Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked

by Derek Landy

  ament showed them to a small room with four large sigils engraved on the walls. He left them and Valkyrie stood beside Skulduggery in the centre of the room. After a moment, the sigils started to glow, and hazy images of Ravel and Ghastly appeared before them.

  “Sorry for the extra trouble,” Ghastly said, “but we needed to talk to you over a secure line, as it were.” His image was transparent but he sounded like he was actually standing right there in front of them.

  “I should get this for my phone,” Valkyrie said.

  “Trouble with the Supreme Council?” Skulduggery asked.

  “No, actually,” said Ravel. “Well, yes, but this isn’t because of them. We found the Accelerator. It’s in good condition but it doesn’t work.”

  “Don’t worry about that,” Skulduggery said. “Lament is confident he can get it running. What’s the other problem?”

  “We were attacked,” Ghastly said. “Roarhaven mages. People who have been working beside us for the last year. We’ve managed to keep it quiet so far. Our own people trying to kill us is not something we want to explain to Strom and the others right now.”

  “So far, our would-be assassins haven’t given us any answers,” Ravel said. “Our Sensitives have tried breaking through but they know how to block psychic probes.”

  “Do you think they attacked because of the Accelerator?” Skulduggery asked. “How did they even find out you were looking for it?”

  Ghastly glanced at Ravel, who chewed his lip. Eventually he said, “We think our phones have been tapped. And that’s not the only problem. It seems that every Cleaver in that area had been reassigned minutes before, to give our attackers a clear chance. We’ve talked to a few people and no one can explain to us how this happened.”

  “I can,” said Valkyrie. “It was Madame Mist.”

  “We don’t know that,” Ravel said quickly. “And even if she had wanted to kill us, this is much too clumsy for someone like her.”

  “She might be getting desperate,” said Skulduggery. “If she already knew about the Accelerator’s existence, then she wouldn’t have wanted you stumbling upon it.”

  “And if she didn’t know of its existence?”

  “If she just found out about it by listening in to our conversation, then she may have simply seen her chance and latched on to it, however clumsily.”

  “Maybe,” Ravel said. “But I’m still not convinced.”

  “Even so, an attempt on your lives is a major step for anyone to take. If they’ve gone this far, they’ll go further.”

  “We need greater control over the Cleavers,” Ghastly said. “They don’t question orders. If Mist – or whoever – used them against us once, she might do so again, and I don’t fancy going up against those scythes.”

  “Agreed,” said Skulduggery. “Erskine, you should take direct control from now on – the Cleavers take orders from the Grand Mage and that’s it. Mist has Roarhaven on her side. We need the Cleavers on ours.”

  “But their numbers are still depleted,” Ravel pointed out. “If Mist is behind this and we go up against her, even with the Cleavers and whatever mages are loyal to us, we can’t be guaranteed of winning. We need more. We need an advantage.”

  All three fell silent. None of them wanted to state the obvious.

  “We could ask the Supreme Council for help,” Valkyrie said.

  “Let’s change the subject before I hit someone,” Ghastly said, and Ravel’s image immediately shifted away from him slightly. “What do we need to do to get this Accelerator working?”

  “Lament will have to take a look at it,” Skulduggery said. “Can you get it shipped up here?”

  Ravel shook his head. “It can’t be moved. From what we understand, the Sanctuary itself acts as a kind of lightning rod. If you want to use it to power Argeddion’s cage, you’re going to have to bring the cage to Roarhaven.”

  “OK,” said Skulduggery, “it shouldn’t take too much convincing to get Lament to agree to that. I also think Valkyrie’s ex-boyfriend will come in handy here.”

  Ravel frowned. “The dead vampire?”

  Valkyrie glared at him. “I think he means Fletcher.”

  “Oh. Sorry.”

  “Caelan was never my boyfriend.”

  “I didn’t mean to—”

  “We don’t talk about Caelan,” Ghastly muttered.

  “I’m really sorry, Valkyrie,” Ravel said. “Fletcher’s great. He’s wonderful. I’m sure he’d be delighted to help, and having a Teleporter here will certainly solve some problems. We’ll arrange that, we’ll get him over to you, start the ball rolling, as it were. Once again, sorry about bringing up the vampire.”

