High Desert Haven (The Shepherd's Heart)

by Lynnette Bonner

  Sunlight poured into the barn’s interior, since the roof was off, but he was in a back corner shaded by the hay loft, which miraculously had escaped too much damage when the roof caved in, and she hadn’t noticed him yet. Glancing over himself, he grimaced. Shirt off, dirt smudged, and glistening with sweat, he would be quite a sight when she did notice him. But there was no help for it. Tapping his hat onto his head, he reached for his blue shirt, wiping his grimy hands on it before he swung it on and stepped out of the shadows. “Hi,” he said, beginning to do the buttons.

  Gasping, she spun toward him.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  She smiled faintly, her eyes darting uneasily over his exposed chest. “You seem to be good at it, though.”

  He couldn’t stop a grin as he finished with the last button and casually rested his hands on his hips. “Yes, I suppose I have given you more than your share of surprises by showing up…or waking up,” his gaze dropped to where her legs were concealed under her skirt, “when you least expected.” He enjoyed the blush that skittered across her cheeks.

  She looked away. “Sí.”

  That one little word sent his heart racing, because he suddenly knew she was feeling some of the same life-changing emotions he was. Could it be they’d only known each other for a a few weeks? It felt much longer than that. He swallowed, trying to ignore the stampede taking place in his chest. Breathe, Jordan. Breathe!

  He bent and slapped the dust from his denim-clad legs. “Nicki—” He frowned. “You’ve never said I could call you that. Do you mind?”

  She shook her head and whispered, “No.”

  Not allowing himself to take the step toward her he longed to take, he continued, “We’ll ride out and bring the horses here. They will need to be broken a little before we can hope to transport them to Bennett’s ranch. But Cade can wire to have the money paid to the bank as soon as he sees the horses and determines what they are worth.”

  She tucked a black curl behind her ear. “That’s fine.”

  There was a long silence as she stared at the ground, refusing to meet his gaze, and he simply enjoyed watching her. At length, she looked up. “What do you think we’ll get for them?”

  His heart rate spiked yet again. He liked the sound of that “we’ll.” She’d used it a couple times lately. “I could only venture a guess at this point. Cade knows a whole sight more about horses than me, and he’ll give you a fair price for them.”

  “I’d like to be able to pay off the loan on the Jeffries’ place too, if that’s possible.”

  He smiled. “Jesus with skin? Ron told me about Pastor’s sermon.”

  She nodded.

  “I think it likely. We’ll know soon. I expect Rocky and Cade any day now.”

  Her eyes suddenly glistened with unshed tears, and she spun away from him, starting out of the barn. Probably hoping he hadn’t seen them.

  “Nick?” He spoke her name before she could step through the door. She stopped but did not turn to look at him. Waving a hand over her shoulder, she shook her head to indicate she was all right. He knew better.

  Stepping up behind her, he took her elbow and turned her to face him, stooping to look into her face. And when she tried to evade his scrutiny by twisting her face away, he finally gave in to the impulse that had been pounding at him from the moment he saw her walk in the door. Pulling her gently to him, he smoothed a hand over the back of her head. “Shhh, it’s going to be all right.”

  She began to sob and he simply held her, allowing her the release of tears. Finally she was silent, but she didn’t pull away. After a moment he asked, “Want to talk about it?”

  Nicki knew she should step away from him but chose to stay right where she was. “No sé. Estoy cansada.”

  Pulling back slightly, he tipped her chin up, forcing her to meet his eyes and waiting for an interpretation. Reaching up, she straightened his skewed collar as she explained. “I don’t know. I’m tired. The Jeffries, the Snows, the Ashlands, the ranch, William.” She waved a hand, taking in a 360-degree scope of their surroundings. “You.” The word was out before she could stop it. If ever there was a time Nicki wished that her words were tied to string, this was it. She wanted to pull that one little word right back into her mouth and swallow it.

