High Desert Haven (The Shepherd's Heart)

by Lynnette Bonner

  Rocky tried not to frown as he removed his hat. Had Cade compromised Victoria’s integrity by going into her house while she was alone? Rocky clenched his fists at the thought of what something like that could do to Victoria’s good name. Cade, of all people, should know what gossip fueled by a bit of truth could do to someone’s reputation. But he was so easy-going, the gossip about him and his numerous courtships generally had about as much effect on him as rain did on a well-oiled slicker. On the other hand, the girls involved weren’t able to so lightly dismiss the pronged tongues of the town’s busybodies. Rocky had seen that on several occasions. And he didn’t want Victoria facing similar backbiting through no fault of her own. If Cade has thoughtlessly maligned her by his careless actions…. “Cade’s inside?”

  Victoria nodded and stepped back, motioning him and Hannah inside. “Yes, he stopped by with Sharyah several minutes ago. Said Hannah had asked them both to come by and help move Mama’s things over to Doc’s place.”

  Rocky eased out a breath of relief as he followed Hannah through the door.

  Hanging her shawl on a peg, Hannah slanted him an amused look.

  He smiled softly. Good ol’ Hannah. She thought of everything.

  Victoria smoothed her hands down the sides of her skirt. He most definitely liked her new dress. Somehow the yellow of it drew his attention to her red curls. Right now, he wanted to reach out and wrap the one caressing her cheek around his finger.

  She blushed and glanced down, and he realized he’d been staring. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking at the floor. “Got any coffee?”

  Hannah huffed and flapped her hands at him. “No coffee for you, now. You jus’ go sit yourself down and I’ll bring you some willow bark tea.” She poured water in the kettle. “Ria, I ain’t gonna hide nothin’ from you. I done brung Rocky over here to talk some sense into you. So you jus’ go on and have a talk with him. Cade, Sharyah and I, we’ll take care o’ Clarice’s trunks.” Victoria opened her mouth to say something but Hannah held a finger in her direction as she clunked the kettle down on the stove. “I mean it now. You and I done all the talkin’ we gonna do on the subject.”

  Rocky suppressed a grin. Victoria was none too pleased at being dismissed from her own kitchen. She had a way of holding her mouth just so when she was about to let someone have a piece of her mind. He held his hand out towards the small sitting room. “Let’s sit.” He nodded his head, encouraging her to let it go.

  With a tiny huff, Victoria complied.

  “Cade!” Hannah bellowed as they left the kitchen. “Buggy’s here!”

  As Rocky and Victoria headed through the small dining room of the house, Rocky could hear a low-voiced conversation between Cade and Sharyah in the sitting room. Suddenly, the sound of a resounding slap cracked through the air.

  Victoria darted him a glance, her mouth dropping open in surprise.

  “Don’t you ever say something like that to me again, Cascade Bennett!” Looking for all the world like she was running from a fire, Sharyah stormed out of the sitting room, skirts lifted. She bolted past them, tears streaming down her cheeks.

  Rocky and Victoria watched her brush past Hannah, bang through the kitchen door, and slam it behind her. The walls of the old house rattled with the force of her anger.

  A moment later Cade stepped into the doorway, his serious blue gaze fixed on the closed portal, one hand thoughtfully rubbing his cheek.

  3

  Victoria winced. Sharyah had been mooning over Cade Bennett for as long as she could remember. She wondered what he’d said to her to earn a slap. Sharyah wasn’t the type to fly off the handle for no reason.

  “Cade?” Rocky took a step towards him, anger radiating from every inch of his stance as he instinctively came to his sister’s defense.

  Victoria laid a hand on his arm. He glanced at her and she shook her head. Cade was still staring off after Sharyah. Maybe this would be what it took to make Cade realize how good Sharyah would be for him. Victoria sighed. Cade needed to settle down sometime, but she didn’t want Rocky to lose his friend over a confrontation that could come to no resolve.

