Two by Day, Three by Night

by Breanna Hayse

  “We need to talk. I’m at odds and need some input.”

  “You are asking me for counsel? Are you having difficulty in deciding how you feel about dealing with her? What are we going to do?” the other asked, his voice quiet and strangely sad, without even a hint of amusement or gloating.

  “I don’t know. I’m afraid for her.”

  “She knows herself. If anyone can embrace their own darkness, it is she. We have to trust that,” the harder half shrugged. “You over-think everything.”

  “Does anyone really know themselves? Even after all this time, I am just now starting to know you.”

  “We’ve always known each other, but we have never accepted the need to have each other. That has changed. It does not mean I like you any more, but you have some value.”

  “This is not a joke. Our acceptance of one another has occurred because of Courtney, and only because of her. You and I have done nothing to help ourselves.”

  “Because neither of us had reason, or desire, to do for ourselves. Now we do. If she is able to offer the sacrifice of the thing she holds dearest to her heart, she will then be able to truly help us. We have to let her.”

  “I don’t want to take that risk. She must be willing to give up everything. Her fear will not allow that. It will cause her to be unhappy and resentful of us for the rest of her life. Don’t you understand that?”

  “She needs to only give up one thing: her fear-filled control. The one thing she has desperately clung to all her life. We must encourage her and reassure her that she will be safe under our protection. I have done that for years with women. That is my strength and you must allow me to see it through and guide her into relinquishing her hold to me. How difficult can that be?”

  “You have taken control from women temporarily. They did not completely, or willingly, hand it over to you. As for the difficulty, don’t you think that this is the question we should be asking of ourselves? Our inability to relinquish control of either power or emotion has been the source of our grief.” He leaned back on the headboard, closing his eyes. “Regarding our little Courtney, I fear that her release of that which she has guarded and protected for so long will be a harder task than we expect, but you are correct. Now, to business at hand. What shall be done? She was promised discipline by the two of us. It would not be right to fail to follow through,” the prudent half said seriously, a frown on the handsome, somber face.

  “You don’t always have to be reasonable and responsible. She would appreciate our leniency.”

  “Coming from you, I find that rather amusing. I never expected my sadistic half to turn down an opportunity to punish. But, again, you are correct. However, I am inclined to believe that she would also appreciate our consistency. Perhaps we should allow her to decide.”

  The once-harder part of Marcas nodded, wondering what had softened the edge that had made him so despicable. Courtney. The same person who had slowly turned his unyielding, focused side to carnal distraction. Together, they ventured down to the far wing and tapped lightly on the door before entering.

  Courtney was sitting on the window seat, staring over the valley. She did not turn to greet them as they entered, her anger still evident. She shrugged away the touch on her shoulder. “Go away. I have nothing to say to you. And don’t you even think of touching me again.”

  “What is wrong with you? Ever since you spoke to Gregor, you’ve been…”

  “I said to leave me alone. What part of that statement can’t you understand?” she spat.

  “We know you are upset. We are as well, but acting in this manner is not going to resolve the problem.”

  “Fuck off, Marcas. I’m not interested in your attempts at diplomacy. Take the sweet talk and bullshit to someone else.”

  “I know what you are trying and it is not going to work!” the other shouted, slamming his fist on the wall and making her jump. “If you think you can make me stop loving you by being a bitch, it’s not going to happen!”

  “Don’t swear!” the other growled back, facing that half. “She’s trying to protect us.”

  “Like hell she is. She’s trying to protect herself. Aren’t you? Answer me, damn it! Aren’t you!!?” He shook her, forcing her to look at him. Her eyes filled with tears, too afraid to respond. He shoved her back onto her seat and began shouting obscenities in Romanian. The other watched the demonstration of anger and turned to the frightened woman.

  “You are hurting him… us… me. Why? It is not in your character to cause pain to others.”

  “What the hell do you know about my character? Maybe this really is me and I’ve been hiding it from you and everyone else. Just go away! I’m here to help Sebastian and then I am going home.”

  “You are going nowhere!” the other half raged as he pushed a chair aside to approach her. Courtney backed against the wall, terrified of his display of anger. “You are mine! Nothing means more to me than you do and if you can’t see that, then you are blinder than a Transylvanian bat!”

  “Now, let’s calm down. We aren’t going to…”

  “Oh, shut up!” both Courtney and the raging half of Marcas shouted at once, causing the calmer portion to slump in his chair.

  Enraged, Marcas pointed his finger in her face. “You must promise me that you will not put yourself in harm’s way for me. And you must stop letting your fear guard your heart from me!”

  Courtney stared at the angry face of the man who had taken her life, heart, soul, and mind captive. In his eyes she saw a frightened, insecure man facing another part of his lonely existence without someone he loved. Shaking, she reached up to touch his face, peering into the haunted silver orbs. He did not want to be left alone without her, to feel his life was out of control.

  She understood his fear. She had experienced the same sense of panic when she had been abandoned by her lying fiancé, lost her baby to a newly diagnosed disease that she abhorred, and then witnessed the death of her parents. She closed her eyes. Had her fears weakened her? Did she use them as a barrier from being hurt again? Courtney groaned, realizing that she had used her fear as an excuse to keep to herself and increase her control, never having to worry about another broken heart.

