After cleaning up the kitchen we all sat around on the floor drinking more wine and smoking more dope. Jasper was talking about his coming trip east. The wine and dope had loosened him up. Betty kept moving closer to him and started playing with his hair. I figured she was building up to a threesome. I was up for anything but I could see that Jasper was getting real nervous. He started sweating and he began blushing.

  Betty began telling him stories from our sordid past. I’m afraid that was a bit much for the cowboy to take inand keep any respect for Betty. Jasper got up and said he had to be going. He said that he had to get an early start at the ranch. He told us they had a lot of fences to mend and the men were coming in at sun-up. I knew he wanted to get away from us. Betty was disappointed and asked him to stay a little longer. She did it with that little coquettish way she had but he was already heading for the door.

  “Thank you all for the nice dinner. Hope to see you again Cal. Betty I will call you for my next haircut. Good evening, folks.”

  We stood on the porch and watched his tail lights fade in the night. “Wow,” Betty said. “I thought he liked me.”

  “He does, babe, but you got to slow down. As you said, this ain’t the big city. I don’t think orgies or threesomes play so well out here. Or maybe it’s just Jasper. He is a real gentleman. I think if you want him you got to play it cool. Let him make the first move. You’re the one who said you got to be careful here in such a small town.”

  “Well, maybe you’re right. But, shit, I like him and now I’m all horny and stoned.”

  I turned and grabbed her. “Shit, girl, what do I look like? Let’s get it on.” I took her in my arms and we began to dance to a Linda Ronstadt tune playing on the radio. She felt great in my arms as we waltzed off to the bedroom.

  In the morning we lazed around in bed. Betty had no clients coming today. After a leisurely and gentle round of love making, we got up and had some coffee. I had to leave as I was stopping off to see an old friend in San Francisco. He lived on a houseboat in China Basin and I was anxious to see both him and the boat.

  I packed up my stuff and stowed everything in the car. We stood out on the porch and said our goodbyes. Betty cried a little and I got teary-eyed myself. We promised to keep in touch. I wished her well and told her to give Jasper my thanks again. I told her how great it was to see her and how proud I was of her. I got in my Chevy and cranked it up. She stood on the porch and waved as I drove away.

  

  Time passed rapidly for me. I had settled into a new way of life at the new age center. The Big Sur coast was beyond beautiful and truly awe inspiring. It was a world away from Chicago. I was doing farm work, learning to bake and studying different therapeutic techniques with the staff. I met Emil White who had lived with my hero, Henry Miller, when he lived in Big Sur after the war. He had some great stories. The person I was back in Chicago began to rapidly fade.

  It was eight months later when I got a letter from Betty. It was with an invitation to her wedding. She and Jasper were tying the knot at her parents place in Lake Tahoe. I would have liked to have gone but I had too many other commitments and could not get away that weekend. I sent them my best wishes and a wedding gift.

  The years have passed but I still hear from Betty from time to time. Her and Jasper now have 3 girls and are still in Lander, living on the ranch. I could not be happier for her and her cowboy.

  

  I will never forget the first sight of that butchered elk and the thrill of herding cattle, even if it was from a truck. I remember the smells in the stable and the feeling of intitial fear as all those cows crowded around me.

  The life I had known in Chicago now seems almost like a dream. I will always treasure Betty’s openness and Jasper’s reticent and old-fashioned manners. They were my bridge to a new life. I am now at home on the Pacific shelf and its unlimited horizon.

  MONDO IN LOVE

  I was standing in the kitchen at the Esalen Institute, a new age learning community on the Central California coast. I had just finished the lunch time baking and was awaiting the staff cook. He was due to arrive soon to go over the menu and the work schedule for dinner. The smell of my freshly baked whole grain loaves filled the area. The dining room was empty as most everyone was at afternoon sessions of the various programs being offered that week. As I was about to head out for a smoke a very tall and generously proportioned women stepped into the kitchen. She was at least six feet tall. She was wearing a caftan and sandals. Her hair was short and blonde but it was her stunning smile that held me in place. The glow on her face made me break out in a huge grin.

  “Hey,” I said. “How did you get so big and beautiful?”

  She walked up to me, still smili
ng. “Well, that’s an original line. Just who are you?”

  “They call me Mondo. But you can call me Mondo. Can I help you?”

  She laughed, which came out as a low pitched snarl. “Mondo? Sure, why not. I just arrived and was looking for the office.”

  “Yeah, I’ll show you a shortcut. Are you here for a workshop?”

  “No. I’m doing a show tonight.”

  I leaned in close and said, “How about after the show? You fancy a little tour of the premises?”

  “My, my, awfully forward aren’t we?” She stepped back and smiled some more. I was transfixed. I felt alive for the first time in a week. “It’s a date, Mister Mondo. I’m Martie, up from LA.”

  We shook hands. Her grip was as strong as mine. Her touch was electric.

  I showed her to the office and went back to work. I had been up in San Francisco for the past few months trying to keep a long-term relationship alive that I should have given up on a long time ago. We were no good for each other but we were both stubborn. After a long night of cruel sex and even crueler words, I knew it was time to get out before someone really got hurt. I had driven down to Big Sur to see an old friend whose counsel I trusted. He was a facilitator at the Institute. I had spent a lot of time there as both student and worker but had left when I felt I needed to get back in the real world. Well, that had not gone so well.

  When I arrived at Esalen I immediately ran into Ryan, one of the managers. He begged me to stay and fill in for a staff member who had a family emergency and had to return to Brazil. So I found myself back in the kitchen, love sick and depressed, but with the use of a private cabin on the property for 3 months. I needed the time and space to get my head straight. It was also wonderful to once again be in a caring community of good friends and wise teachers.

  It was about 10 PM that same night. Kenny, who ran the kitchen, had just helped me finish cleaning the stove filters and stacking the chairs in the dining room. Martie poked her head around the kitchen entrance. “Hey, I thought we had a date tonight. I didn’t see you at the show.”