Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked

by Derek Landy

  “Barely.”

  “Then let’s go.”

  She twisted the sphere – one side clockwise, the other counter-clockwise – and they were enveloped in a bubble of haze that rendered them invisible to anyone standing outside it. She twisted the hemispheres back a little, drawing the bubble tighter around them. Sticking close together, they approached the door. Skulduggery turned the handle and pushed it open slowly.

  “Who is it?” Kitana asked from the back of the class.

  “No... no one...” the teacher said.

  They stepped in. It was incredibly weird to be standing there in front of thirty people and not one of them able to see or hear them. Kitana and Doran were sitting beside each other at the very back, and Sean was lounging at his desk a little closer to the front. Everyone around them was terrified.

  “Hey!” Kitana shouted. She was wearing Valkyrie’s jacket. “Come on in, whoever you are!”

  “We’ll go for Sean first,” Skulduggery said.

  Valkyrie nodded. She didn’t want to talk when they were being stealthy. It just felt wrong.

  Kitana rolled her eyes. “Sean, would you please close the door? I want to get back to my speech. What was I saying? Hey, Mr Teacher, sir, what was I saying?”

  Sean got up, started walking for the door while the teacher started stammering. “I... I don’t...”

  “What was the last thing I said, Mr Teacher?” Kitana continued, her hand glowing with energy. “Don’t you remember? Weren’t you listening?”

  The teacher looked at the open door and bolted, but Sean darted forward, caught him and threw him back over his desk. Kitana laughed and Doran whooped.

  “Yay, Sean!” Kitana called. “You’re my hero! That’s a gold star for Sean in Teacher-Throwing, my favourite new subject!”

  Sean laughed and Doran thumped his desk in amusement, but Kitana’s smile faded, and she leaned forward. “Hey, Sean... what’s wrong with your leg?”

  Valkyrie looked down. The bubble curved over the side of Sean’s knee.

  “Dude,” said Doran, “a chunk of your leg’s missing.”

  Skulduggery nodded and Valkyrie twisted the sphere a bit more. The bubble grew, enveloping Sean completely. As everyone else in the classroom gasped at his apparent disappearance, Skulduggery slid an arm round his throat. Sean made a sound and his hands flailed as the sleeper hold tightened.

  Doran leaped from his chair, eyes wide. “Seriously? We can turn invisible now? This keeps getting cooler!”

  Skulduggery backed off and Valkyrie stayed with him. By the time they passed into the corridor Sean was unconscious. Skulduggery laid him on the floor and snapped handcuffs around his wrists.

  “Sean?”

  Kitana walked out of the classroom. “Sean?” she repeated. “Are you here?”

  Skulduggery muttered a curse, picked Sean off the floor and dragged him further away.

  Doran came out after her, his face red from straining. “Am I still here? Can you still see me?”

  “I can still see you, you idiot,” Kitana said. “I don’t think he’s invisible.”

  “Then where’s he gone?”

  “I think he’s still here. I can feel him. He’s close. Can’t you feel him?”

  Doran shrugged, then turned and looked right at Valkyrie. For a moment she thought he could actually see her, but his eyes moved on without focusing and she relaxed.

  “They have him,” Kitana whispered.

  Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery. “What do we do?” she asked, her voice sounding unreasonably loud.

  “Who has him?” Doran whispered back to Kitana.

  “Taking them by surprise seems to work,” Skulduggery said.

  Kitana looked around and whispered, “The magic people.”

  “If they can’t see us coming, their instincts can’t kick in to save them,” Skulduggery said. He left Sean on the floor and took out his gun, held it straight out, aimed right at Doran’s head.

  Valkyrie blinked.

  “You think they’re still here?” whispered Doran. “You think they can see us?”

  Kitana didn’t answer. Doran waved his hand through the air, trying to feel for enemies. Skulduggery’s gloved finger rested on the trigger as Doran turned his way.

  “You can’t just...” Valkyrie said, and faltered.

  “You said I’d have to be my usual ruthless self,” Skulduggery replied. “If I take them both out now, they won’t get to harm another living soul. It’s better for everyone if they die right here.”