  “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ve been hiding. Hiding in my own fear and afraid to take risks because I didn’t want to be hurt again. And I won’t hurt you, either. I swear, ” she whispered, kissing his lips.

  “You can’t promise that,” the calmer part said softly, looking over at them. “Life doesn’t allow us to always choose our paths.”

  “Well, life can go take a flying leap. I won’t hurt you. Either of you. I love you when you’re together and when you’re apart. Please, don’t be afraid for me,” she asked, wrapping her arms around the waist of the man who stood in front of her. He slowly returned the gesture and she felt his tears on her forehead as he unashamedly expressed his pain. The other sat quietly as he watched her hold and soothe the part he used to loathe, and sensed the dizziness come over him as Courtney’s unconditional love merged them into one.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “I’m telling you, she can break the curse without sacrifice,” Marcas argued with his uncle as they started their journey the following morning. “She joined us last night.”

  “She did not join you. Your acceptance of one another joined you. You will tear in half tonight as you do every night, nephew. I am sorry, but you must accept that she will have to pay a very high price for you to be free. She is willing to do it out of her love for you.”

  “I am not going to permit it! I’ve seen her hidden ugliness and will learn to love it as I love her. If she lets that die, it might change her as she is. I cannot allow that.”

  “Love is not always about giving, my boy. It is also about receiving. Brother Sebastian has received the help you have given him out of his love for you, not simply because he needed it. Others could have done the work you have with him, but he knew that you demanded to be part of his care because you love h
im, and he put aside his shame to permit it. Do you understand?”

  “Are you saying that if I loved her, then I would allow her to give me her life?”

  “If she wishes to make that gift from a place of love, yes.”

  “Gregor, it isn’t as though she’s donating a kidney. This could mean…”

  “And she is willing to take that risk. If you trust her, then you must allow her to do what she feels she must.”

  Marcas did not respond. He watched Courtney’s swaying body ahead as she rode the dapple gray stallion he had chosen for her. The monks had vowed that they would make Sebastian’s entire last pilgrimage solely ‘on foot’, but reluctantly agreed, upon Courtney’s insistence, to at least upgrade to horseback and horse-drawn wagons for Sebastian’s comfort. It would take an extra week to arrive at their destination, but Sebastian rejoiced in the idea of seeing the countryside in that manner.

  Afternoon showers and muddy roads slowed their advance to the base of the Carpathian mountain slopes. Except for fussing over Sebastian, Courtney kept to herself and said very little to anyone. It saddened Marcas, seeing her usual spicy and effervescent personality sizzle into nothing. He found himself hating his uncle for telling her of the sacrifice, hating himself for his own foolish actions, and hating the beauty of the countryside because he was forced to watch it without her at his side. It began to wear on his harder side and, by the fifth day, he had enough of her silence and offhandedness.

  “Courtney, I wish to speak with you this minute,” he said, standing next to her tent after a particularly hard rainstorm that had delayed the beginning of their ascent.

  “I’m tired, Marcas. Excuse me, but I did not invite you in. I thought I was clear when I said we would keep things saintly around the monks.”

  “I am not here to have sex with you. Although…” He forced a smile that was not returned. “I wanted to talk with you. That is all.”

  “Why now? You certainly haven’t spoken with me this entire last week.”

  “Me? You have been avoiding me. I miss you. And this sadness,” he touched her mouth, “makes me want to weep. It never smiles anymore.”

  “I have no reason to smile. I am on a trip to take a person I have grown to care for to a place to die.”

  “I no longer give you reason to smile?”

  “I’ve been thinking about things, Marcas. I see no hope for us. If the curse is not broken, then you will be forever hating yourself. The only chance is for me to do what I must and see you healed, and that could cost me your love. Either way, it’s a plan for disaster.”

  Marcas stared at her dumbfounded. She was serious! Fury began to permeate his body and his face darkened. “You promised you would never leave me!”

  “You also said that if I broke the curse, it would be a deal breaker.”

  “Then don’t break the curse. You don’t know what you are risking.”

  “I do know the risk. I can lose the part of myself that made you love me. Marcas,” Courtney said quietly, “without you in my life, I don’t care about anything. You’ve taken my ability to be content by myself. I am no longer satisfied with being alone in this world. If making you whole again means that I can’t be happy and whole, then it is something I am willing to risk. You have all these people who know and love you. Who do I have? Except for you, not a soul…”

  “That is untrue. You have all those people who you’ve helped…”

  “Who remember me only as the nurse who helped a loved one leave them. I love what I do, Marcas, but it’s a very lonely life. Perhaps I am being selfish to not want to live without you.”

  “You are the most unselfish person I know, my love. Please…”

  “Not true. That horrid, hidden part of me that I allowed to come out is selfish, vindictive, rude, and disgusting. You hated that part of me, and so did I. I don’t want it and neither do you. I can’t see how something that terrible can be part of making me a better, stronger person. I have to risk getting rid of it.”

  “My love, it could change who you are. It can take this,” he placed his hands on her shoulders and gazed into her eyes, “beautiful, loving person and turn her into a shell. You can’t take that chance. I love you, good and bad.”