  Whatever Cade had said to Sharyah, Victoria knew it couldn’t have been anything inappropriate. He would never do that. Probably it was just an off handed comment that had hurt Sharyah’s feelings. Cade was a good man. He would settle down, and sooner than later. But for now, she could sense he needed some space. “Cade, Mama’s trunks are to the right of the door in the first room down the hall.”

  Cade dropped his hand to his side and headed back through the sitting room and down the hall without another word.

  Rocky glared at his retreating back and spoke quietly. “If he were any other man….” A muscle in his jaw pulsed as he repeatedly clenched it.

  “You know he wouldn’t have said anything suggestive to her.”

  Rocky thought for a moment then seemed to relax. “Yeah, you’re right.” He pierced her with a look. “Speaking of suggestive, what did Jay Olson say to you?”

  Victoria felt her cheeks flame and led the way across the sitting room, gesturing to the settee.

  He didn’t sit. Instead, he studied her with his dark, long-lashed eyes slightly narrowed and a look of determination firming his jaw. He slid his hat through his hands, crimping the brim, and never looking away.

  She glanced at the floor and squeezed her forehead with one finger and her thumb. “It was nothing.” She flipped her hand as though batting away his concerns.

  “It was enough of something to make you decline his offer to escort you into town.”

  “It wasn’t so much what he said as the way he said it.”

  He made no comment, only waited, brow lifted, the unanswered question still on his face.

  She sighed. “All he said was that he’d be honored to escort me into town. But there was something about the way he said it that made me feel… uncomfortable.” And the way he lowered his hand from my waist. Uncomfortable was not a strong enough word to describe how that had made her feel. Repulsed was more like it.

  Rocky seemed to relax a little and she thanked her good fortune that he didn’t seem set on pushing the issue further.

  “So Hannah wants you to talk me out of going to Salem today?”

  Apparently taking the cue for a change of subject, Rocky eased himself down on the settee with a soft release of breath and tilted his head back against the seat, eyes closed. “Pretty much.”

  He must be in a lot more pain than he wants us to know about. Fear scurried through her veins. “Rocky, are you okay?”

  He met her questioning gaze. “So tell me about this trip to Salem today. What is it all about?”

  Not liking the way he’d dodged her question, Victoria sank into the wing chair and dusted at an invisible fleck on the brown velvet trim of her skirt. She shrugged. “It’s the normal trip I take every time the orphan train comes to Salem. I just want to make sure that any children who are left there have a shot at finding a good home out here.”

  Rocky sat up and she noted that he was careful to keep his right arm pressed tightly against his torso as he moved. “You have a great big heart, Ria. But Hannah tells me there are no more beds at the orphanage right now. What are you going to do with the children?”

  She lifted her palms by her sides, gesturing around her. “I can bring them here. There’s plenty of room here.”

  “Hannah tells me she’s been having trouble finding homes for children through the orphanage. What are you going to do with them if you can’t find a home for them?”

  She shrugged, swallowing down the pain of that thought. Not because she might have to take care of some children for a really long time, but because of how the children might feel if no one wanted them. “They’d be welcome to stay here indefinitely.”

  Elbows planted on his knees, Rocky sighed, dropped his head down next to his left hand and squeezed the back of his neck. Just then, Hannah bustled in with a tea tray and pressed a large mug of steaming tea
into Rocky’s hand. By the smell it was willow bark.

  Victoria took up her own cup and sniffed it, happy to find that it was regular tea and she wouldn’t be forced to drink the bitter willow bark brew. She sipped quietly as Hannah hurried off calling directions to Cade on the loading of the trunks.

  Rocky tasted his tea, his dark brown gaze meeting hers over the rim of his cup. “You know once you bring children into your home you’re going to fall in love with them and won’t want to give them to someone else.”

  She waved a hand. “No. I’ve helped lots of children find homes before. I’ll be fine.”

  He crossed the ankle of one foot over the knee of his opposite leg. “This will be different. You bring children here and you’ll be living with them day in and day out. You know you won’t want to part with them.”

  A lump formed in her throat. “I’ll just have to deal with it. I obviously can’t take care of children on my own for long.”

  “What are you going to do if they are all fifteen-year-old boys?”