  But Jason didn’t seem to notice. Bending toward her, he pressed his forehead to hers briefly and then pulled her head back onto his chest. “You’re not forgetting your verses, are you? We’re in the valley, Nick, but God has not left us. He’s here. Sometimes we just don’t feel like He is.”

  “Why did he take John, leaving Sawyer fatherless? And now this little one, too?”

  “I don’t know why John died, but God promises to be a Father to the fatherless.”

  “What about the ranch? What am I supposed to do? I don’t even know if this is where God wants me to be.”

  Jason sighed. “That decision will have to be up to you. But I believe that God has provided for your needs at the moment. At least you aren’t going to lose the ranch because you don’t have the money. If you’re to give up the ranch, God will help you know it. If not, I think you’ll know that too. We just don’t always get our answers immediately.”

  “Why did He let little May die?” Nicki could barely squeeze the question out past the deep anguish cinching her throat.

  Jason’s muscles tightened. “I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers, Nick. But I’m ‘persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’”

  Nicki recognized the verses from the end of the eighth chapter of Romans.

  Jason continued, “Those verses were a great comfort to me after I came back to the Lord. At first I was afraid that I’d done too much wrong for God to ever forgive me again, especially since I knew better. But Sky showed me those verses.” He stroked the back of her head with his palm. “I don’t know, Nick. We don’t always understand God, but the Bible promises us that He loves us. We simply have to have the faith to believe what The Word says.”

  “I just wish I could take some of their pain.”

  He settled his chin on the top of her head. “Only God can do that now. You’re trying to take too much on yourself.”

  Nicki allowed herself to relax in his arms. It felt so comforting to be here.

  This embrace brought none of the disquieting sensations she always experienced when she was with William. Jason was stable, whereas William always carried a volatile air, like he might explode with one emotion or another on a mere whim. And she still wasn’t sure about his relationship with the Lord.

  She thought back over her relationship with John. He had never held her this way, just to comfort her, showing her he was thinking of her needs above his own. To John, she had been a servant—there to meet his needs and nothing more. Toward the end maybe, he had softened a bit, but John’s main purpose in life had been to gratify his own flesh.

  Jason struggled with this as well—she had seen it on more than one occasion—but she never felt threatened by him. She had always been a little afraid when John returned at the end of the day. And William…she was never sure how to feel when she was with him, and it bothered her that his faith wasn’t more evident.

  She settled more comfortably into Jason’s embrace, feeling his hand come up to cup the back of her head. As she thought back over the men in her life, she realized she had never been in love…until now. The sudden realization hit her with such a staggering force that she gasped and buried her face in his chest.

  “Hey.” His tone was worried, and he bent down, trying to glimpse her face. “You okay?”

  Her cheeks burned hot. She nodded, her forehead still firmly planted against his broad chest.

  “I thought maybe…you know…you were having some pains.” She shook her head.

  Jason
settled his weight more comfortably, leaning back into his heels, and she relaxed again, simply enjoying being near him. Finally, when she thought she couldn’t stand another minute in his arms lest she burst out with her newfound knowledge, and in Spanish nonetheless, for she knew she would never get all the words out in English, she giggled. Imagining the look on his face when she launched into a passionate speech in her native tongue, she lifted her head and started to pull back. He tightened his grip slightly and she sensed that he was reluctant to let her go. She glanced up quickly and the contented pleasure on his face gave her pause.

  Eyes twinkling with obvious curiosity over her giggles, he stared down at her in question. “From crying to laughing in less than ten minutes. You really must have had a stressful week.” One strong hand began to massage the tight muscles at the base of her neck, but Nicki refused to close her eyes and give in to the groan of pleasure the sensation elicited. Instead she studied his face. Could he be feeling some of the same things she was? She wondered at his feelings as she rolled her lips together and pressed tight.

  One golden eyebrow arched. His gaze dropped to her mouth, then rebounded quickly, a devilish glimmer leaping into its depths. Her heart lurched as she realized her mistake. But a slight smile couldn’t be vanquished and she waited expectantly, her heart rate increasing with every passing beat. This time she wanted him to follow through on the desire she could see reflected on his face.