  “You’re just going to shoot them?”

  “This is life or death, Valkyrie.” He thumbed the hammer back. “Giving someone a fighting chance is giving them a chance to beat you. What have I taught you about combat?”

  She looked at Doran and Kitana as they slowly backed away. “Never fight on someone else’s terms,” she said quietly. She closed her eyes. “Do it.”

  She waited for the gunshot, hearing only Doran’s whisperings. She looked up. Skulduggery was putting his gun away.

  “Dammit,” he said, then picked Sean up off the floor and threw him straight at Doran. To Doran, Sean suddenly appeared out of thin air and collided with him. They cracked their heads together and went down, and Kitana jumped back, cursing.

  “Evacuate them,” Skulduggery said, and used the air to leap at Kitana. He grabbed her, arm round her neck, but a wave of energy rippled out from her centre, flinging him away.

  Resisting the urge to jump into the fight, Valkyrie instead ran into the classroom. She slammed the door, deactivated the sphere, scaring the hell out of everyone inside.

  “The windows,” she said. “Out the windows. Hurry!”

  Windows were opened and there was a frantic dash. They were shoving and pushing and stamping to get out. The teacher was doing his best to orchestrate things but he was making it worse.

  Valkyrie clicked her fingers, summoning a ball of flame into her hand. Everyone froze. She nodded at a group. “You. Out first. Go. No one else move.”

  The group did as they were told. When they were off and running, she nodded to the next group. “You lot. Go.”

  Group by group, they left, followed by the teacher. Valkyrie turned back to the door. It had gone suspiciously quiet out there.

  She turned the handle and peeked out. Sean was still unconscious, still in shackles. She stepped over him, ran to the double doors at the end of the corridor. Smoke rose from a huge scorch mark in the wood. She passed through. Heard a crash. She ran, came to the gym. One of the doors was off its hinges. There was a flash of light from inside and she heard Skulduggery cry out. She twisted the sphere and ran in.

  Skulduggery was on the floor of the gymnasium. His façade had retracted, and Kitana scowled at Doran as they closed in slowly. “Would you please learn to aim?”

  “Don’t blame me,” Doran said defensively. “I got a massive headache because of this guy.”

  Kitana looked back at Skulduggery. “So what are you? Are you actually a skeleton, or is this just a trick or something, like a disguise?”

  “No disguise,” Skulduggery groaned.

  “Why do you wear a suit?” Doran asked.

  “Would you rather me naked?”

  “No,” Doran shot back. “That’d be gross.”

  Kitana sighed. “Why would it be gross? He’s a skeleton.”

  “Well, yeah, but he’s a guy, like. If it was a naked skeleton woman, then that’d be OK.”

  “So a naked skeleton woman would be hot, would she?”

  “Yeah,” Doran said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Because she’d be naked.”

  Kitana turned back to Skulduggery. “I want to apologise for my friend. He’s not very bright, and he’s a bit of a homophobe.”

  “It’s not homophobia,” Skulduggery said, slowly getting to his feet. “It’s just typical teenage boy bluster. He’ll grow out of it, assuming he lives that long.”

  “Is that a threat?” Kitana asked. “Are you
threatening us?”

  “Not at all. But now that we have a private moment to talk, why not discuss some rather pertinent matters? Such as what you’re hoping to accomplish with all this.”

  “All what?” Kitana asked. “Oh, you mean the murder and mayhem? Don’t you like it? Aren’t you a fan?”

  “Not especially.”

  “Well then, Mr Skeleton, you are no fun. We were chosen by Argeddion because we would use these powers in the way they were intended, to punish the people who have messed us about in our lives.”

  “Your ex-boyfriend, did he mess you about?”

  “He humiliated me.”

  “He broke up with you. There’s a difference. Doran, you killed your brother. Do you really think he deserved to die like that?”

  “Yeah,” said Doran. “I do.”

  “What about Patrick Xebec, and the others? What about all the people you’ve hurt? And when all the punishing is done with? Then what are you going to do?”