  Ghastly shot him a look, whispered, “Why do you keep talking about him?”

  “I can’t help it,” Ravel whispered back. “Now he’s all I can think about.”

  “You realise,” Valkyrie said, “that we can hear you both perfectly well.”

  Ghastly shut up immediately. Ravel nodded slowly. “Right. Righto. You sure you heard everything, now? Did you hear the bit where I complimented you and called you amazing?”

  “I must have missed that part.”

  “Oh, that’s a shame. That’s a real...” He looked off to his right, eyebrows raising. “What’s that? I’m needed elsewhere? Important business?”

  Ghastly sighed. “There’s no one there.”

  “Valkyrie, Skulduggery, we’ll talk with Fletcher and get back to you,” Ravel said, and glared at Ghastly as their images faded to nothing.

  Four hours later, the same huge plane that had flown them to Switzerland appeared as a speck over the mountains. Valkyrie held fire in her hand to warm herself while she waited. She knew Fletcher wasn’t onboard. He rarely suffered through the indignities of travel any more. Because Teleporters can only teleport to places they’ve already been, or places they can actually see, he had devised a tactic to be used on planes and trains and boats.

  First, he’d have teleported to Ireland, where he’d have introduced himself to the pilots and stepped on to the plane. Then he’d have teleported home to Australia and spent the next few hours doing whatever it was he did when he was over there. When the plane had reached its destination – roughly where it was now – the pilot would call him and he’d teleport back to the plane, look out of the window, see her, and teleport down. It was a simple and effective way of visiting places all around the world without having to actually waste time getting there. And it was typical Fletcher.

  The plane got closer and she took off her mask, then sent a fistful of shadows curling along the snow to attract their attention. A moment later, Fletcher Renn appeared in front of her.

  “Oh my God!” was the first thing he said. “It’s freezing!”

  Valkyrie grinned. “That’d be all the snow. Come on, it’s warmer inside.”

  He frowned at the hole in the rocks she’d squirmed through to get out there. “Haven’t these people heard of doors?”

  “It keeps the Abominable Snowmen out.”

  He stared. “Seriously?”

  “Two of them, yeah. One of them tried to eat my head.”

  He held out his hand and she took it, and he crouched down, peered through the gap, and suddenly they were on the other side of the rocks, in the warmth. These days, teleportation didn’t even result in a twinge of nausea, much less puking her guts up like it did in the early days. Fletcher straightened, and smiled at her.

  “Hi,” he said.

  “Hi.” She smiled. “You look well.” He did. She’d forgotten how cute he was. “Your hair’s still stupid.”

  Fletcher nodded. “Thanks for that. Should’ve known better than to expect you to stay nice for more than a few seconds.”

  She laughed. “Sorry. Bad habit. You really do look good, though. Australia agrees with you.”

  “Australia has good taste. And it’s taken a while but you’ve obviously decided that you can’t live without me, either. I have to say, coming up with this whol
e Argeddion thing just to have an excuse to see me again? I admit it, I’m flattered.”

  “You’re such a goon. Why do you have to be such a goon? You’re cute and you’re hot and if you’d just stay quiet, you’d be perfect.”

  He shrugged. “My mouth gets me into trouble. As you well know.”

  “And now you’re a dope. You’re both a goon and a dope. Well done.”

  “I try my very best.” He suddenly frowned. “Should we hug, or something? I think we should hug, after not seeing each other for so long.”

  “Why not?” she said, and hugged him. For a moment Valkyrie remembered how good it felt, and then she stepped away.

  His eyes flickered over her shoulder, and he stood a little straighter as Skulduggery walked up.

  “Skulduggery.”

  “Fletcher.”

  Fletcher stuck out his hand. Skulduggery observed it for a moment.

  “I’m sorry, what are we doing now?”

  “Shaking hands,” Fletcher said. “Like adults. I just want you to know that this past year has changed me. I’ve grown, as a person. I’m not the same Fletcher you used to know.”