  She couldn’t stop the smirk that tipped the corner of her mouth. “Then I’ll invite them all back here and send them over to your parent’s place to board in your room.”

  He grinned and leaned towards her speaking softly. “If our place gets too crowded, I might just have to see if any of the single ladies in town will have me. I’ve had my eye on a certain pretty red-head for quite some time.”

  Her eyes widened and heat rushed to her face as she looked down into her lap and rubbed a pinch of golden satin between her fingers. Rocky had never once flirted with her in the past. He’s a lawman! The quelling reminder had little effect on her racing pulse. Surely she hadn’t understood him correctly. There was a way to find out. She glanced back up with feigned innocence. “Saying something like that could get you slapped.”

  He chuckled softly. “Just give this willow bark a chance to get into my system first.” He eased back and swallowed another mouthful of tea, never taking his gaze off her face. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

  Victoria’s heart lurched. She nibbled at the fingernail on her first finger, the heel of one foot bouncing up and down rapidly.

  She shook her head.

  He couldn’t be showing interest in her like this now! Not when he’d just come home badly injured and she’d decided with such finality that a lawman definitely wasn’t the kind of man for her. Forget his profession! Even if it weren’t for that, she simply didn’t deserve a man like Rocky.

  Downing the last mouthful of the brew in his cup, he leaned forward and placed it on the tray Hannah had left for them. “Ria, getting shot has made me think through my life.” He cleared his throat. “I was laying there on the floor with Jason and Cade leaning over me, both of them acting like I wasn’t going to live to see the next minute, and I clearly remember I had one regret.” He looked up at her. “So let me put that regret to rest.” His deep brown eyes softened as they took in the lines of her face. “You are quite possibly the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  Victoria realized she was holding her breath and let it go with a quick puff that came out on a nervous bit of laughter. She felt the burn as her face flushed crimson. She looked across the room, down into her lap, at his boots – anywhere but at his face. “Your one regret was that you’d never told me I was beautiful?” She peeked up at him, unable to resist the allure of his gaze.

  “No.” He shook his head. “It was that I hadn’t ever courted you – gotten to know you better.”

  Victoria blinked. He doesn’t know that I’m adopted. That reminder was like a douse of ice water on the flame of her beating heart. She took a calming breath. He at least needed to know that before he courted her. That might, after all, change his mind. Rocky didn’t know where she really came from. She didn’t even know her own lineage. What if she really did come from bad blood like Sarah Hollister had told her in the first grade? Rocky didn’t deserve to get stuck with that.

  “I asked your mother’s permission last night to start courting you, and she granted it. Now I’m here asking you. Will you allow me the privilege to come calling?”

  She pinched the bridge of her nose, then stood abruptly and paced the room like a corralled filly. She didn’t know how to tell him. Victoria stared at the floor as she paced, arms folded, blinking back tears. Why was he doing this now? After all these years? Just when she’d promised Mama this morning that she would consider his offer? Mama obviously knew what she was doing this morning when she extracted that promise!

  And what about her own feelings? She pressed her lips together, thinking of his shoulder wound. A few inches lower and he wouldn’t be here to speak to her at all. What would she do if she agreed to allow him to court her, and then they ended up marrying? Part of her longed to agree. Oh! How she longed to agree. But life as a lawman was definitely dangerous, as proven by his recent near miss. What if later, perhaps after marriage and children, something should happen to him? She didn’t know how she would live through something like that. She already cared far too much. Mama was right. It was already unbearable to think of something happening to him. She didn’t want the hurt and worry to become worse. And she certainly didn’t deserve a man like him.

  Behind her, Rocky cleared his throat. “Ria?”

  Raising one hand to stop his questioning, she said, “I can’t talk about this right now. I’m going to miss the train if I stay here any longer.” Picking up her skirts with a rustle of satin, she started out of the room.

  He sighed. “I’m coming with you. Just let me get the buggy for you.”

  She spun around. “You can’t come with me! You’re already just about done in.”

  Tears still blurred her vision when he stepped towards her. “Ria.” The word was a soft caress. He reached up, cupped her face, and traced her cheek with his thumb. “I know my job scares you.”

