High Desert Haven (The Shepherd's Heart)

by Lynnette Bonner

  Jason glanced from Ron to Conner and back again. Both men were suddenly extremely interested in their pie, trying to keep straight faces. Tilly and Sawyer had both stopped playing with the blocks on the quilt-covered bed and were staring at the door, befuddled. Jason took a sip of coffee, eyeing the low door that Nicki had just slammed. He smirked at the fleeting thought that he hoped she wasn’t waiting for him on the other side with a loaded shotgun. Then, rising slowly, he removed his hat from its peg and eyed the three adult occupants of the room. Conner and Tilly grinned unrepentantly and humor danced in Ron’s eyes.

  “A lot of help you three are,” Jason said, pushing his hat back onto his head. As he shut the door, he heard a burst of laughter from all three.

  8

  Nicki waited for him, arms folded against the chill, one small foot tapping the snow, her skirts blowing around her ankles.

  Seeing she had not brought her jacket, Jason ducked back inside and spoke to Tilly. “Where’s her coat?”

  Tilly indicated one hanging on a peg by the door and he took it down. Going back out, he held it out to her with a grin—a peace offering.

  She snatched it from him with a glare and tossed it around her slender shoulders. “You have no idea what I am going through, Señor. If I leave this place, two good men lose their jobs and those who are trying to scare me off win.” She turned sparking black eyes on him. “And Conner and Tilly, they have eyes for each other. What is going to happen to them if I leave? I want to stay! I just don’t see a way. I am not giving up too easily! I have thought of every option, yet you think you can come here and, in one day, fix all my problems?”

  Jason shrugged. “If that couple is meant to be together, God will see to it. And I wasn’t trying to fix all your problems. Just one.”

  Her black eyes blazed. “Are you implying, Señor, that I have other problems you would like to tackle as well?”

  Jason shook his head at her rationale, ignoring her barbed comment. “You have two weeks to figure something out. I just think it’s a little soon to be putting the horse out to pasture.”

  Nicki gave an unladylike snort. Her voice was low and dejected when she said, “This horse has been out to pasture from the beginning. It’s not too soon, Señor. We should have quit this place a long time ago.” She gestured. “Look around. We have lived here for almost three years, and this is what we have. The barn.” She waved her hand at it, its neglected appearance self explanatory.

  “A new roof and it will be good as new,” he injected.

  “The bunkhouse that is so cold in the winter time that only Ron and Conner will live there.”

  “Real polar bears those two, huh?”

  She didn’t smile.

  Jason shrugged. “All it needs is a little chinking. For now, we can make some from mud and grass. It’s not as good as the store-bought kind, but it will do in a pinch. Soon it’ll be so hot in there they’ll have to sleep with both the windows and the door wide open.”

  She ignored his attempted humor. “There aren’t any windows.”

  He glanced at the bunkhouse as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “You’re right. We should put some in.”

  Nicki threw up her hands in despair. She pointed to the corral and started to say something, but he beat her to it.

  “All it needs is some lashing. The poles are all there.”

  “Señor—”

  “Jason, remember?”

  Nicki sighed. “Jason.”

  He smiled. “Yes?”

  She looked into his face and couldn’t say the words she knew needed to be said; couldn’t tell him that it would be better for her and Sawyer if he would just go back to where he came from; couldn’t tell him that he should stay out of her decisions. Her anger was suddenly gone. She wanted to believe him; wanted to hope. She wanted to save this ranch. Not only for herself but for all involved. For Ron, Conner and Tilly and yes, for herself as well. But mostly for Sawyer. So he would have something to call his own one day. Some days it seemed that only her love for Sawyer kept her going.

  Jason seemed to read her thoughts. Taking a step nearer, he looked down into her face, nodding toward the house. “Do it for your son. Fight for Sawyer, ma’am.”

  She hunched her shoulders into the wind. Was that the best thing for him? Maybe God’s plans for Sawyer didn’t include this ranch. “Maybe the best thing for Sawyer would be for me to go to California and find my family.”