  “You look a lot like him.”

  “Well, yeah, but—”

  “And you have the same ridiculous hair.”

  “Can we just shake hands?”

  “Of course we can,” Skulduggery said, and they shook. “Now what?”

  “I, uh... I don’t really know. What do adults usually do after they shake hands?”

  “Generally, the first thing they do is let go.”

  “Oh, right,” Fletcher said, and Skulduggery took his hand back. “So, Skulduggery, how’ve you been? You’re looking well. That’s a really nice tie.”

  “It’s blue.”

  “And such a nice shade.”

  Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. “You promised me he wouldn’t be annoying.”

  She glared. “And you promised you wouldn’t be mean.”

  Skulduggery sighed, turned back. “Fletcher, how is your training progressing? As the last Teleporter, it’s important that you take your responsibilities seriously.”

  “I am,” Fletcher said. “I do.”

  “When I was your age, I met the last Kineticist. Do you know what that is? He had the ability to absorb kinetic energy and store it as pure strength. Essentially, the more he was hit, the stronger he became. When he died, all the secrets of his discipline died with him. A few years ago a young sorcerer decided to train to be the first Kineticist in four hundred years. Do you know what happened?”

  “No,” Fletcher said. “What?”

  “He was really rubbish at it.”

  Fletcher frowned. “Oh.”

  “Let that be a lesson to you,” Skulduggery said, and walked back the way he’d come.

  Fletcher edged closer to Valkyrie. “I thought that story would have a more dramatic ending,” he whispered.

  “Yeah,” she whispered back.

  She took him on a tour. Kalvin was there to meet them at the Arboretum, and he explained what they needed to keep in mind when transporting the birds and animals. It was decided to just take everything, trees and all, to empty plots of land around the world according to the needs of whatever was being transported. Valkyrie stood by and let them talk, becoming quietly impressed with Fletcher as he steadily got all the information he needed.

  When they were done, Valkyrie took him to see Lenka, whose reaction was, as she had expected, one to treasure. Fletcher walked in, and Lenka laughed so hard she fell off the table on which she’d been sitting.

  “His hair!” Lenka gasped from the floor. “Oh my God, his hair!”

  Fletcher sighed.

  Lament came in, shook Fletcher’s hand and asked him to ignore the hysterical girl rolling across the ground. He took them to the Cube, and Fletcher peered in at Argeddion.

  “You’re sure he’s asleep?” he asked.

  “We were,” Lament said, frowning slightly. “These days, we’re not so sure. And so time is of the essence.”

  Fletcher nodded, and looked at the machine. “So you need all of this moved at the same time?”

  “Yes,” said Lament. “The Tempest, that’s the pyramid there, won’t be needed once we’ve attached the Cube directly to the Accelerator, but that will require a day or so of work. In the mean time, we’ll need everything just as it is – but in the Sanctuary. Do you think that would be a problem?”

  “Wouldn’t say so,” said Fletcher. “It’s all hooked up and everything is connected, so it doesn’t look like anything will be left behind. Should be a clean teleport right into the room Ghastly showed me.”

  “You’ve seen the Accelerator?”

  “Yep,” he said. “Weird-looking thing.”

  Lament smiled. “Thank you very much for doing this, Fletcher. I don’t know how we’d manage it without you.”

  Fletcher shrugged. “Just doing my bit to help out,” he said, and walked from the room with an extra bit of swagger. Valkyrie rolled her eyes, and followed.

  The clearing-out of the mountain facility took a few hours. Valkyrie stayed with Fletcher for most of it, having a laugh and chatting while they waited for the next shipment of equipment or animals or whatever to be made ready. Lenka had tears in her eyes when it was time to say goodbye to some of the monkeys, but Fletcher transported them to nice safe places, and this helped her sniffling. The last thing to be moved was Argeddion himself and all the machinery that held him in stasis.

  Fletcher looked tense. Valkyrie felt for him. If this went wrong, they’d be releasing a sorcerer on the world who was more powerful than anyone else alive.

  Lament and his three sorcerers came together and joined hands.