  “Whatever we want,” Kitana said. “For the rest of our lives, we will do whatever we want.”

  “You know I can’t allow that.”

  “You can’t stop us. Those magic men tried to stop us earlier and we killed them so easily I was laughing.”

  “I see.”

  Kitana smirked. “Do you?”

  “I do,” said Skulduggery. “You’re psychopaths. The magic may have pushed you over the edge or maybe you were like this anyway, I don’t know. But the point is you’re psychopaths now.”

  “I suppose we are.”

  “I should have shot you when I had the chance.”

  “And we’re the psychopaths?” Kitana laughed.

  “You didn’t get these powers so you could punish those who’ve wronged you. You weren’t chosen for any special reason.”

  “You’re just jealous.”

  Valkyrie moved around them, heading towards Skulduggery as he straightened his tie.

  “Argeddion is using you in an experiment,” he said.

  Doran frowned. “You know Argeddion?”

  “You see? You don’t even know who the players are. Who did you think Argeddion was – some mystical being granting great power to mere mortals? Before he was Argeddion, he was just an ordinary sorcerer. He worked for peace and enlightenment. You’re his test subjects and you’re trampling over everything he believes in.”

  Kitana put her hands on her hips. “Oh, really? Well, if we’re such a mistake, then where is he? How come he isn’t here to tell us where we’re going wrong?”

  “He’s refusing to believe that you’re as bad as you are. But this? Coming to your own school to attack it? I think this will be all he needs to realise his error of judgement.”

  “I think you’re lying.”

  “I don’t care.”

  Kitana smiled. “You’re jealous. Just admit it. You’re jealous that Argeddion picked us and not you. I know you all think you’re so cool with your secret societies and whatever, but we’re the new breed of sorcerers. And we’re stronger than you.”

  Valkyrie dived on Skulduggery, hiding him from view, and dragged him to one side. Kitana and Doran let loose streams of energy that came dangerously close.

  “Thank you for that,” Skulduggery said.

  “No problem.”

  They circled them, keeping low, as Kitana and Doran spun and fired at random, their eyes wide.

  “Where are they?” Doran cried. “Where are they?”

  “How am I supposed to know?” Kitana snapped.

  Skulduggery took out his gun. “I didn’t want to have to do this,” he said as he took aim.

  Valkyrie looked away, and Skulduggery fired twice.

  ammit,” Skulduggery said.

  Valkyrie looked back. Kitana and Doran were still standing. Hovering in the air next to each of their heads was a bullet, gently rotating.

  “Hello, children,” Argeddion said from where he floated above them all.

  He waved his hand and the cloaking sphere stopped working. The bubble retracted but Kitana and Doran weren’t interested in a skeleton and a teenage girl any more. They gazed upwards like they were seeing their own personal god.

  “It’s you,” Doran whispered.

  “Hello, Doran,” Argeddion said. “Hello, Kitana. I’m sorry it took so long for me to meet you, face to face. I took some time to experience what it means to be a free man once again. Hello, Skulduggery. Hello, Valkyrie.”

  Skulduggery holstered his gun. “Are you proud of them?” he asked. “They came here, to this school, to kill everyone they found. If you’re hoping you showed them enlightenment, I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

  “They’re young,” Argeddion said. “They’ll learn.”

  “And in the meantime, they’ll kill and destroy. You’re meant to be a pacifist. You’re meant to value every human life. How can you let this continue?”

  Argeddion smiled. “Because I can see the difference between one life and many. Between a few lives and all. The children are learning and exploring and pushing their boundaries. They don’t know who they are yet.”

  “They’re through pushing boundaries. Now they need rules.”

  “I have no wish to limit them with the restricted view of western morality.”

  Skulduggery shook his head. “You’ve got to take responsibility for this.”

  “I’m taking ultimate responsibility,” said Argeddion. “Spiritual responsibility. These few missteps don’t matter. Can’t you understand? Look at them standing there. They’re beautiful and flawed and a work in progress.”

  “Dammit, Argeddion, your plan isn’t working. Why can’t you just accept that? You wanted to elevate mankind by giving them magic, so take a look at what you’ve created so far. They’re killers.”