  Jason glanced around the yard. “You’ve already given up, but I don’t think we’ve explored all your options yet. Just give me some time to look around the place and see if there isn’t some way we can save it.”

  Nicki was thoughtful for a moment before she responded, “No. I don’t want to live in limbo for even a little while longer. My world has been turned upside down, and I want to know what I am doing. I will go to California and find my family.”

  She started for the house, but Jason stepped in front of her. “Think what you could leave your son if you could save this place!”

  Nicki pivoted, hands raised in frustration. Bringing tightly clenched fists to her sides, she asked, “What do you care what I do? Do you need a job so badly?”

  “Do you believe in God?”

  His change of topic took her off guard, taking the anger out of her immediately. She blinked. “Sí.” She knew she was not acting in a very godly manner. The stresses of the last weeks had worn her down.

  “Do you believe that He loves us and cares what happens in our lives?”

  She nodded, wondering where he was going with this line of thinking and said a quick prayer of repentance, asking that the Lord would help her to hear what He wanted her to hear.

  “Let’s walk while I tell you how I came to be here.” He turned so their backs were to the wind and, hands behind his back, began to walk. “My father was killed in a bar room brawl when I was a boy. My mother turned to drugs after that, and it wasn’t but a few years later that she overdosed and I found her.”

  He adjusted his hat. “Grandma Jordan came and got us, my sister and I. She raised us after that and taught us about the Lord. But eventually I turned my back on Him and went back to Pierce City, intent on killing the man who had sold my mother the opium.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Long story short, God protected me from doing that, but,” he cleared his throat, “there were a lot of things I did that weren’t right.” Turning back to look at her, he shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “I was bitter and vengeful, a womanizer, an alcoholic.” He sighed. “I still struggle against the desire for a drink sometimes. But God has faithfully brought me to this place in my life where I can truthfully say, ‘I mean to never turn my back on Him again.’”

  Nicki examined him quizzically, wondering what that had to do with her situation.

  He continued, “I didn’t want to take this job. My grandmother is getting up in years, and I wanted to stay close to her. She’s very independent, but the older she gets the more help she needs with things. I’d been away for a couple of months on that run to Dodge City and felt like I needed to stay near her for a while.

  “That’s why when Gram pointed out your classified, I didn’t want to take the job. But God wouldn’t let me rest. I couldn’t get that ad out of my head. Everywhere I went something reminded me of it until I knew I had to at least come check into it, or I wouldn’t be obeying God. I told the Lord that if the job was still open when I got here, I would take it. And here I am. I believe this is where God wants me, because I’ve had perfect peace ever since I rode in and made you drop that log on your foot.” He grinned at her.

  Nicki smiled gently. “Even when someone started shooting at us?”

  His grin turned serious. “That only made me more determined to stay. And yes, God gave me peace even then. He brought to mind some verses from the ninety-first psalm, and I knew you wouldn’t be killed. Still, I wouldn’t recommend staring down the barrel of a gun again.”

  Nicki didn’t respond to his jest an
d all was silent for a long time. They had stopped walking and merely stood enjoying the cool crispness of the night air. The moon broke through a patch of clouds and glittered brightly off the untouched snow around them, the path they had walked holding the only marred patch in the whole expanse. The wind had stopped, adding to the peaceful feeling that filled the night air. The far-off rush of the Deschutes River could be heard in the evening’s stillness.

  Finally, Jason turned and looked her full in the face. “I said all that to say, give me a few days, ma’am.” He paused. “You remember the story of Esther in the Bible?”

  Nicki nodded, knowing precisely where he was going. “Who knows but that you were brought here for such a time as this.”

  “Exactly.”

  She angled him a look.

  He smiled. “Ten days?”

  She shook her head. “One week.”

  He extended his hand, and they shook on the deal. She started to pull away, but Jason’s hand tightened around hers. Her eyes flew to his.