  “This place is our home,” said Lament. “We came here thirty years ago to protect the world from a threat, and in doing so we found a new place to love. It certainly hasn’t been easy living here, isolated and alone, but we got through it. We didn’t think we’d ever return. But now, thanks to these people standing beside us, the impossible is possible, and we have a second chance at life. I’ll miss this place.” He smiled sadly. “But I won’t miss it a lot.”

  There were a few laughs, then everyone linked arms and Fletcher placed a hand on the chair, and in less than an eyeblink, much quicker and more easily than seemed to befit the gravity of the situation, they were in a large room deep within the Sanctuary, beside a machine that could only have been the Accelerator.

  It was done. No explosions, no screaming, no all-powerful sorcerer suddenly loosed upon the world. It was, if Valkyrie was being honest, a bit of an anticlimax.

  Ravel came in to welcome them, and Lenka turned and threw up all over his shoes.

  Valkyrie and Fletcher sneaked away while the introductions were going on. They left the Sanctuary and took a walk around the lake. The stagnant water wasn’t very pretty, but it was the only walk available.

  “Good job,” Valkyrie said. “Thanks.”

  He shrugged. “It’s not easy being the one you all run to in an emergency, but I cope admirably well.”

  “That you do,” she said with a laugh. “Are you heading off now?”

  “Unless there’s something else I’m needed for.”

  She stopped walking, and looked at him. “Well,” she said, “I’m not doing anything for the next few hours...”

  He looked back at her, and his smile dimmed a little. “Oh.”

  Valkyrie laughed. “Wow. Now that was not the reaction I was expecting.”

  “No, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant...”

  She held up her hands. “Fletcher, relax. It’s no big deal.”

  “No, Val, it’s just, I’m kind of seeing someone.”

  Now it was her turn to say, “Oh.”

  “She’s really nice,” he said. “We’ve only been going out for two months or so, but she’s dead cool. You’d like her, I think. Here, hold on.”

  He vanished.

  Valkyrie blinked. He was going out
with someone? He had found someone before she had? While not having any kind of plan or timetable arranged, she was still pretty sure that she was supposed to move on before he did. She’d dumped him, after all.

  Fletcher reappeared before her, holding hands with a pretty girl.

  “Valkyrie,” he said, “this is Myra.”

  Myra had light brown hair and a nice smile and Valkyrie wanted to punch her in her stupid face. “Hi,” Valkyrie said.

  “Pleased to meet you,” said Myra, and they shook hands. Valkyrie was pretty sure she’d be able to crush that little hand in hers. When Myra spoke, she spoke with an Australian accent. It was annoying. “Fletcher’s told me all about you. To be honest I was starting to think he’d made you up. I reckoned no one could be as great as the way he described you.”

  Valkyrie found a smile somewhere and put it on. “I have my moments,” she said. “So how did you two meet?”

  Myra wrapped an arm round Fletcher’s waist. “He saved me. There was a fire at my college and he got me out. My knight in shining armour.”

  Valkyrie blinked. “You’re mortal?”

  Fletcher laughed. “I thought you hated that term.”

  “What? Oh, yeah, I do, I meant you’re not a sorcerer, then?”

  Myra shook her head. “Depressingly normal, I’m afraid. But don’t worry, I can keep a secret. Fletch was telling me about all the things you can do and what a kick-ass fighter you are and all that. That is so cool. I couldn’t fight my way out of a paper bag, if I’m being honest. I’d love to be able to do magic, but I reckon having a boyfriend who can do magic is almost as good.”

  Valkyrie didn’t want to hit her any more. Myra was too nice a person to hit. Valkyrie wanted to hit someone, though. Maybe Fletcher.

  “I’ve been wanting to introduce you two for a while,” Fletcher said, “but I didn’t know how to do it without making it look like I was trying to prove a point. Like, Look at me now, Valkyrie, I have a new girlfriend and a new life. But... well, here we are. I just want you to know that there are no hard feelings about what happened and how it ended and I’m glad we’re still, you know, friends.”

  “Yeah,” Valkyrie said. “Me too.”