  “If someone tried to shoot me, would you throw yourself in front of the bullet to save me?”

  “Of course! How could you ask?”

  “And I would be alive, but without you. I would also know that you did it because you loved me and I would not dishonor your memory by not continuing to live and thrive. Don’t dishonor my gift to you. Please. Not if you sincerely love me like you say you do.”

  She turned her back to him and waited for him to leave. Neither saw each other’s tears.

  * * *

  “This is where we part,” Gregor stated as they hit a fork in the steep mountain road. “Marcas, you and Courtney are to follow that path. When you reach the end, we will meet.”

  “I can’t leave Sebastian! He needs me!” Courtney shouted.

  Gregor held up his hand. “Sebastian is in God’s hands now, child. This is your destiny. Follow that path. Along the way are several caves. Stop in each one as you find it and do not wander the cliff sides at night. It is treacherous with the winds.”

  “I am not taking Courtney along those edges. It is too dangerous and she can’t handle the climb!”

  “Excuse me?” Courtney glared at Marcas. “Are you saying I’m not capable of making that hike?”

  “No. I am saying you are not used to the elevation or the terrain.”

  “And you are? Is it because I’m a woman?”

  “I have climbed these mountains my entire life. As for you being a woman…” he caught Sebastian’s eye and silent warning, “I would never say that.”

  “No to my face, anyway. Fine, Brother Gregor. We will go. And when we see you at the top, I would love to see you use your infamous switch on the backs of this man’s legs!”

  “So he has told you.” Gregor laughed, ignoring the heated glare of his nephew. “It was quite the motivator in his younger years.”

  “When we arrive at the top, Courtney Wells, I will be applying that switch to your hind end. I promise,” Marcas growled, grabbing the backpacks from the wagon. He tossed one to Courtney, watching as she tumbled while catching it. “Get up, woman, and show me what you can do.”

  “Marcas! Put that nasty, childish side away and behave like a gentleman. What has gotten into you?” Sebastian reprimanded. Marcas stared at him, and then turned to Courtney. She also was staring at him incredulously from her spot on the hard ground.

  “Marcas? He’s right. Both of us have been acting… badly. I’m sorry I lost my temper. It was immature and unnecessary,” Courtney said, her face red with embarrassment as the group of monks watched the interaction.

  “I am sorry as well,” Marcas said, helping her up. He kissed her cheek. “Forgive me?”

  “Of course. Forgive me?”

  “I was never angry. We will see you at the top. And I do owe you a switching, Miss Wells. I warned you about humiliating me in front of others,” he whispered into her ear.

  “But food… water…” She ignored his threat.

  “God will provide, my child. Be safe and return to us whole.” Sebastian smiled, kissing both her cheeks.

  “Promise me that you will wait for me?” Courtney whispered in his ear.

  “I promise. I am owed a wedding, remember? And, my angel, do not be afraid. All will be well. Have faith.”

  Courtney accepted Marcas’ hand and gripped it tightly, looking up the steep path that they were instructed to follow. They walked silently for an hour, pausing to sip from the canteen they each carried. The air was cool, even somewhat cold in the shade, and the trees grew sparse.

  “Marcas? Why did Gregor make us do this?”

  “Why do the monks speak in riddles? Probably to drive us insane. Or get you angry enough to toss me off the cliff,” he chuckled.

  “And what Sebastian said
to you, about how you were acting. The same thing happened to me. I lost all self-control and desire to watch my tongue that other day when you spanked me. You know, when I threw a tantrum and cussed at you. It felt like someone else was talking.”

  Marcas stopped to look at her, his silver eyes taking in the flushed beauty of her heart-faced face, the over-sized blue eyes, and the golden halo of hair that had escaped her ponytail. His heart sank as understanding came over him.

  “I want the truth, Courtney. Did you inhale the dust?”

  “No. Honey.” She avoided his eyes. “I don’t know what to say to you about this. I… I drank it.”

  Marcas fought not to roar with anger. He forced his voice to sound steady and calm, “Why did you drink it and when?”

  “Gregor told me that I had to expose myself to the curse intentionally for it to work to help you. He said that I had to be certain of the side that would show itself before I did, so I went down to the dungeon and did some heavy soul searching on your divan,” she whispered, looking at the ground. “I remembered what you said when it hit your body and so I made a tea out of it. I drank it right after midnight when I was sure that I acknowledged the part of myself I hated. It didn’t hurt me. I went up to wait for you in bed for I wouldn’t be alone when, you know. Since nothing happened…”

  “You will not separate until the next full moon. Courtney, my love, why?”

  “Gregor said it’s the only way to teach your sides peace. He couldn’t tell me much of anything else. Marcas, please don’t give up on us together. I can’t live without you.”

  “The deed is done. We will find a way, I promise. And thank you.”

  “For defying you? For risking our future? You said this was a deal breaker.”

  “Part of my lesser half is a manipulative jackass. It came out often as a child and Father would reprimand me severely for it. If I did not get my way, I would manipulate or bully until I did. Enough switchings helped me learn to curb that monster.”