  He studied her, his face serious, his thumb caressing the back of her cold hand. His hat shadowed his face, but after a moment she saw his mouth soften into a smile. “You won’t regret this.”

  She jerked her hand back to her side. “I already do,” she snapped. But she was chagrined to hear the husky crackle of her voice.

  Nicki was at the table finishing her morning coffee and feeding Sawyer his breakfast when a knock sounded on the door.

  Tilly, who had been working over the dishes at the wash basin, moved to answer it, a dishcloth in her hands. She pulled the door wide, and Nicki glanced past her to see who it might be.

  William stood there, broad-shouldered and well-tailored, the morning sun glistening in his sandy, straight hair. “Good morning.” His focus was solely on Nicki. “May I come in?”

  Nicki nodded, and he brushed past Tilly without ever acknowledging her presence.

  Tilly rolled her eyes at Nicki behind his back and returned to the sink. Nicki averted her gaze, lest she smile and give the girl’s annoyance away. William was always thoughtful and gentle toward her, but to others he could be a little difficult sometimes.

  “Good morning, William.” She placed a spoonful of eggs in Sawyer’s wide, waiting mouth and continued, “What can I do for you?”

  William ruffled Sawyer’s black curls, but his attention was on her face when he said, “Come riding with me today.”

  She looked at him askance. When she had awakened this morning, for the briefest of seconds she had forgotten all of the terrible things that had befallen her in the last couple of weeks. Then realization had dawned, and a stark depression had gripped her. The last thing she felt like doing was going for a ride.

  He quickly amended his demand. “Do you have time?”

  Nicki glanced around the already tidy room. She had nothing to do. There were no excuses, and to refuse him without one would seem rude. “I suppose. Tilly was going to go home early today, but I could just bring Sawyer along.”

  William’s face fell a little at this last statement, and he looked over at Tilly, finally acknowledging her. “You don’t mind staying a little later than you had planned, do you?”

  Tilly’s mouth opened, but Nicki spoke indignantly before she could voice her reply. “William, Tilly has worked here from dawn till dusk every day except Sundays for the past three weeks, and I want her to have this day off. If you really want to go riding with me, Sawyer will be no trouble to take along. He can sit on my horse with me.”

  William glanced at Sawyer and something chilled the warmth in his hazel eyes. Was it anger? But then it was gone and he smiled. “Fine. You’re right. I’m sorry, Tilly.” His smile turned charming. “I would hate to be the man who took away your day off.” He spread his hands and arched his brows with a look that pleaded for forgiveness.

  Tilly waved a hand. “Think nothing of it, Mr. Harpster.”

  He turned back to Nicki. “How long will you be?”

  “Give me five minutes.”

  “I’ll be outside waiting with the horses.”

  Nicki emerged from the house five minutes later bundled to the gills, with Sawyer—looking like a mini snowman in his many layers topped off by a white sweater and knit cap—resting on her hip.

  William gazed fondly at them. “I suppose it is a bit chilly for a ride,” he said as he walked toward them leading the horses, “but I couldn’t stand to be away from you for another minute.”

  Nicki barely stopped a frown from creasing her brow. Something in his tone struck a raw nerve. She mentally shook herself. William had been a big help to her since John’s death and a good friend even before that. He was only being nice. His words held nothing more than friendship. Hadn’t he warned her that there might be trouble?

  Her mind flashed briefly to his earlier proposal, but she shrugged that off.

  He had merely been trying to take care of her as John would have wanted him to.

  Refusing to allow her emotional upheaval of the last several weeks to ruin the first outing she and Sawyer had had in months, Nicki forced her thoughts toward more pleasant things. The fact that she was now a widow and her son fatherless was something she could contemplate and worry over at any hour of the many long, lonely nights ahead. She was determined to at least act pleasant for William’s sake, even though she didn’t really want to accompany him. Her bout of flu had flared up again this morning. But the outing would be good for her, even if she didn’t feel that way inside. Besides, Sawyer needed this time out of the house, and he wouldn’t relax and have fun if he noticed her tension.