  For a moment he merely looked at her, and she thought he wouldn’t do it. Disappointment surged through her.

  But then his eyes dropped once more. “I believe I gave you fair warning,” he whispered, just before his lips found hers.

  He kissed her lightly at first, and Nicki trembled with pulse-pounding tranquility. She leaned gently into the kiss, her hands inching their way up his chest and reaching around his neck to pull his head down toward hers. The kiss deepened, and Nicki tapped the toe of one foot on the ground to make sure she was still solidly on terra firma. Two years of marriage and she had never felt this way. His kiss left her breathless, yet she could feel his restraint and that only added to her sense of well-being. She knew without a doubt that she could trust this man with her heart.

  Jason finally pulled away, pressing his cheek to hers. He drew a ragged breath and cupped the back of her head, easing it down onto his shoulder. He spoke into her ear. “Well, I better go see to the horses.”

  She jerked back, stunned, but stopped at his innocent expression and jabbed him playfully in the ribs with a smile.

  He grinned. “Come here.” He pulled her back into his arms. They stood in silence for a time, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally he spoke, leaning back to look into her face. “God is good, Nicki. I don’t have the answers to all your questions, but I know that you can trust Him.”

  “I know.”

  “And I’ll be here for you.” He let the back of one finger trail over her cheek. “You can count on that, Nick. I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed her again, quickly this time, and then took a small step back, pressing his thumb across his lips as he put some distance between them. “The Jeffries still having a really rough time of it, huh?” His thumbs hooked into his belt loops.

  She stepped back slightly as well, turning to look at the soddy door. “Yes. It’s to be expected, I guess. I just wish there was something I could do.”

  “We’ll have to pray for them. That’s something we can do.”

  She nodded. “I have been.”

  “So have I.” Taking her hand, he led her out of the barn.

  He walked her to the door of the house and then reluctantly released her hand. “I really should go see about those horses.” He gave her a sheepish smile. “I’ll take Ron with me and, with Conner’s help we shouldn’t have any trouble getting them back here. We’ve set up a temporary holding-pen using the coral and the barn walls. All the stalls needed to be stripped out of the barn anyway. They were ruined when the roof fell on them, but we’ve pretty much got it cleaned out in there now. If we just close off the one end and make sure they have plenty of feed, they’ll be fine for a couple of days until Rocky and Cade can get here.” He backed away from her slowly. “We’ll probably sleep out there tonight and start for here early in the morning. Could you pack us a little grub?”

  She nodded.

  He started to walk away but then turned back with a grin and winked at her, his appreciative gaze taking her in from head to toe.

  Her eyes widened, but with a shake of her head she spun around and opened the door to the house before he could see her blush. Won’t be long and I’ll be as big as the barn. We’ll see what he thinks then.

  Jason couldn’t believe his good fortune when he stepped out from the barn leading his horse and saw Rocky and Cade riding up. A grin split his face. “If you two aren’t a sight for sore eyes, I don’t know what is.”

  Rocky and Cade swung down. Jason clasped Rocky’s hand, pulling him into a manly hug and clapping him on the back. “Cade.” He turned to his friend, doing the same. “It sure is good to see you guys.”

  Rocky said, “I see you managed to finagle your way out of jail without our help.”

  Jason tipped back his hat and raked a hand through his hair before he replaced it. “Strange thing, that. I’ll tell you all about it. But I bet you two could use a cup of coffee.”

  Cade grinned. “Now there’s a man I like. Knows just what to offer a fella at the end of a long trip.”

  Rocky gestured to Jason’s horse. “Heading somewhere?”

  “I was heading out to round up the horses, but now that you two are here, I’d like to fill you in first.”

  As they approached the soddy, the door opened and Nicki stepped out. “Hello.” She extended her hand. “I saw you ride up a moment ago. You must be Cade and Rocky. I’m Nicki Trent.”