  “And so are both of you.”

  “We’ve made mistakes, but we try to do what’s right.”

  “You mean you’ve learned your lessons. You made your mistakes, killed and destroyed, and now you’re fighting the good fight. So what makes you think that these children will not follow your example?”

  “Because they’re psychopaths.”

  “And Lord Vile wasn’t? And Darquesse is a well-adjusted personality?” Argeddion laughed. “It seems to me that there is one rule for you two, and another rule for everyone else.”

  “You can’t let them learn their lessons at the expense of innocent lives.”

  “Every life lost is sad, but also necessary. These children are the future. They need the freedom to make mistakes and grow from them.”

  “Yeah,” said Doran, wearing that smirk again, “let us grow, Mr Skeleton.”

  “If you want them to learn,” Skulduggery said, “turn them over to the Sanctuary. We’ll train them, teach them how to control their powers.”

  “You’ll imprison them,” Argeddion said, “like I was imprisoned, because you’re scared. Because you don’t understand them and you can’t control them. I’m sorry, Skulduggery. None of you can be trusted.”

  “For God’s sake, you cannot let them walk away.”

  Argeddion looked down at Kitana and Doran. “Go,” he said. “I’ll see you again.”

  It took them a few seconds before they moved, but when they did, they were laughing like kids. Kitana blew them a kiss as they left.

  Skulduggery didn’t move. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

  “When this is over,” Argeddion said, “you will understand.” And then he vanished.

  The Cleavers arrived, sealed off the school. Skulduggery dumped Sean Mackin in the back of their van and slammed the door on his head. They waited for Geoffrey Scrutinous and Philomena Random to get there, told them the situation. This was bad. A signal block was now in effect, jamming all communication, but a few hundred teenagers had just had half an hour to get the word out of crazy goings-on at their school, and the news was spreading.

  They drove back to the Sanctuary and found Ghastly outside the interview room where Sean Mackin was being
held.

  “This is bad,” Ghastly said.

  “We know,” Skulduggery answered.

  “Bernard Sult is running around, snapping out questions like he expects them to be answered. I’ve managed to avoid Strom all morning, but I don’t think Ravel has been so lucky. What are we looking to get out of Mackin here?”

  “Just where they’re staying. We can’t afford delays. They know we’ll be questioning him, so they won’t stay around for long.”

  Ghastly nodded. “I’m going to send Elsie in first. Maybe she’ll be able to appeal to his better nature before we have to scare him.”

  Valkyrie and Skulduggery stepped into the room adjacent, nodding to the mage who sat at the monitor. She saw Sean on screen, sitting at the table and looking scared. The door opened, and Elsie O’Brien walked in. She was a heavyset girl in black, with thick eyeliner and a pierced lip. She had a nice face, but she was worried. Nervous.

  Sean glared at her. “I should have known you’d be here.”

  “It’s OK,” Elsie said. “Everything’s going to be OK now.”

  He slouched in his chair. “Really? Are you going to force them to let me go?”

  “They only want to help you.”

  He laughed. It was a nasty laugh. “Does it look like I’m being helped? I’m in a jail cell. I was put in handcuffs.”

  “Sean, you have to know that what you were doing was wrong.”

  “You’re such a coward.”

  “Please just—”

  “Please just,” he mimicked. “Do you have any idea how annoying your voice sounds, you ignorant cow? You look like a cow as well, did I ever tell you that? You’re fat and ugly like a cow. I couldn’t stand it when you smiled at me. I wanted to vomit.”

  The door opened and Sean shut up. Ghastly walked in.

  Sean gathered his feet under him and looked at his hands as Ghastly pulled a chair over. He sat across from him.

  “Now then,” Ghastly said, “you want to talk about ugly, Sean?”

  Sean swallowed.

  “There are those who have said over the years that I myself am ugly. What do you think?”

  Sean gave the tiniest of terrified shrugs.

  Ghastly leaned forward. “Am I ugly, Sean?”

  “You... you have scars.”