  William was just helping Nicki up onto a paint named Patch when she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. Glancing toward the bunkhouse as she settled herself into the sidesaddle, she saw Jason leaning casually in the doorway, his arms resting on the lintel above his head.

  His face was yet rough with stubble, but she knew he had already been out riding this morning. She wondered what had taken him away so early. It had still been dark when she’d heard his horse leave the yard.

  Pushing back off the lintel, he stepped out into the sunlight. He held his black hat in one hand and wore a heavy, wool-lined leather vest over a dark blue flannel shirt. The morning light glinted off his blond curls as he raked his fingers through them, his eyes on her face. Even from this distance Nicki noted the dizzying blue of his eyes. ¡ Qué guapo es ! Nicki caught herself and blushed even at the thought of how handsome he was.

  William gave her a strange look as he handed Sawyer up to her. He turned to mount his own Morgan, and Nicki inwardly cringed, knowing he had noticed her blush. Clicking to his horse, William heeled him forward, but Nicki waited a moment. Jason would want to know where they were going.

  Jason sauntered toward her, settling his hat on his head and then stuffing his hands in the pockets of his denim pants. He looked directly into her eyes as he approached. Taking note of Sawyer, his eyes hardened to granite blue before he spoke. “Not backing out on our deal, I hope.”

  Nicki was quick to shake her head. “No. William wanted to go for a ride. I’ll be back before noon.” She wondered why she wanted his approval so much.

  Jason tossed William a hard look, then spoke in a low tone not meant to carry. “I went to see the sheriff this morning. He’s aware of the situation now and said he’d send one of his men out later to look around.”

  “Thank you.”

  He nodded, removing his hands from his pockets and gesturing toward Sawyer. “Let me watch him for you.”

  Nicki didn’t respond immediately, first of all surprised that he would offer and second, torn between the opportunity to have a few minutes away from the demanding toddler and the desire to let him get fresh air. “I wanted him to be able to get out of the house a bit.”

  He shrugged and indicated the dilapidated corral. “I need to get to work on the corral. He can stay out here with me.” At her uncertain look, he continued, “It’s warmer today and you have him bundled
up good, but if I notice him getting cold I’ll take him inside.” Then he added softly, “The break will do you good, ma’am.”

  “Have you ever watched a little one before?”

  “No, I can’t say that I have, but I’ve never let a corral pole drop on a baby’s head either.” His eyes lit up with humor.

  Nicki looked askance. “That’s supposed to make me feel better?”

  His only response was a heart stopping grin.

  “Do you know how to change a diaper?”

  Jason scratched his head in pretended befuddlement. Glancing from her to the horse and back, he noted her lack of any diaper-changing essentials before his eyes widened in mock awe. “You can change a diaper and ride a horse at the same time?” Nicki couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped as he stepped toward her and asked, “May I touch you, oh talented one?”

  “Stop.” She pushed him away with her foot. “This is serious. Okay, so he probably won’t need to be changed in the next couple of hours, but one never knows.” She pulled an extra diaper and a rag out of her coat pocket with a flourish, dangling them before his face, a twinkle in her dark eyes. “I always travel prepared. Maybe I should just take him with me.”

  Jason dropped to one knee, crossed himself in knightly fashion, and pressed his forehead to her boot. “I will guard your son as if he were my own. And,” he added quickly, merriment dancing in his eyes as he glanced up at her, “I’ll have Tilly show me everything I need to know about changing a diaper before she leaves.”

  Nicki leaned over, peering down at the crazy man before her, whispering as much in Sawyer’s ear.

  The toddler giggled, clapping his mittened hands together and chanting, “Loco! Loco! Loco!” His eyes fixed on Jason.

  Jason stood, still grinning, but said, “No. Seriously. Take a break. I’ll be very careful with him. I’ll have Tilly show me everything before she leaves for the day.”