  The men whipped hats from their heads and clasped her hand. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Come in. Coffee’s on.” She stepped aside, and the three men filed into the house, each ducking to avoid hitting his head on the lintel. “Please, have a seat.” Nicki motioned to the table where Rolf and Brenda were seated, then introduced all the adults in the house ending with, “Everyone, this is Rocky and Cade.”

  The men nodded, and Tilly smiled pleasantly. “Pleased to meet you.”

  “And this,” Jason scooped Sawyer up into his arms, giving him a whirl before settling him against the crook of one arm for the men to see, “is Sawyer. He’s the man of the house.”

  Sawyer grew suddenly shy and buried his face in Jason’s neck. Tender love tightened Nicki’s throat as she took in the sight.

  Jason met her gaze for a moment before he ruffled Sawyer’s hair and placed him back on the rug in front of the stove. Then he seated himself at the table.

  Rolf stood. “Best we go fer a walk, Bren, an’ let these folk talk business.” He stretched a hand toward his boys. “Boys, come along.”

  Nicki reached out. “Please don’t feel like you have to leave.”

  Brenda patted her arm. “Fresh air will be some good fer us, I reckon.”

  Quietly the family gathered their wraps and shuffled out the door. Nicki wondered if they would go up to May’s grave and prayed this would be one more step in their healing process.

  While Nicki poured coffee, Jason filled Rocky and Cade in on the details of their situation.

  As she took her seat, thankfulness once again coursed through her. God had sent a wonderful man to her aid. Gracias, Jesus.

  Rocky and Cade listened intently without interruption until Jason finished.

  Then Rocky clarified, “So we have until Tuesday evening to get the money to the bank in Portland?”

  Jason nodded. “Right.”

  “That gives us four days.”

  “It’s gonna be tight,” Jason agreed.

  “And you said there are 209 horses?” Cade asked.

  “I haven’t seen them up close. But that’s the number Ron said they counted. Four of our—” H
e cleared his throat. “Four of Nicki’s hands are out there with them now.”

  Nicki’s heart warmed at his slip, but she sipped her coffee casually.

  She noted that Cade and Rocky exchanged an amused glance. Jason looked up, meeting her gaze over the top of her cup. She put her cup on the table, wishing she could lean over and slide her hand into his.

  Cade chuckled, evidently taking in the way they looked at each other. He placed a hand over his heart and looked directly at her. “Ma’am, if this man is bothering you in any way, you just let me know, and I’ll be happy to put him in his place for you.”

  Rocky grinned and swallowed a mouthful of coffee, his eyes darting back and forth between Nicki and Jason.

  Nicki smiled softly. “Para amigos, todos; para enemigos, uno solo.”

  The men all looked at her with blank expressions. Jason, humor filling his eyes, sipped the dark brew, his gaze never leaving her face as he waited for her interpretation.

  “We have a saying. ‘One enemy is too many; and a hundred friends too few.’ I believe that Jace is in exactly the place God meant for him to be. He has been a true friend, and I am glad to have him here.” She turned her frank gaze directly on Cade. “We have another saying, La serpiente no está muy lejo de la casa de las gallinas. ‘The snake is never far from the hen house.’” She raised an eyebrow at him and took a saucy sip.

  Jason, Rocky, and Tilly burst out laughing.

  Cade did his best to look hurt but couldn’t help but join in the laughter. “Hey, when it comes to a pretty lady, I can’t help but try.”

  Rocky shook his head. “Ain’t that the truth.” Another ripple of laughter circled the room.

  A moment of silence followed and then Jason asked, “So Cade, how do you think we should handle this situation?”

  Cade’s face immediately turned serious. “I agree with you that if someone is set on getting this land, we should keep the existence of the horses as much a secret as possible until I can wire Dad to take the money to the bank. I set that up before we came. Dad is waiting in Portland for my wire. He’ll go straight to the Portland branch once we settle on a price and I wire him about it.”