  She closed her eyes and forced herself not to tilt her head into his touch as she whispered, “I wouldn’t be able to stand it, if…something happened and….” If only that were all of it.

  He released a soft breath. “I don’t have an answer for that except I know God is in control of the future, and I won’t leave this world until it’s my time to go.” He paused and when she remained silent he continued. “Your words give me hope, though.”

  She looked at him, rolling her upper lip between her teeth.

  He grinned. “I didn’t know if you could care for me at all. Gives me hope that you wouldn’t be able to stand it if something happened to me.” He winked. “That’s a start.” His thumb caressed her cheek again, wiping away a tear that had spilled over. “Can you leave the future up to the Lord and at least give us a chance to get to know each other a little better?”

  Silence filled the room. She didn’t know how to tell him that she didn’t think she could trust God with her heart. It was already in so many shattered pieces, she didn’t know if even God could put it back together. “There’s so much you don’t know about me, Rocky.”

  “Mmmhmm. That’s why I want to spend more time with you.” He stepped back. “I’ll go get the buggy and you can give me your answer when you are ready.” Stopping at the door, he looked back. “I do know enough about you to know that everything I learn is only going to make me care more for you, not less.”

  Victoria watched him walk out of the room, then her eyes slid shut. If only she could believe that were true. Once Rocky found out her parents hadn’t even wanted her, he might not want anything to do with her.

  The train shuddered to a stop in the station with a huge puff of hissing sound. Miss Nickerson bustled down the aisle. “Come on children. Gather your bags. Quickly now.” She clapped her hands twice.

  ChristyAnne helped Mera hop off the seat and slip on her coat, then she climbed up to stand on the bench so she could reach their bags in the overhead compartment. Mera stepped out into the aisle and turned, waiting for ChristyAnne to hand her one of the small suitcases they’d each been given
before the trip west.

  A large man with a thick drooping mustache, barreled up the aisle. He wore a round bowler hat that looked oddly small on his large round head, and clouds of cigar smoke spewed from his mouth.

  How could he stand the smell? She wrinkled her nose as a gray waft enveloped her.

  Without so much as pausing, he smacked Mera’s arm with his cane, pushing her aside as he hurried by, grumbling under his breath about the vile-blooded offspring of no-goods who couldn’t’ take care of their own children.

  Mera rubbed her arm, large tears pooling in her big dark eyes as she watched him disappear out the door of the rail car. “That huht me!” Her lower lip pooched out.

  ChristyAnne glared out the window as the fat man retreated and then handed Mera her little bag. “I’m sorry, Mera. I’ll give it a kiss in a minute, but first we have to hurry off the train or Miss Nickerson is gonna get mad at us.” She pulled her own case down. “Come on. Let’s go.” She hopped off the bench.

  Mera toddled along in front of her, clutching her suitcase with both hands up near her chest. A kind-looking man in a cap smiled and helped Mera down the train steps.

  “Much obliged,” ChristyAnne mumbled as she stepped down into the gravel of the train yard and adjusted her black sweater. She swallowed, pressing down her anxiety, and squatted in front of Mera to straighten her clothes. She had to make sure they both looked especially good.

  Off to her right Miss Nickerson was admonishing the children to stay together, smile, be polite, speak only when spoken to, and the rest of the list of things they’d all heard at every train stop where they had been looked over since New York.

  Mera’s eyes were wide as she took in the hustle and bustle of the station, her small case on the ground beside her. In front of them was the depot building. A large round clock on the wall facing them proclaimed with bold black hands that it was five o’clock. Down the platform a ways, a boy about her age hawked newspapers and another offered to shine the shoes of anyone who passed his way. A man trundled by with a big stack of trunks and boxes on a rolling cart. One wheel needed some grease. It was squealing louder than Betty-Lou from back home had the time her arm got busted when she fell off the swing. The mean fat man in the bowler pushed the boy selling newspapers aside with his cane and tapped some of the ash from his cigar into the chipped, tin, change-cup of the shoe-shine boy.